


So Much Better

by cashcakeplz



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Best Friends, Blow Jobs, Come Marking, Come Swallowing, Crushes, Dirty Talk, Dom/sub, Established Relationship, Face-Fucking, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Hand Jobs, Here we go, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, M/M, Masturbation, Naked Cuddling, Nipple Play, Platonic Cuddling, Rough Sex, Shower Sex, Smut, Spanking, Unrequited Love, but that failed, calum wants ashton, ill tag it anyway, kind of, lots of smut, mentions of Daddy KInk, michael hurts lukes feelings, of course, okay, slight princess kink, this was supposed to be a one-shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-23
Updated: 2015-12-22
Packaged: 2018-04-10 18:19:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 84,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4402343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cashcakeplz/pseuds/cashcakeplz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is good, good for Ashton. He works so hard, always taking care of the boys, he deserves someone who will take his mind off of things, even for a couple of hours to get coffee. Maybe it’ll make him better, and by extension, the band better. Maybe Bryana is a good thing for everyone. Yet, even now, as Calum tries to think of how great Bryana could be for Ashton, he can’t help but think that he would be so much better. </p><p>Or the one where Calum and Ashton have been Friends With Benefits for years, and Calum thought his feelings for Ashton were simply sexual until Bryana came into the picture.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!!  
> It's been a while since I've written anything, and I've been working on this one for a while. It was originally written to be a one-shot, but it's currently 18k+ words, and it's only halfway done, so....  
> ANYWAY, I'm super obsessing over Cashton rn, since I personally think they're the hottest ship.  
> So, just keep in mind, kids, this is a Friends With Benefits fic, so there is a SHIT TON of smut.  
> However, there's also a lot of fluff, and side Muke, bc Muke is cute (even though they're kinda angsty in this fic)  
> Alright, well I hope you guys enjoy this fic, and like I said, it's half-written so, for now, updates should be every 1-3 days.  
> Enjoy, my beautiful butterflies!!
> 
> P.S. As always, I fucking suck at titles, so any suggestions would be awesome :)

enjoy drunk Cashton

“Clifford, you are dead!”

 

Calum’s head snapped up from where he’d been looking at his phone when he heard Ashton yell. Before he could wonder what was happening, a full head of red hair came barrelling towards him. Michael flopped down on the couch next to him, and snuggled right up to his side, hiding his face in Calum’s neck, his chest heaving. Calum blinked, trying to process what was happening, when it dawned on him.

 

“Oh no, Mikey, not this time.” He said, dropping phone, and pushing Michael’s head from his neck.

 

“C’mon, Cal, he’s coming!” Michael whined, nuzzling Calum’s shoulder while looking up at him with watery green eyes.

 

“Nope, you can’t just run to me everytime you get in trouble.” Calum insisted, listening to Ash scream from the kitchen.

 

“Where is he!”

 

Michael shook slightly with fear, and looked back at Calum.

 

“I’m not in trouble yet, that’s why you’re here.”

 

Right as he finished, Ash’s footsteps were heard thumping down the hall that led to the living room.

 

“He’s coming!” Michael cried before shoving Calum forward, and unceremoniously wiggling himself underneath him.

 

Just as Calum became situated on Michael’s lap with a confused expression, Ashton burst into the room, his hand clenched around his phone.

 

“Hi, Ash.” Calum smirked at him, eyeing the phone.

 

“Michael Gordon Clifford, you come out right now!” Ash demanded, vaguely reminding Calum of his mum the time he broke her favorite vase.

 

“No.” Michael squeaked while wrapping his arms around Calum’s thin waist. Calum smiled slightly, and looked up at the eldest band mate, who was turning bright red.

 

“I’m serious, Michael. Get out here, so I can kick your ass!” Ashton yelled, his hands braced on his hips.

 

“No.” Michael repeated, his voice muffled by Calum’s t-shirt. “You’re gonna have to go through my human shield first.”

 

Ashton’s hands curled into fists, and his shoulders bristled.

 

“No fair, you can’t use Calum against me.”

 

“I agree.” Calum mumbled, raising his eyebrows at Michael, who in return scoffed.

 

“Well, who was I supposed to use, I can’t find Luke anywhere!” Michael complained, and Calum giggled.

 

“What about Luke?”

 

The three boys turned their heads to see their tallest band member walk in, sipping on a Starbucks straw.

 

“Michael has been diminished to using the second-best pouter in the band against Ashton since you were MIA.” Calum put in helpfully.

 

“What did he do now?” Luke laughed, looking at the blood-red Ashton.

 

“He set everything I own to Japanese!” Ash yelled, his hands flying through the air.

 

The room was quiet for a minute as the boy took in the information. They seemed to hold their breath for some time before the three other boys burst out laughing. They shook with

laughter, clapping like stupid seals, turning bright red. Ashton glared as his band mates pissed their pants at a joke whose funny value was equal to that of a three year old’s.

 

“Shut it, all of you, this isn’t funny!” He cried, looking like he was an inch away from killing all three of his band mates.

 

“Oh, c’mon Ash.” Luke said, wiping away a tear of laughter. “It’s kinda funny.”

 

“Thanks, Lukey!  I always knew you were on my side!” Michael said, sending the blonde a grateful smile.

 

“That’s it.” Ashton growled, his jaw clenched. “Calum, move, so I can pound this moron’s head into the wall.”

 

Calum smiled at Ash before looking back at Michael’s puppy dog eyes.

 

“Sorry, Ash.” Calum said apologetically while laying back against Michael’s chest, so his head was tucked under the boy’s chin.

 

Ashton stared at him with wide, betrayed eyes.

 

“Calum,” Ashton pouted slightly while Calum sent him a sheepish smile.

 

“Aw, Ash. You know Malum is a married couple. You had no chance.” Luke said, laying a hand on Ashton’s shoulder comfortingly. Ashton turned to Luke with a killer pout, all curls and watery hazel eyes.

 

“But Lukey, I can’t read Japanese,” He whined. “So I need to kick Michael’s ass.”

 

Luke giggled, and wrapped an arm around Ashton’s shoulders.

 

“You can’t kick his ass, Ash.” Luke said with a smirk. “He’ll cry.”

 

“Hey!” Michael protested, his head popping up from behind Calum’s shoulder.

 

“Please don’t insult my wife, Lucas. She’s sensitive.” Calum said with a completely straight face.

 

Luke burst into giggles, and even Ash cracked a smile when Michael made an offended noise, and pushed Calum onto the floor.

Calum sent his red-haired friend a smile before popping up, and planting a sloppy kiss to his cheek.

 

“I love you, Mikey!” He yelled, then walked over to a still-pouting Ashton.

 

“S’alright, Ash. I’m sure Mikey will fix it if you ask nicely.” He said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

 

“Shut up, Cal.” Ashton said, shoving Calum with one hand while Michael made a retching noise in the background.

 

“Maybe you could get Calum to do it, he is-”

 

“Luke, I swear to god, if you say ‘Asian’, I will rip your dick off.” Calum said, sufficiently cutting Luke off.

 

“Kinky.” Luke said simply, with a smirk while sitting down next to Michael.

 

“Luke, you don’t even know what that word means, hush.” Michael said, pulling Luke closer.

 

“Could someone feel sympathetic towards me, please!” Ashton complained, still standing smack-dab in the center of the living room.

“Sorry Ash, I would help, but-” Luke said, gesturing to the red-headed boy that planted himself on his lap, his arms wrapped around the blonde’s torso in a death grip.

Ashton sighed gently, his anger towards the green-eyed boy long-gone.

 

“C’mon, Ash, let’s look up how to read Japanese.” Calum said with a smile, taking Ashton’ forearm in hand.

 

Michael yelled a goodbye as Calum led Ashton upstairs to him and Luke’s shared room. Calum shut the door gently, and opened his laptop as Ashton took a seat on his bed.

 

“I bet you thought that was real funny.” Ashton muttered as Calum typed in ‘How to Disable Japanese’ on his laptop.

 

“What, Michael’s prank? Yeah, it’s one of his better ones. Of course, it’s always funnier when it happens to someone el-”

 

“Not the prank, Calum.” Ashton said, now standing directly behind Calum’s desk chair. Calum inhaled sharply before swiveling his chair around to face Ashton, whose eyes were dark.

 

“What do you mean?” He asked, furrowing his eyebrows slightly.

 

Ashton gripped the arms of the chair, and leaned in, effectively trapping the dark-haired boy.

 

“Playing with Mikey like that, sitting on his lap, cuddling into his chest, calling him your wife.” Ashton said, his face inches away from Calum’s. “You must have thought it was funny.”

Calum smiled at Ashton, watching as the hazel-eyed boy’s pupils dilated.

 

“It was pretty funny, Ash.” He said with a smirk, leaning back, away from the honey-haired boy.

 

“You’ve got some nerve.” Ashton said, letting go of the chair, and standing up straight. “Touching him like that, acting as if you aren’t mine.”

 

Calum stood up, and walked over to Ashton, placing his hands gently on the boy’s hips.

 

“Who said I was?” He asked with a raised eyebrow. Ashton smirked.

 

“I did.”

 

Calum laughed, and laid his head on Ashton’s shoulder, nuzzling his nose into the crook of his neck.

 

“You’re right.” He said, his hands flexing on Ashton’s hip bones.

 

“I know I am. You’ll have to be punished.” Ashton said, winding his arms around Calum’s neck.

 

“Yes, you’re right. So what do you want, Ash?”Calum whispered, his fingers slipping beneath the cotton of Ashton’s favorite Ramones shirt. “Want to push me on my knees, make me service you with my mouth?”

 

Ashton bit back a groan, and tightened his grip on Calum’s neck.

 

“Calum,” He warned quietly.

 

“Or do you want to bend me over, and make me cry?” Calum said, completely ignoring Ashton’s warning. His hands travelled higher, sliding up the boy’s sides smoothly. He moved closer, kissing his way up Ashton’s neck before stopping next to his ear and whispering:

 

“Do you want to fuck me so hard that I won’t be able to walk for a week?”

 

Just as Ashton was about to throw Calum onto the mattress, and show him what it meant to be fucked until he couldn’t walk, the door was slammed opened. Seconds later, some weird configuration of blonde and red hair came stumbling in. Calum jumped away, watching with flushed cheeks as Luke tripped, causing both boys to crash to the floor.

 

“I...I need help.” Luke wheezed out, Michael glued to his back.

 

Ashton looked at Calum, who was subtly facing the other way to avoid any questions about his odd boner with red cheeks. He then pulled his shirt down, both to fix the wrinkles Calum caused, and to hopefully conceal his own ‘problem’.

 

“What’s wrong?” Calum said, slightly breathless.

 

“This...thing...will not get off of me.” Luke whined, rolling onto his side, failing to remove the red-haired boy.

 

“Huh.” Ashton said, crouching down so he was level with Luke. “Looks like some abnormal growth of fungus.”

 

Calum started to chuckle as Luke pried each of Michael’s fingers from his waist. Michael fell off the boy’s back with a huff, and looked up at Ashton.

 

“You.” He said, pointing to the hazel-eyed boy. “Are rude.” Ashton laughed.

 

“You.” Michael continued, pointing to Calum. “Are fucking stupid.” Calum looked offended.

 

“And you.” Michael finished, pointing to Luke. “Are the worst pony ever.”

 

“Well excuse me for not wanting a hundred and sixty pounds of pure douche bag riding me.” Luke said, standing up while brushing his shirt off. Michael rolled over onto his back, and winked at Luke.

 

“Don’t worry, you will.”

 

Luke wrinkled his nose in a rather cute way, and snorted.

 

“Like you’ll ever get into these pants, Clifford. Keep dreaming,”

 

“You can barely get into them, Luke.” Calum pointed out, pinching Luke’s jean-clad thigh. Luke let out a very manly squeal, and smacked Calum’s hand away.

 

“Yours are just as bad, Cal.” Luke whined, shying away.

 

“The difference is that people actually gets into his.” Ashton said, flopping on Calum’s bed, fiddling with his Japanese phone.

 

Luke sent Ashton wide eyes, and Michael started to laugh from the floor.

 

“Calum.” Michael said, looking at Ashton. “Calum Thomas Hood has people...that get in his pants?” He finished through giggles. Calum flicked Michael in the head, and frowned.

 

“More now than you ever will.” He muttered, sitting down next to Ashton.

 

“Face it, Mikey.” Ashton said, still staring at his phone screen. “Calum gets more action than all three of us combined.”

 

Michael snorted, and picked himself off the floor. Calum leaned his head on Ashton’s shoulder, and gave Michael a Cheshire cat grin. Michael, in turn, flicked him off.  

 

“I’m going to go get frozen yogurt.” Michael announced, turning on his heel, and exiting the room.

 

Though Luke had been pretending to dislike Michael earlier, the tall blonde boy trailed after him like a lost puppy.

 

“Wait for me, Mikey! I want some!” He whined, speed-walking out of the doorway, and nearly tripping on his endless legs.

 

Calum laughed softly as he watched their skinny-love interaction, and nuzzled his forehead into Ashton’s shoulder. Ashton didn’t move, his eyes locked on his phone.

 

“They’re idiots.” He stated, scrolling through his settings. Calum hummed in agreement, before moving so his head was pillowed by Ashton’s thighs.

 

“But they’re our idiots.” He said happily, rolling into Ashton so he could nuzzle his face against the boy’s shirt.  

 

“You’re an idiot.” Ashton said, his voice dripping with fondness. “What are you even doing to me?”

 

Calum smiled against the dark material of Ashton’s shirt, and nuzzled his nose deeper into his tummy.

 

“Snuggling.” He said, with a happy little smile.

 

Ashton rolled his eyes before locking his phone, and tossing it to the side. He wound his fingers through Calum’s hair, and tugged slightly, pulling him up.

 

“Well, come on then, if we’re gonna do it, we might as well do it right.” He said, pulling Calum so that his head was cradled in his neck, and his arms were wound tightly around his waist.

 

Calum seemed enthused, and he giggled right into the warm skin of Ashton’s neck. He slotted their thighs together, and before Ashton knew it, Calum’s clothed dick was pressed right up against his.

 

“You’re such a pain. You’re like a leech when you cuddle.” Ashton whined, trying to free his hands from where they were squished against Calum’s chest.

 

“You love it.” Calum murmured while pressing a kiss to Ashton’s neck. Ashton let out a breath of relief when he finally freed his hand from their Calum trap, and wrapped his arms around

Calum’s back, his left hand settling just above the waistband of Calum’s pants.

Calum continued to kiss Ashton’s neck filthily, with his tongue lapping at the tanned skin, and his teeth coming to scrape. Ashton didn’t hardly respond, other than to tilt his head, and allow the raven-haired boy more access. Calum dragged his mouth under Ashton’s prominent jawline before leaving a trail of kisses on the column of his throat.

 

“What was it-” Calum cut himself off in favor of biting Ashton’s Adam’s apple gently, to which the hazel-eyed boy moaned slightly. “that we were talking about-” Calum stopped again, to kiss at Ashton’s jaw, his hands settling on the bones of his hips. “before we were so rudely-” This time, it was a kiss to the corner of Ashton’s mouth. “interrupted?”

 

Ashton couldn’t help the moan that built in his throat when Calum kissed him. He did it every time. There was nothing romantic about the kisses, they just added to the effect, but something about Calum kissing him always made Ashton’s gut twist in the slightest of wrong directions.

 

Calum’s lips were really sinful, honestly. They weren’t red like Mikey’s, or thin like Luke’s. They were thick, and full, and Ashton could say from experience that they felt heavenly wrapped around a thick cock. Calum’s lips could arguably be Ashton’s favorite physical feature.

 

“If I remember correctly, we were talking about your punishment.” Ashton breathed, when Calum’s lips broke from his for air. Calum gave him a dazed smile, and hummed in approval.

Ashton moved his hands to grab at Calum’s wrists, bringing them away from his waist, and pinning them above his head, while rolling them over, so he was straddling the younger boy’s hips. A noise closely resembling a growl escaped Ashton’s throat as he nipped at Calum’s skin. He bit softly at his neck and jaw, making sure not to leave any visible marks above the neckline of his t-shirt.

 

“Oh, fuck Ash.” Calum muttered as Ashton’s hands disappeared under the boy’s shirt.

 

“Shh.” Ashton mumbled, his fingers pressing into the divots of Calum’s hips.

 

When he reconnected his lips with Calum’s, the smaller boy’s tongue was quick to work it’s way into Ashton’s mouth. Ashton accepted it greedily, sliding his own wet tongue over Calum’s.

 

The dark-haired boy groaned loudly, and arched his chest against Ashton’s as their tongues tangoed in Ashton’s mouth. While Calum was occupied with Ashton’s tongue, the blonde boy wiggled his fingers beneath the tight band on Calum’s jeans, his fingers ghosting over the hem of his boxers.

 

Calum broke their lips in favor of kissing down Ashton’s neck warmly.

 

“Oh, yes.” Ashton let out a soft moan, and tilted his head as Calum sucked on the spot behind his ear. Calum just laughed against his skin, and dug his fingernails into Ashton’s back, tugging him closer.

 

Ashton came willingly, letting his chest mash into Calum’s as his fingers breached the edge of his underwear. He slid his long fingers on the underside of Calum’s cock until his palm disappeared completely into his pants. Calum, in response stopped sucking on Ashton’s neck to let out a broken whine, his eyebrows furrowing in pleasure.

 

Ashton twiddled his fingers around Calum’s member, just sliding, not quite grabbing yet. He personally found that Calum’s face when you teased him, must be carved by angels. Ashton has never seen Calum look better than when he’s on the edge of begging Ashton to touch him, fuck him, to do something. And that face is what Ashton’s looking at right now, Calum looks desperate, his cheeks filling with color, and Ashton hasn’t even fully touched him yet.

 

“Yeah, Cal? You like that?” Ashton taunted, his fingers ghosting over the head of Calum’s cock.

 

Calum nodded eagerly, and shoved his hips forward against Ashton’s hand. Ashton tutted him, and used his free hand to pin Calum’s hip down.

 

“Now, Calum. Ease up, I’ll take care of you, I promise.” Ashton whispered, slowly curling his fingers around the base of Calum’s dick.

 

Calum bit down on his lip so roughly, the skin broke while Ashton toyed his way around the shaft of his cock. He pumped slowly, obviously trying to get Calum worked up. Calum knew this, so he tried his hardest to keep his moans in his mouth.

 

But, Ashton knew him too well, because his free hand released his hip, and came to coax Calum’s lip from between his teeth.

 

“Wanna hear you.” Ashton mumbled against Calum’s neck. It was then that his hand started to pump Calum slowly, going all the way from base to tip. Calum obliged Ashton’s request easily, allowing his and Luke’s room to be filled with soft moans. They couldn’t be too loud, he could hear Mikey telling Luke to shut up just below them, and the last thing he wanted was for Dumb and Dumber to walk in on him and Ashton.

 

So, he kept his groans to a low volume while Ashton continued to stroke him quickly, the blonde’s head pushed into his shoulder. While Ashton stroked Calum roughly, making heat pool in the latter’s tummy, he not-so-subtly rubbed himself against Calum’s thigh. If anything, it just made Calum feel even closer to the edge, to feel used by Ashton, to have him so hard from simply touching Calum, that he was humping his leg desperately, doing a sloppy job of hiding it.  

 

“Fuck, Ash, please keep going.” He whined, pushing his cock against Ashton’s palm, even though he got reprimanded last time for doing so. Ashton let it slide, and bit at Calum’s throat instead.

 

“You’re so hot like this, Calum. All desperate for me to touch you, letting yourself be used by me.” Ashton mumbled against his Adam’s apple while his thumb slid over the wet slit at the top of Calum’s cock.

 

Calum shivered at the touch, letting out a moan louder than it should have been. Ashton just smirked against the tanned boy’s skin, and worked his fist faster, a bit of a challenge against Calum’s tight jeans. He repeatedly slid his fingers over the slick head of his dick, making Calum’s thighs quiver in need every time. The dark-haired boy was a mess, all messy hair and bruised lips, his eyebrows furrowed it absolute bliss, obviously fighting to keep his hips obediently pinned to the mattress. The more desperate he got, the faster Ashton went, his hand furiously pumping Calum’s hot shaft while biting at his collar bones.

 

“You gonna cum, Cal?” Ashton asked hotly, his breath fanning across Calum’s chest.

 

Calum whined, and bucked his hips again, his stomach filling with white-hot heat, and he knew he was going to lose it any second.

 

“A-Ashton, I’m g-gonna-”

 

Before Calum could finish his sentence, Ashton retracted his hand quickly, and sat back.

 

Calum all but screamed as Ashton’s warm body left his, his eyes snapping open.

 

“Ashton, what-please.” Calum whined, fucking his hips into thin air. Ashton just smiled at him softly, and climbed off of him.

 

Calum gave him a confused, completely desperate look, begging him to finish him off. Ashton giggled, and stood up off the bed.

 

“Consider this your punishment.” He said with a smile, and Calum glared like he’d never glared before.

 

“Punishment! But-”

 

“No but’s.” Ashton said, leaning into Calum’s personal space. The boy’s pupils were still dilated, and his cheeks were still pink. “You tease me, I tease you.”

 

With that, Ashton was turning away, and strutting towards the door, leaving Calum to glare at his back.

 

“Hope your hand is as good as mine!” Ashton called, and Calum groaned while flopping back down onto his bed.

 

“Fuck you, Ash!”


	2. Chapter 2

Calum remembers the first time he met Ashton.

He was fifteen, and running late for band practice.

It wasn’t something uncommon, in fact, Calum had straight-up missed the last two band practices, and missed out on meeting their new drummer for the first time. It’s not like he meant to skip practice, he just got so tired with school and football practice, that by the time he got home, and finished homework, he fell asleep. Or he stayed up all night playing FIFA, but he never told Michael that.

But, despite his history of absences, he was determined to show up to practice that day, even if he was ten minutes late.

When he finally reached Michael’s house, he all but broke open the front door in a haste to get to the basement. He yelled a hello to Karen, and sprinted down the stairs, his guitar case hitting the wall, and probably chipping the paint. He stumbled into the landing of the basement just as Luke finished tuning his guitar. Luke looked up, startled, but quickly his expression turned to one of happiness.

“Told you!” He yelled, a huge grin spreading across his face. He looked over his shoulder at Michael, who was frowning slightly.

“Seriously, Calum? The _one_ day I make a bet on you not showing up, you actually do?! I owe Luke 15 bucks now!” He yelled, his guitar in hand.

Calum sent him a sheepish smile, and carried his case over to the couch.

“‘m Sorry, mate. Figured I shouldn’t miss any more. I tried my best to be on time.” He said softly, taking his guitar from his case, and beginning to tune it.

“ _I tried my best to be on time_.” Michael mocked with a scoff.

Calum gave him a grin, and he could see the anger disappearing from Michael’s body. They were best friends, and honestly, who could stay mad at fifteen-year-old Calum? Certainly not Michael.

“ _Fine._ ” Michael said with an exasperated tone. “Just hurry up, and tune.”

Calum did as told, and tuned his guitar in what he considered record time. When his instrument was in tip-top shape, he stood up, and walked to his spot, the left end of the room. He looked back to his band, and for the first time since entering the room, he noticed a kid with long blonde fringe was sitting on a box behind Luke. He was staring at Calum with judgemental hazel eyes hidden by fringe longer than Michael’s. Calum wanted to smile at him, explain why he was so late, and that he was actually in the band, but the words refused to leave his mouth when his eyes landed on the kid’s shirt. Holy shit. Holy purple.

Calum smirked a little bit, and bit his lip to keep a giggle in. The kid raised an eyebrow, and glared a little at him.

“Right,” Luke said, sensing the tension between the two. “Uh, Calum, this is Ashton, Ashton, this is Calum.”

Ashton. Right, the new drummer. Duh.

Calum waved a little at him, and Ashton turned up his nose, and looked Calum over, as if sizing him up. This was ridiculous to Calum, because seriously, he was a hundred and ten pounds of chubby cheeks and hair, Ashton should certainly not see him as a threat of any sort.

“Hey.” Ashton said with a little uncertainty, and Calum nearly laughed again from how high-pitched his voice was.

“Hi.” He said, with a smirk on his lips. He wasn’t sure why Ashton was staring at him like a skeptical school teacher when he was the new kid, but something about the hazel in his eyes made Calum uneasy.

“Now that we’ve all been introduced…”

Calum zoned Michael out for almost the entire rest band practice, and for that matter, Luke too. He was too busy trying to a) not fuck up on his guitar, and b) figure out what was up with this Ashton kid. One of the first things he figured out was that Ashton was an extremely gifted drummer. The kid didn’t miss a single beat, or screw up a single rhythm in any of their songs.

It kind of blew Calum away, because he didn’t think anyone his age could be that good. Seeing him play so well and so intently made Calum want to play just as well, and even more intently. So, he did. He focused so hard on his guitar, that everything else in the room, in the country, in the world, didn’t matter. Luke and Michael both sent him curious looks, not used to hearing Calum actually play the correct notes in the correct key at the correct time. It was astounding.  

By the time they were finished, Calum’s fingers were aching, and so was his head. The sun had set some twenty minutes ago, and he was ready to lay down, and sleep. He took off his strap, and set his guitar down before plopping into a chair, and looking up at Michael, who was talking to Luke quietly. Ashton was straight across from him, wiping his forehead with the end of his awful shirt. Calum smirked, happy that that terrible shirt finally found a use.  

“Calum.” Michael said, snapping Calum from his thoughts.

“It’s too dark for you and Ash to walk home, so, we’re all just gonna stay here. Band bonding.” He said with a slight smile. Calum nodded, and yawned, a clear sign of how tired he was. “Luke and I are gonna stay here, and you and Ash can stay in the back.”

Calum’s eyes widened. He glanced over to Ashton, who was being talked to by Luke, apparently delivering the same message Michael just delivered to him. Out of the three people in the room, Ashton was the person he least wanted to room with.

“Oh.” He said, his cheeks filling with heat. “Alright.”

“Yeah, sorry, it’s just, you’re the only one who hasn’t really talked to him, so…”

“So I’m the bitch for tonight?” Calum interrupted, with a slight smirk, which Michael returned.

“Exactly.”

-

Twenty minutes later, Calum found himself sitting on the lounge in the back room of Michael’s house, dressed in an over-sized t-shirt and boxers. He was fiddling with his hands, nervously waiting for Ashton to show up. When he finally did, he was dressed relatively the same as Calum, in Michael’s old Green Day t-shirt, and hopefully his own boxers.

“Uh, hi.” Calum offered awkwardly, watching as Ashton entered the room, and shut the door.

“Hey, it’s Calum, right?” He said, smiling sideways at Calum. Calum nodded, and smiled back.

“Yeah, I’m Calum, I’m uh, in the band.” He said awkwardly.

“Could’ve fooled me.” Ashton said with a giggle, and Calum blushed.

“Yeah, I uh, missed the last two practices.”

“I didn’t.” Ashton said, sending Calum a smirk as he sat down on the lounge too.

“I was _busy_.” Calum said, a little bitterly, his shyness being replaced by irritation. Ashton sent him a knowing look, and nodded towards the floor.

“People who miss band practices don’t get to sleep on the lounge.”

Calum’s eye twitched.

“Excuse me?” He asked, his eyebrows raising in anger.

“You heard me. You’ve got the floor, mate.”

“The floor?” Calum asked sarcastically. Ashton smiled, and nodded. “Um, no, Michael is my best friend, this is his house, you get the floor, _Mr. I’ve-Been-To-Two-Practices-So-I’m-Better-Than-You_.”

Ashton smirked darkly before reaching over, and shoving Calum off the couch. Calum landed with a huff on the floor, his cheeks burning with rage. He shot up, and glared at Ashton, his hands curling into fists.

“What the fuck?!”

Ashton just smiled that stupid smile again, with dimples deeper than the ocean.

“Sorry, mate, band rules.”

With that, Ashton spread his legs out on the couch, and pulled the blanket over himself. Calum felt his his body fill with anger, and before he knew it, he was pulling Ashton’s legs until the boy slid to the floor.

Ashton sent him a pissed-off look, and pulled Calum down with him, and the two wrestled around on the ground for a minute or two before Ashton’s size won out, and Calum was pinned beneath him. He glared up at the hazel-eyed boy, pushing uselessly against the hold he had on his wrists. Ashton just smirked, and raised an eyebrow before releasing Calum’s hands, and climbing back onto the couch.

“Any more complaints?” Ashton asked, cuddling into the cushions of the couch.

“No.” Calum grumbled, standing up to turn off the lights. He laid back down on the floor without another word, and curled into a ball. Despite the warm climate of Australia, Calum was always cold at night, and not only had Ashton taken the more comfortable sleeping surface, he also took the only blanket in the room. Calum was _not_ about to go back in the house, and have to explain to Michael the reason he was sleeping on the floor.

So, he grit his teeth, and curled in on himself, ignoring the chill creeping up his legs. He was so busy cursing Ashton in his head, that he almost missed when a warm weight was dropped on his lower half. He turned over, and saw Ashton facing him, his hazel irises almost glowing in the dark, with a half-smile.

“I get the lounge, you get the blanket. Deal?”

Calum took a second to absorb his words before smiling gratefully at him.

“Deal.”

“Cool. Try and keep your teeth from chattering this time, yeah?” Ashton said with a goofy smile.

Calum smiled back, and nodded.

“Will do.”

Ashton rolled back onto his side, so he was facing the back of the couch, and Calum rolled onto his back, his legs curling into the blanket. Maybe Ashton isn’t so bad

“Night, Calum.” Ashton muttered tiredly, and Calum smiled like an idiot to himself.

“Night, Ash.”

Yeah, definitely no so bad.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!  
> Sorry there were no notes for last chapter, for right now, I'm just copy and pasting parts of the whole work, and sometimes I forget :)  
> This update is short, because it either had to be short or really long, so I'll probably add another chapter by tonight :)  
> Love you, my beautiful butterflies!!  
> XX-Alex

When Calum first had sex with Ashton, he _definitely_ did not expect it to be more than a one-time thing.

Mostly because they were both completely wasted. Or, Ashton was at least. Calum still remembers it in full-detail.

Just because he didn’t expect it, didn’t mean he he was unhappy about it.

But, it’s fair to say that when Ashton came to him two mornings after their morning after, when Calum had woken up alone, and shyly asked if he wanted to go again, he was a little more than shocked.

Honestly, he was quite angry.

He got that Ashton was hammered, and that the sex didn’t mean anything, but he could’ve had the decency as a friend to stay, and make sure Calum was alright when he woke up. But, Calum woke up with a sore back, a pounding head, and an empty bed.

Still, there Ashton was with eager hazel eyes and quivering fingers. Calum couldn’t say no.

And now here they were, two years later, with Calum at eighteen, Ashton nineteen, going stronger than ever.

-

“Rise and shine!” Ashton yelled, nearly breaking the door down to Calum and Luke’s room.

Luke poked his head out from beneath the covers, and squinted at Ashton.

“Let’s go, we’ve an interview in an hour!” Ashton said, _way_ too chirpy for the hour of the morning.

“No.” Luke grumbled before snuggling back down into his blanket. Ashton just rolled his eyes before striding to Luke’s bed, and ripping the covers off.

Not only Luke, but his cuddle buddy came into view. Calum was all but wrapped around Luke, his head nuzzled into his shoulder, one arm encircling his neck, the other his waist, his legs hopelessly tangled with Luke’s mile-long ones.

Ashton nudged Calum with his foot, and grinned when the boy peeked his eyes open to glare at Ashton tiredly.

“Go ‘way.” He mumbled, snuggling deeper into Luke’s shirt.

“Nope. Breakfast is waiting! If you don’t get up, i’ll have no choice but to send The Dragon in.” Ashton said, walking to their closet to begin looking for clothes for the youngest members of the band.

“No!” Luke yelled. “Please don’t!”

Calum mumbled an agreement, Michael was a total _bitch_ in the morning, if he came in, and decided that they needed to wake up, they’d be screwed.

“Get up then.” Ashton said, chucking two pairs of skinny jeans at the boys. Calum grumbled, and turned over onto his back, kicking weakly at Ashton.

Ashton just giggled, and patted Calum’s hip, and Luke’s head, then walked out of the room, yelling:

“Ten minutes!”

Calum grumbled again, and tried to roll over once more, but failed, and landed on the floor with a thud. Luke started laughing immediately, and Calum’s cheeks filled with colour.

“Shut up.” He grumbled, standing up, and stripping his sleep shirt. Luke continued to chuckle to himself while he stood up, and changed his clothes as Calum changed his, so that they were both completely dressed.

They walked out of the room without another word, and Luke started for the kitchen, while Calum walked down the hall to Michael and Ashton’s room. He opened the door quietly, and walked to Ashton’s bed, throwing the neatly made comforter off. He folded the end of his sheet, so when he went to bed tonight, his feet would get all caught up in the sheet, and he’d have to fix it. _Ha_. Calum is not above short-sheeting someone’s bed because they teased him. That’ll show Ashton, dammit.

Satisfied with his work, Calum put the blanket back on Ash’s bed, and walked out to join his band mates in the kitchen. Michael sat next to Luke, scowling into a cup of coffee while Luke scowled into his bowl of cheerios. The boys all seemed to be in a rough mood, considering the early morning, but the exception, as always, was Ashton.

Ashton was a bubbly as ever, buzzing around their kitchen while putting bread into the toaster, and pouring mugs of tea, and talking nonstop about something none of them cared about. Ashton was always far too chipper for Calum in the morning, but the dark-haired boy still smiled when the ray of sunshine placed a cup of tea in his hands with a wink.

“Special for Calum, two sugars.” He said a smile, and Calum couldn’t help but roll his eyes, and smile fondly at the blonde.

“Thanks.” He mumbled, taking his cup, and sitting down on the barstool next to Michael. Michael lifted sleepy green eyes to look him over, and Calum flicked his forehead.

“Morning, Mike.” He said, taking a sip of his tea to cover his smile. Michael glared, and flipped him off, and resisted the urge to tip the boy’s cup up, and make him spill his tea everywhere. He’s a good friend, after all.

“You ‘ _morning_ ’ people are the absolute worst. I’m so glad Luke exists.”

Calum and Ashton both let out a laugh, and Luke looked up from his bowl with pink-tinted cheeks.

“I’m sorry, did you just say you are glad I exist?” Luke asked, his eyebrows furrowing slightly.

“Shut up, Luke.” Michael said, ignoring the slight blush the blonde was wearing.

Ashton smiled at them both fondly while munching on a slice of vegemite-covered toast. The four boys were silent for the next few minutes, Michael and Calum sipping on their respective drinks, Luke and Ashton both chewing their respective foods. It wasn’t until Michael groaned loudly, and tipped his coffee cup upside down that anyone spoke again.

“Ashy…” Michael gave Ashton his best watery green eyes, glancing at his cup. Ashton just shook his head, and sipped his cup of tea.

“Nope. No way, Clifford. You set my phone to Japanese yesterday, no way in hell am I making you more coffee.”

“But I said I was sorry!” Michael pouted.

“No you didn’t.” Calum said, bumping Michael’s shoulder with his own. Michael shot him a glare.

“How did you fix your phone, Ash?” Luke asked, his half-eaten bowl of cheerios forgotten.

Ashton’s smirk slid off his face, and he nervously glanced at the floor, his cheeks tinting pink.

“Uh, I looked it up-”

“You didn’t did you?” Calum interrupted, fighting to keep a smile off his face. Ashton turned redder, and stuck his bottom lip out in a pout.

“You were supposed to help me, Cal.”

“Yeah, Cal. You’re the Asian, you should have helped him.” Michael said, smirking at the dark-haired boy.

“Dammit, Ash!” Calum yelled, looking at the hazel-eyed boy. “Don’t encourage them!”

Ashton giggled, and looked down into his cup.

“Sorry, Cal.” He said, not sounding apologetic at all. Calum grumbled something about selling his soul to three idiots before the door to their house burst open, and their driver rushed in.

“Time to go, boys!” He yelled, closing the door behind him.

Ashton glanced at the clock, and shrugged.

“Right on time.”

Michael groaned again, and slammed his head on the table.

“Why do writing sessions have to be so damn early!” He grumbled, and Luke patted his head.

“Sorry, Mikey. ‘S the price of being a rockstar.” Luke said gently, and Mike gave him a grateful look.

“I guess. This better be worth it.”

Michael got off his barstool, and glumly sauntered over to the door, and Luke was quick to follow, leaving his bowl on the counter. Ashton sighed, and grabbed the bowl while Calum washed out his cup of tea and Michael’s cup of coffee.

“Sure you don’t want something to eat?” Ashton asked softly, looking at Calum with wide hazel eyes. Calum gave him a half-smile, and shook his head.

“Nah, ‘m alright. Thanks, though.”

“Calum, you’ve got to eat.”

“And I will. I’m just not hungry, it’s fine, Ash, really.” He said, patting Ashton’s back sweetly.

“Alright, well if you want anythi-”

“Ease up, Ash. Honestly it’s like you’re my boyfriend some days.” Calum said with an easy smile, pinching Ashton’s bum cheekily. Ashton gave a small squeak and a jump, and glared at Calum, smacking his hand away.

“Excuse you, I’m the dominant one in this relationship.”

“There are no roles in friends with benefits.” Calum said with a smug smile. Ashton was quick to scoff, and roll his eyes, shoving past Calum.

“Whatever. When your stomach growls halfway through writing, don’t come whining to me.” Ashton said, strutting out of their house, swaying his hips much more than necessary. Calum laughed to himself, and turned the sink off before grabbing his phone, and following his bandmates out the door.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hola!  
> Here's that second update I promised!  
> This is one literally pure smut, and it's pretty dirty, so, if you're not into dirty sex, I'd skip this chapter :)  
> Enjoy!  
> XX-Alex

“I don’t know what to tell you, Ash. I can’t read it.”

Ashton groaned as Michael handed him his phone back.

“How can you not be able to fix it? You’re the one who did it in the first place!”

Michael shrugged, and continued to stare at the t.v., where he was in the middle of an intense FIFA match against Luke.

“Sorry mate.” He mumbled, swearing loudly when Luke scored a goal against him.

“Fix my damn phone!” Ashton yelled, kicking at Michael. “And quit swearing!”

Calum sighed softly from the chair he was sitting in, across from the three boys jammed on the couch. He was currently scrolling through Apple Support pages, trying to see if they could fix Ashton’s phone without destroying everything on it. Unfortunately, nothing helpful had come up, and Ashton’s last resort, asking Michael to help, was an empty hope.

“Son of a bitch!”

Calum’s head snapped up, and his eyes landed on Luke, who had just lost the game to a last-second goal from Michael.

“Lucas!” He yelled with a huge smile on his face. Luke immediately blushed, and curled in on himself.

“Don’t tell my mum.”

“Luke! You are eighteen years old, stop worrying about your mum.” Michael said, shoving Luke’s shoulder so the boy tilted, and almost fell off the couch.

“My mum is a wonderful lady, thank you, and I will worry as much as I want.” Luke said, sticking his tongue out at Michael, who rolled his eyes, and started a new FIFA match.

“I hate this band.” Ashton groaned, throwing his head back against the back of the couch.

“Awe, but we love you, Ashy.” Michael mocked, snuggling his head into Ashton’s neck. Ashton scoffed, and pushed him away, but his eyes were fond.

“‘m gonna go upstairs and FaceTime Mali.” Calum muttered, standing up from his chair without looking away from his phone.

“Tell her I say hi!” Luke yelled, now focused on the game again. Calum muttered an acknowledgement, and walked his way up to his bedroom, closing the door, and turning off his light.

He sat down on his bed, and plugged his phone in before he took his his shirt off, and threw it across the room, probably landing on Luke’s bed. After sighing loudly, he closed his eyes, and attempted to let his body relax. It had been a long day, full of too-loud Michael’s, and too-oblivious Luke’s, and too many words that wouldn’t match rhythms the way he wanted them to. At this point, all he wanted to do was lie down, maybe listen to some music, and let himself unwind. He loved the boys, but all he really wanted was to be alone at the moment.

Unfortunately, right as his back hit the mattress, he heard the click of his door opening. He immediately groaned, and rolled onto his front, burying his face in his pillow.

“What do you want, Luke?” He grumbled, his voice muffled by the bedding.

Instead of a verbal reaction, Calum was met with a warm weight being dropped on his back. He groaned again, and tried to turn on his side, causing the weight on top of him to whine in disagreement.

“Ash?” Calum asked, his eyebrow raised. The weight on his back gave an unintelligible grunt, and Calum smiled, because he knew whose grunt that was. His suspicions were confirmed when one of the person’s hands travelled down to his hip, and the other wound itself in his hair. Warm lips were pressed to the back of his neck as Ashton left little kisses on his hairline.

“Hey, Cal.” He muttered softly against his skin, his hand squeezing his hip.

“Hi.” Calum said with a giggle, turning to connect his lips with Ashton in a dirty kiss, full of tongue.

“Do you want this tonight?” Ashton whispered, biting down Calum’s jaw.

“Yeah.” Calum groaned out, tipping his head so Ash could bite his neck. Ashton accepted the offer willingly, taking the tan skin of Calum’s neck between his teeth, and sucking lightly.

“How do you want it?” Ashton all but purred, the hand on Calum’s hip moving to his ass to knead lightly. Calum moaned when Ashton squeezed his flesh, always a sucker for pain. 

“So I take it you want it rough, then.” Ashton said with a bit of a chuckle.

“ _Yes_.” Calum said, breathless.

“Say please.” Ashton said, curling his fingers into the band of Calum’s jeans.

“ _Please._ ” Calum mewled, desperate for Ashton to strip him of his remaining clothing.

“Always so polite for me.” Ashton said, pressing his forehead between Calum’s bare shoulder blades while yanking Calum’s jeans and boxers down in one go. Calum whined as his skin was exposed to the cool air, causing Ashton to hush him gently, and squeeze his cheeks again.

“Such a pretty ass.” He muttered, mostly to himself. “It’s been awhile since I fucked it, huh?”

“Only like three days.” Calum said, his tone edging on sassy. Without hesitating, Ashton brought a hand hard down on Calum’s ass, making the dark-haired boy squeak.

“Talk like that again, and it will be longer.” He warned softly.

Calum arched his back, making his ass push up closer to Ashton, who was still seated on the back of his thighs. Ashton really appreciated his view, whining Calum with small hips, and a muscular back, his ass in the air, begging to be smacked again.

“What? You like that? Like when I spank your little ass?” Ashton said with a smirk, landing another harsh smack to the boy.

“God, yes, Ash. I love when you spank me like a little slut.”

“I thought so. Jesus, Calum. You’re fucking filthy.” Ashton muttered, spanking him again. Calum pushed his head into the pillows again to stifle a groan. He was never very shy about his kinks, but he knew better than to be too loud.

“A-Ash.”

“Yes sweetheart?”

“What about Mikey and Luke?” Ashton hushed Calum quietly, and placed a kiss to the top of his spine.

“They’re cuddled up down there, watching a movie. It’s alright.” He reassured gently, and Calum let out a breath of relief.

Ashton kissed Calum’s neck again, and grabbed one of his hips, signaling he wanted Calum to flip over. Flipping onto his back, Calum’s hands immediately found the hem of Ashton’s t-shirt, and began to pull on it. Ashton smirked, and sat back to strip himself of his shirt.

The younger boy allowed his hands to wander on Ashton’s sides, and down the expanse of his chest, tracing the lines of Ashton’s muscles.  Ashton’s face was covered in a smirk, which was quickly wiped away when Calum let his tongue run over one of Ashton’s hardened nipples.

“Oh, Cal.” Ash moaned quietly, winding his fingers in Calum’s fluffy hair. Calum smiled proudly against Ashton’s sensitive chest, and let one of his hands drop to palm him through his sweatpants.

“Are you gonna fuck me, Ash?” Calum whispered, curling his fingers around the outline of Ashton’s cock. Ashton nodded, and put his hands on Calum’s shoulders to push him back, so he was laying on his back with Ashton straddling his hips. He pulled down his black sweatpants, along with boxers that didn’t look like his, and kicked them off.

“Are those Luke’s?” Calum asked, looking at the discarded striped boxers on the floor. Ashton looked over at them, and shrugged.

“Probably. The bastard keeps taking mine.” Ashton said, taking hold of his cock, and pumping it twice. “Now, open up for me, baby.”

Calum giggled before opening his mouth wide, and sticking his tongue out eagerly. Ashton let his tip rest on Calum’s tongue, smirking slightly. Calum stayed where he was, looking up at Ashton with innocent brown eyes. Ashton shook his head with a fond scoff before pushing his length into Calum’s mouth.

Calum’s head was tilted backwards as Ashton fucked his cock in and out of his mouth. He pressed his tongue to the underside of his cock, making sure to flick his tongue over the slit, collecting a drop of precum that gathered there. Ashton tossed his head back, and tightened his grip on Calum’s hair, fucking his hips faster. Calum looked up at him with warm brown eyes that filled with tears when he unexpectedly choked on Ashton’s dick.

“That’s it, baby. Choke on it.” Ashton encouraged gently, stroking Calum’s cheek. Calum followed orders, and allowed his throat to close around Ashton’s member, causing a loud gagging sound to erupt from his mouth. Ashton’s eyebrows furrowed in pleasure as he face-fucked Calum, spit running from the corners of the boy’s mouth.

Calum tried to bob his head to help Ashton, but the older hushed him, and ran his fingers through his hair. So, he relaxed his neck, and let himself be used by the hazel-eyed boy.  Soon, though, Ashton was letting out a loud groan, and pulling his dripping cock from the dark-haired boy’s mouth. He reached down, and pulled Calum’s pants and underwear completely off.

Calum wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, and pressed his back to the backboard, helping Ashton by pulling his legs to his chest as the older pulled his jeans off. Ashton’s fingers trailed up Calum’s thighs, teasing the warm skin. He reached up, and gave Calum a little kiss on the lips, licking at his bottom lip lightly. When he pulled away, he leaned his forehead down on Calum’s, and let out a hot breath.

“Want you to prep yourself. Can you do that for me, babe?” He asked, looking down at the younger. Calum nodded, and leaned up to kiss Ashton again.

“Yeah, I can do that.” He said, slightly breathless.

“Good boy. I’ll be right back.” Ashton said, climbing off the bed, and running out the door.

Calum tossed his head back, and trailed a hand down his tummy to his hole. His eyebrows crinkled as he worked his first finger inside of himself. Though the stretch was a burn, Calum welcomed it. He tossed his head back against his bedding, and worked his finger in faster, until he could fuck himself with it efficiently. By the time Ashton came back, condom and lube in hand, Calum was two fingers deep, and adding a third. The blonde smiled, and sat down on the bed, spreading Calum’s thighs wider.

“Oh, Calum. Look at you, all open and wet for me like a good little slut.” Ashton muttered, taking hold of Calum’s wrist to stop his fingering movements.

“A-Ashton, I want you to-” Calum moaned, but was cut off when two of Ashton’s fingers were jammed inside his hole.

“Want me to what, baby?” Ashton said softly, pumping his fingers in and out of Calum at a quick pace.

“W-want you to...f-fuck me.”

“Ask nicely.” Ashton said, working a third finger inside the shaking boy.

“Ashton, will you please fuck me? Please, I need your big cock inside of me so fucking bad.” Calum whined, working his ass down on Ashton’s fingers.

“I will, just because you asked so nicely.” Ashton said with a smirk, kissing Calum’s hipbone.

He sat back up, and grabbed the condom from the nightstand, and handed it to Calum.

“Go on.” He said, and Calum obliged, ripping the condom wrapper open with his teeth, and pulling it out. He took ahold of Ashton’s cock, and pumped it a few times before rolling the rubber down his shaft without difficulty, and kissing his tip. He held Ashton’s hips tentatively, and kissed just below his belly button, looking up into Ashton’s eyes. Ashton gave him a fond look, and ran his fingers through his hair.

“I’m ready.” Calum whispered, and Ashton nodded. He dipped back down between Calum’s legs, and grabbed ahold his thighs, pushing them against the boy’s chest.

Without another word, Ashton placed his tip to Calum’s hole, and pushed in. Calum moaned right off the bat, feeling so full of Ashton already, even though it was just the tip.

“Yeah? You like that?” Ashton asked, cockily pushing another inch inside of Calum.

“Yeah, more please.” Calum whined, his thighs twitching in Ash’s hands.

Ashton did as Calum asked, and in no time, he was bottoming out. Calum always took him like a champ, with little complaining, and hardly ever asking him to slow down. So, Ashton gave him a second to adjust to his width, watching with interest as the boy’s face twisted with emotions.

“Go, please fuck me.” Calum moaned out, his breath catching in his throat.

Ashton drew out before slamming back in roughly. He knew Calum wanted it hard, and he was going to get it hard. He fucked in and out of him at a quick pace, his hips slapping flush against his ass everytime he fucked into him. The headboard was slamming into the wall, and Calum had one hand twisted in the sheets, and the other fisted in his mouth to keep from moaning.

“Jesus, Calum, you feel good.” Ashton moaned, bracing his hands on either side of Calum’s head.

“S-So do you, Ash. Harder, please.”

Ashton slammed into him harder than before, one of his hands winding its way into Calum’s thick hair. With the way Ashton was fucking into him, it wasn’t very long until Calum felt heat pool in his tummy. He reached his hands to grip Ashton’s shoulders, pulling him against his chest. Ashton buried his head in Calum’s shoulder, fucking his hips against the smaller boy.

“A-Ash, I-I think I’m c-close.” Calum stuttered through getting pounded into.

“Yeah? You want to cum?”

“Yes please.” Calum whined, and Ashton felt his cock jerk. It wouldn’t be long before he finished as well.

“You gonna cum just from my cock? Like a good little slut?” Ashton asked, trailing a hand down Calum’s hip. Calum nodded, pushing his hips against Ashton increasingly rough thrusts.

“Yeah, just....just a little more.”

“Come on, Cal. Come for me, all over yourself, c’mon.” Ashton said, pounding into the dark-haired boy like his lip depended on it.

Calum let out a long moan, and Ashton had to cover his mouth with his hand as he came between their stomachs.

“Ah, fuck Ashton.” He groaned, sweat covering  his chest. Ashton bit down on Calum’s neck before pounding into him completely, and spilling into the condom.

“Jesus Christ. God, you feel so fucking good around me.” Ashton muttered, his cock twitching inside Calum. Calum’s chest rose and fell rapidly, and he could already feel his eyes start to close. Being fucked by Ashton really took it out of him.

After a few minutes, Ashton carefully drew out, and took his condom off. He tossed it in the trash, and grabbed his discarded boxers from the floor to wipe Calum’s tummy of his cum. When he was finished cleaning his stomach, he kissed up the faint line of his abs, praising him without words. He threw the boxers behind him, and grabbed Calum’s from the floor. He slipped them up the boy’s legs, and then climbed in beside him. Calum’s eyes were drooping shut as he looked at Ashton, who was cuddling into the bedspread.

“What?” Ashton asked with a giggle, one sweaty curl dropping onto his forehead. Calum just shook his head, and rolled over so his back was facing him. He wiggled himself backwards until his bum was pressed against Ashton’s bare crotch. Ashton sighed fondly, and let one of his arms wrap around Calum’s chest.

“Goodnight, Cal.” He muttered, pressing his forehead between the dark-haired boy’s shoulder blades.

“Night, Ash.” Calum mumbled back, his head falling onto his pillow. Ashton’s long fingers were gently stroking his arm, and Calum found immense comfort in the gesture. He sighed gently, and with Ashton breathing softly behind him, he drifted off to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hola!!  
> Sorry this is another short update, but the next chapter will be better!  
> Enjoy!  
> XX-Alex

Ashton knew there was something odd about his and Calum’s relationship.

See, there are certain rules to ‘Friends With Benefits’, and he and Calum have broken several of them. The first one being, you should never, _ever_ become ‘Friends With Benefits’ with someone that you see routinely. And, with Calum being a part of Ashton’s livelihood, he’s about as routine as it gets. The second rule, is that ‘Friends With Benefits’ are supposed to be occasional flings, when neither individual can get off, and there was nothing _occasional_ about the number of times he and Calum slept together. Because, since Ashton was seventeen, there literally wasn’t a night where he and Calum hadn’t engaged in _some_ sort of sexual activity.

And one of the biggest rules, you never sleep overnight, in the same bed with the hosting member of the relationship. And, as Ashton woke up to sunlight streaming straight into his eyes, and a mouthful of Calum’s hair, he knew he’d broken that rule again.

It had become an unspoken rule that whenever they had full-on sex in Calum’s bed, Ashton would stay. Calum had never specifically _asked_ him to stay, but after the first night, when Ashton had been drunk, and left Calum in the middle of the night, he made a point to make sure that when Calum woke up, he’d be right there, beside him. Calum never seemed to mind, he would always roll over, and kiss Ashton’s lips, and then Ashton would get up, and go about his day. They weren't extremely careful, most of the time they both fell asleep naked, and hoped if Luke or Michael found them, that they wouldn’t throw back the covers. But, falling asleep in a bed that wasn’t yours, with another band member was a very common occurrence in the house, so as far as Ashton knew, Luke and Michael suspected nothing.

Just then, Calum rolled over, and kissed Ashton softly on the lips before tossing back the blankets, getting off the bed, and walking out.

That’s the other thing Ashton knows is wrong.

Kissing.

Calling Calum babe.

He knows, he knows good and well that those are not things that happen in a normal, ‘Friends With Benefits’ relationship, because in those relationships, it’s supposed to be sex, with no string attached.

And Ashton knows he has one or two strings attached to Calum.

The first, Calum is in his band. Duh. He knows that if they mess with this too much, fans could find out, and their bandmates could find out, and the entire world could find out, and it could do a lot of damage that Ashton and his young band can’t afford.

And the second, Ashton knows he could easily fall in love with Calum. Because really, when Ashton thinks about it, it would be all too easy to wake up every morning, and kiss Calum on the lips, and tell him that he loves him. And the really scary part is, is that even now, as Ashton thinks about it, it sounds like the most natural thing in the world, like that is how things are supposed to be, and that’s final. He has to work really hard, and very carefully to not fall into a romantic relationship with Calum. He tiptoes around what he says in the bedroom, and even more around what he says while he’s out of it.

Like when he gave Calum tea yesterday, and asked if he was hungry. Both he and Calum knew that he was getting too attached, and Calum covered them by throwing in the boyfriend joke. It’s one he’s used a thousand times, him and Ashton alike.

It’s just, Ashton has an unbelieveable instinct to care for Calum. Which is stupid, because the boy is eighteen years old, and can take care of himself just fine. But Ashton has seen Calum in literally every form, and he feels that he’s been trusted with something, trusted with Calum, and it’s a hard instinct to fight.

The only thing that keeps Ashton from losing it, is that Calum seems to be doing just fine distancing himself from Ashton. Though he’s definitely the more emotional of the two in bed, on the outside, not a thing has changed. He still treats Ashton that same as he did when they just met, and that was what kept Ashton from falling into a bottomless chasm some call ‘love’.

“Ash?”

Ashton looked up to see Luke blinking at him from the other bed.

“Yeah?”

“Why’re you naked?” Luke asked, squinting from having just woken up. Ashton glanced down at himself, and realized Calum threw back the only cover he had.

“Uh, last night I went for a shower, and Calum wanted to cuddle when I got out.”

Luke nodded slowly, his sleepy brain trying to keep up.

“How come you never naked cuddle with me?” Luke asked, and Ashton wanted to coo at how cute that stupid blue-eyed boy was when he pouts. Michael is a lucky boy.

Without answering the question, Ashton got off of Calum’s bed, ran over to Luke’s, flopping down on the blanket-covered boy. The still-half-asleep blonde let out a cry and then a wheeze as Ashton fell on top of him.

“Why do my bandmates always crush me? How come you never crush Calum?”

“I like Calum more than you.” Ashton teased.

“So does Mikey.” Luke whispered in a soft tone that immediately caught Ashton’s attention. He lifted himself up on his elbows, and looked down at the younger boy, who was obviously avoiding eye-contact.  

“I don’t like Calum more than you, and Michael certainly doesn’t.”

Luke shrugged again.

“It doesn’t matter, just leave it, Ash.”

“No, Luke. What’s this about? Did something happen with Mikey?”

Just as Luke opened his mouth to answer, Calum burst into the room, belting a line from a Beyonce song. He stopped mid-lyric when his eyes landed on Ashton, naked on top of Luke, who was still covered by his bedsheet. For a second, Ashton could’ve sworn he saw jealousy in Calum’s eyes, but it disappeared quickly, and Ashton knew better.

“Whoa. Mikey made breakfast, if you two lovebirds are finished.” He said with a slight smirk, his hand still resting on the doorknob. Ashton sent him a knowing smile.

“We know you’re just jealous, Cal.” Ashton said before dipping down, and delivering several kisses to Luke’s cheeks. Luke squirmed, laughing as he tried to avoid Ashton’s lips.

“Sto-Stop Ash!” He giggled, and Calum came over to flop on top of Ashton, who was still on top of Luke. Ashton heard the bed groan in protest as it took on three still-growing boys. Ashton hoped it wouldn’t snap in half.

“You know, I can’t say I blame you, Ash. Lukey is pretty cute.” Calum said with a huge smile before copying Ashton’s actions, and kissing Luke’s forehead repeatedly. Luke was giggling like crazy, and pushing at Calum’s face, when the door opened again.

All three boys looked up at their remaining bandmate, who stood in the door, staring at them blankly. Ashton noticed that the red-head seemed to be avoiding eye-contact with Luke.

“Breakfast is ready. I came as soon as I heard the orgy noises.” He said, completely blank. Luke had gone silent, and completely red, refusing to look anywhere near Michael. Calum and Ashton looked at each other, and seemed to communicate without words. Calum carefully climbed off Luke, and walked over to Michael. He looked up at him shyly, almost seductively, and leaned in close to whisper in his ear:

“Did you want to join?”

Michael grinned, and pushed the giggling raven-haired boy away.

“Oh, shove off. Now, seriously, breakfast. I’ve made pancakes.” He said with a smirk, and Ashton knew that the redhead was proud of himself.

“Then let’s go.” Calum said, slinging an arm around Michael’s shoulders, and leading him out of the room. Ashton climbed off of Luke, and dug through their closet until he found an at least semi-clean pair of boxers. He slid them on, and looked back at Luke, who was sitting up, and staring at the floor, looking slightly dazed.

“Hey.” Ashton said softly, looking at the youngest member of the band. “We all love you, Luke. Okay? Mikey loves you, that’s for damn sure. Whatever this is, whatever is going on, it’ll pass, I promise.”

Luke looked up with watery, grateful eyes.

“Thanks, Ash.” He said with a small smile. Ashton nodded, and squeezed Luke’s shoulder before walking out of the room.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Literally just filthy smut.   
> Sorry guys, the plot is coming, I promise!!!  
> XX-Alex :)  
> P.S. warning for name-calling (slut, whore, etc.) and spanking :) If you don't enjoy it, I'd skip this chapter almost entirely :)

The thing about 5 Seconds of Summer is, they’ve all been friends for years. Calum and Michael in particular have seen each other almost every day for the past ten years. They literally know everything there is to know about each other, from the way they snore at night, to the way they knot their shoelaces.

So, needless to say, when Calum sat down at the dining table that morning for breakfast, is took him only a few seconds to realize that something was wrong. What, exactly, he wasn’t sure, but as there was _something_ off about the way Michael sat down next to him to eat. The redhead seemed quieter than usual as he started to cut up his pancakes.

Calum looked across the table at Luke, who was quietly munching on his breakfast. Luke being quiet in the mornings wasn’t necessarily unusual, but the blonde’s shoulders looked a little broader than usual, and Calum could tell he was tense. The two boys we’re obviously avoiding each other, and Calum couldn’t begin to wonder why.

Ashton caught his eye from across the table, and sent him a pointed look. So Ashton knows. Of course.

Calum twisted his face in a questioning expression, and Ashton raised his eyebrows while shrugging. Calum nodded. He didn’t understand either. Just yesterday, their two friends were head-over-heels for each other. Something must have happened while he and Ashton we’re... _busy_ last night.

“So, boys.” Ashton said, drawing the eyes of all three boys. “ It’s team Mashton and Cake for writing today. Mikey and I write at noon, Luke, you and Calum are at ten. After Michael and I get back, Feldy wants to take us to dinner as a little pre-tour award.”

Calum nodded, being attentive to Ashton’s agenda speech for once in his life. He felt a little upset that he couldn’t write with Ashton today, but he knew it would probably be better if Luke and Mikey weren’t paired today. Plus, He always wrote best with Luke for some reason.

“Okay, sounds good. By the way, Mikey, these pancakes are amazing.” Calum, ever the peacemaker said, smiling at the redhead. Michael returned his smile, and muttered his thanks, stuffing some of the hot cakes into his mouth. When Calum looked back up, Luke was watching the two interact with curious eyes. Calum shot him a toothy smile, which Luke returned with closed lips.

“You and me today, mate.” Calum said, reaching across the table, and bumping Luke’s hand with his own.

“You and me.” Luke agreed quietly with a small smile.

Just then, Ashton stood up from his chair, and grabbed all of their plates without asking if they were finished. None of them complained, they were just so used to Ashton always playing caretaker in their band. Calum stared, unashamed, at Ashton’s boxer-clad ass as he walked to the sink, and put their plates inside. Luke then got up, and started collection their cups, starting with his own, and then Calum’s, then Ashton’s, then-

“ _Don’t_.” Michael all but growled at the blonde, drawing his empty cup to his chest. Luke did a poor job of hiding the effect Michael’s words had on him, his face etched with a hurt expression. Calum furrowed his eyebrows, something had obviously happened, and he wasn’t happy about it.

“Don’t be a dick, Mikey.” He said, prying the cup from Michael’s hand, and handing it to Luke. Luke took the cup with a blank expression, and Michael made a dramatic exit of pushing back his chair so hard, it fell to the floor, and stomping upstairs, being sure to slam his bedroom door shut. Calum raised an eyebrow, surprised by Michael’s behaviour, watching Ashton pat Luke’s back comfortingly.

"Drama queen." He muttered. 

“I agree.” Luke said, walking past the other two boys to the stairs.

Only after Calum  heard the bedroom door shut did he look at Ashton. The hazel-eyed boy plopped down beside him, his naked collarbones a little too inviting for Calum’s taste.

“What do you think happened?” Calum asked quietly to which Ashton shrugged.

“I don’t know. This morning, Luke said that Michael likes you more than him, which I think-”

“That’s bullshit.” Calum cut Ashton off. “Michael _loves_ Luke.”

“I know that.” Ashton said gently, hushing Calum. “And I’m sure Michael and Luke both do too. My guess is that Luke probably got a little _too_ affectionate, and Michael panicked, and said something he shouldn’t have, you know how he is.”

Calum nodded in understanding, knowing full-well that Michael goes into ultra-defensive mode when anything involving feelings comes into play. Even if it _was_ with Luke.

In exasperation, Calum looked at the clock, and groaned.

“I better go shower. I smell like you.” He said with a slight smile, which Ashton returned with a smirk.

“Want me to join you?” He asked cheekily, and Calum laughed.

“Yes please.” He said in a hopefully seductive voice. Ashton laughed, and shook his head, pushing his curls away from his forehead.

“Why don’t you go up then. I’ll clean these dishes real quick, then I’ll join you, yeah?” He asked gently, and Calum felt himself drowning in the fond tone of Ashton’s voice. Without thinking, the younger boy leaned across their small dining table, and pressed his lips to Ashton’s in a sweet kiss, which. _No_. That’s like the number one rule: _no kissing_.

Luckily, Calum realized his mistake first, so he pulled away quickly, smiled at Ashton, and flew to the stairs probably faster than he meant to. Hopefully he played that off well enough that Ashton wouldn’t think anything of it. But, as Calum stood in the stairway, catching his breath, he could hear Ashton gasp slightly, and he could practically see the blonde touching his lips. _Fuck_.

Trying to forget about it, Calum ditched the stairs, and walked through their hall to the bathroom at the end of it. As he walked by his room, he could see Luke curled up under his duvet, staring at his phone with watery eyes. Calum first felt sad at the scene, because those pretty blue eyes should never be filled with tears, and then he felt angry, because he knew damn well who caused those tears.

Calum quickly decided that he would deal with his dick-headed best friend later, and continued on his journey to the bathroom. Once he was there, he turned on the shower water to a lower temperature than he would usually set it. For some reason, Ashton always liked chilly showers. Calum never understood, but he’d never once had a problem warming up once the older boy joined him in the frosty water. Nevertheless, he stripped himself of his boxers and t-shirt (used to cover the many marks Ashton had clumsily left last night), and climbed into the tub. The cool water ran down his face and through his hair, and Calum had to admit, it felt kinda nice, the weird water. Refreshing.

Just as Calum was deciding that he would start taking cooler showers, the familiar squeak of the door hinges told him that someone was joining him. Calum knew who it was, and he felt a mixture of nervousness and eagerness for Ashton to join him. Before he could think too much about which emotion to act on, the curtain was being pulled back, and there stood Ashton, naked and smiling.

He wordlessly climbed in beside Calum, and the younger boy moved so that he could get some spray. While Ashton soaked himself, Calum took time to admire the way the water cascaded down his body with ease, the drops guided by the rippling muscles in Ashton’s back, and flowing along the muscles of his arms and legs smoothly. The water turned his regular, honey-colored hair a deep shade of caramel, almost completely brunet, and the water droplets dripped from his nose as he turned to face Calum again. Ashton, in Calum’s opinion, is beautiful in every way.

“Ash,” Calum said gently, studying the floor of the tub. “Look, I-I’m sorry for earlier, at the table, I-”

“It’s cool.” Ashton shrugged. “It’s not like I haven’t kissed you before. Don’t worry about it.”

“But-”

“No but’s.” Ashton cut Calum off again. “Unless it’s yours.” He added with an eyebrow raised cheekily.

Calum bit his lip, debating whether or not to press the topic of the kiss. But, if Ashton said not to worry about it, why should he? So, he released his bottom lip, turned around, and stuck his bum out a little towards Ashton, a mischievous smile on his face. Ashton smirked, and one of his hands came to rest of Calum’s left asscheek, the other coming to smack his right hard enough to make the younger boy whine.

“Oh.” Ashton hummed, apparently intrigued. “You like this, yeah?”

Calum hummed, and shoved his ass back so he hit Ashton’s hips and soft cock.

“Tell you what.” Ashton whispered, grabbing a handful of Calum’s hair, and pulling the younger boy to his chest. “You get on your knees, and suck me off like a good little whore, and I’ll spank you as much as you want. Sound good?”

Calum nodded eagerly, a filthy moan escaping his lips at the thought.

“Words.” Ashton demanded, yanking Calum’s hair back.

“Yes, that sounds good. Please.” Calum squeaked out, the pull on his head making his voice sound awkward.

“Good boy.” Ashton praised, loosening his hold on Calum’s hair. “Now, on your knees.”

Calum did as he was told, and immediately dropped to the cool floor of the tub. He shuffled forward, resting his hands on Ashton’s hips while looking up at him with wide brown eyes.

“Open up.” Ashton said, almost gently, while guiding his half-mast to Calum’s waiting mouth. “There you go, baby. That’s it.”

Calum sucked gently at the head of his cock, licking at the slit with his tongue. When he took more of Ashton into his mouth, he pressed his tongue up against the hot shaft, getting it almost dripping in his own spit. While he dragged his tongue from bottom to tip, he locked eyes with Ashton, hopefully giving him the view he usually wanted. It must have been enough, because Ashton wound his long fingers into Calum’s hair, and tugged harshly.

Calum moaned around Ashton’s cock, the combination of Ashton pulling his hair, and the heavy weight of him against his tongue was causing his own cock to press up against his tummy. He took about half of Ashton’s shaft in his mouth, one of his hands holding his hipbone, the other stroking the other half of his cock. He took Ashton halfway down, working the free half with his hand while he flicked his tongue over the tip whenever he was close enough. When the tip hit the back of his throat unexpectedly, he gagged, covering the shaft in spit, and making Ashton let out an obscene groan.

“Shit, Calum, again.” Ashton all but whined, tugging Calum’s hair probably a little harder than necessary. Calum obliged easily, choking himself of Ashton’s cock, his eyes filling with tears. Ashton threw his head back, and muttered praise while running his fingers through Calum’s wet hair as the boy took him down his throat.

One of Ashton’s hands went to the back of Calum’s head, holding him down with a mouthful of cock. Calum held his breath, ignoring the feeling of his tears spilling over. They were washed away quickly anyway, and Calum looked up at Ashton, waiting for him to let go so he could breathe. Ashton allowed himself a few more seconds of the bliss he called Calum’s mouth before releasing his hold on the younger boy.

Calum gasped as he popped off, panting like a dog while pumping Ashton’s cock with his hand to make up for his mouth’s absence.

“Does it feel good, Ash?” Calum asked, desperate to please.

“So good, Cal.” Ashton hummed. “Now come here, let me fuck your pretty mouth. If you sit back and take it like a good boy, I’ll spank you afterwards.”

Calum nodded, and braced his hands back on Ashton’s hips, opening his mouth as wide as possible.

“Tongue out.” Ashton commanded, stroking his cock. Calum did as he was told, sticking his tongue out, hoping to get a taste of Ashton’s now rock-hard cock.

Ashton smirked, and teasingly rested his tip on Calum’s tongue. Calum, unable to control himself, flicked his tongue into Ashton’s slit, greedily tasting a drop of precum that had gathered there. Ashton groaned as Calum licked his lips, and pulled the younger boy’s head back.

“Calum, naughty boy. Who’s in charge when you get your mouth fucked?”

“You are. I’m sorry, I won’t do it again.” Calum smirked, his hold on Ashton’s hips tightening.

“Damn right you won’t. Mouth open, slut.”

Calum obeyed, and Ashton wasted no time shoving his entire length down Calum’s throat. Calum recoiled out of reflex, his head jerking backwards, so Ashton tightened his hold on his head, and began to thrust his cock in and out of the smaller boy’s mouth. He didn’t allow Calum any breaks, fucking his hips aggressively, giving Calum no choice but to swallow him down, not that he minded. He made sure to press his tongue on the underside of the cock in his mouth, hopefully providing as much pleasure as possible. It must have worked, because within a few minutes of fucking Calum’s mouth, Ashton felt heat pool in his tummy.

“Calum,” He breathed out, fucking his face faster by the second. “I’m close, baby.”

Calum nodded around Ashton’s member, his head growing fuzzy. He knew he was about halfway to his headspace, and he felt blurry and a little tired, but he always felt that way when Ashton treats him like this. He can’t help it, he’s always naturally felt the need to be pliant and obedient towards Ashton. Ashton pulled himself from Calum’s mouth with an obscene ‘pop’, and began to jack himself off furiously.

“Where do you want it?”He asked, completely breathless.

Calum was panting, trying to get his breath back, but he still pushed forward his chest, and Ashton nodded. It was quiet for a minute after that, the only sound to be heard was Ashton’s cock fucking his fist at a quick pace. Then, Ashton let out a loud moan, and the next thing Calum knew, warm cum was dripping down across his collarbones. The younger boy closed his eyes, and tossed his head back, simply loving the feeling of Ashton marking him. The spunk was quickly washed away by the water, but Calum could definitely still feel the stick of Ashton on his skin. He looked up at said boy still on his knees, mouth wide open, eyes half-shut.

“Thank you.” Ashton gasped out, recovering from his orgasm by leaning against the shower wall, and breathing heavily, his fingers still twisted in Calum’s curls.

“Welcome.” Calum mumbled, still slightly dizzy, and stroking Ashton’s hip mindlessly.

“Your turn.” Ashton said, placing his hands under Calum’s armpits, and lifting the limp boy to his feet. Calum let himself be turned and pinned to the shower wall. He wasn’t scared, Ashton was always pretty gentle after he came anyways.

Speaking of Ashton, one of the boy’s hands came to softly rest on Calum’s ass, and the other reached around to grip his hard cock. Calum turned his head to see Ashton, his cheek resting on the shower wall.

“I promised you spanks, right?” Ashton said softly, working Calum’s cock over in his hand. Calum nodded, and moaned when Ashton’s fingers played with his tip. Ashton took Calum’s cute moan as cue to go, and so, keeping his hand tightly wrapped around the boy’s cock, he brought his other hand down to smack his ass.

Calum let out a whine which was quickly turned to a moan as the pain of the spank was soothed by a stroke to his cock. Another smack was placed on the other side of his ass, and yet again, it was eased by a pull of his cock. And so Ashton went like that, alternating spanks and strokes. The switch between pain and pleasure is what really did it for Calum, and it didn’t take long for heat to pool in his abdomen and for him to moaning like his life depended on it.

“Yeah? Does that feel good?” Ashton asked, holding off his spanks to speed up the hand with Calum’s cock in it. He could tell that the boy was close by the way he was fidgeting. Calum was a fidgeter.

“Yeah. Please, Ash, harder.” Calum begged, the muscles in his back rippling from tenseness. Ashton smirked while slapping Calum again, he always loved when Calum begged. Especially since he asked so nicely. He brought his arm back as far it would go before bringing it down harsh enough that the sound rang through the room. Ashton was a little concerned that it might have hurt Calum a little more than he wanted, but his worries vanished when Calum let out a moan, and fucked his cock through Ashton’s fist before cumming all over the shower wall.

Calum was breathing in and out quickly, and his orgasm lasted a few good seconds, the aftershocks making his legs weak. When it was over, he slumped against the wall, still panting heavily. Ashton let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding, and stroked Calum one more time, smiling when the younger let out a whine of oversensitivity.

“Sorry, Cal.” Ashton whispered, releasing his cock, and resting his hand on his hip.

“S’alright.” Calum said, still getting his breath back. “Thank you.”

“No, thank you.” Ashton countered, squeezing Calum’s hip gently.

“You know,” Calum said with a chuckle. “one of these times we shower together, we might want to actually, you know, shower.”

Ashton shuddered at the sound of Calum’s voice, the rough tone he got after he blew Ashton always wanted to make the older start round 2.

“Nah, regular showers are boring. I much prefer our version.” Ashton said with a smile, tapping Calum’s bum playfully.

“Ha-ha.” Calum said sarcastically, catching Ashton’s hands. “That’s very cute, but thanks to you, I won’t be able to sit all day.”

“You asked for it.” Ashton said, kissing the side of Calum’s neck. “I just delivered.”

“You should really let me mark you next time.” Calum mumbled as Ashton sucked a mark into his shoulder. “I won’t be shirtless for a week.”

“Hmm,” Ashton hummed against Calum’s skin. “just for me.”

“Alright, get off me leech. I actually need to shower.” Calum said playfully, shoving Ashton’s head away. Ashton smiled, and stood back while Calum showered. The younger boy made quick work of it, washing his hair and body within just a few minutes. When he was finished, he turned off the water, and stepped out, not waiting for Ashton. As he grabbed a towel, and started drying off his dripping hair, he could hear Ashton sliding on Luke’s boxers, and toweling off his hair. Just as Calum was wrapping the towel around his shoulders, Ashton’s warm hand grabbed his arm.

“About the kiss,” He started, looking a little uncomfortable. “don’t worry about it, okay? I know it didn’t mean anything, we’re just friends. Let’s just forget about it, yeah?”

Calum blinked at Ashton once, twice.

“Um, yeah. Sounds good. Thanks.” He said, a little shocked at Ashton’s words.

“Cool.” Ashton smiled, patting Calum’s cheek. “Love ya, bro.”

With that, Ashton left the bathroom, leaving behind a shocked Calum who was trying to figure out what the hell just happened.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys :)  
> Double update today because I'm trash :)  
> This chapter is pretty short, and may just be the cheesiest thing I've ever written, so just...go easy :)  
> P.S. Ik you guys are all anxious about Muke, and I'm sorry to say it'll be a little while before you find out anything :( Hang in there!!

Calum has been friendzoned before.

Twice actually.

The first one was a little girl named Delaney that lived next to Calum since he was eight years old. She was quite a cutie, blonde hair and green eyes, freckles covering every inch of skin. Calum had crushed on her from afar for several years, always giving her the best valentines when their class traded. It went on for a while, Calum ogling over her while she barely spoke to him, until one year, when Calum turned twelve, they had a school dance. After spending hours practicing in the mirror, he finally gathered enough courage to ask her to the dance. The answer he got wasn’t the worst thing, but it certainly wasn’t the best.

“I love you Cal, but I can’t go to the dance with my best friend.”

Needless to say, Calum was heartbroken, and he spent the rest of the night at Michael’s house, eating pizza, and crying in the dirty-blonde’s arms.

The second time was almost instantaneous. She was a radio show coordinator that had seemed to have a soft-spot for Calum while they interviewed, asking him the most questions, and laughing at his jokes louder than the other boy’s. Calum definitely thought he had a shot when Ashton invited her for drinks, and she said yes. Unfortunately, Calum’s hopes died when the lady first pinched Calum’s cheek, saying he was ‘cute as a button’, and then proceeded to high-five him, and tell him that they should hang out sometime again- _with the boys_.

That one wouldn’t have been so bad if they lady wasn’t so obviously drooling over Mikey. That one bruised his ego a bit.

In all, being friendzoned isn’t necessarily a bad thing for Calum, and it certainly isn’t a new thing.

However, never, in all of his eighteen years, has Calum been _bro_ zoned.

He really shouldn’t be all that surprised, or upset for that matter. He knew from day 1 what he signed up for with Ashton. Sex. And nothing more. He was stupid to fall into such an intimate relationship with him, holding onto the naive hope that he would never fall for Ashton, a bandmate, a brother, a _boy_. Yet, there he was, sipping on tea that Ashton made in him in an effort to soothe his throat so he didn’t sound like he just finished giving someone head, remorsing over being fucking _bro_ zoned by his FWB partner. For fuck’s sake, Calum.

He should have realized his feelings for Ashton sooner, because this little crush he has, if not controlled, could be a serious problem. God, if Ashton _ever_ found out, he would never speak to Calum again. It would ruin any relationship they have, it could ruin the band, it could ruin their future-

“Calum.” Luke said, snapping Calum from his thoughts.

“Yeah? Sorry.” He said, blinking at Luke and Joel, who were both holding pencils with a mix of serious and concerned expressions.

“You alright, mate?” Luke asked, glancing at the notebook in Calum’s hands. Calum’s eyebrows furrowed as he looked down at his paper. His eyes widened when he saw that his page was absolutely _covered_ in words. Some were the thoughts that were just running through his head some were half-finished sentences, and some were random words in random places that made no sense. As he skimmed over the page, he felt his heart skip a beat when he realized that one word was scribbled on the page more than anything else.

 _Bro_.

-

“Five minutes, boys!” Ashton yelled, running through the hallway of their bedrooms. Calum groaned, lazily running his fingers through his hair, getting up to find a jacket in his closet. Just as he decided on a gray hoodie that definitely doesn’t belong to him, Michael came running in, fussing about his hair. He was mumbling something, and frantically running his fingers through the bright red strands. Calum came over, and gently grabbed Michael’s wrists, keeping him from touching his hair more.

“Hey, Mikey, calm down. What’s wrong?” He asked softly, fending off Michael’s struggles until the boy calmed down.

“Sorry, it’s just…” Michael sighed, sitting down on Luke’s bed. “Luke usually fixes my hair.”

Calum nodded sympathetically, and took a second to think of how to respond. Instead of saying anything, he just reached, and started playing with Mikey’s soft hair, trying to style it the way he liked. When he was finished, he felt like he had done some good. If definitely wasn’t as good as when Luke usually does it, but it was still pretty punk-rock.

“There.” He said, smoothing a piece to Michael’s forehead. “All done.”

Michael smiled gratefully at Calum, and before he knew it, Calum was being pulled into a hug by his best friend of ten years.

“Thanks, Cal.”

“You’re welcome, Mike.” He said, pulling back, and holding Michael by the shoulders. “Next time though, maybe you should ask Luke to do it.”

Michael pursed his lips together, and nodded.

“Michael, bud. What happened?” Calum asked softly.

Michael looked at the ground, his cheeks turning pink.

“I-I said said something I shouldn’t have, Cal.” He whispered.

“What did you say?” Calum pressed gently, looking into Michael’s jaded eyes. Just as Michael opened his mouth to hopefully answer, Luke appeared in the doorway.

“Calum- hey.” He said, his voice faltering slightly when he saw Michael, who was now very interested in the floor. “Uh, Ash is looking for you, he’s going mad.”

“Alright, I’ll go.” Calum said, giving Michael a reassuring pat on the back, then leaving him to deal with Luke in one way or the other.

He found Ashton in his bedroom, sitting on Michael’s surprisingly made bed, staring at his own unmade one.

“Calum, hi.” Ashton said with a smirk, and Calum knew what this was about.

“Uhm, hey, Ash.” He chuckled nervously. “Something wrong?”

“Oh, no. I was just wondering if you would try out my bed, I got new sheets, I want a second opinion.” He said in a voice too pleasant to be real.

“Uhm, I’m good actually, thanks. I’ve- already been in your bed, it looks...good.” Calum said, backing towards the door.

“C’mon, just try it.” Ashton pressed, a smirk on his face.

“I’m good.” Calum said with a pressed smile.

“Why not?”

“Oh, I um-”

“You short-sheeted my bed, you douche bag!” Ashton yelled with a smile. Calum fought the urge to smile back, and instead, he turned to run. However, Ashton expected it, and before Calum could even get out the door, Ashton had an arm wrapped around his waist.

“Get back here.” Ashton laughed, picking Calum up, and dragging him to the center of the room.

“Let me go, Ash.” Calum giggled, straining against Ashton’s hold.

“Never.” Ashton laughed, setting him down, and placing his hands on his hips. He leaned his forehead onto Calum’s in an oddly intimate gesture.

“You’re in _so_ much trouble.” Ashton whispered, and Calum smiled. Before he could respond, Ashton’s lips were pressed to his. Ashton’s lips pressed together firmly, keeping his tongue in his own mouth, and his hands remaining on his hips instead of trailing down to his ass. The kiss was sweet, and Calum had never been more happy, or more confused in his entire life.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again!  
> So, the plot is actually kinda officially beginning in this chapter :)  
> BTW, the boys are in LA in this fic, getting ready to leave for tour. I originally wrote them in their London house, so Cake are rooming, and Mashton are rooming. So, that's why the rooms are kinda fucked up. Whoops :(  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy!!  
> XX-Alex

Honestly, Ashton had no idea what he was doing. He knew he was being unfair to Calum, telling him that the kiss this morning meant nothing, and that they could just forget about it, and then getting all fond, and kissing him like they’ve been together for years. To be fair, it was hard to control himself. Calum is just too damn cute. It would be a crime not to kiss him.

Even now, as Ashton chews his expensive salad that tastes like cardboard, he has half a mind to lean over and initiate a makeout session with the younger boy.

“Really though, I’m proud of you boys.” Feldy said, sipping on his drink, while looking round the table at the four boys.

“Awe, thanks, Feldy. We wouldn’t be here without you.” Michael said, drawing out the vowels in each word, obviously intoxicated.

“Still, you boys have worked hard, and you deserve this.” Feldmann said, slinging an arm around Luke, who was sitting next to him quietly. Luke, despite his unhappy mood, smiled, and leaned into John’s touch.

Ashton smiled at John, but his attention was quickly drawn to Calum, who was awkwardly squirming in his seat while pushing his food with the back of his fork. Ashton locked eyes with him while Mikey drunkenly distracted Feldy with a story from year 9. Calum blushed a little when he found Ashton’s eyes, and he shrugged a little, pulling out his phone.

From: **C-Dizzle** [8:41 pm]

_Sorry, my ass is killing me_

Ashton first felt himself blush upon reading the message, then a smirk crossed his face. A minute later, Calum was pulling out his phone, opening a message from Ashton.

From: **SmASh** [8:43 pm]

_Like I said, you asked for it._

From: **C-Dizzle** [8:44 pm]

_Still though, my buttcheeks are bruised :(_

From: **SmAsh** [8:44 pm]

_I didn’t hear you complaining while you begged me to smack you harder._

Ashton saw Calum smile down at his phone, biting his lip while typing his reply.

From: **C-Dizzle** [8:46 pm]

_That’s because you hit like Luke does when he’s drunk._

Ashton had to bite his lip to keep from laughing at that, glancing at Luke, who was still under John’s arms, picking apart his untouched dinner with his fork and a sad expression.

From: **SmAsh** [8:47 pm]

_Is that a complaint?_

From: **C-Dizzle** [8:50 pm]

_No, all I’m saying is, I’ve met 5-year-old children that hit harder than you._

From: **SmAsh** [8:52 pm]

_Yeah? Just wait until we get home, and I’ll show you how hard I can hit._

From: **C-Dizzle** [8:52 pm]

_I can’t wait. I’m touching myself under the table because I’m so excited._

Upon reading that message, Ashton dropped his fork onto his plate with a loud clang, startling everyone at the table, with one exception. Calum sat across from Ashton, face blank, one hand holding his fork, the other under the table, presumably on his lap. Ashton quickly cleared his throat, picked up his fork, and apologized. Calum smirked a little at him, and Ashton was surprised that Luke, who was sitting by Calum, hadn’t noticed anything. Or maybe he had. Ashton wouldn’t be surprised.

From: **C-Dizzle** [8:55 pm]

_Does that turn you on, Ash? Me touching myself to the thought of you while our friends are so close?_

Ashton bit his lip, trying to desperately to control the growing problem in his pants.

From: **SmAsh** [8:56 pm]

_Calum, I swear to god._

From: **C-Dizzle** [8:56 pm]

_What’s wrong, baby? Is this really turning you on?_

From: **SmAsh** [8:58 pm]

_Yeah, you’re causing a serious problem._

From: **C-Dizzle** [8:59 pm]

_Oh, I didn’t know. I’m sure you’ll want to punish me. Something bad for being so naughty. Face-fucking? Orgasm Denial? Bondage?_

Ashton glared at his phone, his anger towards Calum and his erection growing by the second.

From: **C-Dizzle** [9:00 pm]

_Or maybe you’d like to bend me over the table right now, spank me till I cry, show everyone how bad I’ve been._

And Ashton lost it. Sliding his chair back from the table so hard it fell to the floor, and drew the looks from all members of the table, he fisted his phone, and left the table muttering something about the bathroom. As he walked away, he slid his phone into his back pocket, making a direct beeline to the bathroom. He had a serious problem that was in need of serious attention. Just as he was deciding to whip his phone out, text Calum, and make him take care of the problem _he_ caused, he smacked face-first into someone.

Ashton’s first impulse was to reach out, and try to prevent whoever the person was from falling. Call him weird, but as the brother to two younger siblings with no father, he had learned to put others before himself.

The good news, Ashton managed to catch hold of the person to keep them from falling. The bad news, the only part of the lady Ashton managed to grab happened to be her _left tit_. Ashton looked up slowly into shocked brown eyes before quickly letting go, and wiping his palms on his jeans nervously.

“God, no. I-I’m sorry, I wasn’t- it was an accident, I promise, I would never-”

Ashton’s rambling was cut off when the girl giggled. Ashton, through his nervousness, had to admit the girl was actually really cute, a petite little thing with blonde hair braided into pigtails, high cheekbones, and interesting brown eyes. The girl giggled again, and nodded downwards. Ashton furrowed his eyebrows, following the girls eyes down to and figure out what she was talking abo- _oh_. The boner. Right.

“Okay, no. This isn’t what it looks like, really. _This_ isn’t because of you, or your...I-I mean, not that it shouldn’t be, because you’re _totally_ hot, and under any different circumstances, I would, but like, okay. This is bad. I’m just, so, _so_ sorry.” Ashton said with red cheeks, desperate to make this pretty girl understand.

The girl giggled again, and shook her head.

“It’s alright. I ran into you, I should be the one apologizing.” She said casually, and Ashton had to smile. American. _Wait, you’re in America, Ashton._ Duh.

“Oh, well, um. We can just call it even then? I’m not a creep, I promise.” He said, a blush still evident on his cheeks.

“No, I didn’t think so.” The girl laughed. “Guys as cute as you generally aren’t.”

Ashton felt his breath hitch, and his face burn brighter. He was so shocked by a pretty girl calling him cute that he barely registered his phone vibrating in his pocket.

“Um, thank you...I, um” Ashton turned to look over his shoulder at his table, where John and Michael were still in conversation, Luke was still sitting quietly, and Calum was looking at Ashton with a confused expression. He bit his lip again, and making up his mind, turned back to the pretty girl.

“I’m Bryana.” The girl-Bryana-offered with a smile.

“Ashton.” Ashton introduced. “Look, uhm, would you...would you maybe want to like, get coffee sometime? Like with me?”

Ashton mentally face-palmed, because he was never this awkward around girls, he was turning into Luke.

“That actually sounds really nice. I’ll just, give you my number then?” She smiled, pulling out her phone.

“Uhm, yeah. How bout I give you mine? My phone, it’s uh, not in the best condition right now.” Ashton said sheepishly, not wanting to show Bryana his phone that he found from sixth grade. Ever since Michael fucked up his phone, he hadn’t had time to go buy a new one, and so he’d been resorted to using his old slide-screen piece of plastic from years ago. _Fuck._

“Yeah, sure, no problem.”

Ashton gave the girl a half-smile, looking over his shoulder once again to find Calum staring at him with the same weird expression from that morning. Confusion, and what honestly looked like jealousy. The hazel-eyed boy shook his head, and gave Bryana his number, trying desperately to tame the guilty feeling in his chest.   

-

As soon as Ashton piled into the car with his bandmates, he knew something wasn’t quite right. And surprisingly, it wasn’t Calum. Ashton had fully expected Calum to be acting strangely when they left the restaurant. He was the only of the remaining band mates that had seen him talk to Bryana, and after their weird day of fond kisses, Ashton expected Calum to be upset or angry, or anything but happy for him. It was just weird how casual Calum was about it.

But no, the real problem wasn’t Calum. The real problem was Michael.

Drunk Michael, to be more specific.

Drunk Michael was currently sitting next to Calum, almost on top of the younger boy, who was trying to fend him off without hurting his feelings. Drunk Michael kept whining when Calum would push him away, and try again, until eventually, Calum gave up, and let the older boy sit on his lap, his head buried in his neck. The sight was irritating to Ashton, because all he wanted was to go home and sleep, and not have to deal with his gay band’s antics for once, but for Luke, the image was just painful. Michael used to be all over him like that, and even though Calum and Michael are best friends, Luke had always been Michael’s go-to cuddler. Ashton noticed the fallen look on Luke’s face, and he nudged Michael with his elbow.

“Michael, get off of our bassist, please. He’s suffocating.”

“No.” Michael whined, his grasp on Calum’s neck tightening. Calum sent Ashton a desperate look, and Luke turned his face towards the window, trying to ignore the drunk redhead.

“Michael, seriously mate, get off him.” Ashton said, grabbing Michael’s arm, and physically prying Michael off. Drunk Michael is such a huge pain in the ass. Said redhead let out a huge whine, and glared angrily at Ashton.

“Why, Ash? Because it’s bothering Luke? Who the fuck cares, he’s just _Luke!_ It's not like he matters! ” Michael yelled, and everyone in the van stopped breathing for a second. Calum looked horrified, staring at the redhead with wide eyes. Ashton was shocked, his mouth wide open to say something, but no words escaped.

And Luke. Well, Luke didn’t seem to be fazed. His head was still turned towards the window, away from his band, but Ashton could see his jaw clench, and his eyes fill with tears. He knew that the younger was desperately trying to hold it together, and not cry in front of Michael, so Ashton decided to leave it.

“No, because it’s bothering _me_ , asshole. Now sit your ass down, and shut up.” Calum snapped, pushing Michael back into a seat, and buckling the seat belt that they rarely ever used. Michael frowned, and pulled against the belt, whining about how unfair this was. Calum hushed him by smacking him upside the head while Ashton put his head in his hands. He had hoped that this would work itself out, because Michael and Luke could never stand to be angry at each other for more than a few hours in the past. But, as Ashton looked at Luke, who had a few silent tears trickling down his cheeks, and at Michael, who was still struggling, he knew that this would be a lot harder than he thought.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!!!!  
> I'm sorry I haven't updates, but I got to see 5sos last night, and they were so amazing!!!  
> This is an extra-long update, so I hope you all enjoy!!  
> XX-Alex  
> PS- I'm sorry the spacing is so weird, I suck :(

When the boys finally got home, Luke made a beeline for his bedroom. He closed the door softly, and Calum couldn’t help but to glance at Drunk Michael, who hardly realized. Calum loves Michael, he really does, but Drunk Michael especially is such a fucking idiot. He has no idea what he just did to Luke.

“So, Ash.” Michael giggled at the older boy, who just looked exhausted. “Heard you pinned down a hot broad.”

Ashton smirked a little bit, but his cheeks were pink, and he was obviously a little shocked at the night’s events. Calum smiled at him, and plopped down on the couch in their living room.

“Yeah, she ran into me, and I accidentally grabbed her tit to keep her from falling.” Ashton said with a slight giggle. Calum and Michael both blinked at him before bursting into a fit of giggles.

“Ash, you dog.” Mikey remarked when he finally caught his breath.

“Shut up, it was an accident.” Ashton said with a fake pout.

“Awe, calm down, Smash. We’re just teasing you. We’re happy you finally managed to score someone’s digits other than mine.” Calum said with a smile. Ashton scoffed, and rolled his eyes, sitting down beside Calum.

“Is there any way you could take those back by the way?” Ashton said with a smirk, and instead of answering, Calum just punched his bicep.

“Where’s Luke?” The two boys on the couch looked up at the drunk redhead, who was looking around the room with confused eyes. “He’s supposed to be here.”

Calum and Ashton exchanged looks before Ashton sighed, and stood up, throwing an arm around Michael’s shoulders.

“C’mon, Mike. Let’s go to bed.”

“No.” Michael said, pushing Ashton’s arm away stubbornly. “I want Luke.”

Calum and Ashton both sighed. This is the worst part, when Michael realizes what he’s done. Tomorrow will undoubtedly be hell.

“We’ll see Luke in the morning, Mikey. He’s tired right now.” Calum said, patting Michael’s shoulder. Michael hesitated, giving Calum a long look before he nodded.

“Alright,” Calum smiled. “night boys, love you both.”

After Michael and Ashton both worded their goodnights, the three boys went their separate ways. Ashton leading Michael to their shared room, and Calum joining Luke in theirs.

When Calum opened the door to his bedroom, Luke was on his bed, facing the wall, and he seemed to be asleep. Calum knew better.

After he peeled off his clothes, and put on a t-shirt so big, it could only be Luke’s, he pulled back Luke’s blankets, and joined him on the bed. He snuggled down right next to him, wrapping his arms around the boy’s slim waist, and pulling him to his chest. Luke came willingly, his body shaking slightly, and Calum could tell he had been crying.

“Luke.” Calum said softly, rubbing his hand over Luke’s t-shirt covered tummy.

“I’m sorry.” Luke whispered after a minute.

“For what?” Calum whispered back.

“For crying. I’m eighteen, I shouldn’t be crying.” Luke said, his voice shaking.

“Your age is just a number, you can cry whenever you want.”

“But it’s stupid.”

“Is this still about Mikey?” Calum asked, sitting up a little.

Luke was quiet after that, and Calum thought for sure that he wasn’t going to answer.

“Yes.” He said finally, in a tiny voice.

“Then it is stupid.” Calum said, probably harsher than he meant. “It’s stupid, because Mikey loves you, okay Luke? He didn’t mean what he said tonight, and you know that. He was completely trashed, and we all do things that we don’t mean when we drink.” Calum took a minute to remember the time Ashton had been so drunk, that he fucked Calum, and then left him to try and figure things out for two days.

“He doesn’t love me like he loves you. He was upset earlier today when he couldn’t do his hair right, because only you can. A few minutes ago, he asked where you were, and got angry when we told him he had to wait until tomorrow to see you. Despite what he said, you matter to him, Luke. Probably more than either of you realize.” Calum finished with a loud breath.

Luke didn’t say anything, and Calum could tell he was processing the words. When Luke had apparently finished thinking, he rolled over, and snuggled down into Calum’s neck. Calum’s nose was buried in Luke’s hair, inhaling the scent of his shampoo. Michael may be Calum’s oldest friend, but he’s spent a lot of time cuddled away with Luke, and he will always find comfort in the younger boy.

“Ashton got a hot girl’s number today at the restaurant.” Calum said after a minute, running his hands up Luke’s back.

“Really?” Luke asked, and Calum felt his lips pull into a smile on his neck.

“Yeah. I watched it happen.” Calum said, with a surprising amount of bitterness.

“I’m sorry.” Luke mumbled.

“For what?” Calum asked for the second time, clearly confused.

“Well...don’t you kinda like him?”

Calum felt himself blush, and his denial got caught in his throat. Because he does. He does kinda like Ashton, and he’s in the middle of trying to convince himself that he doesn’t. He’s trying to be happy for his _bro_ , because he scored the number of a hot _girl_. He’s trying desperately to tell himself that the stupid feeling in his chest he gets when he thinks of Ashton and the hot girl isn’t jealousy. Because if it is, then he would have a _very_ serious problem. And he can’t let Luke know, he’s got enough going on, he doesn’t need this. This is Calum’s problem, not the Baby of the Band’s.

“Ashton? No. C’mon, Luke, I’ve got better taste than that.” Calum teased, poking Luke in the side. Luke giggled like he did when he was fifteen, and Calum welcomed the endeared smile that worked itself onto his face.

“I just thought, you know, because you always get this look when you look at him, I guess I just assumed…”

“Shh, it’s okay. I love him just like I love you and Mikey. I look at you the same way, you just don’t see it.” Lie. Calum knows this is a straight-up lie. He does _not_ look at Luke or Michael the same way he looks at Ashton. He does not love Luke or Michael the same way he loves Ashton, but he knows it’s better to keep his feelings a secret.

Luke just nods, his hair tickling Calum’s chin. Calum smiled, and stroked his back gently, trying to forget about everything today, and before he knew it, the blonde’s breathing evened out, and he was fast asleep. His body went limp in Calum’s arms, and the older boy could feel every expand and constrict of his chest as he breathed. It was comforting.

Twenty minutes later, when Calum was just beginning to doze off, a column of light flooded the room. Calum turned, careful to not bother Luke, and squinted to see Ashton standing in the doorway, holding something in his hand.

“Hey.” Ashton said softly, walking into the room, and sitting at the foot of the bed.

“Hey.” Calum croaked back.

“I just wanted to check on him. I should’ve known you would take care of him.” Ashton said with a fond smile, looking at the sleeping blonde.

“Yeah. He’s okay. I’m worried about him, though. He hardly ate anything at dinner, and with Mikey…” Calum trailed off, stroking a piece of hair off Luke’s forehead.

“I’m sure he’ll be okay once they figure this out.” Ashton said, and Calum let out a sigh.

“How is Mikey? He’s being a total dick, but he does that when he’s scared, and I’m worried about him too, maybe even more. He’s not going to tell us what’s wrong, he’s just gonna let it eat away at him.”

“Well, he’s in my bed right now, so.” Ashton answered, smiling a little.

“You _let_ Michael cuddle with you?” Calum asked, amazed.

“What?” Ashton asked defensively. “I cuddle with you.”

“But we usually cuddle for a different reason.” Calum pointed out, and Ashton nodded.

“Hmm, well you’re not my _only_ exception. I also cuddle with boys who are completely drunk, and sobbing about how sorry they are.” Ashton said, poking Calum’s leg.

“And you just left him?” Calum said, a little shocked.

“No, you fool. He’s asleep. I figured I’d check on Luke real quick before he fell asleep.”

“And you didn’t come to see me?” Calum pouted as Ashton stood up.

“ _Well_ ,” Ashton said, kissing Luke’s forehead, and covering him in some sort of material. “that too.”

Calum smiled at him sleepily, and Ashton pulled the blanket up over him more.

“It’s supposed to be cold tonight.”

“Deja vu.” Calum remarked, and Ashton laughed.

“Goodnight, Cal.” He said gently, smoothing Calum’s hair away from his forehead.

“Night, Smash.” Calum said, his eyes already closing. It wasn’t until after Ashton had closed the door, and was far down the hall when Calum finished his sentence.

“I love you.”

-

 

When Calum woke up the next morning, he was alone. It shouldn’t be weird for him, but it is. He quickly realized that the reason he’s alone in Luke’s bed is because the owner is sitting on his, wrapped up in a too-big flannel and boxers. His knees are pulled to his chest with his arms wrapped around them, his cheek resting on top. His hair is sticking up everywhere, his blue eyes tired. He looks like he just woke up, but Calum gets the feeling he’s been up for a while.

“Morning.” Calum said, voice rough from sleep.

“Hi.” Luke said gently, waving at him with a sweater paw.

“What’s that?” Calum asked, nodding to the shirt Luke was drowning in.

“Oh.” Luke said with a little smile. “It’s Ashton’s. I used to steal it from him when I was sixteen until he eventually hid it from me. It showed up sometime last night. I can’t believe he’s kept it for so long.”

Calum yawned through his smile. Ashton is such a big brother. Calum will never get over his fondness if he keeps doing shit like this.

“That’s sweet of him. Why did you steal it so much?”

Luke shrugged.

“Reminds me of home.”

Calum nodded. He knows. He knows what it’s like to away from home, even if his new home is wherever his three bandmates are.

“You feeling better?” Calum asked, and Luke nodded.

“Mikey was throwing up this morning.” Luke said blankly as Calum winced.

“Did you-” He was cut off by Luke shaking his head.

“Ashton was with him, I didn’t want to bother them.” Calum could see an emotion that looked like jealousy in Luke’s eyes. He figured Luke must really be pretty far gone for Mikey, because Calum sure as hell isn’t envious of Ashton for taking care of Puking Michael. Without replying to Luke, Calum got out of bed, and walked out of the room. When he got to the older twos’ room, only one was there, tucked under a heavy blanket, and unmoving. The tuft of red told him that it was Michael.

Calum quietly closed the door, and made his way down the stairs to the living room, where Ashton sat, blinking tiredly at the t.v.

“Hi.” Calum smiled, sliding onto the couch.

“Good morning.” Ashton smiled back, looking up from his piece of shit phone.

“Heard you were on puke duty this morning.” Calum smirked.

“Yeah.” Ashton groaned. “God, it was awful. I think it was food poisoning, because Mikey holds his liquor pretty well.”

“Or maybe he just feels guilty that he made Luke upset.” Calum added, and Ashton raised an eyebrow.

“I know Michael, okay? Like I said last night, he’s not gonna say anything, he’s just gonna let it sit, and feel guilty over it.” Calum finished, trying to make the skeptical look on Ashton’s face go away.

“I just wish we knew what happened.” Ashton sighed, throwing his head against the back of the lounge.

“I know.” Calum said, chewing on his bottom lip. “By the way, what you did for Luke last night, that was nice.”

Ashton snorted, and laughed a little.

“Hardly. It’s just a shirt.

“But it made him feel better.” Calum insisted. “Just accept it, Ash. You’re the pudding-cup of the band.”

“I thought I was the daddy.” Ashton smirked.

“Wow.” Calum said sarcastically. “Years of sex, and I never knew you have a daddy kink.”

“You’ve got a princess kink.”

“Do not!” Calum protested, turning bright pink.

“God, you so do.” Ashton said, apparently satisfied that he found a weak spot.

“I do not, daddy.”

“Please, Calum, stop. You’re going to give me a boner.” Ashton said flatly, looking back at his phone.  

“You are literally the worst person ever. I cannot live with you anymore.” Calum said, exasperated.

Just then, Ashton’s phone lit up in his hand. Calum and Ashton exchanged looks, the room completely silent, until Calum sprang forward, and grabbed Ashton’s phone. Ashton grumbled, and reached for it back, grabbing Calum by the arm, and pushing him to the floor. Calum let out an offended squeak, but started to crawl away rapidly, with Ashton’s phone in hand. Ashton, in a haste to keep Calum from reading his messages, dove on top of him, fighting for his phone. Calum, in his surprise, threw the phone backwards, so it slid under the coffee table. Ashton went to get it, but Calum was quicker, and he tackled Ashton to the floor, sitting on his chest so he couldn’t get up. God, how the tables turn.

“Ha.” He laughed at Ashton, who was still struggling against Calum’s weight. Ignoring him, Calum calmly reached over, and grabbed the old device from beneath the table, and slid it open.

“From: unknown number.” Calum read from the phone, Ashton pushing on his legs. “‘Hi, Ashton, it’s Bryana. I was wondering if you still wanted to get that coffee? I’m free this afternoon.’” Calum read off in falsetto.

“Well, this is cute.” Calum said sarcastically. “What should we say back, hm?”

Calum asked, beginning to type on the keyboard a response. Ashton, quickly realizing that anything Calum says could destroy any chance with Bryana, somehow managed to throw Calum off of him. Calum, completely surprised by Ashton’s sudden strength, fell to the floor, whiplashing his head on the wood.

“Ow, fuck.” He muttered, furrowing his eyebrows in pain.

“You deserve that.” Ashton said calmly, ripping his phone from Calum’s hand.

“Fuck you.” Calum said, sitting up, and cradling his head.

“Maybe later.” Ashton muttered absent-mindlessly, starting to text Bryana back. Calum just sighed, and laid back on the floor. The room was quiet then, save for the sound of Ashton pressing the keys on his twelve-year old phone.

“Ash?” Calum said eventually, and Ashton slowly ripped his eyes from his phone, and looked at the dark-haired boy. “We leave for tour in three weeks.”

Ashton nodded, getting Calum to go on.

“If you go on this date, won’t it be kind of...pointless?” Calum said, hoping he didn’t sound whiny or desperate.

“Would you ever turn down an offer to get coffee with an insanely hot girl, Cal?” Ashton asked.

“I don’t know, I just...nevermind.”

“No.” Ashton said, sinking down to the floor with Calum. “What is it?”

Calum looked at Ashton, whose hazel eyes were laced with concern. Calum could tell him. He could do it right now, just a few little words. He could put an end to whatever was building up in his chest, and just tell Ashton his feelings for him. It could be so easy.

But Calum has never taken the easy way out.

“Nothing.” He smiled. “I just don’t want you to get too attached before we leave for six months, you know?”

Ashton smiled back, and nodded.

“Yeah, I get it, but it’s only one date, I won't get too attached, I promise.”

“I believe you. So, when are you going?”

**Ashton launched into his plans with Bryana, getting coffee at 1, and then maybe hanging out after, depending on how coffee went. Then, Ashton went on to tell Calum how cute she was, and how she was American, and how he’s looking forward to getting to know a pretty girl from America, and how he hasn’t been on an actual date since year 11. Calum smiled and nodded, and tried to get his emotions to match his happy facial expressions. This is good, good for Ashton. He works so hard, always taking care of the boys, he deserves someone who will take his mind off of things, even for a couple of hours to get coffee. Maybe it’ll make him better, and by extension, the band better. Maybe Bryana is a good thing for everyone. Yet, even now, as Calum tries to think of how great Bryana could be for Ashton, he can’t help but think that he would be so much better.  
**


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hola!!  
> So, this chapter is the one where you find out what happened between Mikey and Luke :)  
> I hope you enjoy!  
> XX-Alex  
> PS This chapter is dedicated to KayleighMcCamyo for her ENTHUSIASTIC AS SHIT comments :) Check out her works!!

“What’s wrong with you?” 

Calum looked up from where he was moping by reading an old book, at Michael, who just shuffled into the living room, consumed by blankets. 

“Nothing.” Calum muttered, shutting the book. “Shouldn’t you be in bed? 

Michael regarded Calum with a long look, almost as if he knew Calum was hiding something. 

“Probably.” He said eventually, shrugging. “But I’m hungry.” 

“I don’t think you’re supposed to eat anything, especially if you still feel like shit.” Calum said, looking Michael over. Michael shrugged again, and Calum mentally face-palmed. He can’t take care of sick bandmates. Where the fuck is Ashton when you need him? Oh yeah, on a fucking date. 

“I always feel like shit.” 

“Probably because you’re a piece of it.” 

“Okay, rude.” 

“Seriously though, dude, I wouldn’t eat anything.” 

Michael groaned, and threw his head back. 

“How do you know?” 

“I just do.” 

“No you don’t, call Ashton.” 

“No, Ashton is on a date, and I’m perfectly capable of taking care of your sick ass myself, and if I have to drag you up those stairs, and tape you to the bed, _so help me god_ , I will.” Calum snapped, standing up from the couch. Michael looked like he was holding back a fit of giggles, and if anything, that made Calum angrier. 

“What the _fuck_ is so funny?” He asked, and Michael let a couple immature giggles escape. 

“Nothing, it’s just. With me out of commision, and Luke not leaving his room, and Ashton on a date, you’re like, in charge, and it’s weird. Cause you’re like, a puppy.” Michael said through his giggles. Calum felt his left eye twitch, and he felt as though he was going to punch Michael so hard, his hair would change colour. Like a chameleon. Ha.

Looking at Michael with his hair sticking up everywhere, dreary-eyed, and his blanket dragging on the floor, while picturing him as a chameleon was enough to make Calum giggle. The giggle soon turned to a chuckle, which turned to full-blown laughing. Michael looked at him like he was going insane, and maybe he was. He didn’t know. His two best friends in the world, who were literally made for each other, were fighting like they never had before, and his FWB partner is currently on a date, and he’s moping about it. Going crazy would be a nice thing to add to the list. 

“‘m not a fucking puppy, Mike.” Calum said, still stifling his laughter. 

“Yes,” Michael said, patting Calum’s cheek. “you are.” 

“Ew,” Calum whined, recoiling from Michael. “you’re going to get me infected.” 

“Hangovers aren’t contagious.” Michael said simply, turning on the X-Box, and sitting on the lounge. 

“Is guilt?” Calum asked with a smirk, and Michael looked at him with a raised eyebrow. 

“Is that what you think this is about?” Michael asked, apparently amused. 

“Well...yeah.” Calum said, a little less confident than before. Michael chuckled. 

“I should’ve known. You know me so well, Calum.” Michael said, softly, so Calum could barely hear it. The redhead had a small smile on his face, but his eyes looked sad. 

“Well, I’ve been stuck with you for a long time.” Calum said, sitting down next to him. Michael laughed, and started a new game of FIFA, him against the computer. 

“I’ve really fucked up, haven’t I?” He said quietly, and Calum closed his eyes while exhaling. 

“Luke loves you.” Calum said for lack of a better answer. 

“He did.” Michael said, drawing Calum’s attention. 

“What?” Calum asked, shocked. Michael sighed, and paused the game, setting the controller on the coffee table. 

“A few days ago, Luke and I were down here watching a movie while you and Ash were asleep.” 

Calum smirked a little when he commented on him and Ash being ‘asleep’. As if. 

“Luke told me he loved me.” 

Calum choked on his spit, and looked at the redhead. 

“So what the fuck is the problem?” 

“Hush, let me finish.” Michael said, in a very Ashton-like manner. “I panicked.” 

“Oh, no.” 

“Shut up. I panicked, and told Luke that, a) I didn’t love him, and b) that I would love anyone else before him, including you.” 

Calum stared at Michael, speechless. 

“H-How, Michael, I don’t-I don’t even know what to say to that, you bastard. Oh my god, how could you-” 

“I don’t know. I was just, scared, okay? I’ve never felt the way I feel towards Luke, and I just...I wasn’t ready to love him.” 

“Then why didn’t you just tell him that? Jesus fuck, Michael Gordon, this could have been so easily solved.” Calum said, rubbing his temples. 

“I know, and I just made things worse last night. I didn’t mean it, Cal, any of it, you have to understand.” Michael said, looking at Calum with scared green eyes. 

“Mikey,” Calum said tiredly. “I don’t matter. I believe you, of course, but I’m not the one that needs to know you didn’t mean it.” 

“I know.” Michael sighed. “I always know, Cal. But knowing and doing are different things.” 

“Hey,” Calum said, looking into Michael’s eyes. “it’s okay, man. You know Luke, you can do it, I know you can.” 

“I just,” Michael started “what if I’ve really fucked this up?” 

“You haven’t, yet.” Calum said with a smile. “If you talk to him right now, you can fix things. I promise.” 

Michael gave Calum a hesitant look. 

“Do I have to go now?” 

“Well, I mean, I would at least shower or something, maybe comb your hair...and brush your teeth for Christ’s sake, your breath is terrible.” Calum said. 

“Fuck off,” Michael mumbled, looking back at the video game. “I was throwing up all morning-”

“Your fault.” 

“SO,” Michael continued, ignoring Calum’s interruption. “of course my breath smells awful.” 

“Still though, a mint at least, before you kiss your boyfriend.” 

“Calum, I swear to god, when I’m done kicking this game’s ass, I’ll kick yours.” 

“But you said you’re out of commision.” Calum laughed, snuggling up to Michael like he did when they were younger. Michael glared at him from the corner of his eye, but Calum could see the fondness in his small smile. 

“Whatever,” Michael groaned. “make yourself useful, and make me some tea, would you?” 

“Uh, no. You’ve been an ass all afternoon.” Calum remarked. 

“That’s just my personality.” Michael pouted, still focused on the screen. 

“God, you’re right.” Calum groaned, getting up off the couch. “Black okay?” 

“Yeah that’s good.” Michael said with a smile. “You’re a great wife by the way.” 

Calum flipped Michael off as he walked into the kitchen to make his fucking sick best friend tea. 

“And some toast too, Calum?” 

Calum groaned, but pulled bread from the cabinet and put in in the toaster. God, he’s almost as whipped for Mikey as he is for Ashton. 

-

Luke didn’t want to move. 

He’d spent the past several hours sitting on Calum’s messy bed, curled up in a ball, his back to the wall. Some might call him pathetic, but he had the day off, and a lot to think about. So, swimming in a flannel that smelled like Ashton and home, he thought about what Calum had said to him last night. 

Michael was looking for him. 

Michael loves him. 

Even though everything Calum said had lined up, and made sense to a logical mind, the words Michael himself had said to Luke were still fresh in his mind, and it’s hard to think about anything else when the one person you’ve loved for years tells you that the feeling isn’t mutual. 

It was hard. He wasn’t going to lie. He’d spent weeks building up the courage to finally tell Michael about his feelings, and he nearly pissed his pants when it happened. It had just kinda slipped, he was laying on Michael’s chest while the two of them watched Cars on their livingroom t.v., and he just felt so happy, and comfortable. He always felt like that with Michael though, and the words ‘I’m in love with you’ seemed like good ones to say while he cuddled with the older boy in that moment. After he said that, he kinda closed his eyes and held his breath. Michael was silent for a minute, immediately tensing under Luke’s head. 

Thinking about how Michael laughed, and said those hurtful words still made Luke’s chest hurt, especially with what he had said last night. He tried to remind himself that Michael was drunk, and Drunk Michael is always an asshole, no matter who it is. Plus, according to Calum, Michael had been wanting him before he got wasted, and even then, in his hazy condition, he was still in search of the blonde. The thought made Luke smile a little bit to himself, and honestly, he’d never felt more confused. 

What did Michael want? 

Just as Luke was about to bang his head against the wall in frustration, there was a knock on the door. 

“Come in.” He spoke, his voice sounding raspy. The door was pushed open, and Ashton’s head peeked in. His hair was combed neatly, his caramel strands falling in easy curls, and he had recently shaved, wearing a grey t-shirt and skinny jeans. He looked good, much too good to have been spending the day at the house with his bandmates. 

“Hey, bud. You hungry?” Ashton asked softly, and Luke knew that Ashton was coddling him a bit, treating him like a little kid instead of an eighteen year old, but he had to admit, it felt kinda nice.

“Yeah, a bit.” He nodded, glancing at the clock, and holy shit. It was nearly six p.m., and Luke’s been sitting on this bed in his pajamas for almost seven hours. Time really flew by when you sulk. 

“Good.” Ashton beamed. “Dinner’s almost ready. Calum’s cooking.” 

Luke smiled a little bit, and looked at the oldest member of the band. 

“You let Calum cook?” 

“Yeah, he’s making his mum’s spaghetti. It’s actually pretty good, don’t worry.” Ashton said with a smile, and Luke could hear an undertone of what sounded suspiciously like pride. Oh, yeah. Luke knew Calum was a liar. He doesn’t think Calum and Ashton are together or anything, but he’d have to blind to not see the way Calum and Ashton look at each other. Calum does  not look at him or Mikey like that. And neither does Ashton. Even now, as Ashton talks about Calum’s-usually horrible-cooking, he’s got this soft fondness in his eyes, and honestly, do they think he’s stupid? Either they think that or they actually are. 

“Cool.” Luke nodded, standing up from his bed. Ashton looked him over, smiling in approval at his shirt. “Thanks, by the way. For the shirt. It helped, a lot actually.” 

Ashton smiled brighter, and ruffled Luke’s already-messy hair. 

“Anything for you, Lucas.”

“Do I have to put on pants?” 

“Unless you want to blind the rest of the band with those white-ass legs.” 

“I’m not wearing pants.” Luke said flatly, smiling at Ashton. Ashton shrugged, and turned to walk out the door. 

“Suit yourself.” 

Luke giggled, and it felt nice, to laugh. Even if it was at Ashton insulting his complexion, it was better than being sad. So, pulling on a pair of sweatpants, he rushed to follow Ashton down the stairs. 

The kitchen was bright and lively when he got down, their old speakers playing blink-182 as Calum stirred a pot of red sauce, laughing at something Mikey had said. Mikey sat at the bar, watching Calum cook with a cup of tea and a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. Luke had to admit that he looked pretty cute, drowning in the blanket with his sweater paws wrapped tightly around his cup, his hair sticking up randomly, watching Calum with tired eyes, but with a vibrant smile. 

“Ashton, thank god you’re here!” Michael yelled as Ashton went to look over Calum’s shoulder at the pot of food. Calum looked back at Ashton with fond-almost seductive eyes- and smiled at him like Ashton was the entire universe. “Better taste than Ashton” Luke’s ass.    
“What’s wrong?” Ashton asked with an eyeroll. 

“Calum,” Michael said, as if the boy’s name was a disease. “says that I can’t eat dinner!” 

Luke, despite himself, smiled a little at Michael’s pout. He cautiously moved more into the kitchen, and slipped into the barstool next to Michael. 

“Well,” Ashton said, pondering. “when was the last time you threw up?” 

Michael groaned before answering. 

“I don’t know, like, noon maybe? I haven’t puked since Calum gave me tea.” 

Calum turned around from dinner, and winked at Michael. 

“That’s because I work magic.” Calum said smugly. Ashton scoffed, and Luke smiled at them. 

“I think you’ll be alright, Mike. Sorry, Cal.” Ashton smiled, patting Calum’s back. 

“Yay!” Michael cheered, and Luke didn’t realize he’d been staring until Michael’s green eyes were locked with his. Time seemed to stop for a second as Luke and Michael stared at each other. Michael’s eyes were unsure, and a little hesitant, but when the second passed, he gave Luke a small smile, and continued on with bugging Calum. 

Luke bit his lip in an effort to keep a stupid smile from crossing his face. Honestly, it’s like he’s fifteen all over again, striving for Michael’s approval. It’s still kind of the same, except they’re eighteen and nineteen, and the tables should be turned. After everything Michael has said and done, he should be the one grovelling for Luke’s approval, not the other way around. Yet, here he is, smiling like some year 9 with his first crush over a fucking smile. Jesus. 

“So, Ashton, how’d it go?” Michael asked when they were all situated at the table, each with bowl of noodles and sauce in front of them. 

Ashton looked up with pink-dusted cheeks at Michael, his mouth full of pasta. Both Calum and Luke giggled, and Michael smirked at him while sniffling. 

“Uh,” Ashton said, swallowing his mouthful. “it was good.”  

“Just good?” Luke asked, stirring his food with his fork. 

“Yeah.” Ashton said, turning a brighter shade of pink. 

“I don’t know, Ash. You were gone for a long time.” Calum remarked, smirking at him. Luke wondered how Calum was so good at keeping his feelings in check. 

“It was good, okay guys?” 

“What did you guys do?” Michael insisted. Ashton sighed before deciding that there was no way he would get out of this. 

“We met for coffee, and just sat and talked, and it was really nice, she’s so cute and actually really funny.” Ashton said with an absent-minded smile. “Then we walked around downtown, and she let me hold her hand, and we went to the park, and swung, and I don’t know, it was just really nice. I really like her.” 

Luke and Michael smiled at Ashton like proud parents, while Calum occupied himself with his spaghetti. 

“So,” Michael said with a small smile. “did you kiss her?” 

“What are we, twelve?” Calum asked, a little too bitterly. No one questioned Calum’s tone though, and Ashton answered without looking twice at him. 

“Yeah. I, uh walked her to apartment, and kissed her by the front doors.” He said with a smile. 

“Where is she from?” 

“Here, she’s a model.” Ashton said, and Luke heard Calum snort from the other side of the table, quickly covered up by sliding his chair back, and getting up for more noodles. If Ashton or Michael noticed, they ignored it, and Michael continued to pick at Ashton for details. Luke couldn’t blame him, he didn’t know about Calum’s feelings, and it’s been awhile since any of them have been on an actual date, so. 

Luke got up, and carried his bowl over to the sink, where Calum was, leaning against it, and staring off into space. 

“Hey.” Luke said, setting his bowl down in the sink. 

“You really should eat more.” Calum said, glancing at Luke’s almost-full bowl. 

“I’m just....not hungry.” Luke muttered. “It was really good though, Cal, I promise.”  

“Luke, you haven’t eaten all day, I’ve been sitting by the kitchen.” Calum said, looking at Luke with worried eyes. 

“I know. It gets like this sometimes, you know. When I’m sad. It’ll go away, don’t worry.” Luke said in a small voice. Calum gave Luke a skeptical look, but it went away when Luke offered him a small smile. Calum nodded, and patted Luke’s arm before disappearing into the living room. Luke walked back to the table, trying to ignore the fact that Calum knew he wasn’t eating. 

“Where’s Calum?” Ashton asked him when he sat down, and Luke nodded towards the living room. Ashton smiled, and got up to find him, ruffling Luke’s hair on the way. Luke looked down at the table while Michael finished his dinner. 

“Do you feel better?” Luke asked softly when he gathered enough courage. Michael looked up from his bowl at Luke with surprised eyes. 

“Yeah,” He said after a second. “I do, thanks.” 

Luke nodded. 

“Good.” He was still avoiding eye contact, looking down at his socked feet. 

“I’m, uh. I’m really sorry about last night, by the way.” Michael said, and Luke nodded, still not looking at him. 

“I know.” He said, getting up to leave the kitchen. He knew Michael wanted him to forgive him, but until Michael sits him down, and apologizes for everything, Luke isn’t going to give in so easily. So, leaving Michael behind to think about his actions, and the consequences they have, he walked up the stairs, and into his bedroom, closing his door softly behind him.   **  
**


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings!!!  
> I just want to say you guys are all so amazing, as a writer, it's so nice to read kind comments. I love you guys.   
> This chapter is short and smutty, just a little something before we start our downhill spiral :)  
> Enjoy!!  
> XX-Alex  
> PS This chapter is dedicated to KohtaKiller for her wonderful, consistent comments. Thank you so much for everything you say :)

“Hey,” Ashton greeted, sitting down next to Calum on the couch. Calum grunted in response, his mind obviously focused on the game of FIFA he had going on. 

“Dinner was really good, by the way.” Ashton said, and Calum nodded, mumbling a thank you.  

Ashton stopped talking then, just sitting next to Calum while he played his video game, waiting patiently for him to finish. Luke had sulked back up the stairs some time ago, and Ashton could hear Michael washing out his bowl (weird), and trailing up the stairs as well. Ashton sighed internally. He didn’t know what to do with his two friends. 

“Are you okay?” Calum asked, looking at Ashton with concerned eyes, his game finished. Ashton realized his face was twisted in a sour expression due to thinking about the other two in their band. 

“Yeah.” He smiled gently. “Just thinking about Luke and Mikey.” 

“God, I know.” Calum groaned. “Michael told me what happened, by the way. It’s bad. He really hurt Luke, and now he’s hurting and confused, and Luke isn’t eating, and I just...I don’t know what to do, Ash.” 

“Hey,” Ashton said, moving in front of Calum, and pressing his hands to his cheeks. Calum’s eyes were unfocused, and glazed over with tears. “it’s okay, Cal. Don’t cry. We’ll figure this out. They’ll figure it out, you know them. There really isn’t anything we can do other than be there for them. It isn’t your fault, don’t act like it is, okay? We’ll get through this, please don’t be upset.” 

Calum sniffled, but managed to keep the tears in. He leaned into Ashton’s touch, and exhaled slowly. 

“I know, I’m sorry, I’m just...tired.” Calum mumbled, falling back to the couch, away from Ashton’s hands. 

“I know. We all are.” Ashton said softly. 

“I just, sometimes I wish we were still sixteen, you know.” Calum admitted, shaking his head. 

“Yeah, I know.” Ashton said with a smile. “But look at it this way, if we were still sixteen, we’d still be at home, instead of living our dreams. 

“And all the stress that goes with it.” Calum said tiredly. Ashton reached up, and stroked Calum’s cheek, and Calum leaned into the touch again. Ashton bit his lip, and climbed onto Calum’s lap, leaning down to kiss at his neck. 

“Ash,” Calum half-protested as the older boy kissed his shoulder over his t-shirt. Ashton just hushed him, and went on to bite at his neck and jaw gently, licking a stripe over the sharp bone. 

Calum leaned back, giving Ashton more access. Ashton hummed in appreciation, and kissed Calum up to his lips. As he pressed his lips to Calum’s, he let one of his hands slide into Calum’s thick hair, and the other drop down to his sweatpants to palm him. Calum moaned into Ashton’s mouth as the older boy wrapped his fingers around the outline of his cock. 

“Let me take the stress away.” Ashton muttered against his lips, and Calum nodded, unable to say anything. With that, Ashton sank to the floor, Calum parting his legs automatically to let Ashton between them. 

Ashton nuzzled his nose into Calum’s groin, his hands gripping his thighs tightly, keeping him from moving. The older’s tongue dipped out, and licked at Calum’s cloth-covered head of his cock. Calum let out a quiet little whine, letting his hands curl into Ashton’s hair gently. Ashton looked up at Calum while he curled his fingers in the hem of the boy’s sweatpants, pulling at them. Calum lifted his hips, and Ashton slid down his pants and underwear so that they were around his ankles. 

“What about Luke and Michael?” Calum asked, slightly worried. 

“Don’t worry about them.” Ashton said, kissing the inside of Calum’s thighs, ignoring Calum’s evident boner. 

Calum nodded, and sat back as Ashton kissed up and down his thighs, biting down occasionally and sucking to leave dark purple marks. For some reason, Ashton seemed to have a thing for his thighs, but honestly, who could blame him? 

“Ash,” Calum whined as Ashton sucked sucked on the juncture of his hip. 

“Yes?” Ashton hummed, licking from one hip bone to the other, blatantly ignoring Calum’s evident hard-on.

“Fuck.” Calum whimpered, and Ashton smirked before licking Calum’s cock from base to tip. Calum whimpered as Ashton’s tongue teased him, licking around his tip, and leaving small kisses all down his shaft. 

Ashton smirked up at Calum as he bucked his hips slightly, and he slowly took Calum’s swollen flesh into his mouth. Sucking around the tip, one of Ashton’s hands came to fondle his balls, rolling them in his palm gently. He sucked Calum down as far as he could, the tip hitting the back of this throat, causing him to gag. 

Ashton wasn’t very good at blowjobs, but he still did them if it would make Calum feel better. He pulled off of the boy’s length with a pop, taking a second to breathe while Calum ran his fingers through his hair. 

Ashton took a deep breath before going back down on the boy, sucking the tip of his cock into his mouth while one of his hands worked the part that wouldn’t fit in his mouth. Calum moaned loudly as Ashton flicked his tongue over the slit, and Ashton popped off, and gave Calum an authoritative look. 

“Keep quiet.” Ashton said, pressing his fingers to Calum’s lips. Calum teasingly licked at them, and Ashton scowled. 

“Don’t temp me, baby.” He muttered, taking his fingers away. Calum pouted, but the look was quickly wiped away as Ashton took him back into his mouth. Calum’s grip on his hair tightened as Ashton took him deeper, gagging as Calum’s tip hit his throat again. Calum wasn’t quite as thick as Ashton, but he was definitely longer, and Ashton had trouble deepthroating him. Ashton gagged harshly when Calum bucked his hips, and he smacked his thigh as a small reprimand. 

Calum gave him apologetic eyes, and Ashton wrapped one of his hands around his hip, and pinned him to the lounge. Calum whined, but tossed his head back as Ashton began to bob his head quickly, his free hand fondling his balls again. The sight of Ashton alone could push Calum over the edge easily, his lips stretched around his length, spit and precum dribbling from the corners of his mouth. 

Calum thought Ashton had never looked more beautiful, so it didn’t take long for him to be fidgeting around, as the older worked his mouth harder. Ashton closed his eyes, and bobbed his head as quick as possible, Calum whining and squirming while tugging on his curls lightly. 

“A-Ashy, I-I’m gonna….” 

Ashton pulled Calum from his mouth, and stroked him, looking up at Calum from his knees. Calum panted, and he knew Ashton was waiting for him to tell him where he wanted to finish. All of the sudden, Calum wondered if what they were doing was wrong. Ashton just got back from a date, one that went well he might add. Was this fair? 

Then Calum reminded himself that it was only one date, and Ashton was the one who initiated the blowjob session, so he really shouldn’t feel guilty. 

“Mouth ok?” Calum panted, and Ashton nodded, taking Calum back into his mouth. He kept his lips wrapped around his tip, and stroked him with his hand. Calum bit his lip to keep from whining, and he tugged on Ashton’s hair. His chest arched off the couch as he shot his load down Ashton’s throat. Ashton collected the thick substance on his tongue, waiting until Calum finished and pulled his cock from his mouth to swallow the load, making sure to make a loud gulping sound. 

Calum shuddered at the sound, and slumped back against the couch, panting slightly. Ashton climbed off the floor, pulling Calum’s pants and underwear back up with him. He stroked Calum’s sweaty hair from his forehead, and kissed him. 

“Thank you.” Calum said when Ashton released his lips. 

“You’re welcome. Don’t get so worked up, yeah? Everything will be okay.” 

Calum nodded, reaching for Ashton’s jeans and unbuttoning them. Ashton smiled, slipped off Calum’s lap, and sat on the couch while Calum sank to his knees to return the favour.  **  
**


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hola!!!!!  
> So, first, I know very little about Bryana Holly, only what I've seen in pictures and vids of her and Ashton, and her and fans. I realize she's done some stupid shit in that past, but haven't we all? Either way, I don't want to hear any Bryana shaming on this work, if you really feel that strongly about it, go somewhere else.  
> ANYWAYSSS  
> Plz don't kill me for this chapter, it's a little sad, and there's some yelling, and some crying.  
> Love you all, my beautiful butterflies!!  
> XX-Alex  
> PS I'm so sorry.

Ashton, contrary to what the boys thought would happen, continued to see Bryana. 

Almost every other day was spent doing something with the young blonde, no matter how small. Ashton learned a lot about her, and it was getting more and more obvious that he wanted her. He couldn’t really help it. She was cute, little and blonde, but also funny and interesting. Ashton could tell she wasn’t extremely intelligent, but that wasn’t what mattered to him. She told him she’s made some mistakes in the past, but was trying to make up for it, and Ashton was really attracted to that. 

Whenever they ran into fans while out and about, she was always more than patient, she was kind and even took the photos for and with the fans. She was very sweet natured, and Ashton liked that. She could have the IQ of a rock, but as long as she treated people well, then Ashton could care less. 

They would spend hours just walking around L.A., going into little shops, and meeting new people. They went to the cinema, and went for coffee. Bryana told interesting stories about being a model, and she listened while Ashton told funny stories about his adventures with the band. 

He tried to avoid talking about Calum when he was with Bryana, because thinking about his younger bandmate while on a date made Ashton’s stomach twist into uncomfortable knots. Unfortunately, most of the good and interesting things that happened to him occurred with Calum by his side, so it was nearly impossible to go one date without mentioning his bassist. If Bryana noticed, she didn’t seem to care, or she thought it was kinda cute how Ashton saw Calum as a brother to look after. 

As each date went by, Ashton felt his feelings getting more and more serious. He knew it wouldn’t be very long before he was introducing Bryana to the band, and bringing the girl home to the band was kind of the last step. The last step to dating, that is. Ashton didn’t know what was wrong with him, but bringing Bryana to meet the band made him a bit queasy. He knew he wouldn’t mind dating a wonderful girl like Bryana, but something made him want to wait. Maybe it was leaving for tour so soon, but Ashton had a hunch it was more of a some’ _one_ ’ than a some’ _thing_ ’. 

Calum, meanwhile, was struggling a bit. 

Watching Ashton get all dressed up, and go out to meet Bryana made him a little more upset every time. It wouldn’t be so bad if Ashton wouldn’t come back each time looking happier than a six-year-old in a candy shop, and ignoring Calum a little more. Calum knew he shouldn’t take it personally, Ashton was ignoring all of them, not just him, and he knew that would pass eventually, because it always does with girls. 

Besides, every night, Ashton would join him in the shower, or crawl into his bed, or request that Calum climb into his, so Calum shouldn’t feel forgotten. 

But, instead of feeling forgotten, Calum felt dirty. 

He knew it didn’t really count, because Ashton and Bryana weren’t officially together, but every night at dinner, Ashton would talk about Bryana like that girl hung the moon, and Calum always felt like Ashton was half-cheating with him. The idea was crazy, because it’s Ashton, and he would never, ever cheat on anyone, especially someone like Bryana, who he seems completely gone for. 

Calum also didn’t want to admit why he really felt dirty. 

He knew his time was running out.    
It was only a matter of days or weeks before Ashton and Bryana started dating, and then Calum wouldn’t see Ashton the way he wants to ever again. It shouldn’t be bad, because that’s what they agreed to so long ago, but Calum is falling for Ashton, and falling for him fast. Now, every time they have sex, Calum lets his mind trick itself into thinking that it means something, while Ashton just uses him for pleasure. 

And that’s what really makes him feel dirty. The thought of being simply _used_ by Ashton. It wasn’t the same as before, where they were both using each other, because now Calum knows that he wants Ashton. He should put an end to it, because it’s going to get them both in trouble, but Calum can’t bring himself to do it. 

He can’t stand the thought of giving up the only intimate thing he has left with the drummer, because it’s what he loves. 

Ashton doesn’t kiss him much anymore, and he doesn’t call Calum ‘babe’. It’s mostly because he doesn’t have time, he’s too busy talking about Bryana.   

Calum tried his best to let it go, to not let it affect him, but things were slowly slipping away from him. He needed to get out of the house, needed to get away from Ashton. He told himself that they only have one week left before they leave for tour, and once that happens, he’ll be home free. Certainly Ashton won’t date someone while on tour, he told himself desperately, clinging to the hope that he was right.  

He wasn’t. 

**  
**  


-

“Calum, where in the fuck are you?” 

Calum sighed, put down his phone, and counting how long it would take Michael to find him. 

“There you are.” 

Wow, 47 seconds, a new record. 

“Why do you always check my room last?” Calum asked Michael, who shrugged. 

The redhead flopped down onto his bed, laying on his stomach, and resting his head on his palm. 

“Whatchya doin?” He asked, kicking his feet like a ten-year-old. 

“Twitter.” Calum mumbled, scrolling through his feed, reading about how excited fans are for their upcoming tour. 

“Will you-” 

“No.” 

“You don't know what I was going to say!” Michael protested. 

“I’m not helping you pack.” 

Michael sighed, and rolled over onto his back, looking up at the ceiling. 

“Is that why you’re here?” Calum asked, his hand mindlessly going to play with Michael’s hair. 

“Yes and no.” Michael said, shrugging. “I can’t find anyone else.” 

Calum hummed, and nodded. 

“Ashton went out to buy a new phone.” 

“You guys seriously haven’t figured out how to fix his other one?” Michael asked with a chuckle. “It’s been like, three weeks.” 

“Yeah, well you’re the one that fucked it up, and _you_ couldn’t even fix it.” Calum added. 

“I can’t read Japanese.” 

Calum sighed, and rolled his eyes. 

“Because we can?” 

“Well-” 

“Nevermind.” Calum sighed, locking his phone, and tossing it to the side. 

“Where’s Luke then?” Michael asked softly, and Calum could tell that was the real reason he was here. 

“I don’t know, actually. He just kind of disappears.” Calum shrugged. “Have you texted him?” 

Michael gave Calum an incredulous look, and Calum nodded. 

“I just thought, you know, you guys have been friendlier to each other.” Calum said, even though he knew it was kind of a lie. 

He and Luke had been nicer, but in the, No-More-Insulting-You-Whilst-I’m-Drunk way. There was still heavy tension between them, and Calum knew it wouldn’t go away until they talked it out. 

“I don’t know, Cal.” Michael sighed. 

“You need to fix this, Michael.” Calum said in a hard tone. 

“I know, I just don’t know how, you know?” Michael said, leaning into his best friend. 

“Do you love him?” Calum blatantly asked. Michael looked shocked, and he hesitated to answer. 

“No.” He said slowly, and Calum scoffed, and shook his head in disbelief. “But I could.” Michael added on frantically. 

“I-I know I could, I just, I want to be with him, you know? I don’t love him...yet. But I know I could.” He explained softly, and Calum’s features eased. 

“Then you need to tell him.” He said, stroking Michael’s hair back, something he did when they were kids. 

Michael nodded, and promised Calum he would before burrowing his face in Calum’s neck, and sliding his arms around the younger’s waist. Calum sighed in mock-annoyance, but snuggled his nose into Michael’s hair, and kissed his head gently. 

They’re gonna get through this. 

** Him and Michael both.  
**

 

** - **

 

When Luke got home that day, he was a little more than exhausted. 

 

He’d spent the day out of the house on his own, away from his godforsaken bandmates. He loves those boys, but even he needs a break. 

 

He walked around LA, taking pictures with fans, and eating lunch by himself. He got some funny glances from some people that apparently didn’t know who he was, but other than that, the day had been alright. 

 

He hated to admit it, but he really missed some of his old friends. He wanted to see Jack and Alex, or the 1D boys, and honestly, he wanted to see his brothers. It was weird, because Luke is eighteen, and missing his mum is one thing, but his brothers? Unheard of. 

 

He had half a mind to call Jack, and just see what home was like, and see if he missed him, but that would just be a weird conversation, because Jack would know something was wrong, and then Luke would have to tell him how he got rejected by his best friend. Jack was sweet, and he was well aware of Luke’s sexuality, but that might be a bit of a stretch for him. 

 

So, when the sun started to set, and Luke’s tummy grumbled again, he dragged his ass back home. It was pretty quiet when he got in, Calum and Ashton curled up on the couch watching a movie, and Michael nowhere to be seen. 

 

“Hey Lukey.” Calum said with a smile, seeing Luke walk in. Luke smiled and walked over to him, so Calum sat up, taking his head from Ashton’s shoulder. 

 

“Where’ve you been all day?” He asked, and Luke shrugged. 

 

“Just around, I wanted some fresh air.” 

 

Calum nodded, and it was just then that Luke noticed Ashton was asleep. 

 

“How’s he?” He asked, nodding at the older boy. 

 

“He’s fine. He just got back in from a date.” Calum said, the word ‘date’ leaving an awful aftertaste. 

 

“Oh. Are you hungry?” 

 

“Starving.” Calum said with a smile. 

 

“Me too. Pizza okay?” 

 

“Yeah, but get Mikey to order it, he always manages to get some sort of discount.” Calum said, yawning. Luke wondered why the two boys were so tired, it was only 7 pm. He nodded, and Calum laid his head back on Ashton’s shoulder. 

 

As Luke left, he could see a worried look in Calum’s eyes, and he wondered what that was about. He never looked worried when he was with Ashton. 

 

Ignoring it, Luke walked up their stairs, and to his room, passing Michael’s shut door. He could hear Good Charlotte playing inside, and it made Luke smile. His old favourite band. 

 

After getting into his room, and turning on their lamp, he stripped his clothes, trading them for cotton pajama pants that used to belong to Jack, and an old, ripped AC/DC shirt. He sat down on his bed, and plugged his phone in, taking a second to unwind from his day around the town. He was just remembering that he needed to talk to Michael when said boy appeared in the doorway. 

 

Luke looked up at him with curious eyes, and Michael looked back with hesitant ones. He was biting his lip, and shifting on  his feet awkwardly, as if he didn’t think we was allowed to come in. 

 

“Can I come in?” He asked, and Luke almost laughed. 

 

“Yeah.” He said with a half-smile. Michael released his bottom lip, and walked into the room, sitting down next to Luke on his bed. 

 

It was quiet for a minute after that, and Luke was beginning to wonder what the hell Mikey wanted. Michael ran his fingers through his hair, and bit down on his lip again. 

 

Luke had to admit, even now that he was pissed with Michael, that he was beautiful. Immersed in the soft light from his lamp, Michael’s skin seemed tanner than it really was, and his green eyes sparkled. Red lips were bitten raw as Michael finally opened his mouth to talk. 

 

“I think we, uh, need to talk.” 

 

Luke felt a weight drop in his stomach. 

 

“Uh, I-I...okay.” He said, looking away from Michael. 

 

“About the other night,” Michael began. 

 

“I know.” Luke sighed. 

 

“No, you don’t.” Michael said, and Luke scoffed. 

 

“Yes I do, okay? You made it pretty clear.” Luke said, looking back at the redhead. 

 

“No, Luke, you don’t understand.” 

 

“What is there to understand, Michael?” Luke asked angrily. “You flat-out said you don’t want me. What is there to misunderstand about that? It seemed pretty straight-forward to me.” 

 

“No, I didn’t mean it like that-” 

 

“How else could you mean it?” Luke yelled, standing up. This whole thing was starting to piss him off.  “How else could you mean ‘I don’t love you’, and ‘I’ll love anyone else before you’?” 

 

Michael bit his lip again, and looked away. 

 

“I...panicked.” Michael whispered, and Luke scoffed. “No, I really did! I...I didn’t expect you to…”

 

“To what, Mikey? To admit my feelings for you? I mean, wasn’t it obvious? I’ve had a crush on you since I was fifteen!” 

 

“I know, but I didn’t expect you to _….love_ me.” Michael said, looking at Luke with helpless eyes. 

 

“That’s _rich_ , Michael.” Luke said with a scoff. 

 

“It’s true!” Michael argued. “I didn’t expect you to tell me that you loved me, because I wasn’t ready. Okay? I’ve always cared about you, and I could have loved you, if you had given me that chance instead of putting me on the spot! I panicked when you told me, and I said some hurtful things that I didn’t mean, and now I’m trying to make things better.” 

 

“So, you’re coming to me now. Three weeks of nothing, no words, no smiles, no nothing, to tell me that you _could have_ loved me? And then blame me for saying the things _I_ did, and you just... _expect_ me to forgive you?” Luke said angrily, and Michael furrowed his eyebrows, anger building up inside of him. 

 

“Yes.” 

 

“Well, I can’t.” Luke bit sharply, and Michael stood up angrily so he was chest-to-chest with Luke. 

 

“Why not?” He yelled, and Luke glared at him. 

 

“Because it _hurt,_ Michael! It fucking hurt to hear you, of all people, say that you don’t love me. Okay? It tore me apart when you said that you would love anyone else, including Calum before you would love me! And now you have the balls to come here, and tell me that you’re sorry because you weren’t ready to hear that I have feelings for you! And you expect not only a forgiveness, but an _apology_? Well, I’m sorry, Michael, I’m _so_ fucking sorry that I spilled my feelings for you unplanned. I’m sorry that I’m such an inconvenience for _you_!” Luke yelled, his eyes glazing over with tears, and his chest heaving. Michael looked at him in shock, completely unable to respond. Luke was shaking, tears falling freely from his face, his arms wrapping around his stomach to give himself some support. 

 

“Luke, I-” Michael came forward, reaching for the younger’s hands, only to have said boy pulled them from his reach. 

 

“Don’t.” Luke hiccupped, turning away from Michael. Michael stood behind him with wide eyes, unsure of what to do. “Just, go. Please.” 

 

Michael bit his lip, contemplating how to handle this. He had half a mind to stay, and keep talking to Luke, but for once in his life, he decided to listen, and he left the room without another word. 

** ** When Michael left, Luke curled in on himself, his arms still wrapped around his stomach, tears streaming down his face. He had half-hoped Michael would stay, sit him down in that stubborn way of his, and make Luke talk to him. But, Michael left, and now Luke was left alone to cry himself to sleep for what felt like the hundredth time.  
** ** ****


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **SLIGHT TRIGGER WARNING**  
> Hi guys!!!  
> Sorry I made you wait a little for this update, I'm in the middle of preseason, and I'm flipping exhausted.   
> The slight trigger warning is for Luke not eating very much, it's not extreme or anything, but I want everyone to stay safe :)  
> I really like this update, and I hope you guys do too!!  
> I love you all my beautiful butterflies, and please don't hate me for this :)  
> XX-Alex  
> PS This chapter is dedicated to lovely bluecupcakes , or Alex, apparently :) She has commented on almost every single one of my works, and she's just a wonderful person :) (Sorry, that last line was really lame)

Calum ended up ordering pizza.   
He was kind of pissed off because the guy wouldn’t give him the 10% off discount he usually gave Michael, but he decided to deal with it, and ordered two large pizzas and two huge things of Coke.

When he got off the phone, Ashton looked up from where he was sitting on the lounge. He’d been woken up about half an hour ago, when Luke and Michael started screaming upstairs. The walls in this house aren’t very thick, and he and Calum heard every word.

Calum’s heart ached for Michael, but he knew the redhead deserved Luke’s harsh words, and he was kind of proud of Luke for standing up for himself, even if it just made the problem worse.

“Do you think they’re okay?” Ashton asked, and Calum shrugged.

“I’m sure Michael’s upset, but I can’t even imagine Luke.” He said with a sigh. He’s only seen Luke get in a fight a total of two times, and one was with him. Luke probably had the fastest temper of all of them, but he’s also the quickest to start crying. He doesn’t like being yelled at, and when he yells, he starts to cry half-way through.

The last time Luke and Calum had a fight, it ended with them both sobbing in each others’ arms, so Calum was entitled to say that he was worried.

“I’m gonna go check on them real quick, though.” Calum said, but his words were barely registered by Ashton, who had his new phone pulled out, giggling at something Bryana said. Calum tried to ignore the hurt feeling in his chest, and went upstairs to see if his guitarists were alright. He stopped at Michael’s door first, since it was the closest, and walked right in. Michael was sitting on his bed, angrily staring at his hands, headphones in. From the doorway, Calum could hear Sleeping With Sirens playing as loud as probably possible. This is bad, then. Michael listens to them when he’s trying to keep himself under control, and Calum knew that his best friend was doing his best to hold in his tears. He walked over, and pulled one of the headphones out, making Michael glare at him.

“What the hell do you want, Calum?” He snapped, and Calum ignored it, sitting down on his bed, and putting the headphone in his ear, so he and Michael were sharing. Michael kept glaring at him, but Calum ignored it, and hummed along to Kellin Quinn’s words.

Michael eventually stopped glaring, and took a deep breath. Calum could literally feel Michael’s muscles relaxing, and when he looked over at his friend, his eyes were closed with a few small tears dripping down his cheeks.

Calum sighed, and took the headphone from his ear, standing in front of Michael, and wiping his tears with his thumbs. Michael looked up at him with sad eyes, looking like a lost puppy. Calum stroked his hair back, and kissed his forehead.

“I love you, Mikey.” He said, and Michael nodded, repeating the words back before laying down on his bed, and pulling the blankets around himself.

Calum decided to leave him be, and turned off the light as he walked out.

Next was his room, where Luke was. When he tried the handle, it was locked, and Calum was surprised. They can’t lock their doors without a key, and he thought Luke lost his months ago. After trying the handle again without success, he rapped on the door, and softly called Luke’s name.

“Go, please, Cal. I just want to be alone right now.” Luke called from the other side, his voice quivering. Calum knew he was still crying, and he felt like an idiot. This is his fault. He was the one that told Michael to talk to Luke, and now things were even worse than they had been.

“Alright, but, there’s pizza coming if you want some.” Calum said back.

“Not hungry.” Luke mumbled, and Calum nodded, walking away from his room. He knew Luke needed to eat, considering he’d been consuming about one meal a day for the past two weeks, but he figured Luke had eaten lunch on his own, and he can’t force food down his throat.

Sulking back to the kitchen, and sitting his ass down on a barstool, he pulled his phone out, and scrolled through Twitter while waiting for the pizza to arrive. When the doorbell rang twenty minutes later, Calum had a long talk with the guy about the 10% discount they always give Mikey.

( _“Shit, Michael Clifford lives here?”_

_“Yeah, I’m his bandmate, Calum Hood.”_

_“Dude, I didn’t know he was in a band.”_

_Calum just gave the dude a long look._

_“Yeah, uh, Michael usually gets the Good Looks discount. 10% off.”_

_“But...we order over the phone…?”_

_“He’s very persuasive.”_ )

Calum promptly closed the door after that, leaving the kid three dollars for a tip. Fuck Michael and his persuasiveness and good voice.

“Ash, dinner.” He called, setting the pizzas and Coke on the counter.

Ashton walked in, and sat next to Calum at the bar, taking a couple pieces on a plate, and then grabbing a couple glasses for himself and Calum.

He and Ashton ate in silence, not because Calum wanted to, but because the older hardly looked away from his phone. Calum watched gingerly as he giggled like a schoolgirl every time his phone lit up. He tried not to let it bother him, and just continued to eat his pizza, chugging half of the two liters of Coke on his own.

By the time he had consumed his body weight in pizza, Ashton had only eaten two slices, and he was typing away on his phone. Calum rolled his eyes, and cleared their plates, then stacking one with the remaining slices for the other two boys. Taking a second to relax himself, Calum turned around to Ashton, who was still looking at his motherfucking phone.

“Uh,” Calum said, clearing his throat. “I’m gonna shower, did you want to…”

Ashton looked up then, as if he just noticed Calum was there. He gave Calum a half-smile, and shrug.

“I’m kinda tired, I think I’m just gonna go to bed.”

Calum’s heart stopped beating for a second because this was the first time in two years that Ashton had said no. It was a little shocking, and honestly, a little hurtful. But, Calum schooled his expression into one of indifference, and nodded, walking upstairs to his bathroom.

He ignored the painful feeling in his chest as he showered, shutting out the voice that told him Ashton was not tired, and he would be up for the next few hours, annoying the shit out of Michael with his phone brightness while he texted Bryana. He tried to tell himself that the drops rolling off his chin were from the shower, but he knew better.

When he finished, he walked across the hall, and tried the handle to his room to no avail. Luke was still locked inside, shutting the world out. Calum couldn’t blame him, so he dropped his dirty jeans and shirt on the floor, and pulled on his boxers, making his way into the living room.

He knows sometimes things are like this. He knows that sometimes, things just don’t go the way you want them to, and there will be more than one night like this, where the atmosphere of the house is sad. He knows, and it shouldn’t bother him, because those three boys are his best friends, and they will always be there to make sure things go the way they are meant to. 

So, Calum curled up on the couch in his boxers, and snuggled under a blanket that smelled painfully of Ashton. With Michael wallowing in despair, Luke shutting out the world, and Ashton with his head stuck in the clouds, Calum had never felt more alone in a house with three other people. 

 

-

 

Ashton brings the girl to meet the band two days before they leave for tour.

He tells the boys at eight a.m. that Thursday: “When I get back, you all better be on your best behaviour, and this house better be spotless.”

After the boys got done laughing (Calum and Michael), and giving Ashton all the daddy jokes they could muster, Ashton scoffed, and left.

Michael went upstairs right away, saying: “I’m not Ashton’s bitch. He can clean the house.” Calum had rolled his eyes at him, but not nearly as bitterly as Luke did. Luke left after that, mumbling something about a shower.

Calum knew he was lying, considering he had been under the spray that morning for close to three hours when Ashton kicked him out. His suspicions were confirmed when he heard the door to their room close, and the dreadful sound of the lock turning. Motherfucking Luke. Calum understood that he was undergoing emotional turmoil, but _fuck_ , he’s tired of being locked out of his _own fucking room_. If Luke didn’t stop acting like a fifteen-year-old girl, he’s going to take the hinges from the door. He can lock himself in the garage.

Sighing, Calum realized that he had to clean the house by himself. A small voice in the back of his mind told him that maybe he should just leave the house the way it is, completely covered in a layer of filth. But, Calum knew he loved Ashton too much to do that. He wouldn’t be able to take Ashton’s disappointed look if he comes home, and sees the house is still a mess, because he’ll know whose responsibility it was.

So, swallowing his pride, Calum plugged in his phone to their kitchen speakers, and blasted his ‘Cleaning the House’ playlist, and began to clean their counters. He and the boys are pretty good about doing their dishes, but not so much with sweeping or wiping counters, so Calum knew scrubbing the floor and counters would be the hardest part.  

Two hours later, Calum wiped the sweat from his forehead (god, he’s out of shape), and looked around his kitchen. The small room was fucking spotless, and if anyone tried to fuck it up, Calum with fuck _them_ up. The floors were literally sparkling, and Calum was proud that he could see his reflection in the granite counters.

Next was the living room, and that didn’t take him long, he just gathered all the video games, and shoved them in their entertainment system, closing the doors quickly, so nothing had any time to fall out. He combed through all the crusty socks and shirts that had been left on the couch, and threw away chip bags and wrappers that _someone_ (Michael, asshole.) had left carelessly left on the floor, and under the lounge.

By the time he was finished, he was exhausted. He unplugged his phone, checking for messages, and nearly had a heart attack when he read eight messages from Ashton telling him he was on his way, and everything better be ready. Calum swore under his breath, looking down at his filthy appearance. He was still in his pajamas, and he was covered in dirt from having been scrubbing and sweeping the floors. Plus, he still had to made sure the boys were presentable. Fucking hell. He hated being the responsible one.

“Wake the fuck up, asshole, Ashton and his girl will be here any minute!” Calum screamed banging on Michael’s door, not bothering to open it. He heard Michael swear, and roll over in his bed, followed by a thump, and Calum smiled in satisfaction realizing Michael just fell his ass to the floor. Good fucking riddance.

Luke was next, and he didn’t slow down, no matter how fragile Luke was.

“You too, Luke, unlock this fucking door before I take it down.” He yelled, tugging on the door handle.

“Hinges are on the inside.” Luke mumbled from the other side, and Calum swore.

“Then I’ll climb in the window. Seriously, put some pants on, and meet me downstairs, it’s been way too long since I’ve schooled your ass in FIFA.” Calum said without missing a beat, and he could hear Luke grumbling from the inside, and fiddling around, looking for pants.

When Calum turned back around, Michael stood in the hall, clad in skinny jeans and an old Metallica t-shirt. Calum smiled, because Michael’s hair was flat, and he hasn’t seen that shirt since their last tour.

“Hey,” He said with a smirk.

“What?” Michael asked defensively.

“Nothing, your hair is just flat.”

Michael glared at him, but ran his hands wildly through his hair, smoothing his fringe to his forehead like he always did. The red strands looked incredibly soft, and Calum had the desire to run his fingers through them, and _mess that shit up_.

“I’m hungry.” Michael whined.

“Don’t care. That kitchen is beautiful, if you so much as step foot in it before Ashton comes back, I’ll chop all your hair off.” Calum shrugged, walking past the redhead to their living room. Michael made an offended noise right as Luke came out of his cave, wearing skinny jeans and an oversized jumper. Michael sucked in a breath at his appearance, because, _damn_ , Luke was cute. His hair was mussed up, and unstyled, and that, along with the huge sweater made him look a lot younger than he actually is. Luke raised an eyebrow at him, licking at his lip ring, but he walked by Michael to the stairs mumbling:

“Your dye is fading.”

Michael rolled his eyes, because Luke didn’t sound angry anymore, just a little tired, and if anything, teasing. He quickly followed his two younger bandmates to their living room, where Calum had his eyes glued to the t.v., his own personal FIFA game started.

Luke sat down beside him, and Michael took a seat in the chair beside the couch, wanting to give Luke some space.

“Jesus, Calum, you’re awful.” Luke muttered as Calum got scored on.

“Shut the hell up, Luke, I’m out of practice because of your mopey ass.” Calum retorted, shoving Luke, and continuing his game. Luke smiled at him, and Michael felt like someone had turned a light on in their house. Luke had gone so long without smiling, and it was such a beautiful sight.

Just as Calum started a new game with Luke, and Michael scrolled through his Instagram, reading over the comments on the picture of the younger two he had posted, the front door opened and shut.

They all paused momentarily, listening to Ashton and someone much lighter’s steps. Plastic clicked on their tile floor, and Calum knew that Bryana had been wearing heels. He tried not to roll his eyes, because seriously, this is L.A., a lot of people wear heels, that doesn’t make them shallow.

“Yeah, they’re somewhere around here.” The boys heard Ashton say.

“Your house is so clean.” A high-pitched voice said, and Calum felt a smile of pride cross his face.

“It usually isn’t, I’m sure Luke was down here all day cleaning.”

Calum felt his smile fade a little bit, he should have known Ashton wouldn’t even think about him. Luke noticed his friend’s smile falter, and he patted the top of his hand, which was still wrapped around the controller. Calum shook his head, telling himself he’s being absolutely ridiculous, and continued to play Luke.

Seconds later, Ashton walked into the room with one of the prettiest girls that has ever stepped foot in their house. Luke paused the game, forcing Calum to have to greet their guest. Michael glanced up from his phone, and looked at the hand-in-hand couple, rolling his eyes slightly.

“Hey guys,” Ashton said, a little awkwardly. “this is Bryana.”

Bryana smiled a straight-toothed smile, and gave them a little wave. Luke was the first to respond, getting up from the couch, and offering Bryana his hand. Bryana took it gladly, wrapping thin fingers around Luke’s large hands.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Luke.” He said with a charming smile, and _seriously_? How does he pull this off? Ashton and Bryana alike smiled at him, because _who wouldn’t_? Luke is the politest thing to ever walk the planet.

“I’m Michael. What’s up?” Michael said, lifting a hand in greeting, and of course, Calum would be last. Now he looks like an ass.

“Not much.” Bryana said with a giggle, and Calum felt his teeth clench, because, _damn_ that was cute.

“And that’s Calum.” Ashton said, nodding towards the dark-haired boy, who hadn’t realized he’d been silent, bitterly thinking about all the beautiful things about Bryana.

“Yeah, sorry, just...zoned out. It’s nice to uh, finally meet you.” He said with a half-smile. Ashton gave him a bit of a disappointed look, but Bryana smiled brighter than ever at him.  

“I could say the same to you, I’ve heard so much about you from Ash, I’ve been _dying_ to meet you.” She said with a smile, and _Ash_. That shouldn’t bother Calum, but it does. “I-I mean, I’ve heard a lot about _all_ of you, and your music is amazing, it’s so nice to finally meet you.”

Michael and Luke smiled brightly at her, and Calum followed suit, praying his smile didn’t look as forced as it felt. Then it hits him. Ashton told her about him. Sure, he probably told her about all three of them, but he specifically told her about him.

Calum’s first instinct is to feel pride, having Ashton talk so much about him that Bryana would be dying to meet him, but then he thinks about what Ashton might have told her. Does she know? Does she know that her (supposed) boyfriend has slept with him almost every night for the past two years? Does she know that Calum knows more about Ashton than she ever will? The thought worries Calum, but it also gives him a sick feeling of satisfaction, because Ashton was his for a long time, and a part of him always will be, no matter how small.

“Uhm,” Ashton clears his throat. “we’re just...we were gonna make dinner tonight, together for us and you guys.”

“Cool. I’m starving.” Michael said, not looking up from his phone. Bryana smiled at him, and Calum got the feeling that she smiled at everyone, which isn’t a bad thing, but.

“Thanks for cleaning the kitchen, by the way, Luke.” Ashton said with a smile, and Calum sank a little deeper into the lounge cushions.

“Calum did it, actually.” Luke said with a bright smile. Ashton scoffed, and raised an eyebrow.

“ _Calum_? Yeah right.”

And, okay. That hurt a little, but Calum told himself to toughen up, because, that’s fair, he doesn’t clean very often. But, still, he worked hard, and his knuckles were still bleeding a little from spilling anamonia on them while he cleaned the floor, and a little appreciation would be nice.

Before Luke could say anything else, Ashton took Bryana into the kitchen, ending the conversation. Luke gave Calum a cautious look, but Calum just shook him off.

“Doesn’t matter.” He said with a smile, resuming their game.

Calum worked hard to focus on their game, instead of hearing Ashton giggle along with his Bryana while pots clanged in the kitchen, and a delicious smell filled the house. He tried to ignore the empty feeling in his chest while he thought about only a few weeks ago, that had been him and Ashton, making spaghetti in the kitchen for their upset bandmates. Most of all, he tried to ignore the worried looks Luke was sending him, because he knew. He knew what he looked like, and he knew Luke could see right through his weak defense. He knew that his shell of fake smiles around Ashton was wearing paper-thin, and he knew that one way or another, it would soon tear in two.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my beautiful butterflies!  
> This update is SUPER short, but hopefully it will make some of you Muke fans feel better!  
>  Btw, you guys are amazing!! I got so many kind comments on my last chapter, and that makes me so warm and fuzzy inside:)  
> Hope you enjoy!!  
> XX-Alex  
> PS If y'all ever have any free time, I suggest hitting up New Politics. Hella good band!! They're a little older, but I like 'em a lot :)

It’s 11:27pm on the night before they leave for tour when Luke decides enough is enough. He’s gone a week without directly talking to Mikey, and three weeks without being his friend.

And, well, enough is enough.

Ashton is still out with Bryana, despite them having to leave early in the morning. Yesterday actually went really well, they ate in the living room instead of at the table, and the food was delicious. Calum had kept his emotions under control, and he did nothing but smile and laugh with Bryana. Luke was proud of him, because when Calum went to bed, he fell asleep in his own bed, instead of cuddling with him, and he knew it was starting to bother the older boy.

Said boy was downstairs, watching a movie, and Luke knew exactly where Michael was.

He found him exactly where he knew he would, sprawled on his bed, laptop on his well, lap, playing some sort of video game with headphones in. He walked timidly into the room, and pulled one of the buds from Michael’s ear. Michael turned to glare, and tell Calum off, until he realized who had actually pulled out the headphone.

“Hey,” He said slowly, looking into Luke’s blue eyes. Luke gave him a smile, and sat down on the end of Michael’s bed. He ran his fingers mindlessly over the sheets, thinking about how soft they were in comparison to his own. Michael took out his other headphone, and looked at Luke with confused eyes, leaning forward slightly, so he wouldn’t miss what the blonde had to say.

“I forgive you.” Luke said quietly, still looking at his fingers, that were stroking the sheets. Michael felt his breath hitch, and he promptly closed his laptop, setting it to the side, looking at Luke with shocked eyes.

“You...do?”

“Yeah.” Luke said, not meeting Michael’s eyes. Michael was quiet after that, looking at his hands, and thinking about what to say next. Luke blinked tiredly at the floor, and continued before Michael could say anything. “You really hurt me, Mikey. But, I know you never would completely on purpose.”

Michael nodded slowly.

“I...I’m so sorry, I was a huge ass, and I shouldn’t have said those things I did.”

“I know. I know you didn’t mean them. I thought a lot about what you said, about me telling you my feelings out of nowhere. That wasn’t fair of me, and I am sorry for that.”

Michael opened his mouth to respond, to tell Luke that it was okay, but the blonde cut him off.

“I’m sorry for saying it, but not for feeling it. I really do love you, and I have the feeling that I kind of always will, at least a little bit.” He said, looking into Michael’s green eyes.

“I know, and that’s okay, I’m sorry I don’t feel _exactly_ the same, but...I...I want to try to.” He said, and Luke chuckled to himself gently.

“I’m serious, I-I want to date you.” Michael said, sitting up on his knees.

“I’m sorry, Mikey, but I don’t want to date you.” Luke said with a little smile.

“What?” Michael said, confused and a little disappointed.

“I don’t want to date you. At least not right now.” Luke said, looking back at the redhead.

“Why not?” Michael said, hurt evident in his voice.

“It still hurts.” Luke shrugged. “For now, I just want my bestfriend back.”

Michael pursed his lips, thinking about what Luke just said. He knew he wanted Luke, he wanted to be with him, all the time. But, he lost the right to want Luke, so if this is what he wants, then it’s what he’ll get.

“Okay.” He said gently, and Luke smiled at him.

“Okay?” He asked, and Michael nodded.

“If that’s what you want.”

“It is.” Luke said, and Michael smiled. Luke’s eyes filled with something, probably happiness, and he launched himself into Michael’s arms. Michael was a little taken back by Luke’s sudden affection, but he got over it quickly, and just enjoyed having the boy in his arms again. He buried his nose in his neck, and laughed despite himself.

“What?” Luke asked, sounding insecure.

“Nothing, it’s just...nice to have you in my arms again, that’s all.” Michael admitted.

“Cheeseball.” Luke said with a laugh, pulling away, and looking at Michael’s hair, playing with it gingerly. “I was serious, by the way, it _is_ fading.”

“Then let’s re-dye it.” Michael said with a crooked smile.

“Now? But we have to be up at like, six in the morning.”

“I already have dye, I just...I didn’t want to dye it without you.” He shrugged, and Luke felt a flash of pride in his chest.

“Then let’s do it.”

“Seriously? You’ll help me?”

Luke scoffed.

“Michael, please, there will never be a day where I won’t help you dye your hair.”

Michael smiled as Luke took his hand, thinking that he’ll be dying his hair ‘till the day he dies if it means Luke will be by his side.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!!  
> I always try to wait to update, just to keep you guys on your toes, but I always cave before three days.   
> Anyway, this chapter is a bit more uplifting, and I'm sorry it's so short, but I have a lot still written.   
> I hope you enjoy, my beautiful butterflies!!  
> XX-Alex  
> PS I hope y'all get my Kim Possible reference :)

The first few days of tour are a lot better than the last few days in the house.

It’s for two reasons, mostly.

  1. They’re so busy and excited that they have little time to worry about the tension settling specifically between their bassist and drummer.

  2. Michael and Luke.




Things were loads better now that Luke and Michael were no longer fighting. Calum was honestly the most relieved, considering he was the one dealing with 80% of the drama while Ashton had his head in the fucking clouds.

He was trying.

Really, he was.

It’s just hard sometimes.

It was hard to listen to Ashton call his girlfriend every night through the walls of their house, telling her how beautiful, wonderful, funny, etc. she is. He used to lie awake in his bed, listening to Ashton talk softly to her, imagining Ashton talking to him that way, the way he used to.  

Ashton didn’t call Bryana their first few days on tour, and Calum was grateful. Sure, Ash was on his phone 87% of the time, ignoring the rest of his bandmates during their free time, but still, Calum didn’t think he was mentally prepared to listen to Ashton call Bryana beautiful every night from the bunk beside him. He just wasn’t. Not so close.

No matter how much it hurt, Calum dealt with it. Because he has no other choice. This is Ashton, and he knows that at the end of the day, he is so hopelessly whipped, that he would give him up to Bryana if that means he would smile his beautiful smile.

In the meantime, Calum relaxed, and tried to focus on happy things. They were headlining their own world tour. That’s a pretty big deal. They were starting in Lisbon, and moving throughout Europe after that. Calum was beyond excited, of course. This was his dream, maybe not as much as the other boys, but he was still proud of himself and his guitarist, and his lead singer, and especially his drummer, who had been dreaming of this since he was old enough to hold drumsticks.

He played his bass daily, and did his vocal exercises, hanging out with Michael and Luke on the bus, and adventuring with Ashton when they landed in Libson. Calum lived for those adventures. It was kind of their thing, and really, the band had always kinda been _CalumandAshton_ and _MichaelandLuke_. There was the melody, and there was the rhythm. Calum didn’t mind one bit. He was always more than enthusiastic to go out with Ashton, and walk the streets of some city they’d never even knew existed, sipping coffee, and tweeting to their fans. It was peaceful, being together that way, even if Ashton did pull out his phone every five minutes to text a certain blonde back in the states. Calum ignored it, and simply enjoyed the time he was given with the older boy.

He sometimes missed the kisses, and sometimes missed the pet names, but can you blame him? He spent the last two years being kissed and cared for by Ashton. He misses the gentle touches, and the lingering looks, and yes. He misses the sex. Holy hell, he misses the sex. I mean, he’s a teenage boy with a previous connection to 24-7 sex service with Ashton, and he’s sufficiently been cut off. However, Ashton doesn’t seem to have a problem, so Calum sucks it up, and wanks himself off probably twice a day. It’s really not his fault, considering every day he has to watch Ashton bang on his drums, and you’d have to be insane to not think that’s attractive.

He does get a little revenge though, by spending his time in the bus completely naked. It shouldn’t be a problem, considering the band has seen Calum’s junk probably more times than they’ve seen their own. However, Ashton has seen that junk in a way slightly different than the rest of the boys, and despite being loyal to Bryana, his cock twitches a little seeing Calum’s naked ass on display as he lays sprawled on the couch, playing an intense game of FIFA. He usually has to leave, and Calum smirks as he watches Ashton waddle away, an ultimate give away that his little scheme was effective.

“Motherfucking fuck, Calum Thomas Hood.”

Calum turned his head to see Michael walking into their back lounge, shaking his head in annoyance of Calum’s naked body. Calum sent him a smile, yawning while throwing his arms to the side to stretch his back.

“Morning to you too, Mikey.” He said stupidly.

“I’m going to start calling you Rufus.” Michael said, plopping down on the lounge across from Calum.

“Who the hell is Rufus?” Calum asked.

“He’s that naked molerat from Kim Possible.” Michael said, looking at his phone tiredly.

“So that makes you Ron.” Calum said.

“No.” Michael remarked, smirking at Calum, just as the curtain opened, and Ashton walked in, grimacing at Calum’s appearance. “Ashton is Ron.”

“Excuse you, Ashton is Ashton.” Ashton said, a slightly annoyed expression on his face.

“G’morning, Drummer Boy.” Calum said with a smirk, eyeing Ashton’s crazy bed hair. Ashton sent him a little smile, his eyes gazing over his skin a little too long. He swallowed with difficulty, and turned back to Michael, who was slumped over his phone.

“Whatcya doing, Mikey?”

“Texting my mum.” Michael answered. Ashton nodded, and looked around the room a little awkwardly, finally landing on Calum, who had resumed his game of FIFA.

“Calum.” Ashton said, and Calum groaned while pausing his game to turn to Ashton.

“What?” He asked, annoyed. He tried to ignore the fondness over Ashton’s hesitant expression by being annoyed with him.

“Do want to do something today? We’re not getting to the venue until like, 3.” Ashton said, twiddling with his fingers. Calum wondered what the hell the problem was.

“Sure. what do you want to do?” Calum asked, tossing the controller away.

“I don’t know, just thought we could walk around or something.” Ashton said, smiling at Calum timidly.

“Okay.” Calum nodded, ignoring Ashton’s weird behaviour. “Do I need to put on clothes?”

Ashton exhaled, and rolled his eyes, now seemingly relaxed.

“Yes, douchebag. Not the entire world wants to see your dick.”

Calum hummed, and flipped onto his back, lifting his hips into the air slightly.

“Just you.” He said with a smirk, and Ashton’s eyes flashed dangerously before chuckling slightly, and leaving the back lounge.

The look in Ashton’s eyes that appeared for a split second interested Calum. It obviously had to do with his suggestive comment, but still. Ashton is pretty big on self-control, but would he maybe give in if Calum asked nice enough?

Calum shook his head, mentally swearing, because, _damn it Calum_. _Not_ okay. Ashton is with Bryana. His _girlfriend_. He is nothing but a mate to Ashton. And this isn’t about sex anyway. Fuck.

Suddenly Calum’s face was hit by a soft force. He quickly focused, and realized Michael had thrown a pillow at him, effectively ending his mind-rambling.

“What the hell was that for?” Calum grumbled, throwing the pillow back, but missing by almost two feet. Michael just shrugged, and looked back at his phone, slouching onto the end of the couch.

“Just cause you’re you.”

Calum rolled his eyes, and muttered ‘great’ under his breath, sitting up to get off the couch, and apparently get dressed. As he walked out of the back lounge, he made sure to flick Michael in the middle of his forehead, withdrawing a very odd squeal in return. He passed Luke as he went through the door, the blonde seeming to have just woken up. He smiled tiredly at Calum, and Calum patted his back as he passed to go get ready.

“Morning, Mikey.” Luke mumbled tiredly, plopping down next to Michael on their leather couches.

“Hey.” Michael said mindlessly, staring at his phone. His arm went around Luke’s shoulders almost automatically, the younger boy tucking himself up against his side, and laying his head on his shoulder.

“What are you reading?” Luke asked quietly, looking at Michael’s phone.

“Just this article about Ashton.” Michael mumbled. Luke nodded against his shoulder, and brought long fingers to play in Michael’s fringe.

“I think this came out really well.” Luke said, toying with the now purple-ish-blue strands.

“Thanks, I do too.” Michael said, finally looking away from his phone in favour of staring at the blue-eyed one.

“You always dye it so well.”

“You always pick the best colours.”

Michael and Luke regarded each other for a second, a fond look gleaming in Michael’s eyes, as he looked over the stubble on Luke’s chin. It was quiet and peaceful in the lounge after that, Michael continuing to read on his phone, and Luke continuing to watch him read, his hands coming to wrap around his knees, which were pulled to his chest. Luke knew this was where he belonged. Under Michael’s arm, snuggled into his side whilst on the tour bus to begin their own headlining tour, his two remaining bandmates getting ready to adventure together.

Luke liked adventuring to some degree, and so did Michael for that matter, but they’d always been more of homebodies than Ashton and Calum. Luke missed home terribly, and Michael found his home in Luke, so it was rare that he went out adventuring without the blonde. Luke would probably be dead before he found himself away from Michael.

However, even as he sat cuddled into Michael’s body, the wounds still hurt a little. He would get dreams in the middle of the night of Michael, all glares and hard words. Michael’s reaction to Luke’s declaration of love had been horrible, and his explanation for said reaction wasn’t much better. Luke hated the fact the Michael only _could_ love him. Because, as much as he didn’t want to admit it, he was still in love with Michael, and it hurt to have to distance himself. But he knew it was for the better.

Stay away, and no one gets hurt. That’s the way Luke saw it. As long as he keeps himself from falling into a relationship with Michael, he should be okay. Michael should be okay. Everyone should be okay.

In the back of Luke’s mind, a voice told him that there was still a problem. Calum and Ashton. Ashton was oblivious as hell, and Calum was hurting. Much to the boy’s credit, he was hiding it well, but Luke knew that this whole girlfriend thing Ashton had going on was slowly wearing on him. The boy is too damn whipped. Luke would give anything to make Ashton see, to tell him how far gone Calum is, and that he’s hurting the younger boy, but he knows it’s not his place. Calum will have to tell him when he’s ready.

Speaking of which, Calum sits in the kitchen section of their tour bus, now completely dressed, munching on a bowl of CoCoa Puffs. He’s waiting patiently for Ashton emerge from most likely brushing his teeth in the bathroom. He’s actually feeling pretty excited to hang out with Ashton today, even though he does it probably everyday, he misses his one-on-one time with him greatly, and whenever he gets the chance, he takes it greedily.

“Ready to go?” Ashton asked Calum, who had a mouthful of soggy cereal. He looked up, and his eyes widened, because, damn it, Ashton looked _good_. Tight black skinnies, and a cut off grey shirt with some weird phrase on it. His curls were untamed, and wildly floating around his head, and his face looked freshly shaved. It was only after Calum had swallowed roughly, and nodded, did he realize that not too long ago, Ashton had worn almost the exact same thing for a date with Bryana, right down to the freshly shaved stubble. Calum tried not to read into it, but as he followed Ashton out of their parked tour bus, all he could think was:

_Is this a date too?_


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo  
> don't hate me   
> XX-Alex

“This is nice of you, Ash, but seriously, I can pay for myself.” Calum said, a little guiltily, taking a sip of his drink. Ashton just shrugged, and led them to a table outside of the little cafe.

“We might as well just pay once.” Ashton said softly, offering Calum a smile.

“I...I’ll pay you back when we get to the bus, I promise.”

Ashton laughed, a beautiful, sunny smile crossing his face.

“Calum, calm down. It’s fine. I wouldn’t have this money if it weren’t for you, anyway.” He said, his dimples popping onto his face. Calum pursed his lips, and sat down sheepishly. “I wouldn’t have a lot if it weren’t for you, actually.” Ashton added softly, and Calum smiled a little.

“Same.” He said, and then mentally face-palmed while Ashton smirked at him over his cup of coffee. “Okay what you said was really nice, and I just suck.” He said, chuckling at himself lightly.

Ashton laughed again, and Calum basked in the simplicity of the moment, just _being_ with Ashton, trading soft words and laughs. Of course, the moment was ruined when Ashton pulled out his phone, and gazed over the screen with fondness. Calum bit his lip, and drank from his cup while Ashton texted with a small smile on his face. Calum told himself to get over it, and by the time Ashton was looking back up, he had a smile on his face, the sad feeling in his chest ignored.

“How is she?” He asked softly, nodding towards Ashton’s phone.

“Good.” Ashton said with an unbelievably fond smile. Internally, Calum wondered if that’s how he looks when he talks about Ashton. It’s probably worse. “She’s doing a shoot today, I think. But it’s not in LA, it’s in like, Virginia or something, I don’t know the states. But anyway, she’s in an airport right now, and she sent me a selfie of her waiting. It’s pretty cute.”

Calum forced a smile at Ashton, who was positively beaming. The older pulled out his phone again, and showed Calum the picture Bryana had sent him. Calum wanted to cry, because the girl was so cute. Her long blonde hair was tied in a huge messy bun on top of her head, that reminded him of Mali, who he missed a lot, and she was wearing a big hoodie with glasses on. She looked adorable, and cuddly, and Ashton-material, and Calum had _no_ chance against a girl like that. He still smiled at the picture, and leaned back, not wanting to look anymore.

“She’s pretty cute, Ash.” He said, sipping his drink again.

“I know. I can’t believe I’m actually dating someone like her.” Ashton said, looking at the picture. Now, Calum thought that was maybe a little over the top, because Ashton is usually the most grounded of all of them, and he seemed a little loopy for this girl. But, he knew it was just because he was in the Cupcake Phase, so he grit his teeth, and refrained from saying anything.

“I can’t either.” He said, in a voice that was way more bitter than he meant it to be. If Ashton noticed, he ignored it, and typed a quick message to Bryana before putting his phone down, and looking back at Calum.

“So, how are you, Cal? I feel like I haven’t talked to you in ages.” Ashton said with a goofy smile, and Calum bit his tongue to avoid spitting _that’s because you haven’t_. He put on a smile, and thumbed at the lid of his cup.

“I’m good.”

“That’s all? Just _good_? You used to never shut up when I asked you how your day was.” Ashton asked.

“Yeah. It’s good. I’m excited about this tour, like, very excited. I’m really happy that Luke and Michael aren’t fighting anymore, and I hope they get together soon, because they’re so obviously in love. I miss home a lot.  I miss my mum and my dad. I don’t even know what part of the world my sister is in, and I miss her terribly. I think I’m going to call her after our date, and just see how things-”

“Did you just say _date_?” Ashton interrupted, looking a little shocked. Calum stopped his rambling, and thought about about what he just said. He turned cherry red when he realized he had said ‘date’, because his damn subconscious was telling him this was.

“Y-Yeah, sorry, I just...I don’t know. I’m sorry.” He said, shaking his head in exasperation, looking down at the table. Ashton chuckled a little awkwardly, not looking at Calum.

“It’s okay, I mean...I did buy you a drink.” Ashton pointed out, and Calum scoffed.

“Yeah I know, but...Jesus, it just...slipped. I don’t know where it even came from.” Calum said, his cheeks still red. Ashton smiled a little sadly at the table, and Calum finally lifted his head to look at the older boy.

“I didn’t mean it, Ash.” He said softly, and Ashton looked back up, smiling, and nodding at Calum.

“I know. Don’t worry about it, yeah? We all just say stuff sometimes.” Ashton said with a shrug, and Calum didn’t understand what he did to earn someone so special in his life. he chuckled awkwardly, deciding to shake it off, and leaned back in his chair.

It was quiet then, Ashton and Calum both just sitting in their chairs, sipping their drinks, and watching people walk by. Occasionally, fans would stop by, and beg them for pictures, and Calum, as always, was blown away by how patient and sweet Ashton was. Don’t get him wrong, he loved the fans, but he’s hanging out with Ashton, and sometimes, he just wants to go out, and be by himself with Ashton. But, Ashton, ever the sweetheart, said yes to every fan, and Calum was gestured up to take a picture with the fan and his drummer. They would both put their arm around the girl, and Ashton’s hand would occasionally brush up against Calum’s, sending chills down the younger’s spine.

When what seemed like the millionth fan had left, Calum plopped down in his chair with a sigh, running a hand over his face. Ashton watched him with interest, and when Calum looked back up, Ashton gave him a look.

“What?” Calum asked with slight annoyance.

“Are you okay, Calum?” He asked gently, and a look of disbelief crossed Calum’s face. Ashton is asking this _now_?

He wanted to say no. He wanted to scream at Ashton that he wasn’t fucking _okay_. He’s stupidly in love with his best friend, who barely talks to him anymore. His other two best friends are stuck in an inescapable skinny love, and he missed his sister. He wanted Ashton to himself. He wanted Ashton to break it off with Bryana, and be with him. He wanted to tell Ashton that he wasn’t _okay_ , he was in _love_. In love with _him_ , to be exact. He wanted to tell him the truth, that he missed when Ashton kissed him, and he missed cuddling with him on the couch, and he missed being fucked by him. He wanted to tell him that he felt lonely at night, because he had grown so accustomed to Ashton sleeping in his bed, that he felt absolutely bare without him. He wanted to tell him that he felt lost, confused, hurt, and abandoned, not _okay_. Because he isn’t okay. He’s an absolute _mess._

Nevertheless, he swallowed down his words, and plastered on a fake smile.

“Yeah.” He said, looking into Ashton’s concerned hazel eyes. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Ashton’s look was hesitant, but he eventually rocked back into his chair.

“I don’t know, you just seem really...distant lately.” Ashton said with a shrug, and Calum nearly scoffed. Because really? _He’s_ been the distant one?

“Oh, well, no I’m-”

“Is this about me?” Ashton cut in, and Calum voice got caught in his throat.

“What?” He asked, hoping the blush on his cheeks didn’t look as bad as it felt.

“Is this about me and Bryana getting together? About me ending out Friends With Benefits relationship?”

Calum was lost for words. His mouth hung open for a second, but he then furrowed his eyebrows, preparing to respond, but Ashton beat him to it.

“Because it _is_ ended.” He said, looking into Calum’s eyes. “Calum, you know that right? That we can’t do it anymore? It never meant anything, and we need to stop.”

Calum gaped for a second, his mouth opening and closing like a fish before he got a grip on himself. He first felt shocked that Ashton had said those words, but his surprise was soon overcome by anger.

“Yes, _of course_ I know that, Ashton. Are you insane?” He asked, his defenses going up quickly.

“No, I just-”

“No, Ashton. That’s not was this is about. I haven’t been distant. If anyone has, _you_ have. This was never about our stupid midnight flings when we were kids desperate for attention. You don’t need to treat me like a child over this, because I know it’s over, and it doesn’t bother me.” _Lie_. Calum knows he’s lying, and he knows he’s about to hurt Ashton, but it’s better than him knowing the truth. “I’m sorry I’m not crying over you like you expected me to, but _it_ never meant that much to me. _You_ never meant that much to me. Get over yourself, Ashton.”

Ashton looked up at Calum, completely shocked. Calum was heaving a little, and he regretted the words before he even said them. Ashton didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t trying to insinuate anything, he just wanted things to be clear with Calum so he wouldn’t hurt him by pushing him away without an explanation. Little did he know that he’d already done it.

“I-I’m sorry, Cal. I didn’t mean anything by it, I swear, I just...wanted things to be clear, I guess.” He said sheepishly, now feeling a little awkward around Calum, which was the first time _that_ had ever happened.

“Well you did. Crystal, in fact.” Calum said, sitting back in his chair, avoiding eye-contact. Ashton bit his lip, and looked down into his empty cup. Without saying anything else, he grabbed his cup and Calum’s, throwing them both away. When he came back, Calum’s breathing was uneven, and he wondered what was wrong with the boy today.

Calum was desperately trying to hold it together. He can’t cry. Not here. Not now. Not back at the bus, not after the show, not _ever_. He can’t let this get to him. Ashton was just telling him what he already knew. It was old news that Ashton didn’t want him anymore. He shouldn’t be upset, it’s ridiculous.

So, when Ashton came back, telling him that they should be heading back, he nodded, and got up to follow him back. The walk was quiet, the tension rather thick between the two. Calum felt bad about his words, but he knew they were necessary, so he tried to not dwell on them. However, that didn’t stop him from grabbing Ashton’s shoulder before they went into the bus, and apologizing to him.

“Look, I’m sorry, Ash. I just...I lost my temper a little bit. I’m really stressed, and I shouldn’t have snapped at you, I know you were just trying to make things easier.” He said softly as Ashton placed a hand on his shoulder.

“It’s alright, mate. I understand, it happens.” He said gently, pulling Calum into a hug. He stroked one hand down Calum’s back, an old trick to calm him down, and Calum let out a sigh into his t-shirt.

“Love ya, bro.” Ashton said platonically, pulling away, and walking into the bus.

“Love you too.” Calum murmured after he was gone, cursing himself for lying to Ashton instead of simply telling him that he really wasn’t okay at all.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!!  
> I got so many amazing comments on my last chapter, and it made my heart feel so warm and fuzzy!!!  
> I hope y'all enjoy this next chapter, bc I really do.   
> Steamy smut ahead, just so y'all know :))))  
> Love you mah beautiful butterflies!!  
> XX-Alex

Luke felt good.

Maybe a little _too_ good, but he didn’t let that thought bother him.

He and the boys just finished their first show in Libson, and he was still a little adrenaline-high. Michael was the same way, and the now-purple-headed boy was all over Luke.

The two were currently up in their dressing room, dancing together to some 90’s hip-hop song Calum had put on a while ago. Luke was laughing as Michael tried to spin him around, ending up with them both tripping, and landing in a pile of legs and hair on the floor.

Ashton watched fondly from the side, a small smile on his face as he texted Bryana, and ran a hand through his sweaty curls. He felt good too. His two best friends were finally happy again after almost a month of tension and agony, he had a beautiful girlfriend living in LA as a model, and he just finished his first show of a headline tour with his three best friends. Everything felt so good that he all but forgot his conversation with Calum that morning.

But Calum hadn’t.

After he got back onto the bus that day, he went out of his way to avoid his bandmates. He hid in his bunk for about three hours, playing a game on his phone that Michael downloaded like, six months ago. Calum didn’t know why he had it, but for some strange reason, it had made him feel better.

He felt awful after his cafe-chat with Ashton, and it was hard to shake the feeling. He knew he shouldn’t have lied, and that it’s probably going to come around and bite him in the ass, but really, what choice did he have?

Still, Ashton’s words, and the harshness in which he spoke them, hurt. Calum vaguely knew that they shouldn’t have hurt as much as they did, but he was wearing a little thin. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep up this little happy facade he had going.

In fact, he knew that right now, it was failing.

Luckily, his other three bandmates didn’t notice. Just like they didn’t notice that he was MIA all day on the bus. They weren’t really concerned about him. Calum was always okay, so they didn’t need to check.

Calum tore his eyes away from where he was staring at Ashton when Luke let out the most inhuman noise he had ever heard.

“Drinks!” He shouted from underneath Michael. “Let’s get drinks!”

Michael perked up at that, rolling off the blonde, and getting up to sit on the couch.

“Yes! Good call, Lucas! Beer!” He yelled happily, stripping off his sweaty t-shirt to change.

“Ashy, you in?” Luke asked, looking at Ashton with hopeful blue eyes. Ashton smiled softly at the blonde before shaking his head.

“Not tonight, Luke. I better stay on the bus, make sure you don’t kill yourselves.” Ashton said with a smile.

“Boo, you whore!” Michael yelled, tugging on a flannel from his tour case. Calum laughed a little at Michael while Luke pouted.

“Awe, Lukey. Don’t feel bad. Ashton’s just an old man, he doesn’t party anymore.” Calum offered. Luke gave Calum a huge smile, and Ashton scoffed.

“Old man. I’m twenty.” He said, mostly to himself.

“So you’ll come with, Cal?” Luke asked with bright eyes.

“I’m pretty tired, Lukey. I think I’ll stay back and sleep.” He said apologetically, and Michael let out an offended squeak.

“Calum, what the fuck? You’re always up for drinking. Especially when someone else is paying!” He whined, looking at Calum with puppy dog eyes.

“Oh, so you’re paying, Mikey?” Calum asked with a smirk.

“Of course not! Luke is. But, you’re missing my point.” He started, ignoring when Luke protested paying for anyone’s beer, including his own. “You should come drink with us, have a little fun. Just for tonight.”

“You say that after every show, Mikey. I’m just gonna stay home tonight, give you and Luke some time to be best friends again.” Calum said with an easy smile, getting up to ruffle Michael’s hair. Michael pouted at him, and flattened his hair, watching as Calum giggled, and left their dressing room for the bus.

“Looks like it’s just you and me, Mikey.” Luke said with a smile, stripping off his own sweaty concert clothes.  

Michael grinned, and tried his best not to ogle at Luke’s naked torso. He’d Luke naked hundreds of times, why was this time any different?

By the time Michael had called management and their bus driver to let them know what their plan was, Luke was completely redressed, and Ashton was finished packing his tour case. Michael hung up the phone, and looked back at Luke, who was smiling, dressed in a black and white flannel that obviously belonged to Calum.

“We’re all good. Shall we?” Michael asked, and Luke nodded, grabbing his phone from where it had previously been charging.

“Have fun you guys. Be safe, and use protection.” Ashton commented, walking out of the dressing room with his backpack thrown over his shoulder. Michael made sure to punch his shoulder on the way out, Luke trying to cover his pink cheeks.

“C’mon, Lucas. Lets drink and be merry.” Michael said, throwing an arm around Luke’s shoulders. Luke smiled and nodded, following Mikey out of their dressing room for some much-needed alone time with his best friend.

-

It’s official, Calum can not do this.

He can’t.

It’s just not possible.

He’s currently laying on his bunk at 1 am, staring at the carpeted ceiling, listening to Ashton fucking _moaning_ from the other side.

What are the odds, right?

What are the odds that Calum would wake up to pee at the exact same time Ashton begins to jack off? What are the odds that Calum’s bunk is right across from Ashton’s? What are the odds that of course Michael has his headphones, making him unable to drown out the obscene sound of Ashton’s whimpers?

_What. Are. The. Fucking. Odds?_

It’s borderline torture for Calum, hearing Ashton work himself over. Not only does he have an erection of his own that he needs to take care of, but he has the overwhelming urge to go help Ashton out.

Now don’t get him wrong, he’s well aware that Ashton is capable of taking care of himself, it’s just that Calum is so used to doing it for him. And honestly, Calum is _starved_. He’s been starved of sexual attention, and he is in heavy need of it. Even if Ashton weren’t to touch him at all, Calum still wouldn’t mind wrapping his fist around Ashton’s member, and watch his face twist as he comes all over himself.

Oh god.

Now this erection will _never_ go away.

Calum is now faced with a choice. He could either sit here, like a total creep, and listen to Ashton’s moans while he either jacks himself off, or tries to sleep. _Or_ , he could join Ashton.

Biting his lip, Calum thinks about all the things that could go wrong if he goes with option number 2. After several minutes of basking in Ashton's tortuousness moans, his conclusion is, the worst thing that could happen is he says no, and doesn’t talk to Calum for the rest of his life. Is it worth it?

Thing is, Ashton still has a girlfriend, even if she’s not here right now, and Ashton is a _gentleman_. But, would this count as cheating?

Before Calum could even answer his internal question, he somehow finds himself climbing out of the bunk, and standing next to Ashton’s. He can hear the boy’s hand move along his cock in a steady manner, so he’s not even close yet. This will be easy. Pop in, touch his dick, pop out. No problem.

So, without waiting for his mind to second-guess his plan, Calum pulls back the curtain to Ashton’s bunk, nearly giving Ashton a heart attack.

Calum sucks in a sharp breath at the sight of Ashton, naked from the waist down, his curls matted to his forehead, his cock heavy and dripping in his palm. Ashton stared at him with wide, half-dazed, half-surprised eyes, his hand stilling.

“Calum...I-” Ashton started, still too surprised to decide if he’s embarrassed or angry. He swallowed roughly, shaking his head a little. He opened his mouth to say something, but Calum cut him off by taking a deep breath, and climbing into his bunk, straddling Ashton’s legs.

“Calum, what the hell are you-”

“Shut up.” Calum said, taking Ashton’s cock in his hand. Ashton pushed his hand off, sitting up, forcing Calum to slide into his lap, pushing Ashton’s cock between their t-shirt covered stomachs. Calum tilted backwards, almost busting his head on the opposite wall, but Ashton wrapped an arm around his back, keeping him steady.

“What the hell are you _doing_ , Calum? You can’t just-”

“Why not?” Calum interrupted, locking eyes with Ashton.

“Because…” Ashton hesitated. “I have a girlfriend, and this...this is wrong. I told you this morning that this was over, Calum.”

“It’s just me, Ash. Just a handjob.” Calum purred, taking Ashton’s arm off of his back. He wasn’t sure where all this confidence had come from, all he knew was how to treat Ashton. And this was the way he had done it since he was sixteen.

“But, it’s wrong, Calum.” Ashton insisted, but Calum could hear the break in his voice.

“Just, don’t think about it, okay? Just...pretend I’m her.” Calum said bitterly, pushing himself down.

“But…” Ashton said weakly, Calum slowly wrapping his fingers around his shaft, looking up at him.

“If it really bothers you, then tell me to stop.” Calum said, dragging his fingers up Ashton’s cock teasingly. Ashton gave Calum an adorably helpless look, and Calum smirked at him.

“It’s easy.” He said, leaning forward, and stroking Ashton faster. “Just one little word, Ash. _S-T-O-P_.”

Ashton let out an obscene moan as Calum flicked his thumb over his tip, collecting a drop of precum.

“That’s my boy.” Calum smirked, tightening his fist on Ashton, and stroking him faster. Ashton bit his lip, and tossed his head back onto his pillow as Calum worked him in the best way. While Ashton wanted to say no, demand Calum to stop, because this is cheating, he couldn’t deny the softness of Calum’s hands, and the familiarity of his fingers. No matter how many different people Ashton would date, Calum would _always_ know what’s best between the sheets.

“God, Calum.” Ashton whined, his hands gripping the sheets so he wouldn’t grab Calum.

“Yeah?” Calum taunted, speeding up his strokes. “Feels good, Ashy?”

“ _So_ good.” Ashton said, his chest heaving a little.

Calum continued to stoke Ashton, ignoring his urge to fit his cock into his mouth. He let his free hand wander up Ashton’s tummy, lifting his shirt a little to display his toned abdomen.

“So handsome, Ash. You’re always so handsome for me.” Calum muttered almost to himself, his fist making a harsh _slicking_ sound on Ashton’s dick.

Ashton moaned again as Calum worked his tip between his index finger and thumb, ignoring Calum’s comment. Calum’s hand felt like magic, wrapped around his shaft, working him at just the right pressure, playing with his tip occasionally, or trailing his free hand down to fondle his balls.

Calum never took his eyes off Ashton’s face, savouring the funny expressions he would make or the sounds he would give. He really missed this, watching Ashton come undone before him, to break him until he was nothing but a whining, wriggling mess.

“C-Calum, I…” Ashton whined, bucking his hips to meet Calum’s strokes.

“Yeah, Ash? You gonna cum for me?” He asked, speeding up his strokes to almost as fast as he could go.

“Yeah.” Ashton panted, bucking his hips faster. Calum nodded, and pushed Ashton’s t-shirt up to the middle of his chest.

“C’mon, baby, cum for me, I know you want to. Let go.” Calum muttered right as Ashton let out a grunt, and released all over Calum’s hand, and a little bit onto his tummy.

“ _Fuck_ , Calum.” He whined, as Calum stroked him through the aftershocks, his free hand petting his hip in a soothing matter.

“Thank you, Ash.” Calum muttered when Ashton pushed his hand away from oversensitivity. The younger boy lifted his hand to his mouth and licked Ashton’s cum from his fingers, his eyes closing in pleasure at the taste. He then leaned down, and sucked up few drops that had landed on Ashton’s stomach, sucking a little harder than necessary, and leaving a few red marks.

“You’re welcome.” Ashton panted, running his fingers through Calum’s hair as he kissed up his tummy.

When Calum had finished cleaning Ashton off, and said boy had gotten over his much-needed orgasm, the younger pulled Ashton’s shirt back down, and searched his bed for his boxers. He slid them up Ashton’s legs, the older lifting them helpfully, and looking at Calum, thinking about what he had just done. Calum placed a small kiss on Ashton’s hip afterwards, patting the bone, and looking anywhere but Ashton’s face.

“I’ve really missed this, and I’m sorry if I just screwed something up.” He said gently before getting off Ashton’s legs, and crawling out of the bunk.

Ashton watched him go helplessly, unsure of what to do. His heart was screaming at him to stop Calum, to make him come back into bed, to take care of his own erection, and cuddle him until he fell asleep, but his head, the logical part of himself, told him otherwise.

He just cheated.

On a girlfriend that he’s had for barely a month.

 _Fucking hell_ , Ashton.

He had absolutely no idea why he would let Calum do that, other than the boy asked, and insisted that everything was okay. Usually it was Ashton assuring him that things were alright, but when Calum did it, Ashton felt at ease. Like if he gave Calum what he wanted, then everything would be okay. Calum would be happy. He would be happy. Everyone would be happy, and everything would be okay.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo team,   
> Sorry my updates are taking longer now. School started, and I'm so motherf-ing busy!!!! Also sorry this update is so long, but I figured y'all deserve it. Also, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR BEAUTIFUL COMMENTS!!! Fo' real they make me feel so fucking special :) Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this update, it's a tiny-tinny tad bit angsty, so stay safe my beautiful ones!!!  
> I love you all, good luck in your classes!   
> XX- Alex   
> PS plz don't kill me for the first (and last) part of this update :))))) Love you!!!

Michael has had his fair share of bad mornings.

This one though, seems to be more than ‘bad’.

For one, he has  _no idea_ how he got where he is, which...is usually a bad thing that usually involves some sort of heavy drinking. Two, his head. Holy motherfucking _balls_ , his head. Last night _definitely_ included heavy drinking.

And three, Luke. Okay, so that explains number one. He’s currently in Luke’s bunk, on their tour bus. How the hell they got here, he couldn’t even begin to wonder. But the real kicker is, Luke is curled up beside him, completely naked.

And.... _yep_. So is Michael.

Now, Michael has never, ever, _ever_ called himself smart, not once. That’s not one of his traits that makes his personality so fucking amazing, and that’s okay. Michael has totally come to terms that he can’t do math above a Year 10 level, or read Shakespeare as fluently as he should be able to.

However, he _is_ able to do the math in his head about what happened last night.

_Naked Michael+Naked Luke+Luke’s Bed+Alcohol= ~~Sex~~ Something Bad_

Michael exhales slowly, and takes his arm away from where it had been wrapped around Luke’s waist. He gingerly lifts the blanket covering both of them, and...yep, those are definitely bruises on Luke’s hips...shaped exactly like Michael’s fingers.

Well...fuck.

Michael blames Ashton.

He 110% blames Ashton, with every bone in his body. Ashton should never have let them go out last night, and he should never have let them go alone. Ashton is the responsible one, so really...this is his fault.

Even as Michael lists the reasons why Ashton should be held accountable for the sexcapades of his younger bandmates, he knows it’s total bullshit. He’s responsible for this, he’s the older one, the one that knows Luke becomes a huge flirt when he’s drunk, and the one that knows he wouldn’t have to power to resist a drunk, flirtatious Luke Hemmings while drunk himself.

No, whatever he and Luke did last night...it’s _his_ fault.

And he’s the one now faced with the consequences.

Honestly, the panic really doesn’t start to set in until the younger boy is grumbling, beginning to wake up. It’s now or never, Michael tells himself. He’s on the edge of the bunk. He could roll off, and climb into his bunk without Luke even noticing. Maybe Luke was so wasted, he doesn’t remember a thing from last night, maybe he’ll just overlook the Michael-shaped bruises imprinted on his bones. Yeah, that might work, Michael could _totally_ get away with this-

“Mikey?”

Michael looks down at the now-awakened blonde with shock.

“Uh...hey, Lukey.” He says awkwardly, waiting for Luke to wake up completely, and realize what has happened. Luke blinks tiredly up at him, his eyes squinting slightly in the darkness of his bunk. He looks around for a second, as if trying to get his bearings. Michael knows the feeling.

“What happened?” He croaks, his voice incredibly hoarse. Michael tries to tell himself that it’s from the hangover, not from what they had being doing last night between the sheets.

“Well, Lukey…” Michael starts, unsure how to go about this. Luke furrows his eyebrows at him, confused. It takes him a second, but Michael gestures down to their bodies, and then it’s as if something has dawned on Luke.

He looks down slowly, afraid of what he’ll see, until his eyes meet their blanket covered-torsos. He gingerly lifts the blanket, and swallows roughly when his eyes meet the marks on his body. He drops the blanket, closing his eyes shut, and taking a few ragged breaths.

“Luke…” Michael starts, only to be cut off.

“Turn around.” Luke commands, opening his eyes. Michael furrows his eyebrows in confusion.

“Why would I-”

“Just do it, Michael.” Luke snaps, and Michael nods quickly before turning onto his side, so his back is facing Luke.

“What are you- _oh fuck_!” Michael yells as Luke’s fingers touch his back. “What is that?”

“Scratches.” Luke mutters, running his fingers across the deep, red marks on Michael’s back that he apparently left some hours ago. Luke was always a scratcher.

“ _Scratches_? What are you talking about?” Michael said frantically, the stinging in his back increasing.

“Oh fuck.” Luke said, closing his eyes, his fingers resting on Michael’s back. He takes his fingers back, and rolls onto his back, his hands coming up to cover his face. “Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, _fuck_.”

“Luke?” Michael asks, flipping back around to the blonde, who is having some sort of...episode. “Hey, what’s wrong?

Luke doesn’t answer, he just shakes his head from beneath his hands, whimpering.

“Luke, you’re...you’re scaring me.” Michael says, gently taking one of Luke’s hands from his face. Underneath, Luke’s face is streaked with unexpected tears, causing Michael to reel back.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” He asked softly, taking his free hand to wipe away some of Luke’s tears. Luke thrashed backwards wildly, knocking Michael’s hand away, much to the older’s surprise.

“We...dammit, Michael, we had _sex_!” Luke cried, pushing his back against the wall, tucking his knees to his chest. He looked so small and helpless to Michael, tucked into the corner of his bunk, it broke his heart.

“I know.” He said gently, sitting up as well. “What’s the matter with that?”

“What’s the _matter_?!” Luke screamed. “I-I, fuck, Michael, I’m _in love_ with you.”

“I know, so....what’s the problem with us having sex?” Michael asked, still not getting this.  

Luke just gave him an incredulous look, wondering what the hell was going on in Michael’s head.

“You _fucked_ me when I was completely wasted. I don’t remember anything.” Luke said helplessly. “This just ruined everything.”

“Hey,” Michael said, crawling towards Luke. “don’t say that. This doesn’t have to change things.”

Luke shook his head.

“It changes everything, Michael! _Everything_! You...you’re supposed to watch me, I’m only eighteen, you shouldn’t have let me get drunk!” Luke said, putting his hands up to his face again.

Michael’s jaw dropped. Luke was acting like a child.

“Oh, so this is _my_ fault?” He asked angrily. “ _I’m_ not the one that acts like a slut after my first shot.”

Luke glared a little at Michael, fresh tears streaming down his cheeks.

“Fuck you, Michael. I-I didn’t know...I didn’t know you’d bring me back and _fuck me_!” He said, shaking frantically.

“Whatever Luke, it was obviously a mistake.” Michael snapped, and...yeah. That might have crossed a line.

Luke gives Michael a hurt look, his blue eyes dripping tears.

“Jesus Luke, I didn’t-”

“No, Mikey, just forget it. I get it. I’m not worth it. I can’t believe I gave you a second chance.” He mutters the last part almost completely to himself, tucking his head onto his knees to curl into a ball.

“Luke, don’t do this, please you know I didn’t mean it.” Michael persisted, trying to grab Luke’s arm.

“Just go, Michael. And don’t expect forgiveness this time.” Luke muttered, leaning out of Michael’s reach. Michael looked at him helplessly, this scene much-too familiar, and much-too painful for his taste.

“I’ll go, Luke. But trust me...it _wasn’t_ a mistake. Think about that please.” Michael said softly, placing a hand on Luke’s forearm. Luke nodded, and with that, Michael climbed out of Luke’s bunk to find Calum, and figure out how to fix this.

-

“What a great show tonight, boys.”

Ashton smiles politely at his drum tech, handing him his sticks, and thanking him. He and the boys just finished rocking Madrid, and he’s dripping in sweat.

So is Calum.

Ashton hasn’t been able to take his eyes off of Calum all day. He hasn’t said one word to the boy, him having spent the day curled up in his bunk with Michael while they drove across Europe in their tour bus.

He doesn’t know what it is, he just feels... _drawn_ to Calum, like he needs to be near the boy at all times. Some voice in the back of his head tells him that it’s because Calum took care of him last night, and now he has the urge to do the same, just not sexually. There was something odd about last night that Ashton hasn’t quite put his finger on, and it’s driving him crazy. Nevertheless, he’s gone into what Calum calls ‘boyfriend mode’, and it’s not good. He wants to wrap his arm around the smaller boy, make sure he’s eating healthily, make sure he’s happy, just comfort him.

It’s a hard feeling to shake, and that, mixed with his guilt from _cheating on his girlfriend_ , makes Ashton feel like he swallowed a cocktail of emotions this morning. It’s horrible.

Calum looks too damn good, his black shirt hanging off his shoulders loosely, sweat dripping down his neck. His hair hasn’t been cut since well before they left for tour, and Ashton has the unbelievable urge to bury his nose in those curls. Not to mention how hard he wants to pull on them.

Calum hasn’t said anything to Ashton about last night, and the older vaguely wonders if they’re ever going to talk about it. Probably not, and that’s alright with him. He decided about twenty seconds after Calum left that he _would not_ tell Bryana.

And, god, _Bryana_.

Ashton really likes her, and he feels like he just screwed things up. They’ve been together barely a month, and Ashton has already cheated on her, a week into the tour. Great, just fucking great.

And if that wasn’t enough, apparently there’s a problem with Michael and Luke as well.

He doesn’t know what the deal is now, but Luke has been going out of his way to avoid Michael, and the older seems just as pissed at him.

The whole thing is making Ashton angry.

If he wanted to be surrounded by 24-7 drama, he would have gone into a band with girls, not those asshats. He couldn’t have know that Michael and Luke supply more drama than the entire female population put together.

Ashton sighs as he watches Michael hand his guitar to a tech at the same time as Luke, the latter sending him a glare so harsh, Michael recoils, and goes to find another tech. This _can’t_ happen again. They need to fix it, because Ashton _will not_ deal with being locked out of the bathroom on the bus for hours because Luke is a sensitive little pot of dirt.

He trails his bandmates into their dressing room, crashing onto the couch right away. He runs a hand through his sweaty curls, taking a second to relax from the show. He absolutely loves performing, but shows really take it out of him. With an exhale, he looks up to see Luke staring down at his phone while Michael stares at him from across the room. By the tense way Luke’s holding his phone, Ashton can tell that he knows Michael is looking at him, and he’s ignoring it.

He feels the couch dip beside him, and then Calum’s heat is pressing against his own. Ashton turns to look at him, and Calum’s offering him a small smile. The kid’s hair is plastered to his forehead, the blonde sticking out more than ever against his drenched raven hair. Ashton returns his gentle smile, probably more fondly than necessary.

“Good show tonight, yeah?” Calum asked, and Ashton nodded.

“Yeah, they were great.” Ashton smiled. Calum’s smile faded a little bit, and he looked down at his knuckles.

“You were amazing.” He whispered softly, fiddling with his fingers, not looking at Ashton, like he was afraid to say it. “You always are.”

Ashton smiled a little, and bit his lip.

“So are you.”

Calum nodded, still looking at his hands.

“Good job tonight guys, I’ll be on the bus.” Michael announced, dragging his tour case behind him, which was a little odd, usually their drivers get them. Ashton glanced at Luke, he had looked up from his phone to watch Michael go. His eyes looked sad, and his bottom lip was trapped by his top teeth. He sighed, and shook his head, getting down from the counter he was perched on.

“I’m gonna go...uh...to the bathroom.” He said, walking out, leaving Calum and Ashton alone.

It was quiet for a minute as the door clicked shut, neither boy getting off the couch to change, and get ready to leave, even though they needed to.

“Idiot. The bathroom is in here.” Calum said, chuckling a little to himself.

“Calum,” Ashton said, looking at the younger one.

“I know.” Calum said with a sigh. He exhaled slowly before continuing. “I really _am_ sorry, I should never have done that.”

“No, you shouldn’t have, and I should never have let you.” Ashton said, shaking his head, and sitting forward. “But that’s not what I care about right now. I want to know why you did it. “

Calum bit his lip, still not looking at Ashton, and shrugged.

“I don’t know, I just...I heard you, and I felt like a creep just listening, because Michael had my headphones, and I thought maybe you’d want some help… I don’t know.” He said, shrugging again.

“That’s it? Why were you even awake? I was like, one in the morning. Michael and Luke weren’t even back yet.” Ashton pressed, and Calum shook his head.

“I’ve been having trouble sleeping. I had to pee, too.”

“Calum, you could have slept in a different bunk, or told me to shut up. Why did you decide, of all options, to help me?” Ashton asked, eyebrows furrowing. “Especially right after I told you, that morning, that sleeping together was over?”

Calum winced when Ashton brought that up, because he was right. He had told Calum _that_ very morning that they were done having sex. But...handjobs don’t count right?

“I...I don’t know, Ashton. I’m just so so used to it, it was bothering me that you were getting off, and I couldn't help.“ He said in one breath, his chest heaving a little. Ashton sat back a little, surprised. He knew that he and Calum had a bond after years of sex, but he’d never realized how strong. Now that he thinks about it, he would be bothered if he heard Calum jacking off at night without him as well. They’re just so used to being there for each other. “I’m sorry I did it. I’m sorry I made you cheat.”

Ashton winced a little at the word. It was easy to pretend when you’re only saying the word in your head. But hearing someone say it out loud…? Different story.

“I know, Calum.” Ashton said, looking away. “I’m not going to say it’s okay because it’s not, I’m going to be in a lot of trouble, but-”

“Are you going to tell her?” Calum asked with a curious expression. Ashton sighed, and shook his head, closing his eyes.

“No. Not right away at least, I mean, that’s kind of a weird conversation, yeah? ‘ _Sorry, I cheated on you with my ex-friends-with-benefits partner, who is also my best friend, and is also a guy. My bad_.’. “ Ashton said with an exhale. “No, I won’t tell her.”

Calum seemed relieved, but there was something in his eyes that made Ashton think he wasn’t quite as relieved as he let on. He nodded, and scooted a little away from Ashton.

Ashton closed his eyes, and tried to breathe normally. This was too much stress for him. He’s only twenty. He can’t do this. He can barely keep his relationship with Bryana on the rails, but throw in his and Calum’s, and Michael and Luke’s, well...he’s got his hands full.

Calum stands up, and walks to his tour case, stripping off his sweaty t-shirt. Ashton tries to not look, but Calum is so good looking, his bare body is like a magnet to Ashton’s eyes, and he watches with interest as the muscles in Calum’s back tense and relax as he moves. Calum can feel Ashton’s eyes on his back, and he smirks a little bit to himself before putting on one of the drummer’s t-shirts that’s much-too big on his small frame.

Ashton bites the edge of his lip, contemplating. Even though Calum looks pretty damn cute in his t-shirt and boxers, now that he’s peeled of his jeans, Ashton knows what he needs to do.

He lets the sickening thought simmer in his mind while he gets up, changes, and packs up his case, closing it carefully, and grabbing his bag. He and Calum do a quick sweep of the room, shoving all of Luke’s stuff in his corner, and picking up empty water bottles and wrappers left carelessly by them earlier. When they’re finished, they’re in clean clothes, and a clean room.

Calum is just starting to walk out the door when Ashton calls him.

“Calum.” He says, and the younger turns and nods for him to continue. “I think...I think we need some space, y’know. I, uh…” Ashton forces himself to look away from Calum, who has a shocked expression on his face. Ashton has never asked for “ _space_ ”, even before they slept together. “I liked last night, pleasure-wise. But, I...we….can’t do that again. And, I think maybe we just need some time apart to register the... _shift_ in our relationship.”

Calum’s mouth hangs open in shock. Ashton’s words pluck at his heartstrings, and he doesn’t know how to deal with this. He already lost Ashton as whatever they were, just as he discovered his feelings. There’s no way he can survive not being best friends with Ashton. No way. He swallows thickly, realizing Ashton just doesn’t want him around anymore. He can’t say he blames him, Calum knows he’s reckless, and dramatic, and he knows he’s a handful. Why would Ashton want him in the first place? How could Calum even think about the possibility of a chance with someone like him?

So, he forces his tears back, and nods in understanding.

“Okay.” He says quietly. “That’s a really good idea actually, Ashton. It’ll probably be good for us, I know I annoy you.”

“Calum, that’s not-”

“I’m just go back now, hang out with Michael. I’ll see you in the morning.” he says with a slight smile, walking out the door. Ashton watches him go with a guilty feeling in his stomach for the second night in a row. This time though, the guilt isn’t for Bryana, it’s for his best friend.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY PPL READ UPPPPPP  
> Super early update, 'cuz I have so many things to say (lolz)  
> First things first, IM SO FUCKING SORRY FOR ALL THE ANGST. FOR THOSE WHO STRUGGLE PLZ READ: I have written ahead on this fic, and the first thing I'd like to say is that it is going to be VERY VERY LONG and I'm soz. The other thing is that it will continue to be angsty for some time, and I'm so SO SORRY! Cashton will continue going through ups and downs for a while, so if y'all don't want to read a SUPER LONG, SUPER EMOTIONAL FIC, I'd totally understand if you check out. No hard feelings, just thought I'd warn you :)  
> AND TWO  
> HOLY MOTHER FUCKING BALLS SHE'S KINDA HOT EP??? JET BLACK HEART???? SAFETY PIN????BADLANDS (lowkey Halsey trash)  
> I'M AMERICAN, BUT I'VE HEARD ALL OF THIS KICK ASS EP, AND WHATTTTTTT???? MICHAEL? whO HURT ME BBBY?????
> 
> Also, CASHTON?????? THEY 'RE ALWAYS TOGETHER???? THEY'RE ALWAYS ON MY DASH??? ARE YOU TRYING TO MURDER ME????  
> And last but not least, MICHAEL'S HAIR???? UHM? FUCK YOU????  
> GOD I LOVE THE BLONDE AHHHHH  
> okay, sorry for ranting :)  
> I hope you guys enjoy this, and I'm sorry if it's too emotional :) Love you all!!  
> XX-Alex  
> PS Turin, I know you're show wasn't bad, so don't yell at me :)))

 Uhm? Fuck yes??????   Cashton who are you? I can't fucking brEATHEEEEEEEE fFUCK

 

 

Life goes on.

It always does.

The show after Madrid, Turin, is one of their worst performances yet. Including all the ones before Ashton even came along.

The obvious tension between their melody and rhythm sections reflect in their show. It makes Ashton sick. He never, _ever_ wants to play a show like that again. It’s just unacceptable. The next six venues they play are sold out, and their shows get better each time.

Michael and Luke still skirt around each other, but something seems to have shifted into place finally. Luke no longer glares at Michael, and Michael no longer treats Luke like a delicate piece of glass. They haven’t made up officially, like they did last time, because there isn’t much else to say. Luke’s distress wasn’t because of Michael’s harsh words, it was just because of their bed activities. He feels bad about saying some of the things he said to Michael, blaming him for them sleeping together when Luke knew that it was probably just as much his fault, if not, even more. But, he doesn’t apologize, and Michael doesn’t ask him to. They just settle down slowly, their anger replaced by content awkwardness.

Calum and Ashton are a bit different.

Or at least, Calum is.

Calum _hates_ this. He absolutely hates being away from Ashton. It is by far the worst thing he’s had to do, and that’s impressive, considering Calum has been best friends with Michael Clifford since he was eight years old.

He misses Ashton terribly, he misses his curls, and beautiful smile. He misses sleeping beside him, and he misses his big hands. He misses all the little things, like a properly whipped ex-boyfriend. More than that though, he misses Ashton’s voice, he misses his humor, and just his mere presence.

He still gets all those things...secondhand. He still hears Ashton’s voice as he talks to the other bandmates or the crew, or thousands of fans, _but not him_. He still laughs at Ashton’s jokes even they’re told over social media instead of _to him_ over a cup of black coffee. He is still around Ashton, even if the older boy would rather be somewhere far away, in a little room with a small blonde girl instead of wherever they are in the world, next to Calum.

It hurts.

It hurts to know Ashton doesn’t want to be with him at all, in any form. He doesn’t even get to call Ashton his best friend anymore.

Ashton, given his nature, is still kind to him, he still offers him chips when he has extra, and he still tells Michael to calm down when he yells at Calum for fucking up his bass parts...again. Those things, those are what are really bothering Calum, because Ashton is still Ashton. He’s still the same, smiley, beautiful, peaceful Ashton, unchanged.

Calum doesn’t understand, because he feels like a completely new person. He hardly sleeps, and spends a lot of his time drowning his pain in video games and music. He’s around Michael a lot, hoping to feel less lonely than he is. He would feel bad for using Michael if it weren’t for the fact that Michael seemed to be using him as well. It was okay. They could be lonely together. Calum would always have Michael, and vise versa. Calum loves Ashton an awful lot, but Michael will always have #1 Boy written next to his name in Calum’s mind.

Michael is one of the only things keeping Calum from letting his feelings for Ashton slip.

The other is Ashton’s promise.

The night after Ashton and Calum broke off their friendship for some…”time apart”, Ashton made Calum a promise. He told him that when they get to Amsterdam, they can stop. They can resume their old friendship, even though Calum knows it will probably never be the same. Either way, Calum is anxiously hanging onto the promise of Amsterdam, of getting coffee with his best friend and his caramel curls in a big city in Europe. Four days. Just four more days. Calum is almost done with this whole…”staying away from Ashton” thing, and he couldn’t be more relieved. Only one thing stands in his way.

Oberhausen.

That’s the last show before Amsterdam. Calum feels really good about this show. He knows he’s had a string of rough performances, ranging from his less-than-energetic enthusiasm on stage to his screwed up bass solos. It’s not his fault, the chemistry of the entire band has been thrown off, and he’s just struggling the most. Nevertheless, Calum is ready for things to change. This will be a good show, because after tonight, he’s home-free.

“This is going to be a great show, I can tell.” He tells Michael as they sit in their dressing room playing FIFA while the other two members of the band get them coffee. They arrived to the venue at about six am, and they just got finished with their rehearsal. For the first time in two weeks, Calum’s rehearsal was flawless. He didn’t miss a single note or riff on his guitar, and his singing solos had been better than ever.

The entire band was shocked.

“I hope so. You know how Ash gets when our shows aren’t top-notch.” Michael muttered, his attention lazily focused on the screen. Calum, despite himself, smiled a little at the mere thought of Ashton.

“Yeah, well. I just think this one will be exceptionally good.” Calum said with a smile, and Michael eyed him with a weirded out expression.

“What the hell is with you?” He asked, pausing the game.

“What do you mean?” Calum asked, unpausing it. Michael grumbled, and paused it again, looking at Calum.

“You’ve been so depressed for the past two weeks, all but complaining every night before a show, and now you’re all.. _.energetic_. What the hell?” Michael explained. Calum shrugged.

“I don’t know, I just feel good about this one, I guess.”

Michael looked at him. He gave Calum a long, lingering look, those stupid green eyes burning through him. Michael has been friends with Calum for eleven years, and he knows his best friend is lying…but _why?_ Calum stares back at him, neither blinking until they’re both involved in a heavy staring competition, neither willing to break eye-contact. Calum is well aware of what Michael is doing, and it won’t work. Calum will not spill to Michael, he just won’t.

“Coffee!”

The two boys on the couch stumble back, shocked at Luke’s loud entrance. Luke laughs at them, waltzing into the room with two cups in his hand.

“Luke, what the fuck?” Calum spewed, watching the lanky blonde sashay about the room.

“Sorry to interrupt your make-out session, but I have brought coffee.” Luke smiled, handing Michael a cup.

“We weren’t making out.” Michael grumbled, taking the cup from Luke’s hand.

“Well, whatever you were doing, staring into each others’ eyes.” Luke said, falling into a chair beside the couch Michael and Calum were on.

“We were having a staring contest!” Calum complained right as the door opened, and Ashton walked in, holding two cups, and a bag.

“Who was?” Ashton asked, walking over to Calum. Luke giggled, and sipped his drink.

“When I walking in to give Michael his drink, he and Calum were staring into each others’ eyes like they were about to start ripping each others’ clothes off.”

Ashton laughed softly, handing Calum his drink.

“They claimed they were having a staring contest.” Luke continued as Calum’s hand brushed against Ashton’s when they traded the cup. Ashton looked down at him for a second, his hazel eyes shining with some sort of unknown emotion. Calum looked right back, and for a few seconds, it was just them in that room, one of their hands both wrapped around a cardboard cup.  

Then Michael told Luke to fuck off, and the moment was over. Ashton let go of the cup, and Calum was holding onto it it midair for a few seconds, just watching the honey-haired boy. He soon realized he looked like an idiot, and took his cup into his lap, peeling the lid off.

He looked at the side of the cup, and written in big letters were the words: Special black w/ two sugars. Ashton brought him tea. His favourite tea, to be exact.

“Thank you.” Calum muttered with a little smile on his face.

“Welcome.” Ashton grinned.

Ashton walked away, and went to the counter in their dressing room, leaning against it while pulling out his phone.

“I don’t know about _you_ , Ashton, but _I_ think they were trying to make out.” Luke rambled, looking at the older blonde. Ashton glanced up with a humoured expression.

“Whatever you say, Lukey.” He said with a crooked smile.

“ _Please_ , Lucas.” Calum scoffed. “If we were to make out, you’d know.”

Michael laughed as Luke blushed a little.

“Don’t worry, Luke. Calum’s not my type.” Michael teased, leaning into the younger bassist. Calum pouted, setting his drink on the floor after taking a sip. Ashton and Luke both laughed, Ashton’s laugh sounding louder than Luke’s to Calum.

“What do you mean, ‘not your type’?” Calum asked.

“Sorry, Cal. Your cheeks are too squishy for my taste.” Michael said, poking his bandmate lovingly.

“What the hell, I thought you loved my cheeks!” Calum whined, puffing his cheeks out. Michael shrugged, and sipped his coffee.

“I think they’re cute.” Ashton said from the corner of the room, his ass on the counter, feet propped on the back of Luke’s chair, a smirk on his face. Calum locked eyes with him, his infamous cheeks burning a bright pink.

“What the fuck, Ash?” Michael asked, laughing.

Ashton shrugged, looking back at Calum, and winking so the other boys wouldn’t see it. Calum swallowed a little roughly, completely confused. What happened to ‘needing some space’? Nevertheless, Calum smiled a little at him, and Ashton returned it with a look that made Calum’s tummy fill with heat. Friendly heat, of course.

“Ash,” Calum was cut off when Ashton’s phone rang in his hand. The curly-headed boy looked down at it, and smiled.

“Can you hang on a second, Cal? I should take this.” He asked, the moment gone.

“Yeah, sure.” Calum said, blinking. It was almost like he was in a trance when Ashton looked at him. Ashton smiled, and accepted the call, getting up to step outside their room.

“Hey, baby, what’s up?” He spoke into the speaker, the door shutting softly behind him.

Calum sighed softly, knowing whatever had just happened with Ashton meant nothing, just some friendly teasing. He picked up his drink, and sipped it, flinching when the liquid burned his tongue while Michael and Luke started a new a game.

He could hear Ashton laugh from the other side of the door, engaging in conversation with Bryana. He sighed again, and tossed his head back, closing his eyes.

Amsterdam.

_Four more days._


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi lovelies,  
> LONG update bc I'm sad.  
> Enjoy <333  
> Also, the more you guys comment, the faster I write :))))  
> Love you all!!  
> XX-Alex  
> PS I'm sorry I'm fucking with all y'all's emotions

They're cute.

 

 

For once in Calum’s entire life, he’s right.

Oberhausen is amazing.

The fans go crazy, the entire arena is shaking as Ashton plays his into, his platform raising, causing the screaming to intensify when the fans’ eyes finally land on the drummer.

This was always one of Calum’s favourite parts, getting to watch Ashton in his element, up on the platform, banging on those drums to count his bandmates in. The screaming of thousands of fans on the other side of the curtain pumps Calum up to the point where he feels liquid adrenaline running through his veins. He takes a deep breath, tightening his strap just as the director tells them to go. Calum is first. After Ashton, of course.

He runs out onto the stage with two of his best friends behind him, his bass in hand, and the screams, if possible, intensify when he reaches his stand, and they finish their three-note power intro.

He looks over his shoulder at Ashton, who has the biggest smile on his face as he counts them into End Up Here, and Calum just knows.

This is where he’s supposed to be.

On stage, a guitar in his hands, his two best friends to his right, and his faithful drummer behind him.

-

After their encore, and five minutes of throwing their picks, drumsticks, and water bottles into the crowd, they're going through the tunnel that leads then back to their dressing room.

Calum is practically bouncing off the walls, cheering loudly, and once his bass is handed to his tech, he’s on Luke’s back, the younger laughing happily, and running down the hall with Calum.

They bust into the dressing room, Ashton and Michael trailing behind with bright smiles. Luke does a victory lap around the room, Calum laughing.

“Germany!!!” Calum yells, one hand wrapped around Luke’s neck for balance, the other fist-pumping the air.

Michael laughs at the two of them, and Ashton just shakes his head fondly from the door.

“That was so great!” Luke smiles, finally setting Calum down.

“Definitely one of our best shows.” Michael agrees.

“You guys did great tonight, I’m really proud of you.” Ashton said, walking to his tour case.

“Loosen up, Ashton, we just played a kick-ass show, that wasn’t just great, it was legendary!” Calum squeaked, punching Ashton lightly on the shoulder.

“Jesus.” Ashton chuckled. “somebody’s on an adrenaline high.”

“Damn right.” Calum smiled.

“I think you all know what this means.” Michael said from his chair.

“Yes.” Luke nodded at the same time as Ashton groaned.

“Drinks!” Calum said happily, taking off his shirt.

“No.” Ashton said, and the band all scoffed.

“You’re going, Ash. We just played an amazing, sold-out show. You are going to the club with us even if I have to drag you there myself.” Michael noted calmly, giving the older a _look_.

“There’s no way, we have to be up early, we can’t party all night, we’ve got a long way to drive tomorrow.” Ashton said persistently.

“Ashtonio, don’t be so lame. You _have to_ go.” Luke said, slumping onto the couch with Michael.

“No, I do not _have to_ go, and neither do you. I’m hesitant to let you two go, considering whatever the hell happened last time.”

Luke blushed, and Michael just scoffed.

“That’s why you need to go this time, to supervise.” Michael said with a smile. Ashton groaned, and took his shirt off, dragging a hand through his hair.

“Take Calum, he can supervise.” He noted, right before two warm, bare arms wound themselves around his waist. He looked over, seeing Calum, also shirtless, plastering himself to Ashton’s side.

“I don’t want to supervise. I want you to go, Ashy.” He said with a pout, his tone vaguely reminding Ashton of the times when he would fuck him, and he would slip into headspace.

“Calum…”

“Please? For me, Ashton?” He asked with killer puppy-dog eyes. Ashton gave Calum a look out of habit, but Calum simply responded by pouting out his bottom lip, and dammit, Ashton was just a complete sucker for this kid.

“Fine.” He groaned, causing Calum to grun. “But get off me, you’re sweaty, and so am I.”

“You love it.” Calum hummed, walking away with a sway of his hips. Ashton scoffed while rolling his eyes, turning to his case to get changed.

-

Ashton should have known.

In fact, now that he looks back on it, he _did_ know.

He did know that this was going to happen, and what did he do about it? Not a damn thing. So really, he can’t complain.

But, it’s really, truly hard not to complain when you’re stuck babysitting three six-foot boys in a club. He’s nursing his first, and only serving of alcohol, a cheap, cool beer in his palm.

Luke is next to him, snuggled into his side, giggling like a fucking idiot. The blonde has had around five beers, and well, Luke’s never been known to hold his liquor very well.

Ashton is trying not to shove Luke off because the fool keeps laughing and telling Ashton things that make no sense, and Ashton doesn’t have the heart to push him off. So, he sits in his booth, dealing with a giggling Luke, and keeping an eye on Michael, who has consumed probably only three beers, and is only a little tipsy. However, that’s not stopping him from stupidly flirting with a waitress, who seems quite pleased with his attention. Ashton has to resist rolling his eyes, because little does that lady know that Michael is gayer than gay, and is hopelessly in love with a giggling blonde idiot. To her credit though, he doesn’t know either.

And last, but not least, Calum.

_Fucking Calum._

Ashton lost sight of that asshat almost immediately. When he finally found him again, downing a whiskey and Coke, he told him to make sure he stays in Ashton’s line of sight. After Calum flipped him off, and told him to ‘ _fuck off, mom_ ’, he pranced off to go do whatever the hell it is Calum does.

As it turns out, what Calum does in his freetime is dance. A lot. Ashton sees him occasionally from his seat, a head of fluffy black curls bobbing around a sea of people, grinding on anything that moves, his left hand holding a drink, his right holding the hip of his new victim.

Ashton knows Calum is a partier, he always has been, but lately, Calum’s been keeping kind of a cap on himself, being in the public eye and all. But, it seems that tonight he doesn’t care, and he’s completely ravishing the dancefloor, along with everyone on it. Luckily, no one here seems to know who he is, or maybe he’s just moving too fast for anyone to actually see him. Either way, Ashton is desperately trying to watch him, and make sure he doesn’t do anything too stupid. Don’t get him wrong, he’s all for letting Calum have fun, considering everything that’s been happening lately, but he still wants to make sure Calum makes it to tomorrow in one piece.

Calum, as before mentioned, is moving pretty fast, and Ashton’s eyes are hurting from trying to locate him under all the flashing lights. The other problem with watching Calum, of course, is the half-mast he’s got going on in his pants. Ashton isn’t sure when it happened, it just did. He can’t help it, Calum just looks so good. He looked good all day, especially after the show, with a sweaty, bare body, and a grin on his face. And now, well, anybody would get a boner if they were to sit and watch Calum sweat and grind on people, swaying his enticing hips to the beat of the music. It’s downright pornographic, honestly.

Calum is decked out in a tight-fitting, elbow-length black t-shirt, that actually belongs to him. His regular black skinnies are on, as well as all black converse. Sweat drips down his neck, making the back of his shirt darker than the rest with moisture. That wild hair of his is flying around, curling in the humidity, and sticking slightly to his forehead.

The whole scene vaguely reminds Ashton of the times he had Calum in his bed, sweaty and begging underneath him. And, yep. That’s where the boner came from. Son of a bitch.

“Ashy,” Luke giggled, turning his nose into Ashton’s neck.

“Yes, Luke?” Ashton sighed. Luke was quiet for a second before giggling again.

“You’ve got a stiffy.” He laughed. Ashton blushed a little bit whilst rolling his eyes.

“Thank you, I know.” He said simply. Luke laughed, and leaned up, so his lips were brushing Ashton’s ear.

“Want me to take care of it?” He whispered, in what Ashton guessed was supposed to be a seductive voice. Ashton just sighed again, and grabbed his beer.

“For the love of god.” He said, chugging down at least half of what was left in the bottle.

“Is that a yes?” Luke asked, and Ashton shoved his head away.

Luke giggled again, spilling some of his drink in his lap in the process.

“Oopsie, Ashton.” Luke said, looking at Ashton with concerned eyes.

“Lucas, dammit.” Ashton said, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“I’m sorry.” Luke said, and it would’ve sounded genuine if he didn’t start giggling half-way through.

Ashton sighed, mopping up the mess with a napkin. He looked up, trying to locate a trash can, but all he managed to do was lock eyes with Calum.

Calum had his back turned to a dude, one hand reaching back to the dude’s neck, his other hand holding his half-full cup of whiskey. His ass was obviously moving in a seductive manner on the dude’s crotch, and Ashton felt a hot flash of envy.

Calum must have noticed, and he smirked, biting his lip as he pushed back harder. Ashton’s mouth fell open at the sight, the dude behind Calum wrapping large hands around Calum’s hips, and...no. Just, no. Those are where Ashton’s hands go, not his.

Ashton glared at the two of them, and Calum’s smirk grew. He was obviously trying to get a rise out of Ashton, and seriously, well done. Mission accomplished. Ashton is going to _kick his ass_.

Ashton shook his head at him, and Calum shrugged, turning around to face the dude. Ashton’s face burned as the guy’s hands ventured down to Calum’s ass, squeezing the flesh cheekily. Calum jumped a little, but it didn’t seem to bother him, because he wrapped his arms around the dude’s neck, and began to dance with him again.

Ashton shakes his head, and bites his lip in anger, because really, this shouldn’t be happening. He shouldn’t have an erection from watching Calum dance around a club, and he shouldn’t be burning with jealousy because Calum is grinding on another dude. But, he is. So, he angrily slides out of the booth, grabbing Luke’s wrist and dragging him with.

“Where are we going, Ashy?” Luke asked happily. Ashton ignored him, and continued to tug him along. After battling his way through several barricades of people, he finally reached Michael, who was still trying his pick up lines from sixth grade on the redheaded waitress.

“Excuse me.” He said to the lady, stepping between her and Michael.

“Ashton, what the hell? We’re talking here.” Michael said angrily, trying to look over Ashton’s shoulder to the lady.

“Michael, you’re gay.” Ashton said simply, tugging Luke closer to him when he tried to follow a lady in a sequin dress. Michael looked shocked, and a little offended.

“So?” He said, his mouth wide open.

“So,” Ashton said, irritated. “you don’t need to try and seduce Annie over here.”

“Annie?” The waitress asked, offended.

“Sorry, nothing personal, that sounded a lot harsher than I meant.” Ashton said, turning to the lady. “Just, here.” He said, shoving a 5 pound note in her hand. The lady shrugged, and shoved the money down her shirt, lifting a tray of drinks, and walking by them, winking at Michael on the way. Ashton rolled his eyes, and resisted the urge to gag.

“Here.” He said, tugging Luke’s hand towards Michael. Michael looked at the hand with confusion.

“What do you want me to do with him?” he asked, eyeing Luke strangely.

“I need you to watch him. He spilled beer on his pants, get him cleaned up, and get him to the van. It’s time to go home.” Ashton said, pressing Luke’s palm into Michael’s.

“What? Why? It’s only like, midnight.” Michael protested, but held onto Luke nevertheless.

“Exactly. We have to be up early tomorrow, and Calum is going crazy.” Ashton insisted.

Michael glowered at him a little, thinking. Eventually, after Ashton gave him his ultimate-puppy-dog-eyes, Michael sighed, and got off his stool, tugging a still-smiling Luke behind him to the bathroom.

("Where're we goin', Mikey?")

Ashton let out a relieved sigh, watching the two go. He drained the rest of Michael’s drink that he had left on the counter, shuddering as it slid down his throat, and then turned to face the floor.

Now, Ashton isn’t afraid of dancing or people or anything, he’s just...not really into it. He likes big crowds at concerts, whether he’s playing or attending, because he’s surrounded by people who are all there to support the same, amazing cause. Music.

He figures this is the same thing, just...the cause is fun. Or sex. Or forgetting. Or moving on.

Ashton realizes that’s what places like this are for. Fun, sex, forgetting, or moving on.

Now, the question is, which one is Calum there for?

Maybe all four?

Ashton shakes the thoughts from his head, and takes a deep breath before stepping onto the floor. He’s not overwhelmed or anything, just kind of...weirded out. There’s a lot of people, and they’re all sweaty and they’re all strange to him. He has to kindly decline people who try and grind on him, which is kind of awkward, but past all that, Ashton can kind of see the appeal.

Everyone is moving as one, to one huge beat, one that’s shaking the floor, which might be Ashton’s favourite thing. The people are all happy and smiling, and even though Ashton knows that their smiles will be long gone by tomorrow morning, it soothes him. This place is a temporary escape from reality, just like his concerts. He understands.

Ashton combs through the throngs people, searching for his young bassist. In his search, he gets hit on four times, and gets a drink spilled on him. It’s kind of annoying, but luckily, just as he was about to give up, Calum came into view.

Ashton’s heart dropped a little as he laid eyes on him, pressed up against a wall, the guy from before’s tongue down his throat. Ashton bit his lip, and tried to push away his jealous feeling. He started to walk over, eyeing the way the dude handled Calum, one hand tight on his small hip, the other tangled in his hair. Ashton didn’t like it...at all.

When he reached the two, he saw Calum was pushing at the dude’s chest with two hands, his eyebrows furrowed. Ashton quickly realized this dude forced himself on Calum, and he saw fucking red.

“Hey,” he said, yanking the dude back by the collar of his shirt.

The dude stumbled backwards, his lips detaching from Calum’s with a ‘pop’. Calum’s chest was heaving slightly, looking down confusedly at the nameless guy, who had fell on his ass. He was quickly back up on his feet, squaring against Ashton.

“What the hell?” He asked, and Ashton tipped his chin up. The guy was taller than him by a few inches, but his weight was about the same, thick, but not built.

“Fuck off.” Ashton offered, shoving the dude’s chest.

“A-Ashton,” Calum said, but Ashton ignored him, as he was being pushed himself.

“Who gave you the right?” The guys asked Ashton, dark blue eyes sizing him up.

“Uhm, I did. He didn’t want it, so back the hell off.” Ashton growled, reaching for Calum, who was still plastered to the wall, his hair a mess.

“He was enjoying it.” Blue-Eyes said, nodding towards Calum’s pants, which were slightly tented. Ashton furrowed his eyebrows, looking from Calum’s jeans to his face, to Blue-Eyes.

“Calum,” Ashton asked slightly, looking at the younger boy, who shook his head frantically. .

“C’mon, we’re going home.” He said, yanking Calum close to him protectively, away from Blue-Eyes. “He’s not yours. He did not enjoy it, learn to understand when people don't want it.” He mumbled to the taller guy, who glared at Ashton.

“Bye, Dean.” Calum whispered, like a pup being dragged away from it’s friend by it’s mother. Blue-Eyes, Dean, waved slightly to Calum, still giving Ashton a killing look.

Ashton rolled his eyes, and flipped Dean off with his free hand, pulling Calum’s hand into his own. Calum seemed to have calmed down, but he still struggled against Ashton, begging him to let him return to the floor and dance.

“Ashton, please, just ten more minutes, please.” He begged, yanking on Ashton’s hand.

“Calum, no. We’re going back.” Ashton said stubbornly, his grip on Calum tightening.

“Ash...please, _please_ let me, I-I, need to go!” Calum whined, tugging again.

“Stop. We’re going back, and that’s final, quit whining.” Ashton said, navigating his way out of the dance floor finally.

“No! No, I want to have fun, please just tonight! Just..Just one night.” Calum yelled, his tone growing louder and more bratty. Ashton shook his head, deciding to deal with Calum later, ignoring the boy’s immature outburst. He struggled, towing Calum through the club, but the boy pulled so hard against him that eventually he slipped through Ashton’s sweaty hand.

Ashton turned, and caught him angrily, growling as he threw an arm around Calum’s waist, pulling the younger back against his chest. Calum squirmed in his hold, and Ashton brought another arm to help restrain him.

“Calum, stop this right now. You’re acting like a child.” Ashton said, but Calum continued to thrash.

“No! I-I wanna go!”

“Calum, you’re going to be punished if you act like this, understand? I’ll carry you out of this club, if I have to, but you are not going back to that dance floor, or you will be punished so badly, you won’t be able to walk for the next week.” Ashton growled in his ear, and the younger boy went still in Ashton’s arms. “Am I clear?”

“Yes, Ashton.” Calum said, swallowing roughly, quite mesmerized by the tone of Ashton’s voice.

“Good.” Ashton said, taking Calum’s hand again, and tugging him out the doors, ignoring the odd looks people sent him. He knew talking to Calum like that was a bad, bad idea, but he didn’t know what else to do. He didn’t want to call security, and he didn’t want to tug Calum out like a little kid, not with the place swimming with paparazzi. So, he used his last resort, dominating Calum out of the bedroom, which, before, was something that came easily to him, and honestly, still does. But that doesn’t make it right.

He walked the two of them to their van, never letting go of the younger, who had gone silent and pliant for Ashton. Ashton slid the door open, happy to find his other two bandmates inside, Luke passed out on Michael’s shoulder, the older boy playing with Luke’s hair mindlessly.

“Go on.” Ashton said quietly, pushing Calum into the van. The boy stumbled a bit, but Ashton steadied him with strong hands braced on his waist. “Careful.”

When Calum was finally in, Ashton buckled his seatbelt, then sat next to him, throwing an arm around his shoulder.

“Good boy.” He said, leaning his head atop Calum’s. The smaller boy smiled with his praise, and he turned to look at Ashton. Ashton could see the effects of the alcohol starting to wear off, leaving Calum still drunk, but in his cuddly phase.

“We’re almost there, Ashton.” He said with a smile, his eyes shining.

“Almost where?” Ashton asked softly, brushing Calum’s hair from his forehead.

“To Amsterdam. Once we’re there, we can be friends again. You can...you can love me again.” Calum said, his eyes burning so brightly with hope that it made Ashton want to throw up. Did Calum really think Ashton doesn’t care about him? Was Calum really so desperately hanging onto the promise of Amsterdam that he’d driven himself to depression?

“Calum, baby, I never stopped loving you.” He said after a minute, running his fingers through Calum’s curls. Calum looked confused, pretty dazed, and he shook his head. He turned his face up, and before Ashton could do anything, Calum had his full lips pressed to his in a kiss. It didn’t last very long, Calum pulling away after a few confusing seconds.

“No, Ashton.” He says quietly, leaning away from the older. “You don’t love me.”

Ashton looked at Calum, who had a hurt look on his face, his arms wrapped around his torso, leaning back in his seat, away from Ashton.

The look on Calum’s face, and the way he said those words made Ashton wonder how drunk Calum really was.

Probably not as much as he wanted Ashton to think he was.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **TRIGGER WARNING**  
> Prepare yourselves for this emotional bullet.  
> Consider yourselves warned.  
> Btw, this is most likely the last MAJOR angsty occurrence/chapter, so bear with me, people.  
> Love you all, as always!!  
> XX-Alex  
> PS plz don't hate me :)))
> 
> THE TRIGGER WARNING IN THIS CHAPTER: is for a panic attack, nothing major, but I want all my readers to stay safe :))

 

The most famous Cashton gif to ever exist. 

 

 

 

 

 

When Calum woke up the next morning, his first thought was that he was dead.

 _Mostly_ because he wakes up to Ashton’s beautiful sleeping face, and he figured he was in heaven.

He quickly realizes that Ashton is in fact across the hall in his own bunk, having fell asleep with his curtain open and just happens to be facing Calum. He’s not gonna lie, he’s a little disappointed, and a little upset that he let himself get his hopes up. Still, Ashton is pretty when he sleeps, and Calum is going to take a second to admire it. He probably looks creepy, just staring at Ashton, but honestly, he could care less.

Eventually, Ashton grumbles and turns over in his sleep, and Calum lets out a sigh. He himself rolls onto his back, and stares at the ceiling of his bunk. His head hurts, and his eyes burn, but his hangover is not nearly as bad as everyone would assume.

That’s because he wasn’t as drunk as everyone assumed.  

Looking back, Calum probably consumed four drinks, leaving him just over tipsy. He knew damn well what was going on last night, and he remembers it in full, painful detail.

He remembers running away from Ashton, he remembers dancing with everyone, he remembers being kissed by Dean, he remembers Ashton disciplining him, and he remembers telling Ashton that he doesn’t love him anymore. He remembers the way Ashton looked at him like he was crazy.  

The memories are more painful than the hangover.

Calum closes his eyes for a second, trying to get the pounding in his head to cease. It doesn’t work very well, and if anything, it seems to make it hurt more. He groans a little, throwing an arm over his eyes, trying to think about anything other than last night. His attempt fails, and Calum is stuck reminiscing the way Ashton held him, the way he spoke to him, the way he _controlled_ him.  

It send shivers down his spine, as well as blood down to his groin.

Calum groans as he realizes he just popped a boner to the thought of Ashton manhandling him. Way to go, Little Calum.

Calum bites his lip, and glances from his pants to Ashton’s bunk, internally wondering how much trouble he would be in if Ashton caught him jacking off. Probably not very much, but...after last night? Calum decides the risk is too high.

He quietly climbs out of his bunk, passing Ashton’s sleeping figure, and ventures to the bathroom at the front of the bus. He looks around, trying to see if Luke or Michael or any of their tour managers are around to witness him lowkey wanking off. After he determines the coast as clear, he opens the door, shuts it quickly, pressing the lock, and leaning back against it.

He takes a deep breath, letting his chest cave in as he relaxed. He sat down on the toilet seat, closed his eyes, and thought back to the night before.

_Calum, you’re going to be punished if you act like this, understand?_

Calum groaned at the memory, and before he knew it, his pants were around his ankles, and his cock was in his hand, fucking his fist slightly.

_I’ll carry you out of this club, if I have to, but you are not going back to that dance floor, or you will be punished so badly, you won’t be able to walk for the next week._

With Ashton on his mind, Calum continued to stroke his neglected cock until, within minutes, he’s cumming all over himself. He lets out an extra whimper at the end when he notices he’s in one of Ashton’s shirts, his cum now staining the soft material.

His last thought before he leaves the bathroom is about giving Ashton his shirt back...without washing it.

-

Half and hour later, after Calum has gotten over his orgasm, showered, and changed (leaving Ashton’s shirt on his bunk), he makes his way to the kitchen on the bus in a desperate search for food.

When he gets there, expecting it to be empty, he’s pleasantly surprised to see Ashton’s bright and happy face, shining in the morning light from whatever city they’re passing through.

“Morning, Cal. Glad to see you’re alive.”

Calum smiled at him sarcastically, pulling Luke’s Cheerios from a cupboard.

“ _Hi._ ” Calum mumbled, pouring the cereal into a bowl.

“How was your night, then?” Ashton asked cheekily as Calum poured his milk, and sat down across from his older bandmate.

“Good, I slept like a rock.” Calum remarked, his voice mockingly cheerful.

“Yeah, I bet.” Ashton laughed, sipping his coffee. “You were so wasted last night, you probably don’t remember a thing.”

Calum lifted his head slowly when Ashton said that, a faint blush covering his cheeks. Ashton had a smile on his face, but Calum could see right through it. Ashton was nervous. He didn’t _want_ Calum to remember what had happened last night. He didn’t want Calum to know that he saved him from being abused in the club, he didn’t want Calum to know that he never stopped loving him. (Although, Calum would be happy to forget about that part). He was testing the waters. He wanted to know how much Calum remembered.

Calum was faced with yet another choice. Tell Ashton he remembers everything, and open a can of worms that could take them months to sort through, or...go with it. To go with it would be the easiest way out, to just tell Ashton that he didn’t remember a single thing, and erase an entire night from existence.

Only problem is, Calum doesn’t want to erase it.

He wants Ashton to know that he remembers. He wants Ashton to know that _he knows_ Ashton never stopped loving him. He wants to tell Ashton that he _loves him_ _too_ , more than that, he’s _in_ love with him. He so badly just wants to give in, and tell Ashton _everything_ , starting from the day they met.

But, things have _never_ been about what Calum wants.

Calum has always gone out of his way to make Ashton happy, acquiescing to his every need. This time was no exception. If what Ashton wanted was for Calum to not remember, then Calum will achieve a temporary state of amnesia. Period. 

“Yeah.” Calum laughed softly, hoping he sounded much more convincing that he felt. Ashton’s smile seemed to falter for a second, but it was back in a flash, overly-bright, blinding Calum with its beauty.

“It was _so_ funny, Calum. I think Mikey got some pictures. You were going nuts, we practically had to drag you out of the club.” Ashton laughed, the sound making Calum wince. They _did_ have to drag him out of the club. Ashton nearly punished him because he wouldn’t leave. The thought makes Calum wonder, what if he’d misbehaved a little longer? Would Ashton have punished him?

Calum shakes his head to make the thought disappear. He doesn’t need that right now.

“Wow, I’m sorry, I know I can be pretty wild, but hey, that’s what you signed up for.” He said cheekily, confidence always his cover.

“I really should have read the fine print.” Ashton remarked, sipping his coffee again. Calum laughed. It felt nice to joke with Ashton again, but it also felt uncomfortably foreign.

“Where are the other two?” Calum asked, shoveling cereal into his mouth.

“Luke’s in the back with Michael. He’s making sure Michael doesn’t puke all over everything. I think they’re watching Nemo.” Ashton said with a fond smile. Calum himself smiled at the thought.

“Well isn’t that just adorable.” Calum chuckled, Ashton nodding in response. The older boy looked down at his phone for a second, as if he was waiting for something. Calum decided to ignore it instead of asking.

“Driver says we’ll be arriving in Amsterdam in about half an hour.” Ashton said mindlessly, and Calum’s heart swelled. Amsterdam. He totally forgot in his drunken haze. It’s over. Finally over.

“Cool.” He said with a smile. “So, uh, what do you want to do when we get there? I read about it some while we were on our...uh...break. I’ve got a ton of cool places written down, and I didn’t tell the other boys, because I really want to go with you, because we haven’t gone out together in forever. I’ve really missed going places with you, Michael gets cranky when we walk too much. I’m really excited about this place, too. It seems really cool and interesting, and I’m just so excited that we can hang out again, sorry, it’s just, I missed you, and-”

“ _Calum_.” Ashton cut in, ending Calum’s rambling. Calum focused on him, a blush on his cheeks, but a smile on his face.

“Sorry.” He said sheepishly, chuckling a little. “I just missed you.”

“I know.” Ashton said softly. “But, um, there’s something I should tell you…” He trailed off, looking down at the table, away from Calum’s eyes. Calum’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“What is it?” He asked gently.

“I...I don’t really know how to put this, but...well, Bryana’s flight landed last night, and she…” He trailed off again, and it took Calum a second to put the pieces together. When he finally managed to do so, he hated the picture they made. His heart fell, completely destroyed by the news Ashton had given him. Bryana was in Amsterdam. Waiting for Ashton.

No wonder the older boy was in such a great mood.

“Oh…” Calum said, deflating a little.

“I’m sorry, Calum, I just, I found out a few days ago she was planning on going. I didn’t know that you missed me so much, but we can check out the next city, yeah?” He said hopefully, smiling at the younger.

Calum nodded slowly, trying not to break down. This wasn’t what was supposed to happen. He’d done everything _right._ He’d been _so_ good during their two weeks apart, he just...he didn’t understand. Things were supposed to change in Amsterdam. They were supposed to be _friends_ again.

Maybe Calum was overreacting, considering it’s just one weekend, and Ashton said they could check out the next city, but for some reason, the news just... _broke_ Calum. He’d been _promised_ Amsterdam. He spent the last two weeks researching the city in an attempt to keep himself from going crazy. He had the whole day planned in his head, so it could go perfectly with Ashton, so the older boy would see how great Calum could be, why he should keep him around. And now, his plans, his two weeks, _everything_ , had been destroyed. And _Ashton_? Ashton didn’t even care. Why would he? It’s just Calum, after all.

“Yeah.” He said to Ashton, feeling like cinderblocks were pressing down on his chest. “Yeah, that’s cool. We’ll just, um, check out Brussels together.”

Ashton smiled sympathetically at him.

“Great! I’m gonna take off as soon as we get there, y’know, spend as much time with Bryana as possible.” He said, and Calum nodded again. “I’m sorry you did all that work for nothing. But hey, maybe Luke wants to go with you, I bet he’d love that, yeah?”

Calum swallowed thickly, inches from breaking down.

“Yeah, I-I bet he would. I’m just gonna go...go ask him.” He said, his breathing becoming difficult. Ashton watched with confused eyes as Calum stood up, and walked away, heaving slightly.

Something was wrong with him. His chest was too tight, his lungs weren’t holding enough air to keep him alive. His vision was getting dizzy. He could feel his heart hammering against his chest violently, and all he wanted to do was break down. He wanted to cry. He wanted to go home. He wanted his sister. He wanted Ashton.

But he couldn’t have him, so he settled for the next best thing.

He stumbled into the back lounge, hyperventilating like crazy. He threw open the curtain, revealing Michael laying in a relaxed Luke’s lap. Upon Calum’s loud entrance, both boys looked up, startled.

“Calum?” Luke asked, worried.

Calum took deep breaths, trying to calm down, leaning against the doorframe.

“Mikey.” He breathed out, his head spinning. The older boy sat up from Luke’s lap, and was over to Calum in seconds. “Michael, please.” He wheezed out, tears filling his eyes.

“Hey,” Michael’s voice came, along with his hands, both gentle and grounding. “hey, Calum, c’mon, look at me.”

Calum shook his head, tears falling freely down his face. He breathed out through his mouth, his nose no longer able to suffice his breathing needs. Michael’s hands wrapped around his shoulders, pulling the boy tight against him. He turned around, and said something to Luke, probably along the lines of ‘get out’, because Calum felt the blonde brush past him, his fingers trailing over Calum’s back.

“Come on, Cal. Come here.” Michael said, still holding the boy while guiding them both over to the couch in the lounge. Michael sat back, and Calum climbed into his lap, hiding his face in his neck while sobbing violently.

Michael hushed him softly, running his hands down Calum’s back the way Ashton had learned to do when the boy was upset. Michael didn’t say anything as the younger boy sobbed and cried against him, he just held him softly.

Calum was having trouble calming down. His breaths still came through his mouth, but they were rugged, and they felt tight in his chest. His sobs were growing louder, and his tears were soaking Michael’s sweater. He knew he was having a minor panic attack, and it was scary. He’d never had one before, and it felt utterly awful, he felt so out of control over his own body. He felt like he was losing his mind, the only thing keeping him grounded was Michael’s voice.

“Hey, it’s okay, Cal. I’m here, I’m not going anywhere.”

“It’ll be over soon, I promise, Calum, just relax.”

Calum’s sobs quieted a bit, but he was still having trouble breathing.

“Just breathe, Cal, breathe with me.” He said, and Calum listened. Michael took his hand, and pressed it against his own chest.

“Feel my chest. Up and down. In and out.”

Calum felt the steady rise and fall of Michael’s chest, and it helped. He tried to match Michael’s breathing patterns as the older stroked his back, and soon, with Michael’s gentle words, Calum’s breathing evened out a bit.

He was still crying quietly into his shirt, but his breathing had slowed down, and his body was no longer shaking. Michael let out a relieved breath into Calum’s hair, closing his eyes for a second. He had no idea what had his best friend so upset, but it didn’t matter. All that mattered was that he was upset, and Michael hated it.

“A-Ashton.” Calum hiccuped, drawing Michael’s attention.

“What?” He asked, tilting his head to look at Calum. Calum just shook his head, and continued to cry into Michael’s neck.

He seemed to weep for hours, fresh tears gathering every time Calum even thought about Ashton. He’d gone a long time without crying, he’d been _so strong_ , holding all of his emotions in, and now...it was just too much. All of his problems had fallen on him all at once, and he didn’t know if he’d be strong enough to hold them up again.

Michael didn’t seem to mind Calum crying for what felt like days on end, he just held his best friend in his arms without complaint, hating how upset Calum was. He felt powerless, something had hurt Calum, and he’d been unable to stop it.

_How could he let this happen?_


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...I got selected as homecoming queen?  
> What the actual fuck?  
> ANYWAY...long update bc I don't play by the rules.  
> I hope you guys enjoy, we're getting real close the part y'all really want...just a few more chapters!!  
> Stick with me, I love you guys :)))  
> XX-Alex

Cute.

 

Some time later, Calum had calmed down until just a few tears were trickling from his eyes every once and a while. He still sat in Michael’s lap, clinging to the torso of the older boy, his nose buried in the familiar scent of his best friend. Michael stroked his hair and hummed songs that he and Calum had listened to whilst growing up. The sound made Calum feel better.

“Hey, Michael.” Michael stopped stroking Calum’s hair at the sound of Luke’s voice, looking up at the younger blonde. “We, uh, we’ve been in Amsterdam for about two hours. Driver says you guys need to get off so he can get gas. Plus, management wants us in our rooms in a few minutes.”

Michael nodded solemnly, and thanked Luke.

“We’ll be out in a minute.” He said, and Luke left the two of them alone again.

“Alright, Calum, let’s go.” Michael said, prying the younger boy off of his chest. Calum came off willingly, shockingly quiet as he climbed off Michael’s lap, and got up. He and Michael grabbed their things from their bunks, and Michael walked with his arm around Calum’s shoulders as they went into the hotel.

When they got to their rooms, Michael steered Calum into his own, wanting to sit the boy down and have a chat with him. Calum followed him, again, without complaint.

Michael shut and locked the door after Calum walked in, tossing his bag to the floor. He nodded to the bed, telling Calum to sit.

Calum did so, dropping his duffel onto the floor by his feet. He looked up at Michael with red-rimmed eyes, feeling incredibly sleepy even though it was only two in the afternoon.

“You gonna tell me what’s wrong?” Michael asked, sinking onto the bed beside Calum. Calum shrugged, looking away from his older bandmate.

“ _Calum_.” Michael gently reprimanded.

“I...I think,” Calum started, cutting himself off. He knew he owed Michael an explanation. Plus, he was growing tired of hauling around his big secret, with only his thoughts to comfort him. Maybe it was time he told someone. He could trust Michael. Michael would _always_ have his back.

“I think I have feelings for Ashton.” He spit out, the words sounding weird out loud.

Michael’s eyes widened marginally when Calum said that, but he didn’t say anything. He soaked in the information Calum gave him, and waited for the younger to go on.

“I don’t know, I just...we used to be Friends With Benefits, and when we stopped...I just felt _alone_.” He said quietly, not realizing how true it was until he said it out loud.

Michael nodded slowly, his eyebrows furrowing.

“You and Ashton were Friends With Benefits?” He asked, and Calum nodded. “For how long?” Michael asked, incredulous.

“About two years now.” Calum said with a little smile.

“Two years!” Michael said, his jaw dropping, causing Calum to giggle a little bit. “Did you guys like...have _sex_ when Luke and I were around?”

Calum nodded with smile on his face.   

“Oh my _god_!” Michael squealed. “How could we not know? That’s, oh my god! Gross! We were in the _house_!”

“Wanna know something even _better_?” He asked laughing. “We did it in Ashton’s bed while you were asleep next to us.”

“OH!” Michael screamed, completely offended. “Oh my god, Calum Thomas Hood! You...you are _unbelieveable_! This is ludicrous, I...I can’t even explain how fucking grossed out I am, you disgusting horn dogs, oh my sweet virgin self!”

Calum chuckled at that, blushing a little bit at the memories of Ashton’s bed rocking as Ashton fucked him, Calum worried the sound would wake Michael.

_“Shh, baby, it’s alright, he won’t wake him.”_

_“But Asht-”_

_Ashton’s hand came to cover over his mouth._

_“Quiet, alright? Only noise I wanna hear is you begging for my cock, understand?”_

_“Yes, Ash.”_

_“Good boy.”_

Calum shivered, forcing himself to think about anything but sleeping with Ashton.

“Sorry, Mikey. It just kind of....happened.” He said, his smile fading. Michael shook his head, but he didn’t complain anymore. Calum figured this meant he should go on. So, he took a deep breath and continued.

“Then Ashton started seeing Bryana, and I hated it. He didn’t talk to me anymore, he only talked to Bryana, and then she came over, and she was so beautiful…” Calum trailed off, remembering the pictures Ashton showed him of Bryana in her photoshoots. How could Calum compete with a model? A funny, sweet, beautiful model?

“Calum,” Michael said, giving Calum a look. “you can’t compare yourself to her…”

“When we were in Madrid, you want to know what Ashton told me?” He said, ignoring Michael completely. Michael nodded reluctantly.  

“He told me that we needed some ‘space’ and some ‘time’ to register the ‘shift’  in our relationship.” He said, his mind reeling. “He said that we couldn’t be friends. Not until we got to Amsterdam.”

“Calum, I doubt that’s what he meant-”

“What else could it have meant, Michael? He didn’t want me around him.”

“That doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to be your friend. C’mon, you know Ash. He would never, _ever_ not want you around.” Michael pressed, but Calum shook his head.

“He didn’t talk to me for two weeks. I felt so alone, Michael. If you hadn’t been there, I…” Calum cuts himself off before he says something he regrets. “I was hanging onto the promise of hanging out with Ashton in Amsterdam, just so I knew where I stand with him.”

Michael nodded.

“We’re in Amsterdam now, what’s the problem?”

Calum shut his eyes for a second, releasing a breath.

“Bryana is here. Ashton is spending the weekend with her.” He said slowly. Michael was quiet again.

“He told me right after I told him how excited I was to see the city with him. After I told him how much I missed him, how desperate I’d been to see him again.” Calum continued.

“And you know what he said, Michael? _‘We can check out the next city, Calum’,_ he said. He told me he was _sorry_ that all my work was for nothing, and that maybe _Luke_ wanted to go instead. Luke, Michael! He told me to take Luke! I don’t want to take Luke! I want to take him! I did so much work, I planned so much, I waited so fucking long, and he just tells me to take Luke instead?” Calum screams, the angry part of him flaring. Michael just sat on the bed as he paced around the room, a calm look on his face. He knew Calum needed to vent.

“And the other night! _Fuck_! He dragged me out of the club, he threatened to _spank me_ if I wouldn’t leave, Michael. He hasn’t spanked me for months! Then, in the car...he....he told me he never stopped loving me, and...what the _hell_ is that supposed to mean? How am I supposed to respond to that?” He yelled again, ranting for no real reason.

“You were pretty drunk, Calum-”

“No, I wasn’t! I _pretended_ to be drunk, I wanted to have fun! And...Ashton thinks he can just do these things because I was completely wasted. In the morning, he said _‘I bet you don’t remember anything from last night’_. You know why he said that? Because he didn’t _want_ me to remember! He didn’t _want_ me to remember that I know he still ‘loves’ me, he…” Calum trailed off, completely out of breath. He looked at Michael briefly before plopping his head in his hands. Michael could see the way his shoulders shook a little, and he could tell he was crying. He felt so angry. Michael wanted to punch a hole in the wall, and more importantly, he wanted to punch a hole in Ashton’s face. He had done this. He had hurt his best friend, and he would have to pay. Michael’s heart cracked with the sound of Calum’s sob, and it tore when Calum walked over, and planted himself in Michael’s lap again, his face hidden in his neck.

These tears weren’t like before, they weren’t gasping-for air, rib-shaking sobs, they were gentle weeping, leaving the taste of saltwater on Calum’s tongue for hours on end.

He felt so tired. He hated this. He just wanted a resolution. He was tired of playing this game with Ashton. It was destroying him. He couldn’t keep holding everything in, away from the other boys, it wasn’t good for any of them.

“Mikey, I’m...I’m sorry.” He said, hiccuping a little.

“It’s okay. Everybody has their moments. This isn’t your fault.” Michael said, arms wrapped around Calum’s thin torso. Calum just shook his head, burrowing deeper into Michael’s shoulder.

“Ashton is acting like an asshole, Calum. But he’d never do it on purpose. He would never, _ever_ hurt you like this if he’d known he was doing it. You know that.” Michael continues.

“He doesn’t care about me, Michael.” Calum says quietly, and Michael’s heart breaks all over again at the genuine tone of Calum’s voice. He really believes Ashton doesn’t care.

“You know as well as I do that’s a complete lie.”Michael says, and it’s quiet for a minute after that. Both boys just breathing quietly with each other.

“Maybe it would be better if-”

“ _No_.” Michael cuts Calum off. “Don’t you dare, Calum. Don’t even _think_ about it.”

“You don’t even know what I was going to say!” Calum complains, lifting his head.

“No, I don’t, but I can guess it was something close to _‘maybe it would be better if I wasn’t here at all’_.” Michael says, and Calum is quiet after that. That’s almost exactly what he was going to say.

“Michael, you know I would never-” Calum started, but was cut off by Michael’s look.

“Calum, we have been friends for what? Eleven years? You think I don’t know when you’re lying? I can tell, okay? And I hate this. I hate that you’re so upset, and I didn’t see it sooner. I hate that you’re hurting. You’re my brother, Cal, and it hurts to know you’re so sad. You need to believe me when I tell you that Ashton loves you, because he does. Maybe not the way you want him to, but he definitely cares about you. If he saw you now, he would never, ever forgive himself. So please, Calum, just...don’t ever, say anything like that. Don’t even think it. Please.” Michael said, looking into Calum’s now-dry brown eyes. Calum looked at him for a second before nodding.

“I won’t. I’m sorry, I’m just... _emotional_.” He chuckled a little, shaking his head. He slowly climbed off of Michael’s lap, and wiped his nose. Michael smiled at him.

“It’s okay. I understand. Just do me a favour, and please...don’t bottle it up again, Calum.” Michael said seriously.

“I won’t, I promise.” He said with a smile. Michael smiled at him, and nodded.

“Do you want to watch a movie or something?” He asked, but Calum shook his head.

“I should go talk to Luke. Then I’ll shower and sleep a bit. Get ready for the show tomorrow.” He said with a small smile. Michael nodded, and flopped onto his bed.

“Suit yourself. Tell Luke I say hi.” He throws in, crossing his ankles, and reaching for his remote. Calum says he will, and leaves Michael’s room with a ‘later, man’ thrown over his shoulder.

Once Michael is sure Calum is gone, and isn’t coming back for a while, he pulls his phone from his pocket.

He has a serious text to send a certain drummer boy.

-

Calum’s night ended soon enough.

He chatted with Luke for a solid two hours, almost smacking the younger boy when he told Calum he knew about his feelings for Ashton all along.

After he said goodnight to the blonde, he retired to his room to the night, showering quickly, and sending a quick text in the band group.

From: **Da Bassist**

_Going to bed now, see you asshats in the morning._

 

Michael texted back right away.

 

From: **The ACTUAL Guitarist**

_Night, Mate. Feel better or I’ll kick your ass._

From: **The Poser Guitarist**

_Michael, don’t be rude. Night Calum. Sweet dreams Bass Boy :)_

From: **The ACTUAL Guitarist**

_Fuck off, Luke._

From: **Da Bassist**

_Mikey, be nice to the penguin. Night Lukey._

From: **The ACTUAL Guitarist**

_Don’t team up on me! :(_

From: **The Poser Guitarist**

_GOODNIGHT CALUM I LOVE YOUUUUU_

From: **Da Bassist**

_Love you too Lukey :))))_

From: **The ACTUAL Guitarist**

_Nobody loves me? :(_

From: **Da Bassist**

_Nope._

From: **The Poser Guitarist**

_I DOOOO_

From: **The ACTUAL Guitarist**

_Awe Luke, I heart you, bro_

From: **Da Bassist**

_Did you srsly just add bro to that sentence?_

From: **The ACTUAL Guitarist**

_Yes._

From: **The Poser Guitarist**

_I still got the message, I see right through Michael’s fuck-boy antics_

From: **Da Bassist**

_Whatever floats your boat, Lucas._

From: **The ACTUAL Guitarist**

_I float his boat._

From: **Da Bassist**

_Ew._

From: **Drummer Boi**

_Can you guys like, shut up?_

Calum was shocked to see Ashton text back in their group. He figured he’d be too “busy”.

From: **The ACTUAL Guitarist**

_No. Fuck off, Ashton._

Calum winced when he read that. He knew Michael would be pissed at the older boy.

From: **Drummer Boi**

_No, you fuck off Michael. I’m trying to hang out with my girlfriend._

Calum bit the inside of his lip.

From: **The ACTUAL Guitarist**

_Not my problem._

From: **Drummer Boi**

_Well, it’s not my problem that none of you are attractive enough to have a date for tonight._

Calum felt his chest constrict, and his heart weighed down in his chest.

From: **The Poser Guitarist**

_Ash…_

From: **The ACTUAL Guitarist**

_Seriously, fuck you, Ashton. Congradu-fuck-ulations on your wonderful, amazing girlfriend. Seriously, I’m happy for you. Don’t bother coming back tonight, or ever for that matter._

Calum clenched his teeth. This was not good.  

From: **The Poser Guitarist**

_Michael, don’t._

From: **Drummer Boi**

_Fine, I won’t. I’ll be staying with my GIRLFRIEND tonight instead of you losers. I’ll probably fuck her too, just in case you were wondering._

Calum bit down so hard on his lip, it started to bleed.

From: **The Poser Guitarist**

_Ashton! That’s enough!_

From: **Drummer Boi**

_Shut the hell up, Luke no one asked you_

From: **The ACTUAL Guitarist**

_Don’t you dare get mad at him_

From: **Drummer Boi**

_Who are you, my mother? I can get as mad at Luke as I want. Especially when he acts like a fucking twelve year old whose balls haven’t even dropped yet._

Calum swore under his breath. Ashton was digging himself quite a deep hole.

From: **The ACTUAL Guitarist**

_You better not show up on the tour bus, Ashton. I’ll be kicking your ass the second I see your face._

From: **Drummer Boi**

_Please, Michael. We both know you would have no fucking chance._

This was getting really, really bad.

From: **The ACTUAL Guitarist**

_Guess we’ll have to wait and see._

Calum had had enough.

From: **Da Bassist**

_Guys. Seriously, let’s just stop, okay? We’re all tired and saying things we shouldn’t. Michael, it’s fine. Sorry we bothered you, Ash. Hope you have a lovely night with Bryana._

It killed Calum to send that text, but he had to. Michael and Ashton were ready to get into a brawl if he didn’t say something.

From: **Drummer Boi**

_Thank you, Calum. I will._

Calum felt a bitter taste on his tongue as he read Ashton’s text.

From: **The Poser Guitarist**

_Goodnight, Ash._

Calum had to smile a little at Luke. He was so damn cute. If anyone could get Ashton to apologize, it would be him.

But, Ashton didn’t say anything back, and neither did Michael. Calum figured they were going to be having one hell of a talk tomorrow before the show.

Calum locked his phone, and put it on his bedside table, having enough of it for one night. He just wanted to say goodnight to his bandmates. He turned off his lights, and burrowed down in his blankets, exhausted from the day’s drama.

Just as he was starting to relax, and drift off, he heard a knock at his door. Grumbling, he reluctantly sat up, and walked over to the door, swearing about who was on the other side.

Opening the door, he was met with the sight of Luke, who was drowning in one of Michael’s t-shirts and boxers that Calum was sure he’d peeled off of Ashton before.

“Hi.” He said to the blonde, who looked tired.

“Can I sleep with you, please?” He asked, looking at Calum with watery eyes. Calum would to be dead before he said no to those eyes.

“‘course.” He said, opening the door to allow Luke to slide in with him. As he walked by, Calum got a whiff of his shampoo, coconut and vanilla.

Luke crawled under the covers of the bed as Calum shut and locked the door. The older boy came over too, and without hesitation, climbed in beside Luke.

The younger didn’t waste anytime before he was clinging to Calum, his arms wrapped tightly around his torso. Calum sighed deeply into Luke’s hair. They hadn’t cuddled in what seemed like forever. He was beginning to worry that Luke had become too grown up to want to.

He should have known better.

Luke snuggled his face into Calum’s chest, his nose pushing on the collar of his t-shirt. His cold feet were pushed onto Calum’s calves, and most of the time, Calum would tell him to move those fucking blocks of ice, but tonight he didn’t care.

“What’s wrong?” He asked gently, running a hand through Luke’s messy hair. Luke just shook his head, and burrowed deeper.

“I don’t like when we fight. When they fight.” He whispered, and Calum nodded. He remembered hearing from Jack, Luke’s older brother, that on the rare occasion in which the Hemmings parents would fight, Luke would climb into either his or Ben’s bed. The story had originally been told to embarrass Luke, but after, Jack pulled Calum aside, and told him that it really happened, and to make sure his baby brother was okay when he was upset. So Calum did.

“I know. I don’t either. But it’s okay, it’ll be fine.” He whispered.

“But what if it isn’t?” Luke asked, fisting Calum’s t-shirt.

“It will be. This is Ashton and Michael we’re talking about. They’re both hot-headed and stubborn. But they love each other, and us, and our band more than anything. They would never do something to really mess it up. It’s just a little skirmish. “ He assured not only Luke, but himself, pulling the younger boy closer. “I promise.”

Luke sighed again, his body loosening. It was quiet after that, and Calum figured Luke was trying to sleep, so he didn’t say anything.

“Calum?”

“Yeah?”

“Why is Ashton being such a dick?” He asked, catching Calum off guard.

“I don’t know, Luke.” He sighed. “He’s happy with his girlfriend. Sometimes when he’s happy, he’s a little blinded to what he does to others.”

Luke nodded.

“I feel so guilty, Calum.”

“Why?” He asked gently.

“When I was reading those texts, all I could think about was how much I hate him.” Luke whispered, his voice cracking slightly.

“Oh, Luke.” Calum said, burying his nose in Luke’s hair. “You don’t hate him.”

“Yes I do. He’s been such an asshole since we left LA, and he hurt you, and he’s been selfish, and he never, ever spends time with us anymore. He...he’s supposed to be the family one right? The one that keeps us from fighting instead of the other way around. I just...he promised he’d always be there. He said to me before we left Australia for the first time, and I was so terrified, that _he’d always be here,_ and now...he’s not. Even when he’s with us, it’s like he’s not.” Luke said, and Calum could feel moisture from Luke’s tears on his throat. “I hate him so much, Calum. And I hate that I feel guilty for that. I don’t understand how you couldn’t hate him. He’s treated you like dirt.”

Calum nodded slowly. He didn’t understand either.

“I do hate him a little. He’s a liar, I know, Luke. But I could never, ever really hate him, just like you or Michael could never. I love him, Luke. Differently than I love you or Michael. I will never get over that feeling for him. He’s treated us terribly the past few months, but I doubt he knows he does it. If he did know...things would be different.” Calum says slowly.

“How can you say that, Calum? After everything, how can you still be on his side?” Luke asked, pulling away from the older’s chest.

Calum shrugged, and blinked slowly.

“I’m not on anyone’s side. And like I said, I love him, Luke. I just...I can’t give up on him. He’s probably really stressed right now. Maybe we’re being too hard on him.” Calum said, his natural instinct to defend Ashton shining. Luke’s face shone with disbelief.

“Luke, listen to me. If anyone should be angry with Ashton, it should be me. I understand he’s hurt you too, but you have to see things from his point of view. He’s spent years keeping us on track, watching after us. He deserves to be happy.” Calum said bitterly.

“But just because he deserves to be happy doesn’t mean you deserve to be sad.” Luke said, his fingers brushing over Calum’s cheekbone. Calum smiled gently at him.

“I’d rather be sad than see him unhappy.” He whispered softly. Luke looked a little shocked. Calum felt a little shocked as well. He’d never said that out loud, but he’d always felt that way. It was always Ashton first in his mind.

“You really love him, don’t you?” Luke asked, dumbfounded. Calum nodded.

“With everything I have.” He answered with a small smile. Luke shook his head a little.

“He doesn’t know what he’s missing, Cal.” He said softly, placing a rare kiss on Calum’s cheek.

“Thanks Luke.” He giggled, tucking Luke’s head back into his chest. He wrapped his arms around Luke’s back, and exhaled heavily into the younger’s hair.

For the first time in weeks, he felt pretty good.

While Ashton rejected him this morning, and took a pretty big dig to him over the texts, he felt better. After he cried every toxic emotion out of his mind, and told Michael and Luke his true feelings, he felt incredibly relieved.

Relieved, and light, and a little happy.

Ashton was happy. Maybe it wasn’t with him, but he was happy.

And really, that’s what mattered to Calum.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo my beautiful butterflies,   
> uhm...Sos, I'm going through a beanie phase. Wtf.  
> ANYWAY,  
> You guys destroyed the last chapter with comments, it made me feel so fucking happy :)  
> This chapter is kinda short, and it's kinda a filler, but it's VERY VERY important :)  
> Enjoy!!  
> Lol posting chapter 23 on Sept. 23  
> XX-Alex  
> PS this chapter is dedicted to forestfruittea (drarryradton) for her new found Cashton love and 5sosirwinlover for editing her comment three times and her incredible use of pun  
> (I'm also so sorry if I have the incorrect pronouns, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong :))

idiots.

 

 

The next day, Ashton didn’t come back until twenty minutes before soundcheck.

He came back with lip-gloss on his cheek, and a deep, red bruise on his neck.

Calum did his best to ignore it.

Michael, however, had other plans.

The minute soundcheck was over, and they were backstage, away from fans and cameras, Michael had Ashton pinned to a wall, his left forearm over Ashton’s throat.

“Michael!” Luke squealed, running over to Michael and pulling on his arm.

Michael didn’t budge, he just kept his arm over Ashton’s throat, and his eyes set in a glare. Ashton dropped his drumsticks to the floor, and struggled, clawing at Michael’s arm. Calum stood behind them, too shocked to react.

“You-” Michael started, but Ashton cut him off.

“Fucking let go!” He squirmed. Calum had no idea how Michael had been able to restrain Ashton, the older boy had biceps for miles.

“Shut up.” Michael ordered, pressing harder on Ashton.

“Michael, you’re hurting him!” Luke complained, pulling on Michael’s shoulder. Michael ignored the younger boy until he eventually gave up, and stood back as Michael stared Ashton down.

“Mi-Mikey, I can’t br-breathe-” Ashton wheezed, his face red.

“Mikey.” Calum whispered. “Let him go.”

Michael gave Ashton a long look before reluctantly moving his arm. Ashton immediately fell forward, gasping, his arms wrapped around his stomach.

Calum gave him a pitiful look as he struggled to get his breath back. Michael just glared.

When Ashton had finally managed to calm down, Michael gave him a hard look.

“Apologize.” He said simply, and the older boy spluttered.

“I’m sorry, Mike-”

“Not to me.” Michael said, crossing his arms, and looking at Luke. Ashton turned to look at the younger boy, who was tensely standing in the corner of the room, his arms protectively wrapped around his tummy.

“Luke, I-”

“It’s fine.” Luke said, shaking his head, glancing at Calum softly. Ashton looked relieved, but he followed Luke’s eyes to Calum.  

Michael had told Ashton that Calum had been crazy upset last night. The boy looked shaken up, his skin paler than usual, his hands trembling a little. Ashton wondered what had happened, and what had made him upset.

“Are you alright, Calum?” He asked, stepping closer. Calum nodded, his eyes finding the floor. Ashton was confused by this behaviour, it was almost as if Calum was scared of him. Ashton didn’t like it. Especially since the other two boys seemed to be holding their breath, like they wanted to say something, but they were waiting for Calum’s cue.

“Are you sure?” He asked again, stepping into Calum’s space.

“Yeah.” He said, slowly taking his eyes from the floor, and looking at Ashton. “I’m fine.” He said with a smile, and Ashton could see the way the younger’s eyes ghosted over his neck. He subconsciously brought a hand to his neck, his fingers covering the mark Bryana had left that night. Calum swallowed a little roughly, frowning slightly at Ashton’s hand.

“Look, guys. I’m sorry, I was a complete dick last night. I should never have said the things I did.” Ashton said finally, his neck still covered by his hand.

Calum was quiet, leaning backwards, away from Ashton. Luke was quiet too, shuffling closer to Calum like he didn’t even know he was doing it.

Finally, Michael sighed, and walked over to Ashton.

“I’m sorry too. Can you forgive me if I forgive you?” He said, his eyes tired. Ashton looked at the other two, who were surprisingly quiet for once, before looking back to Michael.

“Definitely.” He said, nodding. Michael smiled a little, and looked at the younger two.

“We’re sorry we fought. We didn’t mean to scare you guys.”

Calum nodded, and Luke smiled.

“Group hug now?” The blonde asked, and the other three boys grinned.

And if their group hug turned into one huge puppy pile that they call a ‘band cuddle’, no one had to know.

-

“Calum, can I talk to you for a second?”

Calum looked up from his phone to Michael, who was leaning in the doorway of their dressing room.

It was two weeks later, and they were getting ready to start the third show of their three-peat at Wembley Arena in London.

After the four boys resolved the little fight they had, things had gone back to normal. Like the _original_ normal.

Luke and Michael resumed being flirtatious best friends, and Luke continued to cuddle with Calum whenever they were alone. Calum didn’t mind one bit. He and Ashton hung out more than before, having walked around Brussels for hours when they got there. However, Calum didn’t know if it was a good thing.

He loved being with Ashton, he really did, and the older boy stopped drooling over his girlfriend every twenty minutes, but Calum still felt heartbroken when he was with him. He wanted Ashton to be happy, but the daily pain was taking its toll.

He got up from the couch he was sitting on, and followed Michael out of the room, ignoring Luke’s whines for him to come back. Ashton watched him walk out curiously, his phone fisted in his hand.

“What’s up, mate?” He asked Michael once the freshly-dyed blonde boy had closed the door.

“I, um…” He shifted his weight, burying his hands in his pockets. “You know I love you, right?”

Calum nodded.

“Yeah of course.”

“And you know that I would do anything to make you happy, right?”

“Yes, what’s this about?” Calum asked, suspicious.

“Calum, I’m tired of seeing you sad.” He spit out, giving Calum a sympathetic look.

“Mike, really? We’re playing the biggest arena in Europe in an hour...for the third time. How could I be sad?” He asked with a chuckle. Michael just gave him a look.

“Ashton and Luke aren’t here, Cal. You don’t have to lie.” He said, those green eyes burning into Calum. His smile faltered a little bit, the numb feeling giving way to an incredible pain in his chest. It hurt so badly, it felt good.

“Mikey, I’m fine-”

“Don’t say you’re fine, because I know you’re not.” Michael said, cutting Calum off. “I may not have seen it before, but god, Calum. The way you look at him.”

Calum’s cheeks filled with colour, and a horrible weight set in his stomach.

“W-What do you mean?” He asked, panicking slightly.

“Cal, you look at him like he hung the moon and the stars just for you.” Michael said with a weak smile.  

“No, I don’t, Michael.”

“Yes you do, you’re completely mooney-eyed for him.” Michael insisted. “It’s not a bad thing, it’s actually really cute, the only thing is, when he picks up the phone to talk to Bryana, or when he talks about her, you just...the look on your face, it just shatters. You look so broken, so defeated. I hate it, Calum.” Michael said, leaning forward slightly.

Calum was quiet for a minute, thinking. He tried so hard to keep his feelings in check. He’s so mad at himself for letting emotion show that obviously. Something is wrong with him.

“I...I’m sorry.” He said slowly, glaring at the floor.

“Hey,” Michael said, dipping down to look at Calum. “Don’t apologize, this isn’t your fault.”

Calum shook his head.

“Why are you telling me this?” He asked, confused.

“I…” Michael trailed off for a second before taking a deep breath. “I think you should talk to Ashton.”

Calum’s eyes widened, and he stepped backwards.

“No,” He said, shaking his head frantically. “No way, Michael. Not a chance.”

“Calum,” Michael begged. “Just talk with him, please? I hate seeing you like this.”

“Why should I, Michael?” He asked defensively. “It’s obvious he doesn’t want me, why would I go to him just to be rejected?”

“Because he _does_ want you, Calum.” Michael insisted.

“No, he doesn’t. He’s made that very clear.” Calum scoffed while Michael sighed.

“I can’t convince you, Cal. But it’s been months of this. I can’t watch it destroy you anymore. Either you tell him, or I will.” He said, crossing his arms.

Calum’s heart stopped for a second, and he stepped backwards.

“You wouldn’t.” He whispered, staring at Michael in disbelief.

“You and I both know I would.” Michael said.

“No! You can’t, it will ruin _everything_!” Calum yelled. “I became friends with him again. You can’t take him away from me, please Michael!”

Michael’s eyes widened in shock, surprised at Calum’s outburst. He quickly hushed the boy, reaching for his hands. The younger pulled his arms out of reach, his eyes filled with tears.

“Calum.” Michael said, but Calum shook his head.

“Please, Michael, don’t. It will make him so unhappy, he won’t ever look at me the same way. Just...leave things how they are, please.” Calum whined, gentle tears falling down his cheeks. Michael gave Calum a hesitant look, but eventually sighed, and wiped Calum’s tears away with his thumbs.

“I’m sorry, Cal, I won’t.” He said softly. “It’s not my place, I’m sorry.”

Calum took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down.

“O-okay.” He stuttered out, his tears disappearing. He was tired of crying.

“I’m sorry for making you upset, I’m just tired of seeing you sad.” Michael explained, his hands pressed to the younger’s cheeks. Calum nodded in understanding, closing his eyes, and leaning into Michael’s touch slightly.

“Why don’t you go get cleaned up?” Michael said after a minute of quiet. “Don’t want Ashton to know you’ve been crying.” He finished, the words bitter on his tongue.

“Right.” Calum said with a little smile.

Michael released Calum’s face, and watched as the dark-haired boy walked off towards the bathroom. He ran a hand through his hair, sighing. However, he nearly pissed his pants when the door of the dressing room slammed open, and a concerned-looking Luke was staring right at him.

“We need to talk.” The younger said, grabbing Michael’s wrist, and leading him down the hall.

Meanwhile, back in the dressing room, Ashton sat with his back pressed to the wall, his phone lying forgotten at his side.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all have been so patient.  
> Here ya go, sorry it's long.  
> ALSO: There is mention of depression in this chapter, not in heavy detail, but I want all my amazing readers to stay safe!!  
> I hope you guys love it!!!  
> XX-Alex

Boyfriends in love. Gah. 

( ~~I can't look away from those biceps either, Calum~~ )

 

 

The walls of that arena weren’t nearly thick enough.

Ashton sat with his mouth open, completely shocked.

 _Calum_? Had feelings for _him?_

And not just sexual one’s either, but romantic, loving feelings. For him, Ashton Irwin.

Calum Hood has romantic, loving feelings Ashton Irwin.

Unbelievable.

The thought made Ashton sick.

Not sick with disgust or anything, but absolutely _sick_ with guilt. He felt like he was about to throw up.

God, the things he had _said_ to Calum.

So many goddamn things about Bryana, how amazing she is, how funny, how beautiful, how sexy. All those things had sounded like compliments to his girlfriend, but to Calum, it probably sounded like a list of reasons why she was better than him.

No wonder the boy had been so distant, so...unstable. Especially after Ashton came back from spending time with Bryana in Amsterdam. The older boy had waltzed right in after insulting him, arrogant and covered in hickeys.

Ashton’s phone lit up with a call from Bryana, but he ignored it in favour of dropping his head into his hands.

Fuck, he’s screwed up.

He just...he loves Calum so much.

If he had known that Calum had feelings for him, things would be so much different.

Bryana wouldn’t even be in the picture.

But, things _aren’t_ different.

Ashton is dating Bryana, and now...he doesn’t know how he feels about Calum.

He definitely loves the boy as a friend, and he _definitely_ misses the sex, but...what about those feelings he shoved in a box labeled ‘ _Shit To Be Forgotten_ ’ so many months ago?

Are they still there?

All Ashton can think about is the gaping hole in his chest that was ripped open when he and Calum stopped talking, and was never quite filled, not even with Bryana.

 _Especially_ not with Bryana.

How could he have not seen it sooner? In all truths, Calum had been pretty obvious. The handjob, the weird behaviour at the club, everything...it just seemed to add up.

Michael said that Calum looked at him like he hung the moon and the stars.

How could he be so blind?

Maybe he wasn’t. Maybe there was a part of him that knew Calum was like this. A self-conscious, deceiving part of him that saw everything Calum did, and threw it away because how could Calum have feelings for him?

It had always been a struggle for Ashton. Everything had come to Calum so easily, from his music, to his body, to his personality. He was everything every man wanted to be. Why would someone like him ever have feelings for Ashton?

The only possible solution for Ashton was simple: _he doesn’t._

Ashton’s thoughts are interrupted by the door handle turning, and the door itself opening. Then, the boy Ashton most wanted to see and ignore at the same time walked in, a smile on his face, his eyes ringed with red.

“Hey,” he said softly, waving at Ashton

“Hi.” Ashton said after what felt like forever.

“What’s up?” Calum asked, sniffling quietly while sitting down in the couch.

Act cool Ashton, act cool.

“Uh, not much, just...y’know, preparing.” He said, blushing a little.

“Preparing?” Calum giggled. “For what exactly?”

Ashton smiled a little at Calum’s giggle. His voice was rough, and sounded syrupy, even if Ashton hadn’t heard him crying, he would be able to tell anyway.

“Just the show.” Ashton said with a shrug.

“Ah, well don’t be worried. You’ll do great, you always do.” Calum smiled easily, walking over to a table and grabbing a bottle of water.

“Thanks.” Ashton said, a hint of a blush on his cheeks. Calum shrugged easily, plopping back down on the couch, his cheeks stuffed full of Doritos.

Ashton had to smile at him.

The older is undergoing serious emotional distress, and from what he’s heard, Calum is too, and all he can think about is how damn cute he is.

The thought had never left him.

He sat there in one of his infamous Drop Dead t-shirts, one that was far-too big, falling off of the boy’s shoulder, exposing the tan skin underneath. His hair was fluffy, despite being recently-cut, and he sniffled every few seconds due to crying earlier. He smiled every once and a while while looking at his phone, probably scrolling through his fans’ tweets. In all, he was adorable, but Ashton had never denied that.

Suddenly, things sank in for Ashton.

Calum has feelings for him. This beautiful, funny, interesting, amazing boy in front of him has feelings for him. And apparently he’s had them for a while.

Ashton could have him, all to himself.

He could kiss those pouting lips every morning, he could slap that ass that has millions of fans watering at the mouth everyday, he could brush those curls off his forehead, he could be the reason behind that beautiful laugh.

Ashton realizes that Calum could be _his_.

He’s never heard an idea more appealing than that.

“Calum,” He says, and it comes out choked and desperate. Calum looks up from his phone, his eyes wide at the odd tone of Ashton’s voice.

“You alright, Ash?” He asked, setting his phone down.

“Yeah.” Ashton nods, swallowing the lump in his throat. “I just, um-”

Ashton is suddenly cut off by his fucking phone ringing again. He groans, and glances down, feeling guilty when Bryana’s name flash across his screen.

_Fuck._

He totally forgot about her.

Ashton quickly grabs it, biting his lip while looking from his phone to Calum. Calum’s still sitting, face unchanged, but Ashton can see it. The look Michael talks about.

How could he seriously have missed that for the past few months?

Calum’s eyes shine with sadness, completely without glimmer, empty and hopeless. His breathing seems to have slowed, as if he was having trouble gaining air into his body.

Ashton’s shoulders slump, looking at Calum with sadness. The boy raises an eyebrow, and stands up, walking past Ashton.

“Aren’t you going to get that?” He asks, reaching for something behind Ashton. His phone charger. Ashton watches Calum leave the dressing room, his phone and charger in hand. Defeated, his sighs, and presses the green button on his phone.

“Hey, baby.” He said, just like he had a thousand times before, but this time, it’s slow, and almost dreading.

Ashton feels guilty, he really does. Bryana is an amazing girl, and he really cares for her.

But his heart is set somewhere else.

-

“Are you fucking _stupid_?”

Michael looks at Luke shocked. What the fuck happened to his shy, cave-dwelling, non-confrontational Lucas?

“What the hell are you talking about?” He asks, barely able to see Luke from the tiny closet he pulled them into.

“Fuck, Michael.” Luke says again.

“Uhm, ‘ _fuck Michael_ ’ what? I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I don’t have a clue what’s going on!”

“I know!” Luke yelled back before running a hand through his hair.

“You...you pulled Calum outside of the dressing room to talk to him about Ashton, right?” He asked, and Michael nodded.

“Yeah...how did you…”

“I could fucking hear you!” Luke huffs. “You’re not a quiet talker, and Calum sure as hell is not a quiet crier!”

Michael furrows his eyebrows, trying to follow what Luke’s saying.

“So...you heard everything we talk about?” He asks eventually, and Luke nods, irritated.

“So...what’s wrong? You already knew about all of this.” Michael states, still. _Not. Getting. It._

“Well, Michael, _Ashton_ didn’t.”

Michael’s eyes widen in shock as he processes what Luke suggests.

“You don’t mean…” He starts, but stops when Luke nods.

“I saw the surprise on his face. You should’ve seen him, Michael, his phone literally slipped from his hand and onto the table. His mouth was hanging wide open. I can’t believe he didn’t pick up on Calum, considering how fucking obvious he’s been for the past month, but if he didn’t know before, he definitely knows now.” Luke said, brushing hair out of his eyes.

“Oh, fuck.” Michael says, turning away from Luke and dropping his head in his hands. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

“Yeah, so.” Luke says, leaning into a wall with his arms crossed.

“Calum.” Michael says, as if that would help.

“Yeah, I don’t know _what’s_ going to happen.” Luke said shrugging.

“We better tell one of them that we know.” Michael says, and Luke nods slowly.

“Ashton. We’ve been with Calum this entire time. Maybe it’s time we get the other side of the story.” Luke says, and Michael smiles.

“You’re so smart, Luke.” He says fondly, and Luke is lucky the room is so dark, making it impossible for Michael to see the blush on his cheeks.

“You’re just stupid.” He chuckles, and Michael lets out an offended squeak.

“Since when are you the mean one?” Michael whines. “I’m always the mean one.”

“You used to be taller, too.” Luke says, opening the door of the closet, and holding it open for Michael. Michael walked through the door, and out into the hallway, smiling at Luke as he went.

They walk back to the dressing room side-by-side, and are pleased to find Ashton by himself with a seemingly guilty expression. He looks up from the wall he had been staring at when the door opens, and he immediately locks eyes with Michael.

“I’ve screwed up.”

“We need to talk.”

He and Michael speak at the same time, and they both looked sufficiently surprised.

“Alright.” Luke says, steering Michael towards the couch. “Ash, you first.”

Ashton walked over and sat down next to the couch in a chair. He looked rather pale, and his hands were shaking slightly.

“I...uh, I’m assuming you guys know about Calum...am I right?” He asked timidly, looking at his fidgeting hands. Michael and Luke quickly exchanged looks, and Luke opened his mouth.

“Yes. We’ve known for a while now.” He says softly, and Ashton exhales roughly. Michael raises his eyebrow as Ashton rubs a hand across his forehead in a stressed manner.

“Is something wrong, Ash?” He asks.

“Yes!” Ashton snaps, his curls flying around his head. “My fucking best friend has a crush on me!”

“Now, hang on a second.” Michael beings. “He has more than just a ‘crush’, Ash.”

Luke elbows Michael before he says he’ll regret.

“I know that, I could hear you two through the door.” Ashton says. “You said that he looks at me like I _‘hung the stars and the moon just for him._ ’”

Michael gave Ashton a hesitant look.

“That’s because he does.” He said simply.

“Fuck, Michael.” Ashton says, tossing his head back.

“Look, I know this is weird, but you don’t have to be a dick about it.” Michael says, and Ashton seems to get even more distressed.

“That’s not...no.” Ashton says, struggling to put his words together.

“Ash,” Luke says softly, leaning forward. “what’s wrong?”

“I, god Luke, I screwed up.” Ashton says, pushing his hair out of his face.

“What happened?” Michael said quickly, worried.

“It’s just...Bryana…” He said slowly, trailing off.

Luke’s eyes widened for a second, while Michael looked lost.

“You...you have feelings for Calum.” Luke said slowly, leaning forward in his seat. Ashton bit his lip, and looked at the floor before nodding slowly.

“I mean...I’ve always kind of had feelings for him, I don’t know.” Ashton said while Michael stared at him.

“What kind of feelings?” Michael said hesitantly. Ashton just shook his head and shrugged.

“I don’t know! All I know is that if I had known Calum had feelings for me, I would _never_ have started seeing Bryana.” He said in one breath, feeling incredibly guilty.

“Ashton, you have to tell him, you have no idea-”

Ashton gave Luke an expectant look, waiting for him to go on. Luke looked at Michael hesitantly, deciding if they should tell Ashton about Calum and his struggle.

“I have no idea about what?” He asked, looking between the two boys. Luke continued to look at Michael, and eventually, the green-eyed boy sighed.

“Calum, he...he’s really struggled with his feelings for you.” He said slowly, watching as Ashton’s face because confused.

“What do you mean? I thought he knew.” Ashton asked.

“He does.” Luke sighed.

“He...he became really depressed, especially while you guys were apart.” Michael said as Ashton’s face fell.

“Depressed?” He asked, completely dumbfounded. Michael nodded.

“Like I said, he always looked completely shattered whenever you’d talk to Bryana.” Michael said, not looking at Ashton. “He was heartbroken when you two got together, and things just got worse when you guys took your ‘break’ in Madrid.”

Ashton’s mouth was wide open. His heart ached for Calum. If he had known how much he’d been hurting him…

“And um, when we got to Amsterdam, he was so excited to hang out with you again, and when he found out you were meeting Bryana...he sort of...broke down.” Michael said hesitantly. “That’s why when you texted us that night I got so pissed off.”

Ashton could hardly hear Michael, due to his face being in his hands. This was so fucking bad. He needed to find Calum, he needed to…he didn’t even know, he just needed Calum.

“He loves you, Ash.” Luke said quietly, putting a hand on Ashton’s shoulder. Ashton just shook his head.

“How could he? I don’t deserve him.” He said quietly, and Luke had to resist rolling his eyes.

“Ashton, look at me.” Ashton did.

“That night, I went to stay with Calum. I told him that I hated you.”

Ashton’s eyes shone with hurt, but Luke shook his head and continued.

“And I asked him how he could not hate you, because you treated him like garbage. And you know what he said, Ash?”

Ashton shook his head.

“He told me that he could never hate you, because he loves you, and he will never get over that feeling for you. And I told him that you made him sad by dating Bryana and he said ‘ _i’d rather be sad than see him unhappy_ ’. “ Luke said, staring into Ashton’s eyes. Ashton’s heart fell at that. Calum loved him, and he just...he treated him horribly.

“So don’t you dare say ‘ _how could he_ ’, Ashton. Don’t sit here, and feel guilty and sorry for yourself. Put an end to this. You don’t have to be with him or anything you don’t want, but he feels so sad all the time. Just...put an end to this. He’ll get over it. He will move on if you help him.” Luke said seriously.

Ashton put his face in his hands again. He didn’t know what to do. There were so many things flying around in his brain. He felt guilty, horrible even, but he also felt a little excited.

Calum loves him.

Calum, his sweet, younger friend that he has loved since day 1 loves him.

“I want him so badly, Luke.” He says eventually, looking at the blue-eyed boy. Luke nodded, and stood back up. Michael was glaring slightly at Ashton, and was about to say something, but the door burst open, and the boys nearly had a heart attack until they realized it was just a manager.

“Hey Violet is half-way through their set. I suggest you boys start getting ready…” He stopped, listening to his head set. “And get the fourth one back in here, he’s annoying the shit out of some security guards in Wing B.”

With that, the man left, closing the door swiftly behind him.

The boys stared at the door for a second before Ashton broke the silence with a giggle.

“Sounds like Calum.” He said softly.

“I’ll get him.” Michael said, standing up and leaving without another word. Luke and Ashton watched him go quietly, Ashton confused. 

“If you and Calum get together,” Luke said, looking at Ashton. “it will take Michael a while to accept it. Calum was pretty heartbroken after Amsterdam...I’ve never seen him like that before. And he went to Michael, and Michael worked pretty hard to calm him down. He was very, very pissed off with you. Things will take a while to cool down with him.”

“I know.” Ashton nodded. “I just...I don’t really know the best way to handle this. I love Calum, I know I do. But I have to end things with Bryana, and Calum may not want me anymore.”

Luke shrugged.

“Calum went through a lot, Ashton. Whether he wants you or not, you lost the privilege of putting yourself first. That’s his call now. All you can do is give him everything.”

As Ashton took in Luke’s words, he wondered when the youngest became the wisest. It was just months ago that this blonde boy was locking himself in his room for days at a time due to Michael’s untrue statements. He’s grown up so much.

“I really am sorry I’ve been such a dick the past few months.” Ashton said quietly, and Luke nodded.

“I know. And Calum knows too.” He said reassuringly. “Just make things okay for him.”

Ashton nodded, and they both stopped talking in favour of getting dressed for their show. Michael came back a few minutes later with Calum, the boy smiling like an idiot as he walked into the room.

Ashton’s heart felt better at the sight of him smiling, but it weighed down in his chest as he thought about how long that smile had been lost.

“Hey, Cal.” Luke laughed. “What’s up with you?”

“The guards had a _dog_!” He smiled while Michael rolled his eyes.

“They had a K-9 unit. Idiot.”

“His name was Paxi, and he licked my face!” Calum said with such enthusiasm, even Michael smiled at him.

“Alright, Cal. Let’s get ready. We’ve got about half an hour.” Michael said, taking his arm from Calum. Michael walked to his stuff, locking eyes with Ashton.

“I think he’s consumed some alcohol.” He said, and Ashton laughed. Probably more than “some”.

“Yes, I think so.” He chuckled back, stripping to get ready. Looking over his shoulder, he noticed Calum taking off not only his shirt and pants, but his boxers as well. Damn, Ashton missed that ass.

Okay, maybe not the best time.

“Hey, Ash, can I borrow some boxers?” Calum was asking, pressing his naked self to Ashton’s side. Ashton swallowed, quickly telling himself to be cool, before looking at the taller boy.

“Sure. Take your pick.” He said with a smile, breaking from the younger’s arms.

He really did not need a boner now.

Calum gave him a million-dollar smile, and reached into Ashton’s case, taking a pair of black boxers.

“Thanks, Ashy.” Calum said, walking away, but not before not-so-subtly rubbing his ass across Ashton’s hips.

Ashton bit his lip to keep from swearing.

This was going to be a very, _very_ long show.

 


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yooooooo,  
> this chapter is v v short, but I like to think it's pretty important.   
> Y'all have been such amazing readers btw, I love you all w/ all my heart and soul   
> XX-Alex

Ha.

 

Their concert goes well, of course it does.

It leaves everyone feeling amazing, the band, fans, and crew alike.

They finish off the night by playing “Pizza”, and Calum watches happily from the side as Ashton comes to the front, almost soaking in sweat, and sings his heart for a crowd of thousands in Wembley Arena. It’s a little mind blowing, to be honest.

Afterwards, everyone is in good spirits, and it is decided that there of course will be drinks. So, Ashton wrangles up his ducklings, and the four boys join their crew, opening act, and other friends at a prestigious bar in London.

This bar night is nothing like the previous one in Oberhausen, this bar night is exactly like it should be, fun, relaxing, and full of everything Ashton could ever hope for.

They didn’t have enough time to shower after their show, and Ashton is intrigued by the way Calum’s curls are stuck to the back of his neck. He finds it weirdly attractive.

Maybe he just finds everything about Calum attractive. Now that he thinks about it, it’s because everything is.

The way Calum talks, the way he laughs, the way he moves, everything about that boy is perfect in Ashton’s eyes, and it scares him. He only found out about Calum’s feelings _that_ morning. How could he be so far gone in less that 24 hours?

It makes him think about all those feelings that he pushed aside so long ago, thinking that all of those emotions were unnecessary. That’s all they were though, pushed aside, never _forgotten_. In all honesty, Ashton has _always_ thought everything about Calum was perfect. He just never admitted it to himself.

Now that he has admitted it to himself though, it’s all he can think about.

He watches him fondly, only paying half attention to the story their tour manager, Zop, is telling him and Casey. It’s hard to look away, even if all he’s doing is talking to Michael like he did back when they were fifteen and completely new to alcohol, spluttering over every other word, and giggling even more than Luke. It’s cute, they way things haven’t really changed.

Calum is still as cute and awkward and funny as the day they met, when Ashton shoved his sassy ass to the floor because he hadn’t been showing up to band practice.

Ashton missed those times a lot. He wished he could meet the boys all over again, he wishes he could relive the moment Calum came barrelling down the stairs like a madman, guitar case smashing against the wall. He misses watching Calum learn the bass, laughing along with Michael as Calum focused so hard on the four strings, turning red with embarrassment every time he missed a note.

Ashton wasn’t thick back then, and Calum wasn’t subtle.

Ashton noticed how after that first night he met Calum, the younger boy never missed a practice. He noticed when Calum started calling him to pick him up from school, even if it meant he’d be benched for the next day’s game. He noticed when Calum struggled with learning a new instrument, he’d look to Ashton, and the older would give him a reassuring look, and Calum would return to fumbling fingers with a vengeance. Ashton noticed all the little hints, the little things from Calum, and god....he’s just been so stupid.

He and Calum were meant to be together since day one.

By the time everyone is ready to leave, the bar is a good thirty minutes closed, but they haven’t been able to get the Rock Out With Your Socks Out tour crew to leave. Ashton is giggling enough to put Luke to shame, and Calum, who is equally drunk, is supporting him with an arm wrapped around his waist. They file out eventually, the four 5sos boys piling into a car with their manager. The ride is quick and uneventful, Calum curled up with his head on Ashton’s shoulder. They get to their hotel, and everyone is quickly given keys to their own rooms, then sent off to find their rooms on their own. Ashton, upon entering the elevator with Calum, decides that his room would be much too boring, so he invites himself to stay with Calum for the night. Calum smiles when the older boy follows him to his room, and he yells a goodnight down the hall to where Michael is dragging Luke into his room. Why their managers get four rooms, they will never know.

The younger boy unlocks the door, happy to find their bags already there. He immediately strips his jeans, and sits down on his bed, watching as Ashton takes off his own pants. Calum decided that his mouth tastes like hell, so he gets up and brushes his teeth quickly before coming back into the room.

Ashton is standing next to the bed, in only a pair of boxers. Calum has to swallow the lump that forms in his throat before Ashton notices.

“Hi.” The older boy says softly. The lights of the city from the open window are setting a purpleish light on his face, and Calum feels strangely comforted by the scene.

“Hey.” He says, walking to the bed.

“Are you alright, Calum?” Ashton asks, sitting on the bed along with Calum. Calum gives Ashton a weird look.

“Yeah, I’m great.” He says with a smile. He really likes the fact that he has Ashton’s attention. He knows it will be gone soon enough, but he doesn’t care. He cares that he has it now, and he’s going to cherish it.

“Good. I don’t like it when you’re sad.” Ashton whispers before leaning his forehead onto Calum’s in a very unexpectedly intimate gesture.

“I know.” Calum whispers quietly. He feels really, really confused. Ashton hasn’t been this affectionate in months, since before they left tour, during that weird week full of kisses and cuddles. Calum isn’t sure what to make of it.

“I’m sorry that I made you sad.” Ashton says so quietly, that if Calum hadn’t been literally two inches from his face, he wouldn’t have heard. The sentence shocks Calum a little. Why would Ashton know about him being sad?

“I…” Calum starts, but Ashton stops him by sitting up, and pressing his two hands to Calum’s cheeks, the tips of his fingers sliding into tangled raven hair.

“Ashton-” Calum says again, but he stops short when Ashton leans in, and kisses him.

The kiss is unexpected to say the least, but it is most certainly welcome.

It takes Calum a second to realize what’s happening, but he eventually does, and he moves his mouth against Ashton’s, his lips parting to make room for the older’s. Ashton seems to smile against Calum’s mouth, and the younger boy feels a white-hot feeling of....something shoot up his chest. It feels so amazing to kiss Ashton again, even if this could mean so many different things that Calum can’t even begin to decipher.

Ashton has to pull back for a second to breathe, but his eyes meet with Calum’s as their chests heave, and there is some sort of mutual agreement. Within seconds, Ashton is taking a deep breath, and diving back in, tasting Calum’s lips with his own like he needs the taste to survive. Calum can’t help but to moan as Ashton’s hands slide further up into his hair, tugging gently. Ashton takes the gap in Calum’s mouth that the moan created, and slips his tongue onto Calum’s. Calum responds immediately, pressing his tongue back against Ashton’s, massaging them together.

Ashton giggles a little against Calum’s mouth, and before he knows it, Calum is being pushed backwards onto the bed, Ashton straddling him, and attacking him with kisses. Calum giggles back, and it’s a funny contrast, giggling while making out like barbarians. But Calum has no shame, because this is Ashton.

He’s hit with a memory from when he was sixteen, the taste of Corona staining Ashton’s tongue, much like it is now. He remembers that night pretty well, he remembers how great it felt while he was with Ashton, even if the morning after left the most painful feeling he’s ever experienced. Whatever is going on tonight is probably the same kind of thing, so Calum decides to enjoy what’s happening now instead of thinking about tomorrow morning.

So, when Ashton’s hands release his hair, and travel down his sides, Calum welcomes it. He even arches his chest towards Ashton, acting like the perfect slut Ashton used to call him. Ashton slips his hands under the younger’s back, and shamelessly trails them down to Calum’s ass.

Calum can feel the smirk on Ashton’s lips against his own as the older squeezes the flesh of his ass in his giants hands. Calum thinks Ashton is ridiculous, so he wipes that smirk off his face by biting his bottom lip roughly.

The sound Ashton rewards him with sends blood rushing to Calum’s groin, and it encourages his hands to find Ashton’s bare back, tracing the familiar terrain of his back. Ashton doesn’t let Calum’s little display of dominance last long though, as he pulls his mouth from Calum’s teeth, and reconnects their lips, fucking Calum’s mouth with his tongue.

Calum’s hands tighten on Ash’s back, his nails digging into the tan skin. Ashton groans at the pain, and his hands slip underneath the hem of Calum’s boxers, where he continues to grope Calum’s ass.

Calum whines a little as Ashton pulls his mouth away, but the whine dies in his throat when he sees the string of saliva still connecting their mouths. He goes cross-eyed looking at it, but before Ashton can do anything, he sticks his tongue out and licks at it, breaking the string.

Ashton’s hands tighten on Calum’s ass, and his mouth falls open at the sight of Calum. God, he’s so beautiful.

“Why’d you st-”

Calum’s whine is cut short by Ashton kissing him again, softer this time, only little kitten licks into each other’s mouths. Ashton’s hands remain in Calum’s boxers, but their kisses gradually slow down, as well as their breathing. Calum’s hands rub up and down Ashton’s back, one hand tracing each vertebrae, the other slipping into Ashton’s curls.

Ashton breaks his lips from Calum’s, and kisses down the boy’s jaw, nipping at the skin of his neck slightly when he reaches that. Calum lets out little pants as he buries his head into Ashton’s shoulder.

Eventually, Ashton takes his hands from Calum’s boxers, bring his hands around, under his shirt to press gently on his ribs. Calum melts into the soft touches, sighing contently as Ashton takes his cool fingers back, and kisses his way back up the younger’s neck.

Ashton braces his hands next to Calum’s head, and lifts himself up slightly, staring at Calum the whole time. The hazel in Ashton’s eyes is shining with something Calum has always seen, but never been able to name. He only sees it when they’re alone, and only in gentle moments like this. If Calum didn’t know any better, he would say that it’s love in Ashton’s eyes, but he _does_ know better.  

Ashton gives Calum a little smile before leaning down, and placing a kiss on each of his cheeks, one on his nose, and then finally, one long, lingering kiss on his lips. Calum lets out a puff of breath into Ashton’s mouth, and for some reason, he feels like crying. It feels so good here, trapped in Ashton’s embrace, his lips pressed to his, he wants to have it all the time. He feels so sad and so happy at the same time, he’s so exhausted. Why can’t Ashton see it? Why can’t he see that his best friend is breaking?

Ashton eventually pulls away, and his eyes remain closed for a few seconds, and it seems like he isn’t even breathing. Calum thinks he’s beautiful.

“No,” Ashton laughs, resting his forehead on Calum’s again. “ _You’re_ beautiful.”

It takes Calum a second to realize that he said that last thought out loud. His cheeks turn red right away. Ashton gives him a reassuring smile though, and puts a hand on Calum’s cheek, his thumb stroking the bone softly.

“I think we should go to sleep.” He says, and Calum nods.

“Yeah.” He says with a smile.

With that, Ashton rolls off of him, and snuggles down into the blankets. The older boy pulls Calum to him, so that they’re spooning. Calum is so overwhelmed by everything that’s happening, but he decides to not overthink it.

So, for the first time in months, Calum falls asleep cuddled up in Ashton’s arms, the older’s heart beating softly behind him.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty, so I really like this chapter, and I hope you guys do too!!!!  
> Y'all are the greatest readers on the planet, enjoy!!!  
> XX-Alex

Fuck.

 

When Calum wakes up the next morning, he is painfully aware of how empty the bed is.

And the worst part, he’s not even surprised.

But just because he’s not surprised, doesn’t mean he’s happy.

Because he isn’t.

In fact, the second thing he does, after he realizes Ashton is gone, is curl in on himself, pulling the thick, white comforter to his chest, and cry.

He can’t help it. He just feels so sad, so used, so... _forgotten_.

He knew this would happen, because it’s happened before. He will _never_ be worth the morning after for Ashton, not ever.

It hurts.

He’s given Ashton everything, and it hurts so badly to have the feeling unreturned, so yeah, he cries. He cries, and cries, and cries, and cries.

He cries until he simply can’t anymore, when he’s exhausted, and thirsty, and the blanket is grey from his tears. His body's still shaking a little bit, but he just lays in bed for a while, trying to ignore that divot beside him where Ashton had been sleeping. He’s not sure how he’s going to face Ashton after this. The boy was obviously drinking last night, maybe he didn’t remember anything, just like last time.

Calum had the feeling that was a lie though.

Eventually, when Calum catches sight of the clock, and realizes it’s already two in the afternoon, he decides he’s going to get up. It takes him a while, actually sitting up. His body aches from the alcohol he’d consumed, but it mostly mental, his mind telling him to just stay in bed all day.

He does it though, and the first thing he does is goes to take a leak. Ashton’s boxers are laying on the floor of the bathroom, but Calum avoids them, and when he’s done his business, he leaves the small room, slamming the door shut behind him. He drains two and a half bottles of water, and thumbs through his phone.

He has several texts from Michael and Luke concerning tomorrow morning, when they leave to go back home.

None from Ashton.

Calum just shakes his head, and throws his phone to the side. With nothing to do, he turns on the t.v., and begins to pack for their journey back. Usually their crew does it, but Calum wants to do it himself for once, considering their crew does a lot for them anyway.

He’s halfway through packing when he remembers the way that their plane tickets are set up.

Cashton and Muke.

Calum doesn’t think he can take a fourteen-hour-long flight sitting next to Ashton. In fact, he _knows_ he can’t.

So, grumbling, he pulls on sweatpants and a long-sleeved t-shirt that he stole from Michael, and leaves his room. He pads down the carpeted hallway to their manager’s room. He knocks gently, hoping Zop isn’t too busy. Luckily, the man opens the door with a smile and a colourful shirt.

“Calum. What’s up?” He asks, his earring shaking in his ear.

“Uhm…” He starts, taking a breath. “I was wondering if we could change tickets for tomorrow?”

“What do you mean?” Zop asks, his eyebrows furrowed.

“I...I really would rather not sit next to Ashton tomorrow.” Calum says cautiously, afraid Zop will ask questions. But the man doesn’t, instead, he gives Calum a long look, his eyebrows furrowed like he still doesn’t understand.

“Tomorrow…?” He says slowly, and Calum nods.

“Yeah, when we fly back to Oz.” Calum said, like it’s obvious...because it is. Suddenly, Zop’s eyes widen, and he seems to come to a realization.

“Oh, he didn’t tell you.” He says slowly again. “Interesting.”

“Interesting? Who? What didn’t he tell me? What are you talking about?” He asks Zop, rather annoyed with the man.

“Ashton.” Zop says, smiling a little sadly. “He’s not going home tomorrow.”

“What?” Calum asks. “Why the hell not?”

Zop shrugs.

“He left first thing this morning. Said it was urgent.”

“To go home?”

Zop shakes his head.

“Then where?” Calum presses.

“L.A.”

-

When Ashton woke up that morning, he knew he’d fucked up.

Not necessarily with Calum, but in general.

He doesn’t regret what he did with Calum, in fact, he feels pretty good about where he stands with the younger boy, but there’s something else.

_Bryana._

This is technically the second time he’s cheated on her, and he feels awful. He doesn’t love her, but she’s a great person, and she deserves to know, she deserves to know in person, not over some text or phone call.

So, with a kiss to Calum’s forehead, Ashton left the bed, and packed his bags. He accidentally woke up Zop, but the man was happy to help Ashton fly to L.A. as soon as he could. He decided not to tell the boys, he just assumed it was better they don’t ask questions.

So here he is, his ass being kicked by time zones, because he left London at seven a.m., took a twelve-hour plane ride, and landed where it was ten a.m. Fuck.

He drags himself out of his seat, telling himself he’s just going to have to deal with it. Zop sent him along with Jared, one of their three-man security team, and so the two of them exit the airport with minimal spotting by fans, and Ashton has never been more grateful.

He needs to do this with the least amount of publicity possible.

He and Jared make small talk as they call a cab, eating cheap muffins from a little shop they found outside the airport. Ashton doesn’t mind, he’s pretty nervous, and nothing is settling in his stomach, including the tea he had ordered.

Special, black w/ two sugars.

His plan is simple, he goes to Bryana’s apartment, takes her out for lunch, explains the situation, receives the slap across the face, takes her home, spends the night in their house, and fly back to Oz first thing in the morning.

Like he said, simple.  

He and Jared ride quietly across town until they’re a few blocks from Bryana’s apartment. Ashton tells Jared that he’s capable of handling this on his own, and he’d be much more comfortable if Jared went and hung out in their house. Jared looked relieved, and he wished Ashton luck before giving the cab driver the address of the boys’ L.A. house where all of this had started.

Ashton took a deep breath before beginning to walk up the sidewalk to Bryana’s apartment. He knew Bryana would be in town, it was her week off. She was originally supposed to come to Australia in a few days, but now her tickets would be cancelled.

Ashton busied himself by playing with his fingers as the lift took him up to the penthouse of the beautiful apartment building, his nerves chewing a hole in his stomach. The elevator finally dinged, and Ashton walked out nervously, wiping his palms on his jeans.

When he got to Bryana’s door, he glanced once at his phone to make sure none of the boys had texted, and he got an eyeful of his wallpaper, which was him and Bryana at Coachella awhile ago, Bryana on Ashton’s back. Ashton sighed, and put his phone away before knocking on the door firmly. He heard the soft pitter-patter of feet on hardwood floors from the inside, and soon, the door was opening, and Bryana stood in front of him, wearing what looked like a baseball jersey that went to her mid-thighs, and grey leggings. Her blonde hair was tied up in a ponytail, blonde waves falling to her shoulders, and her glasses were perched on her nose. The necklace Ashton gave her before they left for tour gleamed on her chest. It made Ashton’s stomach twist with guilt.

“Ashton.” She said, half-confused, half-excited.

“Hey.” Ashton smiled nervously.

“Hey.” Bryana said with a beautifully confused smile. “What are you doing here, I thought you were leaving for home tomorrow.”

“Yeah. I just um…” Ashton trailed off gently, his hand rubbing the back of his neck. Bryana gave him a concerned look, and leaned on the doorframe. “We have a lot to talk about.”

-

Ashton was so lucky. So _fucking_ lucky.

Bryana, other than Calum, was the best thing Ashton had ever done.

Ashton sat her down at the cafe where they first got coffee, and slowly, but surely explained to her what had been happening.

He first apologized for cheating on her, and then explained who he cheated on her with, and then he had to go into depth about how he was head-over-heels for an annoying little bassist with raven hair.  

Bryana just sat there and listened, not once interrupting Ashton, which he was incredibly grateful for. He probably wouldn’t have been able to spill his feelings about Calum if she had stopped him to ask questions.

However, she still looked hurt when Ashton admitted to cheating on her, and she looked shocked when Ashton told her he was into guys as well as girls, and when Ashton told her about Calum, she looked... _satisfied_ almost.

“What?” Ashton asked, in reference to the smug look on Bryana’s face.

“Calum.” She said softly, and Ashton nodded.

“Yeah, Calum.”

“I’ve always kind of figured.” Bryana said, sipping on her latte.

“What do you mean?” Ashton asked, considerably confused.

“God, Ashton, you talk about that kid so much. At first I thought it was just because he was like your little brother or something, but time went on, and you always got this... _look_ when you talked about him, I just...I wondered, that’s all.” Byana said with a small smile.

“Are...are you saying _you’ve known_ I had feelings for Calum.” Ashton asked, and Bryana shrugged.

“Like I said, I always kind of wondered. Anyone with eyes would wonder. You look at him like he hung the moon, Ash.” Bryana said, her smile growing. Ashton had to smile to himself for a second, because...that was exactly how Michael said Calum looked when he talked about him.

“I...I never noticed.” He whispered quietly.

“People who are in love usually don’t.” Bryana said.

“You...you know I’m in love?”

“Oh yeah.” Bryana said. “Look, Ash, I know I’m not very smart. I’m okay with that, but I’m smart enough to know when my boyfriend is in love. Especially when it’s not with me.”

Ashton smiled weakly at her.

“You say it like I never even cared about you.” He said, giving her soft hazel eyes. Bryana just gave him a sweet smile.

“I know you did, Ash. I never loved you either, but it was fun, y’know? I really do like you.” She said with a sad smile, and Ashton nodded.

“So...I mean, you’re not mad?” He asked, because he honestly expected kind of an ass-kicking for being such a dick.

“Oh, of course I’m mad. I’m hurt that you cheated, and I’m not going to say that it was okay because you were in love or whatever....but I guess what I’m trying to say is that...I understand. Tours are hard on musicians, and even harder on the ones they leave behind. I honestly didn’t think we’d last as long as we did, but I’m glad we did, y’know?” She said with a smile, and Ashton nodded. “And I like Calum. As obvious as it was that you love him, it was probably ten times more obvious with him, and I only met him once or twice.”

Ashton let out a laugh at that.

“I really hurt him, mostly because I couldn’t see his feelings for me.” He said gently, and Bryana nodded.

“That happens. But...can I give you some advice?”

Ashton nodded.

“Don’t let ones like him leave, okay?”

“No, I won’t.” Ashton said with a bright smile. “Never.”

Bryana smiled at him, and took another sip of her drink.

“S’cute. Cashton.”

Ashton snorted and rolled his eyes.

“Dork.” He said, and Bryana shrugged.

“You’re the ones with feelings for a dude who plays the bass.”

“Hey, the bass is a quality instrument!” Ashton defended.

“God, there it is again!” Bryana giggled. “You are so gone for him, Ashton Irwin.”

Ashton’s cheeks, and the tips of his ears turned pink, because yeah, he knew he was pretty whipped for a dude with chipmunk cheeks, but he doesn’t care, dammit.

Chipmunks are cute as hell anyway.

“I know.” He said softly, looking down into his cup.

Bryana’s hand reached across and gripped his.

“Hey, I’m not going to say it’s okay, because I am upset, but...Calum is a good guy, and I’m happy for you. I’ll be just fine. I don’t want you to kill yourself over this. I want you to be happy.” She said reassuringly.

“Thanks, Bry. I hope you’re happy too.” He said, a sad smile on his lips. Bryana smiled at him, all beautiful teeth and soft eyes.

“I will be.”

After that, they caught up on each others’ lives, Ashton talking about the Australian and North American leg of their tour, and Bryana talking about the wedding catalogue she would be shooting for soon. Ashton was happy. He was so lucky that Bryana hadn’t taken it roughly, even though he knew he deserved as rough as the girl could muster after everything he did.

Bryana was such a sweet person, Ashton knew he could trust her not to go to the media with all of this. He was grateful, something like this could ruin his career and reputation.

When they finally stopped talking, it was around 3 p.m, and Ashton was exhausted. He and Bryana split off on the sidewalk with a kiss to the cheek and the promise of staying in touch. Ashton felt good as he hailed a cab, and started for the L.A. house. When he got there, Jared was watching an old western movie with a box of pizza. He told Ashton there was another box waiting for him in the microwave, and he and Ashton ate while Ashton explained what happened. Jared gave him a big smile and a pat on the back, so Ashton thanked him for the pizza, and left him to watch his movie in peace.

He crept up the carpeted stairs of their house, and took his bag from his and Michael’s room, and taking it into Luke and Calum’s. He sat down on Calum’s bed, and put his head in his hands, smiling to himself.

This was it.

He could have Calum, if he would take him, all to himself now.

Ashton laid back on the bed, and smiled at the ceiling, thinking about how great his return home will be. However, as soon as he gets to the good parts, he’s interrupted by his phone ringing. Quickly grabbing it with a groan, Ashton sees that Luke is calling him. He’s home by now, it’s probably around 8pm of the next day in Australia.

“Hey.” Ashton says after accepting the call.

“What the _fuck_ did you do?” Luke says, in lieu of a greeting.

“Um, what?” Ashton asked, completely confused.

“What.The.Fuck.Did.You.Do?” Luke punctuates, sounding incredibly pissed off.

“Luke, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Ashton says.

“Quit playing, Ashton, you know damn well what I’m talking about.”

“Um, I actually don’t.” Ashton defends.

“Stop hurting him, Ash.” Luke says simply. Ashton pauses at that. He knows who Luke is talking about, of course he does, but...what exactly is he talking about?

“Is this about Calum?” He asks, despite knowing the answer.

“Of course it is, asshole.”

“Wow, okay. I haven’t done anything, Luke.”

“You’ve obviously done something, he won’t leave his room. He barely greeted his parents at home, he didn’t eat anything for dinner, and his mum said he won’t leave his room, and now he’s not answering mine or Mikey’s texts.” Luke rambles. “So, again, what the fuck did you do?”

Ashton pauses, his breath going short.

This isn’t good.

“Ash?” Luke asks, his voice still annoyed, but a little less harsh.

“I-” Ashton starts, but trails off slightly. “I left this morning.”

This time, it’s Luke’s turn to be quiet. Ashton holds his breath as Luke takes his time answering.

“We know. He told us you went to L.A., but...I feel like there’s something else.” Luke said quietly, and Ashton nodded before he realized how stupid that was.

“Yeah.” He said softly. “I uhm...we did something last night, and…I left without saying goodbye.”

“Jesus, Ash, you didn’t have _sex_ did you?”

“No!” Ashton squaked. “We just...kissed a little.”

“So... it was slow, then? Not heat-of-the-moment passion?” Luke questioned.

“Yeah.” Ashton said slowly, biting the edge of his lip. Luke sighed into the phone.

“So...let me get this straight, yeah?”

“Okay.”

“You just recently found out that the _boy you have been in love with for years_ loves you back.”

“Right.”

“And then you two got all lovey-dovey and made out all night, and you cuddled him until he fell asleep I’m assuming.”

“Yes.”

“And then, without saying goodbye...you _left_ him, to go see your _girlfriend_ in L.A.”

Now that Luke says it, slowly and planned out, Ashton understands.

He’s fucked up again.

“Oh, _fuck_.” He said, and Luke hummed.

“You’re a piece of shit, Ash. I don’t know if we can be friends after this.” Luke says, and his voice isn’t angry, it’s sad and disappointed. It makes Ashton so anxious, it hurts.

“No, Luke, please, please let me explain.”

“I don’t know this time.”

“Luke, please, I went to see Bryana so that I could break up with her.” Ashton said frantically, sitting up in bed quickly.

Luke was quiet then, and Ashton could hear him breathing through the phone. Luke was hesitating.

“You...went to break up with her?”

“Yes.”

“Not to fuck her.”

“No.” Ashton said.

Luke hesitated again.

“Why didn’t you just tell him, Ashton?” He said with an exasperated sigh.

“I...honestly, I wanted to surprise him.” Ashton said with a little chuckle.

“Well.” Luke said with a laugh. “This will definitely come as a surprise to him. He’s convinced you never want to talk to him again.”

“Oh, god.”

“Just hurry home please, Ashton. You’re going to have hard time getting in to see Calum, but I think you’re the only one who will be able to.” Luke said.

“Yeah, I will.” Ashton promised. Luke sighed again.

“Quit fucking up.” Luke said, but he was quick to laugh afterwards. “Man...if you pull this off....love story of the century.”

Ashton laughed.

“Anyway, Michael just got here, and I should probably pay attention to him before he burns something down.” Luke giggles.

“Yeah, you should get on that.”

“We’ll see you soon, be safe.” Luke says, and Ashton has to smile.

“I will. Love you boys.”

“We love you too. All of us.”


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright y'all.   
> This is the chapter you've been waiting for.   
> Good luck, may the force be with you.   
> Btw, be prepared, this chapter is fucking 8k words, so.....  
> Love you all!!!  
> XX-Alex  
> P.S. Sorry it's mother fucking long. Ha.

Fun fact: This is my favourite Cashton gif ever. Cashton=confirmed

 

Calum was a lot of things.

He was 6 foot, he was a bassist, he was best friends with Michael Clifford.

And currently, he’s immobile, he’s sad, and he’s angry. He’s also a million other things, like funny, and gifted, but there is one thing he’s not.

_Happy._

He’s not happy, at all.

He knows that it’s only a little phase, because most people become depressed momentarily when they have their heart completely demolished.

He’ll be fine in a couple of days.

Okay, maybe a couple of weeks.

He’s been home for three days now, and hasn’t eaten anything except a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a bowl of chocolate ice cream that he got from the freezer at 3am on the first night because he was sad. The minute he got home, and had said hello to his parents, he was upstairs in his room, under covers that he had spent with Ashton a hundred times before, sleeping and hiding from the world. He turned his phone off and listened to music from his iPod, and he’s been there ever since, with the exception of getting up to piss.

He felt quite bad for his parents and for two of his bandmates, because they were trying to help, and he was just shutting them out, but...he needed this. Just for a little bit. He needs some time to get over Ashton.

_Ashton._

Calum can’t even think of the right words to explain how fucking _angry_ he is with Ashton.

He had started getting over it. He had. Right after Amsterdam, things had gotten better, and Calum was beginning to accept the fact that Ashton simply did not love him. He was starting to feel okay again, and then.

Whatever the hell went on after their last show.

Ashton was drunk, Calum knew that, but he also knew that he wasn’t nearly drunk enough to act as loving as he did. Speaking from past experience, Calum knows Ashton is more of a horny drunk than a loving one.

So Calum was left confused, hurt, and alone when Ashton had gone.

And he was angry about it. He was still extremely sad, but anger was his strongest emotion right now. If Ashton walked through that door right now, Calum likes to think that he would beat the shit out of him. He doesn’t want to see Ashton again for a long time. He’s had enough of the older fucking with his feelings, then running back to him like a lost puppy. If Ashton wants his friendship again, then he’ll have to work for it.

But for now, if Ashton knows what’s good for him, he’ll stay the hell away from Calum.

Calum is drawn from his thoughts by a loud knock to his bedroom door. He grumbled and turned over, away from the door, his plan to pretend he’s asleep.

But it doesn’t work, because there’s another knock to the door.

“Go ‘way, Mum!” He groans, burying his face in the pillow. The handle of his door jiggles, and then it’s opening, the hinges squeaking slightly. Calum groans and flips over.

“Mum! I said-” He’s stopped short when he realizes it’s not his mum, but the person he least wanted to see. He stares for a second, his mouth hanging open, his hands slowly closing into fists. The _balls_ this guy has.

“Hi Calum.” Ashton whispers gently, lingering in the doorway. Calum’s left eye twitches, and he stares at Ashton wordlessly. Ashton twiddles with his hands for a second, a little awkward.

“I uhm-” He says, stepping closer to Calum’s bed. “I’m back.”

Calum slowly closes his mouth, and narrows his eyes, glaring slightly at Ashton.

“I see that.” He said quietly.

“Luke says you haven’t been answering your phone.” Ashton says, and Calum nods, still glaring slightly.

“I don’t want to see anyone.” Calum says bitterly. Ashton nods.

“I’m sorr-”

“Don’t.” Calum cuts him off.

“What?” Ashton asks, sufficiently surprised.

“Don’t apologize. It’s too little too late.” Calum said, setting back against the headboard.

“Look, Calum, I know-”

“Don’t _‘Look Calum_ ’ me.” Calum snapped. Ashton stepped backwards.

“Cal-”

“Just stop, Ashton. I don’t want to see you. Just go.” Calum said, looking away from his older friend. Ashton bit his lip, contemplating.

“No.” He says, crossing his arms. Calum’s head snapped up.

“Excuse me?” He asked.

“No. I’m not leaving.” Ashton said.

“This is _my_ room, get the fuck out.” Calum says.

“No, Calum, I’m not going until we talk about this.” Ashton says stubbornly.

“You know what, Ashton, fuck you, okay? Fuck you.” Calum says, looking away from Ashton.

“Calum, please, just let me explain-”

“Why should I?” Calum asked, looking back at Ashton with a raised eyebrow.

Ashton was silent then.

“No, c’mon Ashton, tell me. Why should I, after everything that you’ve done to me, allow you to explain yourself?”Calum asked, climbing out of his bed. Apparently they’re going to talk about this. Ashton was quiet for a second, mulling over whether he should answer or not.

“Maybe because it would make things a lot easier to understand.” Ashton said softly.

“Understand?” Calum said, leaning forward as if he didn’t hear Ashton. “You want me to _understand_?”

“Yes.” Ashton said.

“Then please, be my guest. Explain to me what could possibly justify you leaving me, for the _second_ time, to try and figure out the night before!” Calum said, his voice growing in level.

“Fine, I will, just let me-”

“Ashton, no, okay? I don’t _care_ what happened. I get it! I understand that you don’t want me, I get that you never did!” Calum said, screaming now.

“That’s the thing, Calum, I do!”

“Stop lying to me! I’m so tired of the lying! The past six months has been nothing but constant lies. Maybe it was even longer huh? Maybe you’ve been lying to me this entire time. Is our entire relationship a lie, Ashton?” Calum asked rhetorically.   

“No, Calum, god please, just...listen.” Ashton tried, but Calum was on a roll, and he wouldn’t be stopping.

“You...you broke me, Ashton! You fucking destroyed me!” Calum said, screaming so loudly, the window shook in the frame. Ashton was grateful that Calum’s parents had gone out. “I...I tried….tried so hard to not tell you, and you want to know why?”

Ashton shook his head, his eyes wide.

“Because I thought it would make _you_ upset! I didn’t want _you_ to be upset because of _my_ feelings! I traded my feelings for your happiness, I did everything for you!” Calum cried, his eyes beginning to build with tears. “I...I said nothing when you started kissing me, and I said nothing when you started dating Bryana and you forgot about me, sexually or not! I...I’ve put everything aside for you, and what have you given me in return? Nothing. You’ve given me nothing, Ash. “ Calum said, his chest heaving a little, a few tears spilling over.

“All I wanted was you. And you just...you never wanted me.” Calum said. “You used me.”

Ashton was shocked. Flat-out shocked. He didn’t know what to say.

“How could you do that, Ash? I...I loved you since day 1. You...no matter how deep inside of you, you knew that. Ever since we were kids, I’ve always loved you. I get that you never wanted me, but...how could you use the love I had for you?” He asked, tears falling freely down his cheeks. He looked at Ashton, waiting for an answer.

“Calum.” Ashton said, giving Calum a long look.

“What?” Calum snapped, his breathing uneven.

“I know you don’t want to hear it. I know you don’t want to hear me say that I’m sorry, but god, Calum...I’m so _fucking_ sorry, if I had known-”

“Like you didn’t know.” Calum said turning away, but Ashton was quick to grab his hands and turn him back to him.

“I love you so much, Calum. “ Ashton said, squeezing Calum’s hands. “I don’t care if you think I’m lying, because I’m not. I’ve always cared about you, and you want to know why I never said anything?”

Calum shook his head, trying to pull his hands from Ashton.

“I never said anything because I thought you wouldn’t want me. You were always so put together, Calum, but everything was easy with you, you and me, we were perfect together. You were my best friend, and you still are. I didn’t say anything, because I didn’t want to lose you as my best friend, but I...I needed _something_. I made that relationship so that I could have something of you that other people wouldn’t. I was selfish. I’ve always, always wanted you. Everything I’ve ever done was to keep you by my side, and I know, I know you don’t believe me. And I know that I deserve nothing from you, but I’m asking for nothing but for you to try and accept my feelings for you.”  He said simply, searching for Calum’s eyes, which were cast down.

Calum slowly shook his head.

“Ashton...I can’t forgive you.” He said softly. “I want to...and I _hate_ myself for wanting to, but I can’t.”

Ashton stepped closer, and put his hand on Calum’s cheek. Calum didn’t try to move.

“Let me work for it.” He said, and Calum furrowed his eyebrows.

“What do you mean?”

“Let me earn your forgiveness. Let me prove to you how sorry I am.” He said seriously, tilting Calum’s head towards him. Calum closed his eyes, contemplating.

“Ashton, I can’t-”

“Can’t or _won’t_?”

Calum’s eyes opened, and he locked gazes with Ashton, who looked incredibly serious. He and Ashton stared at each other for a few seconds, neither willing to break eye-contact.

Just as the tension became too thick, Ashton decided that it was better to burn out rather than fade away, and he tightened his grip on Calum’s jaw before leaning in, and crashing his lips onto his.

Calum, at first, was shocked, and he didn’t move. It took him around eight seconds to realize that this was the make or break point with Ashton. He could push him away, refuse his love and try and keep their band from falling apart, or...he could kiss back.

And so, that’s what he did.

He slowly moved his lips back against Ashton, and he felt the older boy smile against him. Ashton let his hands fall from Calum’s face much like he did the other night, and cupped his hips. Calum made up for the absence of Ashton’s hands by pushing his own hands into the older’s curls.

Ashton stepped back a little, moaning as Calum tugged on his curls. He pulled away from Calum for a second, smiling.

“Do you want this?” He whispered, leaning down to nip at Calum’s jaw.

“I-” Calum muttered, his arms wrapping around Ashton’s neck, and tipping his head to the side. “Yes, god please.”

“Tell me.” Ashton said, suddenly incredibly turned on.

“Tell you- _god_ -tell you what?” Calum asked as Ashton began sucking on his neck.

“Tell me you want it. I need to hear you say that, please.” Ashton muttered, his hands gripping Calum’s hips tightly. Calum groaned, pushing his chest to Ashton’s.

“Ashton, I...I’m _so_ angry with you.” He muttered.

“I know, baby. You should be.” Ashton said, pushing nose to Calum’s jaw.

“I want you so badly.” Calum said, leaning in to kiss Ashton again.

Ashton let him, the younger’s lips pressing softly against his own. Within only a few seconds, Ashton had his tongue out, licking at Calum’s bottom lip, and the younger obliged, opening his mouth for Ashton’s tongue to invade.

Calum’s hand ran wildly through Ashton’s hair, until the older growled into his mouth and put his hands under Calum’s thighs, and spinned them so he could pin Calum to the wall. Calum moaned as he was slammed to the drywall, his tongue working against Ashton’s roughly.

“Fuck, Ash.” Calum said as Ashton broke away and kissed a trail down the column of his throat. “Missed you so much.”

“Missed you more, Cal.” Ashton muttered, biting at Calum’s neck until it shone red. “I’m so fucking sorry for everything I did to you.”

“I...I know you are.” Calum hiccupped back as Ashton made him wrap his legs around his waist, now supported against the wall completely.

“I’m gonna fuck you so hard, Cal, it’ll make you forget all the pain I caused, okay? I’ll make you feel so much better.” Ashton whispered, kissing at the corner of Calum’s mouth. “All you gotta do is be a good boy for me. Can you do that?”

“Yeah, I can...I can do that for you.” Calum gasped, his chest heaving as Ashton’s hands came to cup his ass roughly.

“Yeah?” Ashton said gruffly before kissing Calum again roughly, all teeth and tongue.

“Mhmm.” Calum said back, muffled by Ashton’s assault on his tongue.

“Shirt off. Now.” Ashton growled, dropping Calum’s legs, letting the younger lean against the wall as he stepped back. Calum’s chest was heaving, the boy breathing heavily as he watched Ashton sit on the bed, watching him. The older was quiet for a second, staring at the younger intently.

“Go on. Strip.” Ashton commanded, sending delicious shivers down Calum’s spine.

“Okay.” Calum whispered, sucking in a breath before reaching down, and pulling on the hem of his t-shirt, slightly exposing the skin of his hip. He bit the side of his lip, lifting his shirt off halfway, his tan tummy coming into view. He waited for a second, intending to tease Ashton, and apparently it worked.

“Calum, off. Don’t make me ask again.” He hissed.

Calum smiled at him, stripping off his shirt completely, and running his hands down his sides seductively. His hands moved down his chest, fingers taking extra time on his nipples. Next was his sweatpants, his fingers thumbs hooking into the waistband slightly. He yanked them down so they were dancing on his hips, the edge of his boxers hanging out. However, with one look at Ashton, Calum knew the older didn’t want to be teased. So, he just quickly stripped off his pants, and threw them to the side. Ashton hummed as he saw Calum in tight black boxers, the boy’s ass nicely defined in the material.

“Come here.” Ashton said, parting his legs so Calum could stand between them. Calum did, walking over to Ashton quietly. He stood between the older’s legs, his hands resting on his knees, Ashton’s hands resting on his hips.

“What are you thinking about?” Ashton asked after a second of silence, them both just staring at each other.

“I’m thinking about how many items of clothing you have on.” Calum said with a soft smile, which Ashton returned, squeezing Calum’s hips gently.

“Is it bothering you?” He asked softly.

“Yes.”

“Then change it.” Ashton whispered, and Calum smiled mischievously. Without another word, Calum’s hands were near Ashton’s hips, stripping him of his gray t-shirt.

“Love when you wear gray.” Calum muttered, throwing the shirt somewhere behind him and scanning down Ashton’s chest.

“I love you.” Ashton whispered, grabbing Calum’s hands and putting them to his own chest.

Calum didn’t say anything back, which hurt a little bit, but Ashton sucked it up, and exhaled gently when Calum began to rake his fingers down his chest. His thumbs caught on his nipples, playing with them gently before rubbing down Ashton’s faint ab line. His hands were slowly getting closer to his hips, but something caught his eye. Moving his hands upwards, Calum’s thumb rubbed over a spot on the end of Ashton’s collar bone.

Ashton followed his eyes, looking over the faded red bruise sucked into his skin. Calum’s eyes shone with sadness as he looked at it, pressing into it slightly with his thumb.

Ashton grabbed Calum’s hand, and kissed at his fingertips, sending the younger a look.

“Bryana-”

“It’s over.” Ashton cut Calum off, still holding his fingers gently.

“B-But you...you loved her.” Calum stuttered.

“Not like I love you.” Ashton reassured, dropping Calum’s hand.

“You...you’re really serious about this?” Calum asked, his expression full of doubt.

“I’m extremely serious about this.” Ashton said, pulling Calum for a kiss. Calum exhaled shakily as they pulled away, but the look he sent Ashton, along with the nod, made Ashton remember what they were doing before Calum found the old hickey.

“Anyway,” Calum giggled, and before Ashton knew it, he had an almost-completely-naked Calum climbing into his lap, cupping his face with both of his hands, and kissing his so roughly their teeth clacked. Unable to hold back, Ashton moaned against Calum, his arms sliding around the younger’s waist to make sure he wouldn’t fall.

Ashton wouldn’t ever let that happen.

He kissed back just as roughly, their tongues coming together in Ashton’s mouth, pushing and sliding against each other. Ashton let one hand push into the small of Calum’s back, keeping his balanced, while the other one threaded through his thick hair. Calum smiled into the kiss as Ashton tugged his extremely tangled hair. He hadn’t showered in a bit.

Putting one hand on Ashton’s shoulder, he pushed the older back against the bed, their mouths never leaving each other. Ashton’s hands then slip down Calum’s back, and into his underwear, squeezing at the thick flesh while the younger breaks from his mouth and begins biting down his neck.

“‘M gonna mark you up, Ash.” Calum muttered, so small, Ashton barely heard it.

“Yeah?” He huffed, his breathing getting more and more erratic as Calum sucked harder.

“Yeah. Make it so no one will take you away again. So everyone knows you’re mine.” Calum whispered, and Ashton groaned, his fingernails digging into Calum’s ass. Calum moaned softly, and continued to kiss down Ashton’s body, sucking on his nipples gently.

Ashton watched Calum’s back muscles move with interest as the boy worked his way to kissing Ashton’s hip bones, his hair tickling the bottom of the boy’s ribs.

“Cal-” Ashton hummed, his fingers pulling at the boys curls. Calum hummed, sucking on the skin of Ashton’s hips, then nosing his way to Ashton’s jeans, nuzzling the ever-growing bulge there.

“Ash?” Calum asked, looking up at the older, his mouth half open and his eyes glazed over.

“Yeah baby?” Ashton asked, unable to take his eyes off the bare boy who had his mouth over his clothed cock.

“Can I suck you? Please?” He asked his fingers pressing bruises into Ashton’s hips.

“Hmm.” Ashton hummed, pushing Calum’s hair away from his forehead. “Should I let you?”

“Please, Ashton? I’ll be so good for you.” Calum whined, biting the edge of his lip while giving Ashton puppy eyes.

“Go ahead.” Ashton said, his fingers still lost in Calum’s waves. Calum smiled softly, almost to himself, and got to work unbuttoning Ashton’s jeans.

He giggled mindlessly as he worked them off Ashton’s thighs, the tight material refusing to leave his legs.

“Somethin’ funny?” Ashton asked, tugging Calum’s curls so the boy had to look up.

“No, Ash, it’s just...your jeans.” Calum said, tugging the material all the way off finally.

“Yours are usually just as bad, Cal” Ashton whined, his dominant facade breaking for a minute.

“I know.” Calum giggled. “This part’s easy though.”

With that, Calum had his fingers in the waist of Ashton’s boxers, pulling them off the boy’s legs.

“Haven’t gotten to do this is so long.” Calum whispered softly, reaching for Ashton’s half-mast.

“I know. Just take it easy, yeah?” Ashton said gently, pulling Calum’s head closer to his cock. Calum nodded, and then his tongue was out, and sliding over Ashton’s shaft. The older boy said nothing, just tipped his head to the side to watch with interest as the boy started to lick around his cock in a manner that reminded him vaguely of worship.

Calum hummed, unable to deny the pleasure having Ashton’s cock on his tongue provided.

He missed it. He missed the solid eight and a half inches, he missed the angry red tip, he missed the way it curved towards his belly and the prominent vein on the underside. It was weird, he can admit that, but he really did.

He just missed all of Ashton.

He trailed his tongue all the way down, tongueing at his balls lightly and then down across the sensitive part of his thighs, sucking a mark every so often. Ashton still didn’t make any noise, he just rested his fingers in the boy’s messy hair while he came back up, sucking and kissing at his hip bones yet again.

Finally, after what felt like forever, Calum had his hand wrapped around the base of Ashton’s cock, and was guiding the tip to his waiting mouth. He set it on his tongue gently, nearly moaning at the taste of the small amount of precum that had formed. He hummed, sending delicious tremors through Ashton, then wrapped his lips around the tip gingerly, tongue lapping at the sensitive spot of the underside of his head.

Ashton let out a little puff of breath as Calum began to take a little bit more into his mouth, his fingers running through Calum’s hair gently. Calum did his best, taking several inches of Ashton’s cock, sucking hard at the skin, pressing his tongue there as well.

It had been awhile since he’d given anyone head, so he knew he wouldn’t be able to deepthroat his first time around. He pulled off, and began to stroke his shaft quickly, his spit working as the perfect lube. Using his thumb, he spread the blob of precum at the top of Ashton’s cock down the shaft, pressing his finger into the slit slightly. Ashton let out that puff sound again, and his hands became tighter on Calum.

Calum took the hint and stopped stroking him so he could put him back into his mouth. He sucked about half the length into his mouth, bobbing his head while stroking the other half with his left hand while his right rested on Ashton’s thigh. He bobbed as quickly as he could, his spit starting to dribble from one side of his mouth because he usually doesn’t go this long without popping off.

In one motion, he went too far, and Ashton’s tip his the back back of his throat, triggering his gag reflex, making him pull off quickly. He looked up sheepishly, biting the edge of his lip, and stroking Ashton’s length.

Ashton’s expression didn’t change, he looked blankly at Calum, still twisting his hair in his fingers.

For some reason, Calum had always liked that. It took a lot to get Ashton riled up, and he felt special when he could do it. He liked that Ashton seemed indifferent when Calum was working so hard that he was choking, it gave him an unspoken sense of domination.

Calum, still fisting Ashton’s cock, leaned forward, pressing a sweet, closed mouth kiss to Ashton’s mouth. The older responded, tipping his head up to meet Calum’s and tightening his grip, but he didn’t say anything.

Calum pulled away, and got back to work, slipping Ashton’s cock into his mouth, bobbing head and stroking at the same time again.

“Take all of it, baby.” Ashton said softly, and Calum almost laughed with the gentleness in Ashton’s voice.

He decided against listening, and continued to just bob his head halfway.

If there was something Ashton hated, it was when Calum wouldn’t listen.

“Calum.” Ashton cooed, pulling his cock back until just the tip was resting on Calum’s tongue. He then pushed it so that the tip poked at Calum’s cheek. He rubbed over his tip in Calum’s mouth while the boy shut his eyes in pleasure. “You like having my cock in your mouth, don’t you?”

Calum nodded quickly, his mouth full. Ashton hummed, as if it was interesting to him, and pushed his cock back into Calum’s mouth, leaning back to let Calum take control.

Calum did better, pushing the flesh of Ashton into his mouth, letting the tip tease the back of his throat, his hand still tightly wrapped around the base. He sucked him down about halfway, and took his fingers to play with Ashton’s balls, drawing a puff of breath from the older boy.

“If you don’t take all of it, Cal, I’m going to have to make you.” Ashton said sweetly, and Calum couldn’t help but to moan at that, his mouth sending vibrations down Ashton’s cock. “You’d like that huh? For me to fuck your mouth?”

Calum nodded as best he could, and Ashton smiled at him, running his fingers through Calum’s hair affectionately. The older boy then reached down, taking Calum’s hand from the base of his cock and intertwining their fingers.

“It’s alright, babe. I’ll give you what you want.” Ashton said quietly, kissing Calum’s knuckles before giving a gentle thrust of his hips.

His cock didn’t quite hit Calum’s throat, but it certainly came as a surprise, and Calum choked right away and tried to pull away, only to be stopped by Ashton’s strong hand on top of his head.

“Easy, Cal. This was what you wanted, just take it easy.” He said, running his fingers through Calum’s hair in a calming gesture. Calum hummed, closing his eyes and melting into the soft tone of the older’s voice.

Ashton nodded before thrusting again gently, and Calum, being more expectant, took it smoothly, letting Ashton push his cock into his mouth easily. Ashton hummed and smiled at the younger, whose right hand flexed tightly on his thigh. He bucked his hips up again and again until his tip slid softly into Calum’s throat, sufficiently choking the boy. Calum took it the best he could, his lips stretching and his eyes watering from lack of air.

Ashton let out a satisfied sigh before pulling Calum off by his hair. Calum smiled at him before laying head down on Ashton’s hip bone. Ashton chuckled at him as he licked weakly at his cock from the side.

“You’re out of practice.”

“I’m trying.” Calum said, sounding a little desperate, like Ashton would be angry with him.

“Hey, it’s okay, if it’s too much just-”

“No, it’s not...I’m just annoyed that I can’t do it as well as I could.”

“Well.” Ashton said, directing Calum’s mouth back to his dick. “We’ll just have to continue until you can take me all the way down your throat with ease. Sound good?”

“Yeah.” Calum giggled before opening his mouth, and allowing Ashton to push him onto his dick.

The smile Ashton gave him as he opened his mouth wider, allowing more of his dick to disappear, was enough to make Calum cry a little, just thinking about everything that’s happened. He...he can finally fucking have Ashton. The boy is finally his, and he doesn’t plan on letting him go. Ever. Not fucking ever.

He followed Ashton’s commands easily, taking more of his cock every time the older thrust his hips. Soon enough, with Ashton’s gentle encouragement, and lots of head stroking, Calum was taking Ashton’s cock like a fucking champ, the words of Ashton himself.

In one quick motion, Ashton pushed his hips up whilst pushing Calum down, and Calum’s throat was stuffed full of cock, and his eyes were dripping with tears. Ashton help him there for a second, humming and petting Calum’s hair while the boy looked up at him, waiting for air. Ashton pulled him off after a few seconds, and the younger started panting wildly, sucking air into his empty lungs.

“There we go.” Ashton said softly, pushing the curls away from Calum’s sweaty forehead.

“Bet-” Calum took a second to breath in again. “Better?”

“So much better.” Ashton smiled, pulling the younger up to him by his armpits, and kissing him gently on the mouth. Calum smiled against him, their chests pressing together.

As Ashton distracted the younger by sucking on his tongue, his hand slid down the younger’s back, hooking his fingers in the hem of his boxers, and beginning to pull them down.

Calum hummed into his mouth, and spread his legs, sitting up on his knees to straddle the older’s lap. Ashton pushed back, until he had his back pressed to the headboard with Calum situated on his lap. Calum pulled his boxers down, pulling them off one leg at a time, stumbling a bit. Ashton chuckled at him whilst grabbing his hips.

“What?” Calum asked self-consciously.

“Nothing.” Ashton giggled, pressing a kiss to Calum’s temple. “You’re just cute.”

“Shut up.” Calum said, slapping at Ashton’s chest. “I’m sexy as hell.”

Ashton chuckled again, kissing Calum on the mouth.

“You’re right. Please forgive me.”

“No.” Calum said, crossing his arms.

“Fine.” Ashton shrugged. “I guess you don’t want to be fingered then?”

“Not by you.” Calum said sassily, leaning away from the older.

Ashton hummed thoughtfully, and wrapped one arm around Calum, bring the other in front of him. He wiggled his fingers in front of Calum’s face, smirking slightly.

“You sure?” He asked, smiling as the younger side-eyed his fingers. Calum hummed.

“I suppose…” He hummed, turning back to the older.

“Yeah?” Ashton asked with a smile. Calum smiled back.

“Yes.” He decided.

“They’re gonna need to be wet then, baby.” He said, and Calum opened his mouth, so Ashton took the invitation, pushing two of his fingers onto Calum’s tongue.

Calum sucked faithfully, coating Ashton’s hand in saliva. Ashton smirked, and began to push his fingers in and out of Calum’s mouth. Calum had the balls to roll his eyes.

“Good boy.” Ashton mumbled as he pulled his fingers out. “Turn around for me, yeah?”

Calum did as he was told, turning around so we was straddling Ash in some sort of a reverse cowgirl… or is it boy? He didn’t care, he just did as Ashton asked, laying his chest down on the bed, looking back as the older spread his cheeks.

Ashton kissed his left cheek, his scruff tickling Calum’s skin, making him giggle. Ashton smiled against him before bringing his wetted hand to Calum’s hole, letting the tips of his fingers drag over the tender flesh gently. Calum shivered at the soft touch, pressing back onto Ashton’s hand while smothering his face into his sheets to help keep quiet.

“Ready?” Ashton asked softly, and Calum whined with need in response.

Ashton smiled, and began to work his first finger in. It was a tight fit, tighter than Ashton realized it would be. Calum whined in pain, but Ashton just hushed him softly by kissing the base of his spine.

“Hey, it’s alright. You can do this, baby.” He whispered softly, pushing another few centimeters into his sensitive hole.

“H-hurts.” Calum remarked, but Ashton shushed him.

“I know, sweets. It’ll be better though, you know that.” Ashton said softly, pushing his finger in further. Calum bit his lip to keep from crying out. Ashton kissed his back again, and Calum felt weirdly comforted by the gesture.

Ashton started to work his first finger in and out, kissing Calum’s hole and his fingers every time the boy squirmed.

“Stay still. It’ll hurt less.” He cooed, working his finger in faster. Calum followed orders, and eventually, the burn subsided, and was replaced by pleasure. He let Ashton know by pushing back onto his fingers, and loosening his hold on the sheets.

“Does it feel good, Cal?” He asked, and Calum nodded.

“So good. Please don’t stop.” He whispered back, like it was a secret. Ashton chuckled a little to himself before pressing a second finger to Calum’s entrance.

“Gotta get you ready to take me, right babe?” Ashton said, forcing his second finger in beside his first. Calum nodded in response, trying to take Ashton’s finger with ease.

“Just imagine it, Cal. In a few minutes, it won’t be my fingers inside of you.” Ashton said, working his two fingers in and out, purposefully avoiding Calum’s prostate, making the boy squirm wildly. “It'll be my cock, buried all the way up there, pressing against this.”

With that, Ashton pressed his two fingers onto Calum’s sweet spot roughly, and Calum bit down hard on the bedding to keep from screaming.

“Fucking hell, Ash.” He whined as Ashton drew his fingers out then pressing them back in, avoiding that spot again.

“Yeah?” Ashton chuckled, and Calum wanted to slap him, because seriously, who giggles while fingering someone?

But he didn’t, because he kind of wants to kiss him too.

After that, stretching Calum was easy. He seemed to open up for Ashton, and whenever the older had any sort of trouble, he kissed the knobs of Calum’s spine or teased his sweet spot. it seemed to be pretty effective, because within ten minutes, Calum was pushing himself backwards, all but begging for more. Ashton smiled at the view, and kissed Calum cheeks again.

“D’you think you’re ready, love?” He asked, still working three fingers in. Calum scoffed.

“Please. I was born ready.” He said, and Ashton rolled his eyes.

“You are a massive nerd, Hood.” He chuckled, withdrawing his fingers. Calum laughed, and turned around, straddling Ashton’s lap. He rested his hands on Ashton’s shoulders, the older boy’s cock finding residence in the crack of Calum’s ass.

“You love me.” He laughed, and Ashton paused for a second. It sounded joking...but he knew better.

“Hell yeah, I do.” Ashton said seriously, kissing the tip of Calum’s nose.

“You’re such a sap, I swear to god.” Calum said, beginning to rock back on Ashton’s cock. Ashton groaned a little, but other than that, kept it together.

“You love it.” He said, his hands finding the younger’s prominent hipbones, and guiding his movements against his groin.

Calum’s hand tightened on his shoulders, working up a steady rhythm on Ashton’s throbbing dick. He got a little caught up in it, in fact, and Ashton was having a hard time keeping together. His head kept catching on Calum’s recently stretched hole, and he was beginning to lose it, he was ready to flip the younger over, and shove his cock inside of him without warning.

“I just love you.” Calum said breathlessly, still working. “Always have.”

Ashton smiled, and tightened his grip, keeping the younger from moving, and tipping his head down with his free hand. The way he kissed him that time was hard, but closed-mouthed. It was meant to portray all the emotions Ashton had lost track of over the years. All of the emotions he felt for Calum.

When he pulled back, his hand tangled in the hair at the base of Calum’s neck, he was breathless, and completely ready to fuck the younger.

“Are you ready?” He asked gently.

Calum nodded.

“Yes, Ash.”

“Good boy.” Ashton smiled, pecking Calum’s lips softly.

With that, Calum was climbing off Ashton’s lap, getting on his hands and knees to show for the older boy.

“You’re beautiful, Cal.” Ashton said, sitting up on his knees while reaching for Calum’s nightstand. He chuckled when he found what he was looking for. “They’re still here.”

Calum looked back to see Ashton handling a bottle of lube as well as a box of condoms. He bit the inside on his cheeks, contemplating what he was about to blurt out.

“Ash,” He whispered, and the older looked up whilst taking a condom from the box. “Can we…” He trailed off.

Ashton hummed as he kissed up Calum’s spine.

“Can we what, baby?” He whispered, and jesus, Calum melted like butter at the tone of his voice.

“Can we go without...without the condom, please?” He asked shakily, and Ashton chuckled against the skin of his back. “Jus’ wanna feel you.”

“‘course, sweetheart.” He said before tossing the still-wrapped rubber onto the floor.

“You’re picking that up later.” Calum said while Ashton dribbled lube onto his cock.

“Who knows...we might need it later.” Ashton said, spreading some lube onto Calum’s hole, making the younger shiver.

“I don’t...I don’t need lube, Ashton.” He said cheekily, and Ashton laughed again.

“I know you don’t, I just wanna be sure, okay?” He said, resting his head against Calum’s rim.

“Okay.” Calum nodded, and Ashton smiled as he squared his hands on Calum’s hips, and began to push his cock inside the younger.

Calum’s breathing hitched, his knuckles turning white from how hard he was gripping his sheets. Ashton was big. There was never any doubt about that, but Calum had kind of forgotten. It takes someone like Ashton to know that he would need lube even when he insisted he didn’t.

Despite the tight fit, Calum absolutely vibrated with pleasure, shock-waves of bliss rolling up his back at the feel of having Ashton inside of him again. He really did miss it, the thickness of his dick, the tightness of his fingers on his hip bones, and his gentle breath on his back as he draped himself over the younger.

Meanwhile, Ashton was trying to hold himself together. He’d had sex while he and Calum were apart, but never like this.

“You feel so much better than she did, Calum.”

It totally, completely slips out. Aston never meant to say that it was just...what was on his mind. But, luckily, Calum doesn’t seem to mind, if fact, he groans loudly, pushing himself back so violently, Ashton bottoms out.

“Jesus Christ, Ashton.” He says, dropping his head between his arms.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry that just slipped out, I never-”

“I was so angry when you started seeing her.” Calum cut Ashton off. Ashton exhaled roughly, partly from Calum’s confession, and partly because of the heat on his dick. His fingers stroked at Calum’s hip mindlessly.

“If I had known Calum, I would never have started seeing her.” He said back, kissing at Calum’s shoulder blade. Calum shuddered as Ashton gave a microscopic rock of his hips.

“But you did know. We both knew. That last week in L.A., we both knew how the other felt.” He argued, rolling his hips in small circles, making Ashton groan. It was weird that they were having this conversation now, but at the same time it seemed to make sense because it was just...so them. Ashton wouldn’t want it any other way.

“I wasn’t sure. I didn’t want to be rejected.” Ashton whispered, straightening out and drawing his cock out slowly. Calum let out what sounded suspiciously like a sob.

“That’s such bullshit, Ashton, and you know it.” Calum said, gasping as Ashton snapped his hips forward, fucking into him roughly.

“You never said anything either, Calum.” Ashton retorted, snapping his hips backwards again.

“I-I…”Calum trailed off, arching his back.

“It doesn’t matter.” Ashton muttered, bringing one hand to push on the small of Calum’s back. “Down.”

Calum followed his commands, laying his chest down, and pushing his ass upwards. The new angle was blissful, the head of Ashton’s cock just barely grazing his prostate. Calum let him know he appreciated the shift by letting out a massive moan and pushing himself back. Ashton kept his hand pressing on his back, as a reminder to stay pressed to the mattress. Calum couldn’t imagine ever moving, but the dominance Ashton displayed by pushing down made him whimper.

“A-Ash.” He whined as Ashton slammed into him. “You’re so big.”

“I know. You’re taking it so well, babe.” Ashton said back, a thin sheen of sweat building on his skin from the amount of work he was putting into fucking Calum.

“You f-feel way better than my fingers.” He sighed out, his words becoming increasingly harder to say.

“Yeah?” Ashton asked, still rocking into the younger. “Did you finger yourself while we were apart?”

“Y-yeah.” Calum panted as Ashton dug his fingers into the flesh of his ass, marking it with little half-moons.

“Did you think of me?” Ashton asked, the hand on Calum’s back sliding up to feel each of the younger’s vertebrae.

“Always.” Calum said. “Couldn’t ever think of anything else.”

“God, Calum, that’s fucking hot.” Ashton groaned, fucking into the younger faster.

“It was never enough, though.” Calum said, his old knack for dirty talk rising. “My fingers were never enough to completely get me off, I was always thirsty for more, no matter how many times I did it.”

“Thirsty, huh?” Ashton asked.

“Fucking parched.” Calum said, and then, in the middle of fucking Calum with intensity, Ashton laughed. He couldn’t help himself, that word just...was so fucking stupid.

“Seriously Cal, you fucking lameass.”

“Could you be less rude while you're fucking _my_ ass?” Calum sent back, cheeky as always.

Ashton had only one way to deal with the sass the younger boy dished, and that was smacking the shit out of his ass. The sound resonated through the room, and the effects were almost immediate. Ashton could feel the muscles in Calum’s back tense, and could almost sense the wave of submission that ran over the younger boy.

“You want to run that by me again?” He whispered, leaning down onto the younger boy.

“No, Ash.” Calum whimpered, burying his head into the sheets while Ashton picked up his pace, his hips slapping down onto Calum’s ass.

“Good boy.” Ashton whispered, and it was weird, how easily things shifted for them, from heartfelt and emotional to lighthearted and fun to sexy and dirty. That was just how things were for them, I guess.

It was pretty quiet for the next few minutes, the only sounds to be heard was the slap of skin on skin and heavy breathing as well as a few occasional moans from the two boys.

It wasn’t until Ashton draped himself over Calum’s back, changing the angle that Calum said anything again.

“Fucking...Ashton!” He screamed as the older’s cock nailed his prostate head-on, his vision going blurry with the sudden pleasure.

“Yeah, baby? Did I find it?” Ashton cooed, and Calum all but screamed again.

“Yes!” He whined, dropping his head down into the sheets.

“Shh,” Ashton said, kissing the back of Calum’s neck as the boy whimpered to himself. “I’m right here.”

Calum whined louder at that, arching his back as Ashton sped up, slamming into him with intensity.

“‘m not going anywhere, Calum.” He said confidently, one of his hands coming to wrap around Calum’s stomach, his fingers trailing over his pelvis.

“You left last time.” Calum said back through his erratic breathing.

“I promise you, this time, I’m not leaving. I'll be here.” He promised through grunts, pushing his fingers into Calum’s lower tummy, making the younger all but collapse onto the bed in a pleasure-filled rush.

“Ashton!” He cried, his cock dragging on the sheets to add to the sensation.

“Can you feel me there, Cal?” Ashton whispered as he pressed on Calum’s tummy harder. “Deep inside you, rubbing up against your sweet spot.”

And that was it.

Calum was done.

“Jesus fucking Chr-” He couldn’t even finish his sentence before he was releasing, his cum pouring out of his cock, and onto his bed, his mind going momentarily blank in absolute orgasmic bliss.

Ashton straightened out, panting as he fucked into Calum, his hands gripping his hips.

“Good boy, Calum.” He said, stroking down the smaller boy’s spine. “So good for me.”

A few more thrusts, and Ashton pulled out, pumping his cock furiously.

Calum, despite his still half-intoxicated mind, flipped onto his back for Ashton to straddle his chest. Ashton took the invitation willingly, shimmying up Calum’s body until the tip of his swollen cock was resting over Calum’s mouth.

“You still thirsty, baby?” He panted out, his body spasming as he stroked the head of his cock quickly.

Calum nodded obediently, and opened his mouth for Ashton.

“Please, Ash.” He muttered, eyes fluttering as Ashton lost himself in the feeling brought by his hand.

With shaking breath followed by a loud moan, he hit his climax, his cum dripping down onto Calum’s face, across his cheeks and into his mouth.

He shuddered as he came, whimpered Calum’s name softly. He stroked himself through it, making sure to get every last drop of cum onto Calum. When he was finished, Calum kept his mouth open, so Ashton placed the tip of his cock back into Calum’s mouth for the younger to clean him off.

“Good boy.” He said, stroking Calum’s hair lovingly. Calum hummed with the praise, and Ashton had to pull his cock out from oversensitivity.

Calum licked at his lips, cleaning the rest of Ashton’s seed off of his mouth before the older boy leaned down for a kiss. Ashton moaned at the taste of himself inside Calum’s mouth, slightly bitter, a lot less sweet than Calum’s. His hands found Calum’s hair, running his fingers through the messy strands.

“Love you.” He said when he broke away, because it was the first thing that came to mind, looking at his blissed-out boy.

“Love you too.” Calum said back before letting his head fall back against the sheets with an exhausted sigh. Ashton chuckled at him.

“You fucked it out of me, Irwin.” He said, and Ashton was always intrigued by how quickly Calum could recover from an orgasm, no matter how mind-blowing.

“Good. I hope ‘it’ doesn’t come back for a while. Jetlag is kicking my ass.” Ashton said, climbing off the younger boy so he could breathe normally.

“Jetlag? When did you get in?” Calum asked, sitting up on his elbows, a bit of cum still on his face. Ashton wanted to laugh when he saw it, but it was okay, because he kind of wanted to lick it off too.

“I don’t know, two, maybe three hours ago.” Ashton shrugged, getting off the bed.

“Have you even been home yet?” Calum asked, sitting up on his knees. Ashton shook his head.

“You…”

“I came straight for you. I was tired of waiting.” Ashton said, searching the floor for his boxers. Calum was quiet for a second, twisting his fingers in his lap and thinking, also maybe blushing to himself a little bit.

“Ashton?”

“Yes?” Ashton responded, boxers re-applied.

“Why did you leave a few nights ago? Why didn’t you just stay?” Calum asked. Ashton paused, thinking of the best way to answer.

“I needed to see Bryana, and I figured it would be easier if you and the boys didn’t ask questions. I didn’t realize how upset it made you.” He said hesitantly.

Calum nodded slowly, looking lost in his own head. With one look to the younger, the older was walking over to the bed, taking Calum’s face in his hands.

“Hey,” He whispered, demanding the younger’s attention. “I promise, that was it. That was the only reason. I would have told you, hell taken you with me, but...I needed to do it on my own, yeah?” He said softly, and Calum bit his lip.

“I know they’re just words, and I know I’ve said them a million times already, but I really do love you, Calum, and I understand that you don’t believe me yet, and I hope you don’t, because I don’t deserve that, but I promise you, ever since that last show at Wembley, I have been 120 percent committed to you, no one else, I swear.” He says, his thumb stroking at the smaller boy’s cheek. Calum was quiet for a second, taking in the information, and finally, after Ashton felt like he was ready to pass out from holding his breath, Calum leaned into the touch, closing his eyes as he pressed into Ashton’s palm.

“I’ve been in love with you, Ash...for a long as I can remember, I just...didn’t know it.” He said eventually, taking Ashton’s hand from his face, and intertwining their fingers, kissing at the older’s knuckles.

“I’m sorry for everything I did to you.” Ashton said, and Calum nodded. He looked away from the older, his eyes trained on the floor at the corner of the room. Ashton didn’t take his eyes off his face, searching for any sort of expression that could help him decipher what was going on in Calum’s mind. Then, within a second, Calum was up on his knees, his mouth pressed to Ashton’s.

“I know.” Calum said after pulling away, his forehead leaning against Calum’s. “I want to forgive you, I’m just...I’m not ready to.”

Ashton nodded quickly.

“You don’t need to. I need to show you that I’m worthy of it.” He said, his eyebrows scrunched. Calum laughed gently, and brought fingers to brush curls out of Ashton’s eyes.

“You’re so sweet, Ashton.” He said. Ashton shook his head, his free hand coming to squeeze Calum’s hip.

“I’m hungry.” Calum said, and Ashton took that as a hint. He took his hand off of Calum, and watched as the younger disentangled their fingers.

He got off the bed, leaving Ashton in the dust, searching his room for boxers. Eventually, he decided against them, and just pulled on sweatpants to cover himself. Ashton, finally getting over his weird mindstate, laughed to himself as the younger winked at him before waltzing out of the room.

He pulled Calum’s blanket from his bed, as well as his now-filthy sheets, and threw them into the corner of the room. Afterwards, he grabbed spare sheets as well as a blanket from Calum’s closet (kept there for obvious reasons), and started making the bed. He could hear the microwave going off downstairs in the kitchen, and he smiled to himself as he tucked the sheets in. He was extremely grateful that he had already showered that morning, and he wasn’t too dirty, aside from the smell of sex and Calum that stuck to his skin. He didn’t mind that though.

He tucked himself into Calum’s bed, grabbing the boy’s phone from the nightstand and flicking through it. He heard Calum come back up the stairs, but walk straight past his bedroom.

Ashton then rolled his eyes as he heard the sound of water running in the bathroom. He wondered when the last Calum showered was.

As he scrolled through Twitter, he heard Calum singing quietly, and he smiled to himself. He recognised music that they had covered in the past as well as their own. It made him incredibly happy with a sense of nostalgia.

Calum eventually came back, dripping wet with fluffy hair and a towel around his waist. Ashton locked his phone, and put it back, rolling over to watch the boy dry his body and put on boxers and a t-shirt for pajamas.

When he noticed Ashton starring, Calum first flipped him off, then walked over to the bed, peeling back the covers, and climbing in.

“Quit staring, pervert.” He smirked, and Ashton rolled his eyes.

“Shut up, Hood.” He said, pulling Calum to his chest. Calum laughed against his skin, cuddling into his chest.

“I love you so very much, Irwin.” He said, muffled by Ashton.

“And I,” Ashton said, kissing Calum’s forehead after yawning. “Love you more than you could imagine. Hood.”


	28. A/N!!!

Hey guys, I'm really sorry, all my pre-written stuff got deleted, so I have to start over for the next chapters.

THIS FIC WILL CONTINUE

It will just take some time, and I am so, so sorry. I spent the last two days trying to recover it, but it's gone, and I seriously cried. I'm so sorry it might take a bit, but I promise I will update within the next few days. 

I'm so sorry, and thank you for sticking with me!!

XX-Alex


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello loves,   
> I'm sorry, this chapter is less than satisfactory, but I promise the next ones will be better!!!  
> I'm sorry this took so long, but I hope you enjoy!!  
> XX-Alex

Baby boys.

 

 

When Calum woke up again, Ashton was gone.

The first thing Calum processed was that the space next to him was empty. Panic began to set in, and a million different thoughts ran through his mind.

He was laying on his chest, inhaling the scent of his fresh sheets, just running over the reasons why Ashton wouldn’t be here. Just as he was about to break, burst into a hurricane of tears, he heard the unmistakable sound of his door hinges squeaking.

He turned over slowly, his eyes greeted by Ashton coming in through his door quietly. He was obviously trying to not wake Calum up, tiptoeing on the thick carpet, his hips covered weakly in a pair of Calum’s sweatpants, and topless. He looked tired, the first thing Calum noticed, the bags under his eyes were dark, but he knew that was due to the jetlag he was suffering from.

“Hey,” Calum croaked out, his voice sounding hoarse.

He’d missed it.

Ashton looked up, slightly surprised, and gave Calum a charming smile.

“Hey.” He said, traipsing over to the bed, sitting down on the edge. “Didn’t mean to wake you.”

Calum shook his head, still sufficiently buried in the blankets.

“You didn’t.” He said softly. “You were gone when I woke up.”

Ashton’s face became sheepish.

“I’m sorry. That wasn’t the original plan.” He said, reaching a hand out to push Calum’s shower-soft hair out of his face. “I was meant to be here.”

Calum smiled slightly, and arched into his touch.

“You said you would be here in the morning.” Calum whispered. “You are.”

“Have I ever made you a promise I didn’t keep?” Ashton said, and Calum shook his head. Ashton gave him a gentle smile. “I made breakfast.”

Calum perked up at the mention of food, his head coming out of the blankets.

“Really?”

“Yeah.” Ashton laughed. “It’s ready downstairs. I would bring it up to you, but I think I’d rather eat downstairs.”

Calum nodded, and peeled the blankets off.

“Okay.” He says, getting off the bed, and planting a kiss on Ashton’s cheek.

“Shall we?” Ashton asks, sticking out his hand. Calum takes it with a roll of his eyes, but Ashton doesn’t mind, because he gets to hold Calum Hood’s hand.

They walk down the stairs together, a bit of a tight fit, considering the size of the hallways, but make it to the landing in one piece nonetheless. In the kitchen, Ashton sits Calum down at the table, and a few moments later, brings him a plate.

“Seriously, you’re the best wife ever.” Calum says, looking at the plate with wide eyes. Ashton scoffed, but he looked pleased either way.

“You’ve been spending too much time with Michael.” Ashton said, also setting a cup of tea in front of Calum before going to grab his own plate.

“I know.” Calum said through a mouthful of toast.

“By the way,” Ashton said, munching on his toast. “you know him and Luke are in love right.”

“We’ve always known.” Calum tossed back. “They’re the oblivious ones.”

“Well,” Ashton says. “I’m sure they’ll figure it out eventually.”

“I hope so.” Calum says, and just then, they’re joined in the kitchen by Joy Hood, who is dressed in a robe, looking rather shocked.

“Calum,” She says. “you’re...out.”

Calum nods sheepishly, looking at Ashton, who is still missing a shirt. Joy seems to follow his eyes, giving Ashton an equally as shocked look.

“Ashton...I haven’t seen you in a while.” She says, and Ashton offers her a bright smile.

“Hey Mrs. Hood, it has been a while, huh? It’s kind of a shame. I’ve really missed this place, especially your cooking.” He throws, and honestly, Calum is sleeping with the biggest people pleaser in the entire world, and he’s so in love. Despite Ashton’s obvious cheesiness, he means well, and Mrs. Hood knows it, so she indulges him.

“It has been a while, Ashton, it’s a pleasure to see you again.” She says with a smile, moving into the kitchen completely.

“I’ve made coffee, I hope you don’t mind.”

“Oh no, not at all, sweetie.” She says, pouring herself a cup. “So,” she ventures. “are you two…”

“Uhm,” Calum says, going bright red. “we’re uhm…”

“We don’t really know.” Ashton says, smiling gently, his dimples pressing into his cheeks. “But we’re something.”

Joy smiles brightly at the two of them.

“Well, I’m glad you two have finally figured it out.” She says, and then she’s gone, disappearing from the kitchen as quickly as she came. Calum is still bright pink, his fork forgotten midway to his mouth. Ashton smirks at him, and continues eating. Calum eventually breaks out of his weird trance, and sets his fork down slowly. He watches Ashton for a few seconds, his blush finally fading. He eats a few more bites in the silence, but soon, he’s putting his plate back in the sink, and sitting down across from Ashton.

“Maybe we should talk about it.” He says, and Ashton looks up from his hash browns.

“Talk about what?” He asks with furrowed eyebrows.

“Uhm,” Calum says. “maybe we should talk about what this means for us.”

Ashton takes in what he says, and processes it for a second before shrugging sideways.

“What do you think it means?”

“I don’t know what it means.” Calum admits.

“Well, does it need to mean anything?” Ashton asks, and Calum turns pink again, but this time, in irritation.

“Yeah, Ashton, I think it does. We just had....emotional sex. For the first time ever. I...admitted that I’ve been in love with you forever, and you said that you love me, and it’s obvious that there’s something between us, and I think that it’s important that we talk about it, I mean...I don’t even know what to call you.” He says, a little breathlessly.

“How about Ashton?” He responds, walking over to put his own plate in the sink. Calum goes even pinker, and light glare on his face.

“I don’t know, I’m kind of feeling ‘asshole’ right now.” Calum huffs, leaning backward in his chair. Ashton has the balls to laugh, returning to sit across from Calum.

“That’s not what I meant by that. I guess what I mean is that...do we need to label it? I love you, and you love me, and we have sex and hold hands sometimes. That’s ‘what’ we are. We’re Ashton and Calum.” He said, and Calum calms down a little, but the look on his face makes Ashton wonder.

“Or do you want a label?” He asks gently, giving Calum a soft look.

“I don’t know, Ash.” Calum says, avoiding eye contact. “I just...I kinda like the word boyfriend.”

Ashton gives Calum a smile so bright, he’s afraid he’ll get sunburned.

“I could do that.” He says, and Calum melts a little at his tone.

“Yeah?” He says shyly, and Ashton nods. He reaches over, and intertwines their fingers on the table.

“Yeah. I can definitely do that.”

-

Things quickly change for the band.

After a week and a half of being home, relaxing with their families and each other, the boys have returned to their tour, this time covering their Aus and NZ leg of it.

Things are better.

The boys pack more clothes this time so they’re not stealing each other’s underwear, and their bus is clean when they finally get back on it. Their tour manager is there, running the boys through everything. Their first rehearsal, despite being apart for some time, was perfect, and it left all four of the boys in good moods for their opening night.

Luke and Michael have returned to messing around with each other like two puppies, and Calum and Ashton…

Well, things are just kind of perfect for them.

They’re easy. They’re not forcing it, just letting it happen. They haven’t officially told Michael or Luke, or any of their crew, but they’re pretty sure they’re figured it out.

In fact, they know for a fact that Michael knows one night, around 2 am when they’re making out in Ashton’s bunk, when Michael throws a bottle of lube in, nailing Calum in the head.

(“Michael, you asshole!”

“Sorry, Cal, but I was not about to risk opening that curtain. You sacrificed yourself for the greater good.” )

At night, the boys gather in the back, and watch some sort of movie, or play FIFA, or just sit together and read or scroll through their phones. Calum more often than not sits on the floor with his back to the couch, and his body between Ashton’s legs. He does it mostly to force himself to keep his hands to himself, but still be close to his boyfriend.

In all, things are better, and by the time their first show, Auckland, comes around, everyone is ready for it.

“Morning, lovebirds, up and at ‘em.”

Calum groans as he feels hands pull him, all the way off Ashton and to the floor.

He’s lucky they have a bottom bunk.

“What the-fuck, Michael, god.” He says, rolling over, the bright light streaming in through the bus windows blinding him.

“Hi.” Michael smiles, leaning over him.

“Why is it always me and you? Why can’t you pull Ashton out, or have Luke wake us up?” He whines.

“Because Ashton would beat me up, and you’ve always been my human shield, so no harm done.” He smiles. “And as for Luke, he’s in the kitchen eating breakfast.”

Calum groans again, and it’s then that Ashton finally decides to wake up.

“Good god, what time’s it?”

Michael chuckles, and Calum joins in when Ashton sits up, and all his curls are sticking up above his head.

“It’s 9:30. I don’t know why you two are so tired,” He winks at Calum. “But we will be arriving at the Auckland arena in one hour.”

“Fuck,” Ashton groans, falling back onto the bed. “Calum, come back.”

Michael rolls his eyes, but gives Calum the hand he requests for help up.

“Sorry, Ash, but Mikey’s right. I’m hungry.” He says, patting Ashton’s hip. Ashton groans and whines at the same time, and seriously, Michael’s never seen him like this. Usually Ashton is the first one up, the one waking everyone with muffins, coffee, and a smile. Calum has destroyed him.

“Stop whining. I’ll bring you something back.” Calum says with a roll of his eyes. Michael offers him a grin as they walk away.

“What?” He asks.

‘Nothing. It’s just cute. You and Ash.” He says, and Calum scoffs.

“Please, you and Luke are just the same, you just don’t suck each other’s dicks.” He throws, and Michael turns a little pink.

“Yeah, uhm…” He says, and Calum catches the change in his tone.

“Mikey?” He asks, his tone softer. “Is everything okay with Luke?”

“Yeah, I mean, I think so?” He says. “I don’t know, Cal. I try not to think about it.”

“Think about what?” Calum presses.

“Think about him and me. Like, where we stand, because we act like boyfriends, but I don’t know if he wants more, because I really hurt him, so I just...I don’t know, and he doesn’t exactly make things easy.” Michael says, running a hand through his hair. Calum nods slowly.

“Things with Luke are rarely easy, but you know him, Mike. He gets emotional easily, and he probably is scared of getting hurt again. Just give him some time and talk to him. It’s not like he’s going anywhere, I’m everything will be fine, just give him some time.” He says, and Michael smiles a little.

“Maybe you’re right, Cal.” He says.

“I know Luke better than anyone. Of course I’m right.” He says with a bright smile, and Michael returns it. Calum feels pretty good about himself then, because he made Michael feel better, but that ‘good about himself’ feeling wears off as soon as their soundcheck that afternoon is over, and he discovers that he was not right.

Because Michael does not have all the time in the world. Michael’s time is taken away by black hair and green eyes.

His name is Jesse, and he’s so obviously new. Now, Calum has a boyfriend, a very attractive one, and even he has to acknowledge how cute this kid is.

He stands off to the side in the hall of the venue, a headset tangled in his shaggy hair, and a mic pack on his hip like the rest of their crew. Calum counts their techs, and he realizes that Joey, Luke’s tech, isn’t here, and that’ when he figures out why Jesse is there.

He’s Luke’s tech, and really, things couldn’t have been worse.

Jesse stumbles forward, tripping over his lanky legs that are even longer than Luke’s, and bites his lip while stretching his arms around for Luke’s guitar. Luke looks up from where he was laughing at something Ashton said, and it’s almost immediate.

Luke’s face pales as he, for once, has to look up to meet someone’s eyes. His mouth opens slightly, and honestly, Calum doesn’t blame him.

Jesse is pretty.

“Uhm, hi.” He says, and jesus, his voice is so, so pretty. “I’m Jesse, I’m your new tech, sorry, I’m really new, Joey just got really sick right before we left, and I was the only thing they could get-”

“Hi.” Luke says, cutting Jesse off, his cheeks a pretty pink. “I don’t mind that you’re new, that’s uhm, totally cool.”

Calum watches it all play out from the side, the way Luke gapes at the boy so, so obviously, and the way Jesse seems too jumpy just to be nervous because he’s new. He knows that there’s already an undeniable chemistry between the two of them, and he knows that that means trouble.

“Sorry,” Luke says, taking his strap off, handing Jesse his guitar. “I totally forgot, uhm, here. Thanks.”

Calum, in the middle of all his dread, wants to face-palm, because god, Luke is awkward and cute and loveable, and seriously, how could someone not love Luke?

“Yeah, thanks, or uhm, you’re welcome? Sorry, I just, I’m new…” Jesse says back, the red tint of his cheeks in unmistakeable, and seriously? How could they have managed to pick up the most Luke-like person on the face of the earth? How is that fucking possible?

Luke laughed, gentle and genuine, and gave Jesse a once-over.

“Okay, sorry, I’ll get out of your way.” Jesse smiled, bashful, those pretty green eyes finding the floor.

“Right.” Luke said. As he walked away, he turned back, as if last second. “Hey, you uh, you don’t have to say sorry so much.”

Jesse looked surprised, and a blush exploded on his cheeks.

“Sorry.” He said, and Calum had to laugh. Jesse was cute, and judging by the way Luke looked at him, he thought so too.

Maybe Michael didn’t have as much time as Calum originally thought.

-

“Hey, you’re new right?”

Oh god, Calum knew that voice.

They just finished their first show in Auckland, and they were all pretty tired, but pumped as well. Calum had just handed his bass to his tech when he heard Ashton’s cheery voice behind him. He turned around with dread to see Ashton smiling at Luke’s new tech, Jesse. Jesse nodded shyly, Luke’s guitar in his hands.

“Yeah.” He smiled.

“Cool.” Ashton said with a cheery smile, and god, Calum had to do something. He rushed over, slinging an arm around his boyfriend’s shoulders, and sending Jesse a charming smile.

“Yeah…” Jesse said, giving Calum an unsure look.

“Oh sorry, Calum.” Calum said, extending a sweaty hand. Jesse took it after a second, his hand equally as sweaty. Apparently he’s nervous.

“Jesse.” He said back, offering the two of them a smile. “Are you two…?”

“Yes.” Ashton said after a second, dropping his arm in favour of grabbing Calum’s hand to interlock their fingers.

“Oh.” Jesse says, his face blank.

“Is that a problem for you?” Calum asks, and Ashton tightens his grip in a soft reprimand. Jesse’s eyes widen, and his mouth gapes.

“O-oh no, no god no, I-I’m, no...it’s absolutely not a problem...sir.” He says, his green eyes filled with fear. Ashton laughed while Calum still looked at Jesse with suspicion.

“You definitely don’t have to call me, or him ‘sir’, dude. What are you, like eighteen?” Ashton smiled.

“Twenty.” Jesse said, his cheeks still bright red.

“Oh. Wow.” Ashton said. He looked at Calum, and then back to Jesse, seeming to decide something. “Look, you seem pretty alright. Do you want to maybe go get drinks with us and the boys? Just to y’know...break in the new guy?”

Jesse turns even brighter than before, but a smile accompanies it. Calum is suddenly filled with dread.

“Yeah, that’d be really cool, actually. Thanks.” He says, his eyes filled with excitement.

“Awesome. We’ll go change and eat something, then one of us will track you down so you can accompany us to the pub in our van.” Ashton says, and Jesse nods again, a bright smile on his face. His pale cheeks are flushed pink, and his freckles almost touch his eyes when he smiles, due to those high cheek bones.

With that, Ashton is walking away, dragging Calum with him. Calum still feels heavy with dread, and he knows that tonight will be horrible for a certain dyed-blonde boy, and he’s not ready for that.

“Dammit, Ash.” He says when they get to the wide hall that leads to their dressing room.

“What?” Ashton looks shocked, and he stops walking. “What did I do?”

Calum sighs, and looks away from his boyfriend.

“Nothing.” He says, but Ashton grips his hand tightly.

“Hey, it’s obviously not nothing. What is it, what’s wrong?” He presses, searching for Calum’s eyes.

“Jesse.” He says, even though he knows that it’s not very helpful.

“Jesse?” Ashton asks, and Calum nods. “What about him.”

“I’m pretty sure Luke is in love with him.” He says, only partially sarcastic.

“What do mean ‘in love’ with him?” Ashton says, completely confused.

“I mean, Luke and Jesse met this morning, and it was like, immediate connection, I don’t know, but something is obviously there.” Calum explains quickly.

“Okay...so why is that a bad thing?” Ashton asks, they’re still gripping each other’s hands.

“Mikey is in love with Luke.”

It suddenly seems to dawn on Ashton.

“Oh.” He says, looking sheepish. Calum opens his mouth to say something, to yell at him because all he has to say is ‘oh’? But Ashton beats him to it. “Don’t give me that look, Calum. You know this isn’t my fault, and it’s already been done, so we’re just going to have to deal with it.”

Calum snaps his mouth shut. Fucking Ashton is always right. As much as he wanted to blame Ashton, he couldn’t, because there was no way he could have known that inviting Jesse to drinks would be a bad thing.

Fuck, Michael doesn’t even know that Jesse exists. Calum sighs again, and looks at Ashton with soft eyes.

“I know. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have gotten annoyed.” He said.

“No, you shouldn’t have.” He says, and Calum goes defensive, but Ashton continues. “But, I’m still earning your forgiveness, so I think we can let it go, yeah?”

Calum nods, and runs his thumb along Ashton’s palm.

“Yeah.” He says, and Ashton smiles.

“We’ll figure it out, pup, don’t worry.” He says, lifting Calum’s hand to kiss his knuckles.

Calum knows what he’s trying to say. They’ll figure out this night with Jesse, they’ll figure out Mikey and Luke, they’ll figure out each other.

They’ll figure it out, and they’ll do it together.  


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY SHIT I SUCK  
> I AM SO SORRY FOR EVERYTHING, YOU GUYS DESERVE SO MUCH FUCKING BETTER (NO PUN INTENDED)  
> HOLY GOD GUYS I JUST...GOD  
> don't hate me plz  
> I totally, 100% blame this on SGFG and the new 1D singles. I'm so, so sorry guys, y'all have been so patient, and srsly I just suck, and plz, plz feel free to yell at me.   
> Btw: THIS CHAPTER IS A FILLER, nothing really important, but I promise, the next ones will be good :)  
> Love you all my beautiful butterflies, thank you for being so amazing :)  
> XX-Alex

Uhm, wtf?????

Jesse, aside from being fucking adorable, was quite the charmer.

After he finally got over all the shyness, and worked a few beers into him, he actually opened up quite well.

Calum also had a suspicion that him sitting next to Luke definitely had something to do with it.

And god, Luke.

If Calum thought Luke had drooled over Mikey, well...this was on a whole nother level. Luke’s eyes had brightened when they told them that Jesse was coming, and Calum saw the way he turned, and fixed his hair in the mirror. At the pub, he made sure to have a seat next to Jesse, who at that point, was still quiet and blushing.

Jesse is blushing now, but it’s more of a flush to his cheeks than anything else. He’s in the middle of telling some crazy story about a goat that has Luke straight-up mystified. Calum himself has to admit that the story is actually pretty cool, because he didn’t know goats could do that, but then he catches Michael’s face, and it all changes.

Michael has connected the pieces. Everyone has. And, it doesn’t seem like he’s very happy about it.

Calum has been friends with Michael since forever, basically, and he can just...tell when Michael is upset. Because when it comes down to it, Michael is probably the best actor in the band. Calum is a close second, but Ashton sees no point in pretending he’s not okay, and Luke just sucks at it in general.

And right now, Michael’s acting is pretty fucking good.

He’s smiled and laughed at every single one of Jesse’s jokes, even the stupid ones. He asks Jesse questions in regards to the story, and he drinks heartily. He has barely looked at Luke in the past hour and a half, and a small smile is always plastered to his face. He seems relaxed, happy even.

But, he can’t fool Calum.

He’s probably convinced Ashton, and maybe Luke, that he’s fine with the whole “Jesse” situation. But Calum could see the second that Michael figured it out. The air around Michael changed for just a split-second when he made the realization. He knows. He’s not happy about it, now matter how positive he seems.

“I’m serious, this goat jumped, like, fifteen feet in the air!”

“Fifteen feet? I had no idea goats could jump at all.”

And yes, there’s Ashton. If Calum didn’t know Ashton, he would definitely think that he was flirting with the new kid, but really, that’s just Ashton’s personality. Luckily Luke knows that, otherwise Calum’s pretty sure the blonde would have bit Ashton’s head off.

However, Calum is permanently grateful for Ashton’s presence, because he’s keeping the thought of Jesse away from him so that he can come up with a plan. Ashton holds his hand under the table and sips from his beer while Calum thinks about what he can do to make this better.

He doesn’t want Michael to go through what he did.

He needs to fix this.

But at the same time, he wonders, should he? It is Luke’s life, and who is Calum to interfere with it? If Luke wanted Michael, maybe he would’ve made a move by now…

However, the countless memories of watching Luke and Michael slowly fall in love come back to him. Luke and Michael are best friends, and really, Calum can’t see either of them with anyone but each other.

“Hey, Cal, are you alright?”

Calum snaps his head up to Michael, who is looking at him with curious eyes.

“Yeah, why?” Calum shoots back, and Michael shrugs.

“Just wondering.” As he turns back to sip from his Corona, Calum catches the way Michael taps his phone, which is in his front pocket. Calum has to resist the urge to roll his eyes. He and Michael haven’t done this since Year 10, when Luke and Ashton first came into their lives.

Nevertheless, he pulls out his phone, and checks his messages, and yep, there’s Michael.

From: Mickey G

Can we talk?

From: Column

What about?

Michael looks up from his phone at Calum with a cartoonishly raised eyebrow. Calum widens his eyes in emphasis of not understanding, so Michael rolls his eyes, and types again.

 **From:** Mickey G

_Who the fuck is this kid?_

**From:** Column

_Jesse._

**From:** Mickey G

_Yes, thank you Calum, what would I ever do without you?_

**From** : Column

_Starve._

**From** : Mickey G

_That doesn’t even make sense_

**From** : Mickey G

_In fact, it’s completely beside the point I’m trying to make_

**From** : Column

_Okay, then what is your point?_

**From** : Mickey G

_You seriously don’t know?_

**From** :Column

_Yeah, I think I know. You’re jealous of Jesse because he has Luke’s attention_

**From** : Mickey G

_I am not jealous._

**From** : Column

_You so are. I’ll give you props though, you’re doing a great job hiding it._

**From:** Mickey G

_Thank you, Calum._

Calum looked up from his phone and grinned at Michael, who glared at him lightly.

“What are you two on about?” Ashton asks, letting go on Calum’s hand in favor of sliding his arm around the younger’s shoulders.

“Nothing.” Michael says, turning back to his drink.

Calum smiles gently up at Ashton, and checking to be sure no one is around, kisses him on the cheek.

“It’s nothing.” He whispers while under the table, he slips Ashton his phone, the messages from Michael still up. Michael definitely sees, and after sending Calum a glance that screams ‘traitor’, rolls his eyes, and sips from his bottle, watching Jesse entertain Luke gingerly.

Calum watches Ashton’s face as he reads through the massages with a raised eyebrow. When he’s finished, Ashton hands Calum his phone under the table, and sends Michael a look.

“We’ve got to get him home.” Ashton whispers in Calum’s ear as their guitarist straight-up ignores the look Ashton gave him. Calum nods, and looks over at the other two boys, Luke and Jesse, who are happily sipping away on their drinks and flirting shamelessly.

“I’ll take him.” Calum says back, kissing the side of Ashton’s neck. “Entertain them for a bit, yeah? I’ll be waiting in your room when you get back.”

Ashton gives Calum a filthy smirk, and Calum almost rolls his eyes.

“Stop.” He says, butting Ashton’s shoulder with his own. Ashton just smiles, and takes a huge gulp of his beer while raising an interested eyebrow at Calum, who scoffs.

“Lameass.” He says, leaning away from Ashton while grabbing his phone.

 **From** : Column

_Hey, let’s get out of here._

**From:** Mickey G

_Are you hitting on me, Hood?_

**From** : Column

_Ha. Good one._

**From** : Column

_No, jackass. I’m tired of watching Jesse and Luke, and I know you are too._

Michael looked up from his phone, and offered Calum an opportunistic look. Calum raised and eyebrow, and Michael smirked and shrugged.

Calum faked a yawn, and stretched his arms out, accidentally hitting Ashton on the head, earning himself a sharp glare from his boyfriend, who spilled his drink due to the jostling.

“Asshole.” Ashton muttered.

“Well, I’m fucking exhausted.” Calum exaggerates, ignoring his boyfriend’s insult.

Luke looks up from where he was putting his number into Jesse’s phone to Calum, and smiles.

“Alright mate, guess we’ll see you tomorrow. Right, Mikey?”

That takes the three other members of 5sos by surprise. They honestly didn’t think that Luke would address any of them, especially not Michael. Michael leans back in his seat, and offers Luke a well-rehearsed smirk. It blows Calum away how easy it is for him.

“Sorry, Luke. I think I’m gonna head back with Cal. Pretty tired.” He says easily, pushing his bottle closer to the younger, who looks confused.

“Oh.” Luke says, and he looks disappointed, and then he looks confused, and then he looks angry, and then even more confused. “Okay. See you guys tomorrow.”

Calum doesn’t know how to take in all of this. What the fuck is Luke playing at?

With one more look to those conflicted blue eyes, Calum is patting Ashton’s wrist, and gesturing for Michael to get his ass out of the booth. Michael does so smoothly, waving to Luke and Jesse as he leaves.

“Bye guys, see you tomorrow.” Calum says, and then he and Michael escort themselves out of the bar together.

-

“What the fuck was that about?” Ashton asks when he finally gets in, throwing his jacket on the ground. Calum is sitting on their bed in a pair of boxers, having been watching t.v. when Ashton got there. The younger reaches for the remote, and turns the t.v. off, watching as Ashton comes to sit down beside him.

“Are you talking about Luke?” Calum asks, and Ashton nods.

“I don’t know.” Calum admits, shrugging. “But it’s very frustrating. I don’t know what to tell Michael.”

Ashton sighs deeply.

“After you and Michael left, something about Luke changed. He calmed down, like he was less drunk than he’d been acting. He cooled down with Jesse, and they just talked like normal. It was weird. Like a switch flipped.” Ashton says, looking at Calum with confused hazel eyes. Calum stares right back.

“Like a switch.” Calum says slowly, and Ashton nods.

“Yeah. It was fucking weird, Luke was ready to leave, like, twenty minutes after you did. “ Ashton says, his eyebrows furrowing in what appears to be confusion and frustration.

Calum furrows his eyebrows too, but doesn’t say anything. Instead, he stands up on his knees, and waddles over to Ashton. Sitting down on his knees behind him, Calum wraps his arms around his chest, and rests his head on his shoulder.

“I don’t know what to say right now.” He whispers into the material of Ashton’s shirt. “I know what Michael wants me to say, but I mean...it’s partially his fault, and I can’t...I can’t come between Luke and Jesse. I just can’t. He’d hate me forever.”

Ashton sighs, and turns to kiss Calum on the cheek.

“Luke could never hate you.”

“Are you saying that I should get in the way?” Calum asks, not accusatory, just curious.

“What I’m saying is that Luke could never hate you. Neither could Michael. There’s nothing you could do that could make any of us hate you, Calum. “ Ashton says gently.

“I know that, I just...I don’t know. I don’t want to make Michael go through what I did but Luke is subjected to his own choice.” Calum says, and Ashton smiles softly.

“‘M still sorry about that.” He mutters, and Calum chuckles.

“I’m still forgiving you for that.” He says, and then things are better.

Ashton is standing up and taking off his shirt and jeans, and everything else, and Calum watches because he has that right. He watches as Ashton gets things from his suitcase, and walks into the bathroom. He listens as Ashton turns on the shower, and steps in, then hums some tune that Calum can’t quite name.

While Ashton is in the shower, Calum thinks. He thinks about Luke, and his overly-endeared smile while he stared at Jesse, or his laugh when Jesse was telling stories about goats. He thinks about Michael, and how controlled he was even though Calum knows that losing Luke would destroy something inside of him that he could never get back. Sometimes Luke just doesn’t get it.

But that’s the thing, if Luke gets anything, it’s undoubtedly Michael.

By the time Ashton is out of the shower with nothing but low-hanging sweatpants on, Calum has formed an idea. It’s only the beginning of one, so he’s not comfortable sharing it quite yet. Ashton climbs in beside him, and Calum goes easily, sliding down in the covers with his  boyfriend. Ashton wraps his arms around his waist, and pushes his nose against his in affection.  

“You’re quiet.” Ashton points out. Calum nods.

“Jus’ thinking.” He responds.

“Ooh.” Ashton says, snuggling closer. “That’s new. Should I be worried?”

Calum gives a dry laugh.

“You’re funny, Ash, really.” He says. Ashton chuckles at him, and kisses his nose.

“Whatchya thinkin’ about?” He asks, but Calum just shakes his head.

“Just the set. Where we’re going tomorrow.” Calum lies easily. Ashton nods, and kisses his forehead.

“I’m tired.” He yawns.

“I am too. We had a good show tonight.” Calum points out.

“Yeah. We did.” Ashton says, and Calum is quiet for a second.

“You’re still thinking. Stop. Go to sleep.” Ashton purs, running his fingers through Calum’s hair. Calum smiles, and kisses Ashton slowly.

“You too.” He says, and Ashton nods, turning away from Calum and closing his eyes.

“Love you, Ash.” Calum says gently, kissing Ashton’s bare shoulder.

“Love you more.” Ashton yawns back.

Calum smiles to himself, and rolls onto his back. Despite Ashton’s orders, he doesn’t stop thinking. He’s got a lot to think about. As Ashton snores beside him, he formulates his idea, and with that, his plan. Finally, when he’s got the details of his plan figured out, he lets himself relax. Tonight, he falls asleep with Ashton by his side, and a sly smile on his face.

 


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I deserve punishment.  
> You all deserve better.  
> I'm sorry I'm horrible.  
> I literally wrote all of this in one night.  
> *sigh*  
> Love you guys!!!!  
> XX-Alex

                                                            

 Somebody get Ashton and Luke some water, holy shit.

 

 

Time passed.

Jesse and Luke continued.

Though eventually the two went out on a date, Calum still had a sinking feeling that Luke was faking the entire thing. He could see it in the way Luke would hold Jesse’s hand in the dressing room or at dinner, and would shoot small looks at Michael from across the table. Michael never saw, but Calum almost always did.

He could see it in the way when Michael would leave the room, and Luke’s grip or his eyes on Jesse would soften just the _tiniest_ bit, just enough for it to be noticeable. He still hadn’t figured out if Jesse was in on it, and he hadn’t told Ashton. But, as time went on, and Luke got closer to his tech, and Michael got more and more bitter, watching the two of them, Calum started to get worried.

Michael stopped talking to him about it, and Calum was _seriously_ worried he had started giving up, but then, Michael’s eyes would hold on Luke for a second too long or he’d laugh a little too loud at Luke’s jokes, and Calum just...he knew.

He wondered if Ashton knew too. He didn’t talk to his boyfriend about it much. He just tried his best to keep him happy, to keep him by his side. The fact that he was still working on getting Calum’s approval was definitely a help. Either way, in the long run, he was pretty sure Ashton wasn’t going anywhere for a while, and that change was surely welcome.

The sex was definitely welcome as well.

“I know you don’t think I can see you, Calum, but I can.” Ashton says, running his hands through his damp hair. Calum smiles cheekily at him.

“Are you sure?” Calum asks, leaning against the doorframe. Ashton looks at him through the mirror.

“Yes, I am actually.” He says with an eyeroll, rubbing his jaw line while inspecting it in the mirror. Calum scoffs, and walks into the bathroom, wrapping his arms around his curly boy’s naked waist. Ashton rolls his eyes, but leans a little into Calum, and the younger boy hums, and drops a kiss onto his shoulder.

“Well,” Calum says, putting little kisses all along Ashton’s shoulder blades. “maybe I wanted you to see.”

Ashton, despite himself, hums darkly, and presses himself further into Calum’s chest, leaning his head back.

“Well,” Ashton mimics, kissing Calum’s cheek. “I don’t mind you looking.”

Calum smirks, and kisses Ashton’s neck while squeezing his bare hip.

“Didn’t think you did.” He mutters, nuzzling the warm, wet skin of Ashton’s neck. Then, Ashton is turning around, his naked body easy access for Calum as the older boy exposes himself. Calum is just about to grab a handful of Ashton’s limp cock when the older boy grabs his hands, and connects their lips.

Calum chuckles as Ashton squeezes him palms, and pushes his tongue into his mouth. He likes the way Ashton tastes, even right now.

“Can’t touch with your hands, baby, I just showered.” Ashton mutters, sucking the skin just below Calum’s jaw, making the younger whine.

“Can I touch with my mouth?” He asks innocently, gripping Ashton’s hands.

“You just did.” Ashton teases, but Calum whines like a six-year-old, and Ashton laughs.

“I promise I won’t get you dirty.” Calum says, pushing his chest against Ashton’s as the older nuzzles his shoulder.

“Yeah?” Ashton asks, letting go of one of Calum’s hands to grab his hipbone. Calum nods. “You gonna swallow for me?”

“Always.” Calum smirks. Ashton rolls his eyes, and pushes at Calum’s shoulder.

“Show me.” He says, his voice gruff, and Calum does as he’s told, dropping to his knees in front of his boyfriend. His hands find residence on Ashton’s hip bones, the sharpness comforting on his skin. He takes Ashton’s length in his other hand, and strokes, looking up at Ashton with the most patient look he could muster.

“What?” Ashton asks, letting one of his hands cup Calum’s cheeks. “I said ‘show me’.”

Calum gives Ashton an exasperated look, and the older chuckles, pinching Calum’s chubby cheek.

“Suck it.” He says, moving his hand to the back of Calum’s head, yanking the younger forward. Calum smiles as he opens his mouth, skipping the teasing in favour of taking Ashton all the way down his throat in one go. Ashton laughs, tugging at Calum’s curls.

“That’s my boy.” He says, controlling how fast Calum is bobbing his head. The younger hums at the praise, which sends fast waves down Ashton’s shaft. Ashton tugs harder at his hair, tipping his head back. He shudders a little bit, making Calum smirk in satisfaction, and dip further. While one of his hands hangs loosely on Ashton’s hip, he brings the other to play with his balls, rolling them in his palm.

“Calum,” The older boy gasps as a stray finger rubs over his ass. He’s not entirely comfortable with that, even if it is Calum.

“Sorry.” Calum says apologetically when he pulls off, kissing Ashton’s hip when he does.

“S’okay.” He mutters, running his hands through Calum’s unruly bed hair. Calum strokes his skin, and bites his lip before kissing his tummy, licking over his happy trail slightly. Ashton shuddered, and yanked on his hair again.

“Don’t be like that, Calum.” He said, and Calum smiles before licking over the head of his cock again.

“Or what?” The younger sasses, kissing Ashton’s shaft. Ashton groans as Calum tongues at his balls, and yanks his hair.

“You damn well know what.” He growls out, grabbing hold of his cock, and pushing it against Calum’s lips. Calum opens his mouth gladly, sucking on the top half of Ashton’s dick, making the older bite his lip, and muffle a groan.

“Would you want that, sweetheart?” He whispers, cocking his head to look down Calum’s bare back to his ass, which is still covered by dark sweatpants. It’s an extremely tempting sight, and Ashton feels absolutely _no_ shame at the saliva coating his mouth.

Calum hums around him, his free hands coming to grip his thigh. He pulls off with a pop, a string of saliva and precum connecting his lips to his tip. Looking up at Ashton, he kisses the top of high thighs, kissing down until he gets to the inside, where the sensitive skin is. He sucks lightly, bringing red to the skin, and blowing on it cooly.

“Would I want what, Ash?” He asks, kissing over the mark. Ashton growls almost, his thumb finding one of the spots on Calum’s cheek, and pressing in.

“You know what you get when you’re naughty, Cal.” He says, his voice becoming gruffer as Calum sucks more marks into his thighs. He won’t be able to wear shorts for a while, damn him.

“Tell me.” Calum hums, taking his cock into his mouth again. Ashton thinks he looks beautiful on his knees.

“You get those pants taken off, and your ass slapped.” Ashton grunts out, pushing his hips up to Calum’s face, causing the younger to choke unexpectedly. Calum’s eyes fill with tears, but Ashton knows he alright when he moans at the thought of punishment. Just as he’s about to pull off, and say something that he _knows_ will piss off Ashton enough to get spanked, a knock on the damn door distracts him.

“Hey, stop having sex. We need to leave in like, twenty minutes.”

It’s Michael, of fucking course it’s Michael, and Calum groans loudly as he pulls Ashton’s cock out of his mouth.

“Fuck off, Michael!” He yells, very obviously disappointed in not being able to suck Ashton off, but the older just laughs.

“Don’t give me that attitude, Calum,or I’ll come in there.” Michael says back, and Calum is about to open the door himself, and punch the shit out of his best friend when Ashton pulls him up.

“Give him a break.” He whispers into his ear, gripping his bicep. “We’ll be out in a second, Michael!”

Calum grumbles, and stalks away from Ashton, pushing his chest slightly.

“Hey,” Ashton protests, giving his boyfriend a confused look.

“Don’t ‘hey’ me, Ash.” Calum bitches back, but Ashton takes his tone with a grain of salt.

“You need to stop. You’ll get what you want soon enough.” He says, walking for the door, where Calum is standing. Calum pouts, and crosses his arms, but doesn’t say anything when Ashton opens the bathroom door, and pushes him through it.

“C’mon. We have to get ready quickly.” He says, and Calum obeys, moving to take his sweats off, revealing the tent in his boxers. Ashton smirks at it, and when Calum catches his eye, he flips him off.

“Shut up, asshole.”

Ashton laughs, and pulls on a t-shirt over his head. Soundcheck, so it didn’t really matter what he wore. By the time he had run a hand through his hair, and pulled on his boots, Calum was fully dressed, and stomping past him to the door, a glum look still on his face.

“Do you have your phone?” He asks, and Calum _glares_ , but sulks back to the nightstand, and grabs it before shoving it in his pocket grumpily.

“Did you brush your teeth?” He asks, and Calum sighs.

“Yes, dad.” He says, pulling the door open. Ashton smirks.

“There we are with the kink again, sweetheart.” He says, and Calum flips him off before leaving the room, swaying his ass just to spite his boyfriend.

Once all four bandmates are shoved into a van, and sorted out with their phones and bags and headphones, Ashton makes sure to grasp Calum’s hand. The boy grumbles, but doesn’t complain, just rubs his thumb across the back of Ashton’s hand almost begrudgingly. Ashton repays him with a sickly sweet, almost smug smile, and a kiss on the cheek.

He hears the almost inaudible mumble of ‘asshole’ that Calum thinks he won’t hear.

“Love you too.” Ashton whispers against his neck, where his face is tucked.

“Ug.” Michael gags. “Luke, make them stop, it’s making want to die.”

Calum and Ashton look over at the two, Michael has his head thrown back on the seat, and Luke is wearing an _unbelievably_ fond look on his face. He laughs lightly, and sits back in his chair, his arm brushing Michael’s lightly.

“I can’t make them stop, Mikey. They’re meant to be.” He says. “You’re the one who got them together.”

“”Um, lies.” Calum says. “We had been doing this months, and Michael didn’t even know. I had to have a breakdown for Michael to finally figure it out. “

Luke laughs, and Michael gives Calum a glare.

“Let me ask you, Calum. Have you told Lukey about everything you two did? How _unholy_ you two were?” He asks, Calum chuckles, and shakes his head.

“ _Well_ ,” Michael exaggerates. “Sorry to tell you this, Luke, but twenty bucks says those two fucked right next to you while you were sleeping.”

Luke’s eyes widen in horror, and Calum and Ashton both laugh.

“Are you serious?” Luke asks, his eyebrows raised at Calum in outrage.

“Possibly.” Calum mutters. Ashton’s palm tightens in his hand. They had their fair share of nights in Calum’s bed, with Ashton’s hand over the younger’s mouth, muffling his sobs as Ashton fucked him while the Baby of the Band slept soundly beside them. The squeeze reminds Calum of that, and he can feel the blush rising in his cheeks.

“Jesus!” Luke groans, and all three boys laugh. “I mean, I know I like boys, but _Jesus_. I never wanted to be near you and your sex schemes.”

“Well, I think you should consider yourself lucky.” Calum says. “There are lots of people who would like to see Cashton get dirty.”

“Oh Jesus.” Michael groans, rolling his eyes. “I would pay money for you to disappear forever.”

“I’m pretty sure hiring a hitman is illegal, Mikey.” Ashton says, his head finding Calum’s shoulder again. Calum squeezes his hand.

Suddenly, Luke’s phone lights up with a loud ding, surprising everyone in the van. Luke looks at it, and his cheeks turn a little red, but he does nothing.

“Fuck, Luke, answer that damn thing, it’s annoying.” Michael says. Calum has a bad feeling about this. But it also makes him suspicious.

“Hello?” Luke says into the phone. He sighs deeply. “Hi Jess...”

Calum tries not to see the way Michael’s face drops, tries to ignore the tension in his shoulders. However, he sees clear as day, the reluctance in Luke’s voice, and the nervous glance at Michael. Ashton must see it too, because he squeezes Calum’s fingers again.

Calum watches the way Michael subtly turns away from Luke as the younger mumbles small, quiet words to Jesse through the speaker. He seems quieter than usual, and god, Calum just hopes Luke knows what he’s doing. Fucking with Michael like this, and possibly Jesse, it’s a dangerous game, and a huge risk.

But then, Luke had never taken very many risks.

Maybe it was time that he did.

**  
  
**

-

**  
  
**

When they get to their arena, and have settled in, and have walked the stage, Calum notices how Luke looks almost _nervous_. It’s weird, almost as soon as they go there, Luke had a major mood swing, and now he seemed very, very on edge. He keeps fiddling with his fingers, and sending Michael wary glances. Michael, as it seems to Calum, hasn’t noticed.

“Hey mate,” Calum says to him right before they’re about to soundcheck, play and see some of their fans. “you alright?”

Luke gives him a look, and nods slowly. Calum gives him a soft smile, because...he thinks he might know how Luke feels, especially if he’s right about what’s going on. Maybe he should have told Ashton. He’s much better at this stuff than he is. He takes one of his hands, and squeezes the back of Luke’s neck in a comforting manner, and the younger lets out a deep breath.

“C’mon boys.” Ashton says, opening the door to leave. Calum sighs, and stands up, looking at Luke who is focused on the floor. He wonders if his friend knows he’s not being subtle at all, but then….he never really was. All those times Michael hurt him....maybe this was what this was about. Maybe Luke was trying to return the favour. The only problem was...Michael never _meant_ to hurt Luke. It’s almost impossible for him to intentionally hurt Luke, and Luke….being mean just isn’t in him. He’s too sweet for that. It’s why everyone, _especially_ Michael, loves him.

When Calum grabs his bass, Jesse is there, standing next to the rack holding Luke’s guitar. He nods to Calum, and Calum smiles in his direction, because that’s what Ashton would do...so.

“Hi, Jesse.” He says, and Jesse smiles.

“Hey.” He says, his hands in his pockets, his hair unbelievably messy across his forehead. “Have you, um, seen Luke?”

Calum nods.

“Yeah. He got a little hung up in the dressing room, I don’t think he’s feeling too well.” He says, throwing his strap over his back. Jesse nods, and Calum almost misses the way he bites his lip. He decides not to question it. He hopes Jesse knows about what Luke is doing, otherwise...Calum doesn’t want to see a boy like that hurt. He leaves backstage, and joins his boyfriend and Michael on the actual stage, to where Ashton is warming up, tapping beats, and Michael is tuning.

“Hey,” Michael says when he walks out. There’s something shining in his eyes. “where’s Luke?”

Calum shrugs, and sits down.

“He’s coming. Had to stay in the dressing room for a bit.”

Michael scrunches his eyebrows, and is about to say something when Luke comes out, his guitar in his hands. His eyes look a little red. Calum doesn’t quite understand what he’s playing at. He was just fine on the ride up.

“Luke.” Ashton nods. Luke smiles at him, and starts to tune his guitar without looking at any of his bandmates. Michael looks confused, and a little hurt, and Calum tries to give him a reassuring smile. Michael cares too much some days.

Calum looks back to Ashton, who is already looking at him. Calum is hit with a weird sense of deja vu, thinking back to the very first time he met Ashton, at band practice. Things had been different back then. It had been him and Ashton with the tension, not Michael and Luke. Weird how the tables had turned.

The hazel in Ashton’s eyes were soothing for Calum, and the older boy mouthed ‘it’ll be okay’ at him, and it was like all the worries disappeared immediately. He nodded to his boyfriend, and right as they let the fans in to watch them check, Ashton blew him a kiss. Calum rolled his eyes, but pretended to catch it nonetheless, shoving his fist in his pocket, and winking to Ashton.

Soundcheck in and of itself is a little rough. Not because of the tension, but straight-up because of Luke. The boy’s fingers didn’t land on a single correct string, and his singing was almost two steps flat. Their crew had to glare at Luke several times for him to even get on key.

Calum wondered what in the hell was going on. He knew his other two band members were wondering too, but none of them did anything but raise an eyebrow at their youngest member who was obviously struggling.

Calum eventually concluded that Jesse had said something to him when they got there. There wasn’t a whole lot of a different explanation. Luke was shaken up, and it just wasn’t like him to be this...off.

Halfway through _Jet Black Heart_ , Calum catches Luke looking over at Michael while he sings, looking completely mesmerised. One of his fingers catches awkwardly on one of his strings, which in turn, causes it to snap, sending an awful sound through the partially-empty arena. The three boys stop playing, and look at Luke, who has his finger in his mouth, sucking on it, trying to take away the pain the snap caused.

The fans laugh a little, and Luke chuckle with them. Calum bites his lip, because Luke doesn’t look very happy. Then, Jesse is coming out with Luke’s second guitar, and a hush falls over the arena. All the fans murmur quietly, and Calum can guess what it’s about.

Jesse is pretty, even if he isn’t famous.

“Here.” He says, handing Luke his blue guitar. Luke looks up at Jesse, looking a little hesitant, but takes it, and pulls his white guitar off his shoulder, handing it to Jesse.

“Thanks.” He says, looking away from Jesse.

“I’ll get this fixed.” Jesse mutters, walking back offstage. Luke makes a point to look anywhere but Jesse when he gets his guitar, and as the older one is walking away.

The entire is encounter is awkward, and Calum has only ever seen Luke act that specific way once before, and it almost looked like...no.

Not possible.

The rest of soundcheck isn’t much better, but at least Luke’s singing is on key, and his guitar strings are all intact. When it ends, Luke leaves, not even stopping to talk to the fans or anything, which...what the fuck?

Michael looks confused, and worried, so after telling the fans he loves them, and thanks them for everything, he out of there too. It’s just Calum and Ashton, then.

They sit down on the stage, a little too close, and one of the girls in the back screams ‘Cashton’ at the top of her lungs, and Calum has to force himself not to smirk.

If only they knew.

-

On the way out of the arena, something... _weird_ happens. Luke had been the first one to leave for the van, Michael and Ashton right behind him. Calum had stayed behind to talk with one of the arena managers, he just had a few questions about leaving and stuff. As he walked out though, with his bass on his back, he heard someone talking loudly in the bathroom as he passed.

It sounded like Jesse.

Curious, he walked closer to the door, and leaned against it.

“-you crazy?”

Definitely Jesse. His tone seemed angry, and Calum wondered what the hell he was talking about.

“Look, I just...I might have changed my mind, and I…”

It’s Luke’s voice, Calum can tell, he sounds quiet, reserved, like he did when Michael had hurt him so long ago.

“Luke, what the fuck? Have you been drinking, are you even listening to yourself?” Jesse asks. He sounds angry, like _really_ angry, and Calum immediately bristles in defense.

“Yes, I am.” Luke says gently, he sounds like he’s trying to calum Jesse down.

“Well then you should know that you sound like a psychotic bitch.” Jesse snaps, and, yep, Calum’s had enough. He sets his bass down, and sneaks into the bathroom quietly, making it look like an accident. Luke has his mouth opened in shock, his eyes wide and a little confused. Innocent, as always.

“Hey guys.” He says, smiling at the other two. “What’s up?”

Jesse drops his glare quickly, looking at Calum with the same innocent, sparkling green eyes as always.

“Nothing.” He shrugs. “Just talking with Luke about the next show, the adjustments for his guitar.”

Calum nods, and goes to the sink, washing his hands to fulfill his fake entrance. In the mirror, he can see that Luke’s shocked expression has disappeared for the most part, and he’s looking away from Jesse. The whole damn thing is just...weird.

As he moves to dry his hands, Jesse starts to leave, and as he walks by Luke, he cups his jaw, making him turn his head. To Calum, the angle looks harsh, it looks Luke’s neck probably hurts, but maybe it’s just their relationship. Jesse kisses Luke’s cheek, his thumb rubbing over his stubble. Luke offers Jesse a small, bashful smile, and like that, Jesse is leaving.

When the door shuts, Calum throws away his paper towel, and walks over to his younger bandmate, who looks embarrassed. Calum raises an eyebrow.

“Luke.” He says simply, cocking his head to the side. Luke looks away, almost...ashamed. “What the hell was that?.”

Luke bites the inside of his lip, obviously unsure.

“I think…” He says eventually, his voice cracking a little. “I think we need to talk.”

“I think so too.”


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **TRIGGER WARNING FOR ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP**  
> Hey guys,   
> Double update 'cuz it took me forever to even update at all.   
> Whoops.   
> I'm so thankful for all of you guys, and for my fics, it makes me feel so fucking amazing.   
> I love all of you and I hope you genuinely enjoy this chapter.   
> There will probably be only one more chapter (maybe two) and then this will be over. But, it's okay because I have loved this fic, and I have a new one that is 85 pages in a Google Doc, so...  
> If you're American, I wish you a happy Thanksgiving, and I hope you have a wonderful time.   
> Stay safe everyone, I love you all.   
> Enjoy.  
> XX-Alex  
> p.s. The trigger warning is there because of mentions of an abusive relationship, nothing in detail, but I want everyone to please stay safe. It's quite a twist in the story, and it wasn't in my original plans, which is why is isn't tagged. Stay safe!!!

                              

 

 

On the ride from the arena to the hotel, Calum sits with his arm around the youngest’s waist, his head tucked into his neck. Ashton and Michael both shoot him worried looks, particularly Michael, but Calum brushes them off, and mouths ‘later’.

Luke is obviously extremely upset, and Calum can have no distractions while he deals with it.

At the hotel, Calum leads Luke to his room, kissing Ashton softly on the cheek before he goes. The older gives him worried eyes, but Calum just shakes his head to display that things will be alright.

Hopefully.

Luke’s room is in complete disarray, clothes strewn everywhere, and seriously? They’ve only been here for one day, and Luke has managed to trash the shit out of his room. All well. I guess some things never change.

Calum sits Luke down on the bed, and grabs him a water bottle and a jumper, considering it’s fucking cold in North America. Luke takes the items gratefully, and Calum ruffles Luke’s hair in affection. The younger looks a little daunted, like he’s scared of what’s about to happen. Calum tries to ignore it, and he sits down beside his friend.

“So,” He says, relaxing on the bed on his stomach. “you wanted to talk.”

Luke nods, and takes a sip from the water bottle.

“What about?”

Luke bites his lip, and looks away from Calum.

“Luke?” Calum asks, his fingers stroking Luke’s knee comfortingly. “Is this about Michael?”

Luke shrugs.

“Everything always is.” He whispers out, which, okay. That catches Calum by surprise, and he sits up a little.

“What do you mean?” He asks, Luke runs his hands through his hair.

“I just...Michael has always, he’s always just _been_ there, you know. After the summer of writing I guess I thought that maybe he’d want to, I don’t know.” He says. Calum strokes his knee again. It makes Luke continue. “I could never figure out exactly what he wanted. It seemed like he maybe wanted to be together or something, and god, Calum, that was _all_ that I wanted.”

Calum nods, remembering the summer, when Michael and Luke would run around with each other like two puppies in love while he and Ashton had constant secret sex. He remembers the way Luke looked at Michael, and he remembered the way Michael would say Luke’s name when the younger boy wasn’t there. Michael was always more subtle, but it had always been clear to Calum that his oldest friend had been in love with Luke since the first day he say him.

He also knew that deep down, Michael knew too, and it _scared_ him, because he had never _really_ loved anyone except his mum and Calum, and maybe his dog, but definitely not a boy with long fringe and a beautiful, squeaky voice.

It hadn’t scared Luke as much, he was still young and unafraid, and he felt right with Michael.

“I know.” Calum says eventually, softly. “Michael wanted it too.”

Luke laughed, and shook his head, looking up at the ceiling.

“Why couldn’t he just...say that, then?” He says, looking at Calum. Calum frowns.

“You know how Michael is, Luke. He doesn’t like... _feelings_. He was scared of the love he has for you.”

“The love?” Luke asks, his eyes widening. Calum realizes he may have made a mistake, but he doesn’t really care at this point.

“You know when Michael said that I was _blind_ because I didn’t see how in love I was with Ashton? How I looked at him like he hung the moon and the stars just for me?” He asks, and Luke nods.

“That’s how he looks at you, Luke. It’s been so obvious to me and Ash and everyone except you for a long, long time.” He says, and Luke bites his lip.

It’s quiet for a second, Luke seems to be processing all the information, taking in what Calum is saying. Calum watches himas he frowns, thinking about all the signs Michael had shown that pointed to loving Luke.

“Do you love him, Luke?” Calum whispers, his fingers playing with a thread on Luke’s jeans. Luke sighs, and drops his head into his hands.

“Yes.” He says, and it’s muffled by his palms, but Calum can hear it clearly. He knew anyway. He rubs his back in comfort.

“It’s okay.” He says, and Luke shakes his head again.

“I’ve fucked up, Calum.” Her says, looking at Calum with watery, guilty blue eyes. Calum raises an eyebrow, and rubs his back soothingly again.

“You haven’t, Michael still wants you, you just-”

“No.” Luke cuts him off. “I get that now.”

Calum furrows his eyebrows, confused.

“Then what’s the matter?” He asks, looking at Luke with concerned eyes. Luke folds his hands together tightly, his knuckles turning white.

“Jesse.” He says. Calum pales. Luke looks guilty, and confused.

“What did you do?” Calum asks, and Luke bites his lip.

“I...I just, I wanted attention I guess. I wanted to _make_ Michael jealous, and Jesse was cute, and he could make Michael jealous, and I saw him...and I knew.” He says, his head hanging, ashamed. Calum purses his lips. This has been his theory since the first day he saw Jesse, but it was weird to hear Luke admit it.

“Well, you succeeded.” He says, and Luke chuckles dryly.

“That’s great, but with what you’ve told me, I never needed to do it in the first place.” He says, and Calum nods.

“No, you didn’t.”

“And now I’m fucked.”

Calum gives Luke a confused look. The younger runs his hands through his hair in a stressed manner.

“What do you-”

“Jesse!” Luke says, almost yells. “I’m...I’m basically dating him, and I don’t care about him!”

Calum bites his lips again, maybe he should have let Ashton handle this instead.

“Luke...he’s a sweet kid, I think if you tell him-”

“That’s the thing though, Cal.” Luke whispers. Calum is alarmed at the softness in his voice.

“What?” He asks gently, and Luke tips his head back, his eyes closed.

“Jesse, he...seems sweet, and for the most part, he is. But he...he can get so _angry_. The nights when I’d take him back to my room, and we’d…I’d be loud, so that Michael could hear, but Jesse, he _hated_ it. He used to cover my mouth all the time, and scream at me when we were finished. He yells at me a lot, but then he’ll apologize, and I don’t...know how to handle that.” Luke admits, and Calum’s blood chills.

“Luke,” He says, tipping Luke’s face to look at him. “did Jesse hurt you?”

Luke closes his eyes again, and exhales.

“With words.” He whispers. It’s not good enough for Calum.

“Luke.” Calum says firmly, and he can see the tears fill Luke’s eyes.

“He...it only happened a couple of times, and it was never very hard, just a shove or a little slap, but it was alright, he _always_ apologized, and I don’t really care about him, so it’s alright.” He said, pulling away from Calum’s hands.

“Luke, none of that is alright! He can’t hit you, that’s just not...no.” Calum says, giving Luke a stern look.

Luke shrugs.

“I never said not to.”

“Did you cry?” Calum asks, looking at Luke again. “Did you cry when he hit you, or tell him that it hurt?”

Luke shook his head.

“Luke, what the hell? You can’t just let him treat you like that, especially if you don’t love him. Why didn’t you tell us? “ He says, he’s lashing out, he knows. He knows that yelling at Luke for this is the _last_ thing the boy needs, so he forces himself to calm down.

“He’s a good person.” Luke mumbles. “He just gets angry, and sometimes, I deserve-”

“Don’t.” Calum says, cupping Luke’s face in his hand. “Don’t say you deserved it. You know better, Luke. You don’t deserve to be hit, not ever, not by anyone.”

Luke bites his lip. Calum sighs, and pulls Luke to his chest, hugging him as tears begin to fall.

“I...I didn’t mean for it to go this far, but...when I tried to end things…”

Luke is cut off when he hiccups, and Calum hushes him, stroking down his t-shirt.

“You’re scared to break up with him?” He whispers, and Luke’s hands fist themselves in the front of his shirt as he nods.

“Oh, Luke.” He says, tipping his head down on top of Luke’s. “Don’t be scared, bud. You’ve got me and Ash and security and every member of our crew looking out for you. Not to mention Michael.”

Luke hiccups out a laugh.

“Fucking Michael.” He sobs, and Calum smiles slightly. He’s so angry right now. How could Luke have been being hit, being yelled at, and he never fucking noticed. How could none of them have noticed? Luke is the most _obvious_ person in the entire world, and he complains the most.

How could he have hidden it so well?

_‘He was embarrassed’_

Calum considers the little voice in his head, and he strokes Luke’s hair.

“Lukey,” He whispers to the younger, who is calming himself down. “I want you to know that if you ever have anything you need to talk about, you can always come to me, or Ash, or especially Michael. We love you so much, and we hate to see your hurt. We’d never judge you for something like this.”

Luke nods, and grips Calum’s shirt tighter.

“But this was my fault, I-”

“Shh.” Calum says. “You were just doing what you thought was best to get Michael. He should have just told you he wanted you.”

Luke dry sobs again, his body shaking a little bit, but Calum knows he’ll be okay now. He’s gotten it out of his system, and god knows Calum isn’t planning on letting Jesse near Luke anytime soon.

“I want Michael.” Luke whispers, and Calum nods, letting go of Luke to lay him back on his bed. Luke looks like a small child, curled up in the sheets, crying. Calum soothes down his fringe and leaves with the promise of bringing Michael back, the weight of what Luke had just told him weighing him down.

He leaves Luke’s room, and goes to Michael’s right away. Michael stumbles out half-dressed, with a glare on his face, and his hair sticking up at a weird angle.

“What?” He snaps at Calum.

“Don’t be bitchy. Luke needs you.”

“Why?” Michael says, jutting a hip out. “Do I need to help him pick an outfit for a date with Jesse?”

Calum summons all his power not to punch Michael in the face.

“No, asshole. He’s crying, and he wants you with him.”

Michael’s face softens immediately.

“Why’s he crying?” He asks, his voice so full of concern and flat-out love, that it almost hurts Calum.

“He’s just really upset, and he cried for you, so that’s why I’m here.”

Michael bites his lip, and nods, stepping out of his room. He squeezes Calum’s shoulder as he leaves, and Calum watches him enter Luke’s room without knocking. He hopes they’ll be okay.

He sighs, and slumps back against the wall for a second to _process_ before he staggers to his room, knocking. Ashton opens the door with bright eyes and a concerned smile, but Calum purses his lips in a weak smile, and just like that, he’s enveloped in Ashton’s arms. He sighs into his boyfriend’s shirt, soaking up his heat and his smell, both of which provide him with immediate comfort.

“Hi, baby.” He says softly, stroking Calum’s back. Calum exhales shakily into him, and Ashton closes the door, pulling him in. Calum goes easily, suddenly feeling very, very tired. “Are you alright.”

Calum shakes his head.

“No.” He says, and Ashton sighs, sitting down on the bed, pulling Calum onto his lap.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” He says gently, and Calum sighs before resting his cheek on Ashton’s shoulder.

“Luke.” He says, and Ashton nods.

“Is he struggling with Mikey?” He asks, and Calum laughs.

“Actually, for once, no.”

Ashton lays his head on top of his boyfriend’s.

“Then what’s the matter?”

Calum sighs, and kisses Ashton’s neck.

“Jesse has been hitting him.”

Luke can pinpoint the second Ashton understands, because every single one of his muscles tenses. His hands on Calum’s waist squeeze, almost painfully.

“What?” He asks, his voice strained.

“Jesse.” Calum sighs, his body melting into Ashton’s. “He’s been hurting Luke.”

“Like...physically?” Ashton whispers, one of his hands grasping the material of Calum’s shirt.

“Yes. Luke says that it doesn’t happen often, but that it does, and that he yells at him a lot.”

Ashton sighs deeply, and kisses Calum’s forehead.

“Poor Luke.” He whispers, and Calum nods, clinging to Ashton tighter.

“He’s scared to break up with Jesse, because apparently he’s tried before, and it...didn’t go well.” He says softly. Ashton scoffs.

“He knows that we have his back right, if he lays another finger on Luke, I swear to god-”

“I told him that.” Calum cuts off his boyfriend’s rant. “I think he listened.”

“I hope so.”

It’s quiet for a second, just the two of them clinging together, bringing comfort to their upset minds.

“He’ll be okay.” Calum says eventually, and Ashton buries his nose in his hair.

“How can you be sure?” He asks. He sounds unsure, and Calum is so unused to hearing him be anything but confident.

“Michael’s with him right now, holding him, I’m sure. He’s got us, and he’s got the fans, and his brothers. He’ll be alright.” He whispers, and Ashton nods.

“Things like this though, they run deep. It’s been going on for a couple of months, I’m assuming, and we didn’t even notice.” Ashton says.

“That’s what he’s got Michael for.” Calum responds softly. “He’ll make him forget.”

Ashton laughs a little.

“Does Michael know?”

“No.” Calum says. “I’m still deciding if we should tell him.”

“If he knew…”

“Jesse wouldn’t last a day.”

Ashton laughs, and kisses his boyfriend’s cheek. Calum smiles at him, and so Ashton strokes his cheek gently.

“I think things are getting better now.” He whispers, and Calum nods. He leans up, and presses a gentle kiss to Ashton’s lips before laying back down on his chest, still in his lap.

“I just thought you should know,” he whispers to his boyfriend. “I forgive you.”

-

In the end, Calum persuades Luke to tell Michael about everything.

It starts with his feelings for the older boy, which Michael already...mostly knew about. Then it moves to the scheme, dating Jesse to try and make Michael jealous, which had, in fact, worked. And lastly, he tells him about Jesse and everything that had been going on for the last two and a half months.

Michael, in short, is absolutely furious.

It takes a lot of effort for him to keep his cool when Luke tells him, Calum can see the little vein that sticks out in his neck. He exhales slowly, and basically falls to his knees to see if Luke’s okay, to get the details of what happened, to assure him that he was safe, and that he was going to be alright.

To assure him that he loved him, and that he wasn’t going anywhere.

It had been the greatest thing Calum had ever seen, the way Luke broke down into tears, and fell into Michael’s arms, telling him how much he _loved_ him, and how _sorry_ he was. The way Michael had kissed his hair, and stroked his back, and when Luke pulled away a little, how Michael held his face in his hands like he was _glass_ , beautiful and delicate, and kissed him gently.

Calum smiled gently at them, and Ashton kissed his hand, where it had been intertwined with his.

“I love you.” He whispered in Calum’s ear, and Calum smiled, kissing his cheek.

“I love you more.” He said, then looked back at Michael and Luke, who were holding hands, and smiling at each other.

It was the cheesiest thing Calum had ever seen, but he didn’t care, because his band was happy, and it didn’t matter. Things were finally better.

-

“Luke.”

All four boys looked up from where they were sitting in their dressing room, about a week later. Jesse is in the doorway, looking a little uncomfortable, but Calum sees right through it. Michael bristles, his position defensive of Luke. Luke looks up, his eyes a little scared, but at the same time, determined.

“Hi, Jesse.” He says, his voice sounding stronger than he looks.

“Can I talk to you? In private?” Jesse asks.

“No.” Michael snaps, his glare surprising Jesse.

“Um…”

“It’s okay.” Luke reassures, his hand ghosting over Michael’s. “Sure.”

Jesse smiles softly, and Michael watches with dangerous eyes as Luke stands up to leave. Jesse holds the door open for him, and Luke smiles gently at him while he goes through. Michael’s hands tighten on the couch, and Calum shoots him a look.

“He’ll be fine, Mikey.” He assures, but Michael grits his teeth.

“We shouldn’t let him be alone with Luke.”

“Mikey.” Ashton says. “Luke isn’t stupid. He can handle this, trust us. You’re not the only one that worries.”

Michael bites his lip begrudgingly, and sits back.

“”M sorry.” He mutters, but Calum gets up, and squeezes his shoulder to let him know that it’s okay.

The next twenty minutes are long, almost antagonizing for Michael, and Calum has to work to not be worried about Luke. He knows Luke isn’t stupid, but still...Jesse isn’t exactly small, and with what Luke told them, it’s hard not to be worried. He’s only redeemed by Ashton’s warm hands on his waist.

“He’s fine.” He whispers in Calum’s ear.

“This is ridiculous, I’m going-”

Michael is cut off by Luke walking back into the dressing room. He looks fine, not bleeding or crying or anything, thank the lord.

“Luke,” Michael says, coming to the youngest. “what happened?”

Calum rolls his eyes at Michael’s antics, but it was sweet nonetheless.

“We broke up.” Luke shrugs. Calum moves forward.

“Did it go okay?” He asks, and Luke nods, sitting down. He looks a little blank. Calum thinks he’s hiding something, and apparently so does Ashton, because he questions him.

“Did it really go alright?” He asked. Luke shrugged.

“He gets it. He knows we’re finished.” He sighs. “He just yelled. Knocked me a bit.”

Michael’s face went red.

“What did he do?” He asks, and Luke shakes his head.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It fucking does matter, Luke. Tell me.” Michael pushes.

“He slapped me. Four times.” He mutters, and that’s it, Michael is gone, out of the room, storming towards wherever Jesse is. Luke drops his head, sighing.

“I hope he doesn’t hurt him too badly.”

Calum laughed.

“Jesse hit you, Luke. I wouldn’t be surprised if he wakes up in the hospital.” He says. Luke looks ashamed, but he chuckles lightly.

“Oh, shit.”

“Well,” Ashton says, patting Luke. “I’m sure he deserves some action, but I’m not going to let Michael kill him.”

Calum laughs as Ashton leaves the room, and Luke shrinks back into the couch.

“He called me a whore.” He said, and Calum sighed before rubbing his hand over his arm.

“You’re not a whore, Luke.”

Luke shrugged.

“I’m glad it’s over.” He says, and Calum nods.

“Me too. I’m sure Michael is as well.” He says, and Luke chuckles.

“Thank you.” Luke says, and Calum shakes his head.

“You and Michael helped me with Ash. Just thought it would only be fair to return the favour.”

“Well, I’m glad you did. I couldn’t imagine my life without Michael.”

Calum nods.

“Things will be better.”

Luke laughs.

“God, I hope so.”

Calum laughs too, and when Ashton comes back ten minutes later, Michael in tow, blood on one of his knuckles, he knows that things will be.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!!!!  
> This, unfortunately is the last chapter.   
> I'm so sorry to say that it kind of sucks, because I seriously cannot write endings. God.   
> ANYWAY, I just wanted to thank you guys so, so much! I absolutely loved this story, and I will forever cherish it. Thank you for all your amazing comments and votes, they make me feel so wonderful!  
> Thank you guys, plz, plz enjoy!!  
> XX-Alex  
> P.S. In case you haven't seen, I've posted a new story: The Light in Your Eyes. This is my new baby, plz feel free to check it out!!

Time, some say, heals all things. 

Calum is slowly is beginning to understand that. 

The past seems insignificant now, all the suffering, the longing, the pain that he went through to get to Ashton, all of it seems pointless. 

Not when five years later, Ashton put a ring on his finger. 

Their wedding was small, but big in the eyes of Calum, and his husband-to-be. Everyone of extreme importance was there, smiling and laughing as Calum’s lisp decided to make a reappearance during his vows. Ashton’s kiss to the back of his hand made it go away though, and Calum continued with ease. 

Their first dance was to an ancient blink-182 song that left Calum in tears as he rested his head on Ashton’s shoulder. He was a sucker for happy endings, and this was as happy as it got, right? Luke and Mikey were there, their hands twisted together tightly, smiling like fond parents as their best friends were married.

Their band ended after that, or at least, publicly. The four of them decided that there would be too much drama with two of their members getting married, so they just dropped off, leaving everyone guessing. Not the worst way to go, not with two couples confirmed. 

They still played music together sometimes, except this time, it was in the basement of Calum and Ashton’s little house instead of Michael’s grandma’s place. They wrote new songs, and considered putting out another album, but things changed once a new face was added to their rehearsals.

Her name was Charlotte, much to Luke’s happiness, and Calum and Ashton adopted her right after she turned three years old. She was a quiet little thing, but the boys absolutely  _ adored  _ her. Her hair was the color of Calum’s, but her eyes were bright blue. She would appear at random times, and she seemed particularly fond of sharing the interesting facts that her daddy Ashton had taught her. She seemed to take a liking to Luke especially, and the little one was never far from his side when they visited Uncle Luke and Mikey’s house. 

Michael was always jealous. 

The other person Charlotte loved more than anything (other than her daddies, or course) was Bryana. Bryana made a strong reappearance in their lives, but it was for the better this time. After the initial awkwardness, Calum fell into a strong friendship with the blonde, who was now happily married to a male model with kind grey eyes. 

Bryana was the perfect touch of feminine for Charlotte, and whenever Bry came over, she would be roped into hair and makeup with the little girl. Ashton always tried to talk Charlotte out of it, but Bryana insisted that it was fine. 

They had their own little paradise, and to Calum, everything in the past that seemed like the world at the time, became pointless. 

Luke and Michael were always happy together, and to no one’s surprise, their love was a lot like their friendship. They ran around each other like puppies, still young and happy and in love. All the dark things in the past had disappeared. Michael sometimes talked about how Luke would wake up in the middle of the night with bad dreams of Jesse, and Michael had to talk him down.  

Aside from that, though, things were perfect. 

And Ashton, god, Ashton was everything Calum had ever wanted. 

He was exactly what Calum had dreamed he would be, soft, but strong, and loving. He cooked dinner every night, and kissed Calum on the nose every morning before he left for work. Calum stayed at home to look after Charlotte for a bit until she was old enough to go to school. He returned to work, and they fell into routine. 

It should’ve seemed bland to Calum, after living the life of a rockstar, but it wasn’t. It was everything he wanted. 

He got to see his best friends be happy, he got to raise his daughter, and he got to be in love with the greatest man in the entire world. 

“What are you thinking about?” 

Calum looks over to Ashton’s hazel eyes. They’re laying in bed, the sheets tangled up around them, Calum’s feet pressed to Ashton’s calves. 

“Us.” Calum says. His voice is low in the room, and his ring glints in the soft light. Ashton smiles softly, and gazes at the ring on Calum’s fingers. 

“What about us?” He asks. Calum shrugs. 

“Everything.” He says simply. He presses closer to Ashton, leaning his head into the hollow by his shoulder. Ashton chuckles a little, and wraps an arm around Calum, his hand catching on Calum’s bare hip bone. 

“Everything, huh?” He teases. His breath is warm in Calum’s hair, and the younger man giggles before pressing a kiss to Ashton’s skin. 

“Yeah. All the bullshit you put me through to get to this.” He says. Ashton laughs for real that time, his chest vibrating. 

“Was it worth it?” 

Calum thinks about the feel of Ashton’s skin under his, the taste of his lips when they kiss, the sight of their daughter growing up. He thinks about Michael and Luke, how happy they are, how Luke calls Charlotte ‘Charlie’, which always makes her giggle. Calum thinks about the nights Ashton fucks him, either slow and sweet in their bed while Charlotte is away, or quick and steamy in the shower, with Ashton whispering filthy things in his ear quietly so their daughter doesn’t hear. He thinks about right now, falling asleep with Ashton in a bed with cool cotton sheets, pictures of their family hung on the walls. 

Calum sighs out contently before he answers. 

“Yeah. Definitely worth it.” 


End file.
